Dating after 40's, 50's: LET'S SHARE WITH EACH OTHER HERE.

[Khyla]

I HOPE IN THIS THREAD WE CAN SHARE WITH EACH OTHER.

 

YOUR IDEAS, EXPERIENCES, etc

 

I must have had my horns out today. (It's been over a yr since hubby died). I saw this guy at the market. I was humming "I got a brand new pair of roller skates" by Melonie, and I saw this guy smiling as he helped his elderly father shop. He had a beard and was a bit scruffy-looking, and I felt this attraction to him and kept glancing at him while i was shopping, while scenarios ran through my mind like how I could bump into him. and i probably JUST NEED TO CALM DOWN AND GO HOME AND "TAKE CARE OF MYSELF" LOL.

 

He was behind me in checkout, but then I got called over to go to the next station. I kept myself closed off to him, because I was scared, of what, i dont know. maybe myself. I THOUGHT AFTERWARDS, i COULD HAVE JUST SAID SOMETHING TO HIM, LIKE HOW NICE IT WAS OF HIM TO TAKE HIS FATHER OUT SHOPPING, or I could have raced to put the shoppingcart back at he same time as him.

 

Then I told myself he's probably taken anyway.Guys who are attractive often have someone keeping them happy. Being happy and loved and loving is what makes ppl beautiful!

[PinkInTheLimo]

At this moment I have given up. I don't meet any available men at work and at my evening course and these 2 activities take up so much of my time that I stopped internet dating. And it was also not a positive experience. I found it very hard to find what I consider "a normal guy" via the internet. Maybe because there are not a lot of guys who meet my criteria for a normal guy although I often think that I am not asking that much:

- a guy my age (somewhere between 45 and 55, I am willing to stretch these numbers a bit but no I don't want a much older guy), who can see himself with a woman his age, and is not obsessed with finding a younger woman

- a guy who is single, so not involved in a contact with a woman which goes further than friendship

- a guy with a healthy lifestyle: eats healthy, no addictions, does a bit of sport

- together with the previous condition: a guy with a normal body shape

- a guy with a healthy financial situation and a job

 

If these conditions are present, I am willing to meet a guy a couple of times to see if something is possible. I don't expect instant chemistry.

 

Unfortunately what I found on the internet is rather depressing:

- Men my age who aim for women at least 10 years younger than them (and it's not like they are very handsome or look very young)

- Men who are stuck in very complicated situations with one or several women in their life: a wife they have been divorcing for ages, a young kid with some woman who lives abroad (I have no problem with a guy who has younger kids but I don't like it when hé has a child with some woman he never had a serious relationship with), still in doubt whether he will start again with his ex...

- Men with addictions: smoking, drinking, junk food. I expect a guy my age to be able to take good care of himself (don't want to be his mom)

- Overweight men

- Men who don't have a decent job. Oh yeah, they are working a bit as an independent IT-consultant but this always makes me suspicious as to whether the guy actually makes some decent money. For the record, I have a good income myself so I am not looking for a guy to support me, but I definitely want to avoid becoming a guy's sponsor.

 

I find it exhausting to weed through that jungle of men who do not have their life on order. I am a positive person and often told myself to just enjoy the date and think of it as better than sitting in front of my TV the whole evening. Guess what, I often came home thinking I would have had a better evening watching TV...

Edited December 12, 2013 by PinkInTheLimo

[BikerAccnt]

It's not so different from the men's point of view either Pink. But I try not to be jaded by it.

 

I can't tell you how many women on line I've met that, are no where near their stated weight, height, or age and the picture is more than a couple of years old.. I especially love how many say they aren't looking for a man to take care of them yet, their profile says he needs to make at least 75k.

 

That said I've also dated a few wonderful women I've met online. They didn't always go far, but, I didn't reqret the meeting.

 

I'm 53, work out regularly, don't drink, smoke, and eat healthy. Believe it or not, that cuts me out of a lot of women's lists too! I sound too "boring". It really confuses them when they see that I'm a biker to.

 

 

It's all relative, lots of crappy people in the world, and lots of good ones. You can step in dog crap on line, in a bar, or in a library. It's everywhere.

 

Keep your chin up and good luck.

[Phantom888]

Last year when I was 38, I dated a few women in their late 40s. They were very independent and attractive women. One wanted to get married after meeting me 2 times. Another cleaned my house and cooked a weeks meals for me after sleeping with me. I don't know why they want to move so fast. I'm not going anywhere. I just want to get to know them better. The sex was usually really wonderful. I really like women in that age group.

[Minnie09]

I am one of those who try OLD. Ive got no time to go to bars with ft job and young kid. What I've come across are the guys that are really into me physically due to my pics, and even after the 1st and 2nd date and then fade.....for me, chemistry isn't usually there right away after the 1st meeting, even though I do get interested if the communication is going well before/during dating......I'm even flirting back through txt msg and in person if I feel like it....and then ...... Boom ...... Radio silence ..... Dates usually go well but I don't even get "laid" and I'm early 40s hahahahaha - good education and income so I don't know. If I didn't hear back from them after the first date I would say okay I'm not his type.......next.........but since they insist in calling:texting/meeting again i have to assume they meet other ppl in the meantime that they're more interested in....I've got bad luck.....??????

And no I don't want to get M/cook/clean either.....

[BikerAccnt]

Minnie, I don't understand the radio silence thing either. It's happened to me too, so it's not just us guys who do it.

 

For myself, if I've gone out with you at least twice, I will call you, not text, not email, but call, and say that though I enjoyed our time, I can't see it going further and that we won't be seeing each other again. But I guess that's just me.

 

I've had more than a couple of women say they'd like to go out with me again, only to not answer the phone, or return the voice mail. I'd much prefer, you just say thank you, but no thank you, if I ask you for a second date.

[Khyla]

At this moment I have given up.

Geez, I haven't even started yet, but your post paints a depressing picture.

 

- a guy my age (somewhere between 45 and 55, I am willing to stretch these numbers a bit but no I don't want a much older guy), who can see himself with a woman his age, and is not obsessed with finding a younger woman

The older ones do seem to be more interested in finding some young honey, They need to realize that some of us older, more experienced minxes can take them on a magical ride like they never had! (even if they've had ED issues)!

 

My problem will be to find someone who can and wants to keep up with me sexually. I dont think there are that many guys who want it as often as my late husband did. They dont have to want it 3 x a day, but at least once every day would be nice.

 

- a guy with a healthy lifestyle: eats healthy, no addictions,

CHECK,

 

- a guy with a healthy financial situation

CANT HURT

 

 

I find it exhausting to weed through that jungle of men who do not have their life on order. I am a positive person and often told myself to just enjoy the date and think of it as better than sitting in front of my TV the whole evening. Guess what, I often came home thinking I would have had a better evening watching TV...

wow, that sucks!

I really think I would be very happy at this point in my life as I go through this huge transition, to not get into a relationship but just find a nice f__k-buddy. I really dont want anything complicated.

[Khyla]

I'm 53, work out regularly, don't drink, smoke, and eat healthy. Believe it or not, that cuts me out of a lot of women's lists too! I sound too "boring". It really confuses them when they see that I'm a biker to.

I'm not a biker, but hubby and I rode around alot on his Kawasaki Spectre. Love to just hold on tight! lol.

 

I wouldn't cut you out of my list. Even got my own helmet!

 

It's all relative, lots of crappy people in the world, and lots of good ones. You can step in dog crap on line, in a bar, or in a library. It's everywhere.

I like this.

[Khyla]

Last year when I was 38, I dated a few women in their late 40s. They were very independent and attractive women. One wanted to get married after meeting me 2 times. Another cleaned my house and cooked a weeks meals for me after sleeping with me. I don't know why they want to move so fast. I'm not going anywhere. I just want to get to know them better. The sex was usually really wonderful. I really like women in that age group.

 

Sex, I'm all for. Marriage? no. Clean your house and cook a week's worth of meals? Hell no, well, maybe if you paid me! lol .

 

If we went fishing I'd clean them and cook 'em up for you.

[HokeyReligions]

Ditto what others said

Edited March 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed non relevant parts

[Khyla]

I don't have a story to share but wanted to tell you how inspiring your

attitude is. My husbands health is poor and everyday is a blessing and exhausting too. I know I'll lose him and I'm terrified. I can't even imagine being able to breathe and here you are talking about a cute guy in the grocery store.

It wasnt easy, and 10 mg of CELEXA (antidepressant) every other day has been helping, but especially I was blessed with caring family and friends, that just wanted to "see me get through one more day".

 

In the beginning I had terrible chestpains, and felt like something was ripped out of me. The first few months I went from shock and disbelief to thinking I was stuck in a bad dream, I cried constantly, couldnt eat, only fell asleep when I passed out from exhaustion, and woke up nauseous every morning.

 

My sister made me walk a lot . That and running her exercise bike til i thought i would break it really helped. I read a lot, too. I also take lots of Vitamin D3 and magnesium. I still cant sleep in our bedroom. It's difficult to even go in there.

 

I thought we would leave this world together. I couldnt imagine being here without him. In a way, I did die with him, and this person who now inhabits my body is someone new.

[GemmaUK]

The last two men I have dated were from online.

 

One for 5 weeks and the other 7 months.

 

Both were insecure and very needy and also controlling.

One had me on a pedestal which inevitably I would fall from every few days for one thing or another.

 

Both rushed things and were talking moving in (to my place) and marriage really early on.

 

One was slightly older than me and the other younger by less than a year.

 

One was long term unemployed and didn't want to work, the other lived with his parents but worked away during the week- 'fraid I wouldn't have started dating either of them had I known this from the start but they chose not to mention these things.

 

They both had massive issues with previous ex's and had big trust issues.

 

Both were very difficult to break up with too.

 

I have been on odd dates over the years with just a very few others since I have been interested in finding someone and each one has not taken things very well when I have said I wasn't interested in any other dates nor friendship and they have kept on and on with contact to the point where I have them all blocked on my phone and networking sites.

 

It has made me wary of meeting anyone new.

 

I wish I could meet someone who would just be relaxed and go with the flow rather than be so pushy.

[PinkInTheLimo]

It's not so different from the men's point of view either Pink. But I try not to be jaded by it.

 

I can't tell you how many women on line I've met that, are no where near their stated weight, height, or age and the picture is more than a couple of years old.. I especially love how many say they aren't looking for a man to take care of them yet, their profile says he needs to make at least 75k.

 

That said I've also dated a few wonderful women I've met online. They didn't always go far, but, I didn't reqret the meeting.

 

I'm 53, work out regularly, don't drink, smoke, and eat healthy. Believe it or not, that cuts me out of a lot of women's lists too! I sound too "boring". It really confuses them when they see that I'm a biker to.

 

 

It's all relative, lots of crappy people in the world, and lots of good ones. You can step in dog crap on line, in a bar, or in a library. It's everywhere.

 

Keep your chin up and good luck.

 

Ha, normal man there you are ! But unfortunately you are a biker and that's a big no-no for me.

 

So I should have added to my list: normal man without dangerous hobbies. I just don't want to take the risk that my partner will die or become disabled because of an adrenaline high hobby...

[fujidabruin]

Hey Khyla,

 

I also think your story is inspiring. Hopefully, you will be able to put yourself out there and find happiness with someone special again.

 

Since my very amicable divorce at 40 (ten years ago), I have had 4 relationships through initial online contact. Three of those were wonderful experiences that I have never regretted and one was probably a mistake and I have just chalked it up as a learning experience.

 

There were a few times that thought I should give up on the thought of love and romance. Now, I know that I will always have hope and believe that seeking love is worth the fears and pain that are associated.

 

Good Luck to you

[2.50 a gallon]

I was single from age 35 thru 50, I had a great social and sex life. Just before I turned 50 I began dating and out of my league in the looks department gal who is 8 years younger than me. That was 18 years ago and we are still together and very much in love

[CarrieT]

I HOPE IN THIS THREAD WE CAN SHARE WITH EACH OTHER.

 

YOUR IDEAS, EXPERIENCES, etc

 

I came to LS in July of 2008 to try and figure out how to end a toxic 2 1/2 year relationship. I was in my early 40s and he was in his mid-30s. The break-up was horrible and there are LOTS of subsequent threads on this site that helped me end the relationship.

 

A year later, in 2009, I chronicled my intense sexual desires and how I started trawling sites for sex. I did that a lot. I mean, a LOT.

 

I even documented how one NSA guy taught me how to squirt.

 

In 2010, I ranted on just being lonely.

 

But I didn't give up. I carried on hundreds of online conversations and went out on over 50 meet-and-greet first dates, never giving up hope.

 

Then, in October of 2011 (at 47 years of age), I wrote how I met a guy….

 

On New Year's Eve of 2012/2013, we got engaged.

 

And just a few weeks ago, I got married.

 

Just be patient. I will be turning 50 next year and I haven't been married in 25 years. I was someone who never believed I would marry again and still marvel at the new life I now have.

[Khyla]

Thank you sooooo much for sharing CarrieT!

 

I am checking out your links as time permits.

[HokeyReligions]

Ditto what others said

Edited March 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed non relevant parts

[salem mark]

Khyla,

 

women say they find me attractive.but lately havent had much success,

 

why?

[mario_C]

Glad to see this thread here.

At my age, women avoid me because they assume I'm immature, slovenly, terrible in bed, have job issues, am lazy, etc etc despite any assurances I can offer in person. Also, I think there is pretty much no such thing as a single woman in my age range (unless she has toddlers or babies, which I'm uncomfortable with).

But, trying is something to do. Makes me feel like a man or something.

[Khyla]

Glad to see this thread here.

At my age, women avoid me because they assume I'm immature, slovenly, terrible in bed, have job issues, am lazy, etc etc despite any assurances I can offer in person. Also, I think there is pretty much no such thing as a single woman in my age range (unless she has toddlers or babies, which I'm uncomfortable with).

But, trying is something to do. Makes me feel like a man or something.

 

and why do you think they "assume" these things? If you are not any of these things and the women you've associated with thus far think these things just from outward appearances, then you havent met the right women for you yet, but she is probably out there.

 

Just take care of yourself. Do things you enjoy doing. Be happy with who you are and someone will take notice.

[skydiveaddict]

And just a few weeks ago, I got married.

 

 

Nice!..........

[Disillusioned]

I can only speak for myself, but the last time I dated (2 years ago), it really felt like I was taking on baggage... so, I stopped, because I felt I was wasting my time with women I had nothing in common with.

 

Instead, I've been working on myself since then (becoming an alpha).

 

It's a good thing I'm openly asexual though, else I'd have gone broke years ago from spending all my money on prostitutes.

 

Sex = heroin. 'Nuff said.

[Khyla]

So, I'm finding myself really falling for some of the guys that visit my cam room, especially the ones that stay on to chat even after I've shut off the cam. They have all let me see them (I get to see a lot more than I would on a dating site, lol) There are 2 that I think I would feel really comfortable with in every way. and 3 others I feel a very strong connection with though I know it's more like I'm in lust with them. I have developed a real fondness for several others as well.

More backstory on this is in the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/446374-seems-healthy-way-cope-but-sometimes-want-real-life-bare-hug-am-i-messed-up#post5377703

[PinkInTheLimo]

So, I'm finding myself really falling for some of the guys that visit my cam room, especially the ones that stay on to chat even after I've shut off the cam. They have all let me see them (I get to see a lot more than I would on a dating site, lol) There are 2 that I think I would feel really comfortable with in every way. and 3 others I feel a very strong connection with though I know it's more like I'm in lust with them. I have developed a real fondness for several others as well.

More backstory on this is in the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/446374-seems-healthy-way-cope-but-sometimes-want-real-life-bare-hug-am-i-messed-up#post5377703

 

Khyla, to each there own but I really wonder if this is a good way to meet a decent guy. Even if you only want to have some fun, I would find it rather dangerous to meet men this way.

 

To be honest, if I would date a guy and find out he has ever visited a cam room that would be the end of a relationship. I know they are available as lots of other stuff on the internet but I would still hope that there are guys out there who miss sex but stick to some masturbation to the images in their head.

 

I don't think that having a cam room is the typical way people in their 40s and 50s are looking for a date, or else I should take the suggestion someone made that we have to change techniques literal .