Why do some women date losers/ bottom feeders?

[ponchsox]

My ex told me how great a guy and what an eligible bachelor I was but looking at her ex husband who was a coke abuser and felon and her ex bf who looked like a complete loser, why do some women date with such low standards? Is it a control thing and does it make them feel better?

[Woggle]

Maybe because they are losers themselves.

[ShyGuy5]

Some girls want a project.

[Ninjainpajamas]

They think they can fix them and then everything will be "perfect"...they see the issues or problems as things that just need to be worked on or resolved, much like their own issues...they want the same in return but typically just do all the work.

[NoMoreJerks]

I've never dated losers, drug addicts, etc., but I've dated men who were significantly less educated than me (high school degree). I'd like to think that education/degrees don't necessarily make a person a good , honest, etc. person, so I never thought of a PhD degree as being a prerequisite for a man to date me... (I am finishing up my PhD). *shrug* I wouldn't mind dating men who have Bachelors degrees, or MAs, or PhDs, or men who have decent jobs but no degrees. It boils down to whether or not he's a decent person, IMO. That said, people who have decent jobs, etc., and who come off as presentable, are not always who they present themselves to be, and that shows only after a certain period of time. So yes, maybe they are jerks, but just because you got into a relationship with them doesn't mean you're into jerks. I would of course never date a man who has obvious issues from the get-go.

 

Also, I never thought of dating a man who was less educated than me in deliberate terms, in order to control him or whatever. That never even crossed my mind. And if anything, I always wanted us to be equal partners and to make decisions together, etc. But often, men who are less educated, feel intimidated and bitter about their gfs who are more educated, making more money, etc. The insecure ones anyway. Men who are secure in themselves and their abilities wouldn't think/act that way, no matter what their degree of education, etc. Instead, they'd be supportive of their gfs/wives in her education, career, etc. I've also noticed that men who have higher education (MA, PhD) or have successful careers, often don't want a woman who is on an equal footing with them ; they want a less educated, less successful woman because it makes them feel powerful, etc. It's sad and speaks for people's insecurities, really.

[John316C]

depends what do they have that you dont and how much more

[Eternal Sunshine]

They have no other options?

[MrCastle]

Physical attractiveness? I dunno. If you're asking why they're dating unattractive losers I have no answer for you. That's a broken girl right there my boy

[SOB86]

Also, I never thought of dating a man who was less educated than me in deliberate terms, in order to control him or whatever. That never even crossed my mind. And if anything, I always wanted us to be equal partners and to make decisions together, etc. But often, men who are less educated, feel intimidated and bitter about their gfs who are more educated, making more money, etc. The insecure ones anyway. Men who are secure in themselves and their abilities wouldn't think/act that way, no matter what their degree of education, etc. Instead, they'd be supportive of their gfs/wives in her education, career, etc. I've also noticed that men who have higher education (MA, PhD) or have successful careers, often don't want a woman who is on an equal footing with them ; they want a less educated, less successful woman because it makes them feel powerful, etc. It's sad and speaks for people's insecurities, really.

 

Hmmm, maybe men feel that way because the first few things women want to know about a man is what he does for a living and what kind of living arrangement he has. Most women at least...

[Eggplant]

They have no other options?

 

And yet, one completely available option is to be single. I find there is some threshold below which a man is a net negative. I guess other women don't see it like that.

[c57dood]

And there's plenty of guys who date loser women. Men aren't the only ones who can hang that big L around their neck.

[GravityMan]

Why do some men?

 

I'd say insecurity and low self-esteem, on both sides.

 

This.

 

Maybe because they are losers themselves.

 

Or this.

 

Or, maybe she herself doesn't think that the guy is a loser. Maybe a few of her friends and/or family feel the same way. "Loser" isn't a term that can be objectively applied to people, so it's wise to be a little careful when using that word to describe someone.

[regine_phalange]

Because these losers may have one or two nice traits (usually superficial charm) which make up for them being losers (not for long though). I also wonder my self, why I used to be with one. He was my least attractive boyfriend too. If I met him now, I would smack his head with a frying pan since day 1. I think I was being naive, inexperienced and didnt know that boyfriends can have a freaking black heart and actually harm you.

 

Everyone gets what they think they deserve.

 

Now standards have gone up to the sky!

[Emilia]

I think a lot of people are just happy to have someone. It is also true that many women feel they ought to prop up their men.

[Eternal Sunshine]

And yet, one completely available option is to be single. I find there is some threshold below which a man is a net negative. I guess other women don't see it like that.

 

Exactly. That's the option I am taking right now. Not because I have no options, but because I have no options that are better than being single.

 

Many other women don't see it like that though. Many drift from one man to another just to have someone.

[Quiet Storm]

Because she has issues, too.

 

Dysfunction is familiar and comfortable for some people. Each person brings their own brand of effedupness, creating a strong, magnetic chemistry.

 

It's not about what these men have to offer her- its about how they made her feel. She wants a guy who is consistent, reliable, loving and considerate- but those qualities do not create the strong pull of attraction.

[FrankieFrank]

Well, I'm a loser, and this thread sounds kind of uplifting to me.

 

I have never done any hard drugs though or have any criminal record. Is it still loser enough?

[ponchsox]

Well, I'm a loser, and this thread sounds kind of uplifting to me.

 

I have never done any hard drugs though or have any criminal record. Is it still loser enough?

 

My ex GF's ex husband was both a violent felon and a cocaine user. Guess I wasn't enough of a loser. I'll keep my dignity and walk away.

[mrnova66]

The question should be. WHY DO MANY WOMEN DATE LOSERS/BOTTOM FEEDERS?. Well to answer the question. Women love drama kings (Drunks,drug addicts,bums,abusers,jailbirds). You see these winners are "EXCITING". The problem I have is that why do these same exact woman knowing damm well they love these POS, But will lead a respectful guy on until the next POS comes along. Then she drops the good guy like a hot potato.. In other words she used the good guy. I must say she deserves everything the POS gives to her and then some. Then when MR. EXCITING done had his fun he is off to the next woman in line waiting for him. Then the woman he dump is complaining where are all the good guys. She then will lead the good guy on(playing games) until the next loser comes along. For heavens sakes. If you are into losers please leave good guys alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[carhill]

FOO issues. For some, old tapes are hard to overwrite.

[MissBee]

There are lots of reasons why someone would do this and others have named some of them: low self worth, being a loser themselves, placing different priorities and values on certain qualities, just wanting to be with someone doesn't matter who etc.

 

A friend of mine (thank God she changed now though) would often date losers and turned them into her project. Her belief was that if she dated some loser whom she felt she was above and "cleaned him up" he'd be eternally grateful, owe her his life and love and worship her forever. Well that didn't happen. Two of these loser guys still cheated on her with women she felt didn't even have as much to offer. That whole mentality had to come out of some low self worth and insecurity and feeling like you're not good enough for a man who has his shyt together to love and be faithful to you so all you can do is find a loser who doesn't have many options---which still backfired. This was years ago though and now things have changed and she's engaged to a great guy who is "on her level."

Edited December 15, 2013 by MissBee

[Under The Radar]

There are lots of reasons why someone would do this and others have named some of them: low self worth, being a loser themselves, placing different priorities and values on certain qualities, just wanting to be with someone doesn't matter who etc.

 

A friend of mine (thank God she changed now though) would often date losers and turned them into her project. Her belief was that if she dated some loser whom she felt she was above and "cleaned him up" he'd be eternally grateful, owe her his life and love and worship her forever. Well that didn't happen. Two of these loser guys still cheated on her with women she felt didn't even have as much to offer. That whole mentality had to come out of some low self worth and insecurity and feeling like you're not good enough for a man who has his shyt together to love and be faithful to you so all you can do is find a loser who doesn't have many options---which still backfired. This was years ago though and now things have changed and she's engaged to a great guy who is "on her level."

 

 

Damn, until that last sentence I was going to ask you to set me up with your friend .

[InnocentMan]

One mans loser, is another woman's dream. They generally settle for the nice guy/job/car when their looks start to fade. Until then, they prefer the excitement of the artist/musician/coke addict. I'm generalising, but you get the drift.

[mrnova66]

I agree^^^^^But the problem is most stable guys do not want to deal with a woman that has been with and love losers. Most women that are like that tend to be with losers all their miserable lives. Very few change. As a man who wants to take a chance. And you are right. Some women do change around 40 when all the losers are gone. But not many. WHY? Most stable guys know WHO she has been with. Then all she is left with are bottom feeder. Pretty much crumbs of society. And she deserves every last one of them

[Woggle]

I agree^^^^^But the problem is most stable guys do not want to deal with a woman that has been with and love losers. Most women that are like that tend to be with losers all their miserable lives. Very few change. As a man who wants to take a chance. And you are right. Some women do change around 40 when all the losers are gone. But not many. WHY? Most stable guys know WHO she has been with. Then all she is left with are bottom feeder. Pretty much crumbs of society. And she deserves every last one of them

 

Also the good guys tend to end up being the punching bags for all the rage she has towards the losers.