LostConfused123 Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 do you guys think i made a big mistake? should i had texted her on the day of the argument & just dumped her? did i make a mistake by totally vanishing instead???? did i give my power away??? this girl is very toxic & i know for a fact i need to get her out... at the time i thought, she does not even deserve a text from me & vanishing was the best idea... but now i feel different, like somehow i gave my power away I wouldn't lie to you! You did NOT NOT NOT give your power away however, one tiny peep from you and it's ALL GONE! Maybe forever. You did the right thing. IGNORE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 I wouldn't lie to you! You did NOT NOT NOT give your power away however, one tiny peep from you and it's ALL GONE! Maybe forever. You did the right thing. IGNORE!!! I WILL NOT BE TEXTING HER... that is for sure, it's a promise i have made myself... i need to rid of this toxicity i just don't understand how i have some power in this situation tho... when she left my house that day after the argument, she said she would text me later... but she did not text, then the next day i decided to change my number & block her email, as my mind was made up, that it was over... my guess is, she was hoping i would chase her, or ring or text her & that did not happen... she waited 5 days.... when she heard nothing from me, she decided to send me those emails ending it with me. she used her other email adress, that i forgot about, and they come through to me. i only read one of them... she sent me 8 emails... usualy one is enough, but because i did not react or reply back... it must have got to her, so she sent 8 in total, hoping for a reaction from me. i gave no reaction... at all and have not given any reaction at all now 13 days later Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 STOP worrying about who has the frickin' power man. Just ignore and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 Now do you see? YES... lol end of the day, i guess it does not really matter.... all she ever got from me was complete silence... and my silence says it all... it clearly tells her, that i am gone & i do not care what her pathetic email says... i wish to god i never had met this woman... she really was just sooooo toxic! Link to post Share on other sites
robbysurfs Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 hey man, Like I said before its not you vs her its you vs you...Walk away to fight another day for a women who is worthy...You need time and space maybe one day you will have that conversation with her you want to. Maybe one day you wont but the pest thing you can do for her and your sanity is to stay away and do not engaged it only gonna make this process harder. The flip side of this is get back with her and endure more insanity... Definition of insanity= doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Do NOT break NC. Total silence is a much more potent response than any words you might use. Really. Take it from someone who's been in an abusive relationship and who just decided she had finally had had enough of that BS in her life. I just called it quits and I have said exactly zero words to him in response to his attempts to contact me. Zero. He can go f*ck himself. Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) I'm glad this thread has been made. IMO silence is the single biggest line of self defence a person can use when their partner starts to play games and becomes difficult in a relationship. Stick to the silence, keep your cards close to your chest, wait for your partner to come to you and never go to them first.......and finally I guess be a little prepared for the end of the relationship. If it does end at least you can honestly say you kept your dignity and self control while not letting your partner sucker you into a vulnerable position. Without a doubt you will walk away a stronger person because of it. Edited December 13, 2013 by L1ght 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) did i give my power away??? i just don't understand how i have some power in this situation tho... You don't understand because you think the "power" you are struggling to harness is something you are pushing and pulling back and forth between you and her. In fact, the power that you need MOST has nothing to do with her. It is the power of reclaiming your own life, and what makes it so powerful is that it depends ONLY upon you and not AT ALL on her. Don't worry about some imaginary power struggle between the two of you. The whole point here is that that struggle doesn't exist any more, and you have found the power - the personal power - to let it go. Nothing about that relationship needs to figure into your life any more. That is power and strength that you have control over, and which she cannot affect. Or, as robby said: Like I said before its not you vs her its you vs you...Walk away to fight another day for a women who is worthy... So stop looking at it from the perspective of "you and her"; stop considering how your actions affect her; stop worrying about the imaginary "power" that you think flows in your old relationship, because that relationship doesn't exist any more. Build and cherish the strength and power within your own life, and the answer to "should I contact her" will be obvious: what point would there be? Edited December 13, 2013 by Trimmer 4 Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) You don't understand because you think the "power" you are struggling to harness is something you are pushing and pulling back and forth between you and her. In fact, the power that you need MOST has nothing to do with her. It is the power of reclaiming your own life, and what makes it so powerful is that it depends ONLY upon you and not AT ALL on her. Don't worry about some imaginary power struggle between the two of you. The whole point here is that that struggle doesn't exist any more, and you have found the power - the personal power - to let it go. Nothing about that relationship needs to figure into your life any more. That is power and strength that you have control over, and which she cannot affect. Or, as robby said: So stop looking at it from the perspective of "you and her"; stop considering how your actions affect her; stop worrying about the imaginary "power" that you think flows in your old relationship, because that relationship doesn't exist any more. Build and cherish the strength and power within your own life, and the answer to "should I contact her" will be obvious: what point would there be? I guess a distinction has to be made with regards to the relevance of power when it comes to silence. Of course there is no real power to be gained by anyone once the break-up has occurred.....one person got dumped and has to learn to deal with it while the other person did the dumping and most probably already has other options(i.e. potential partners) to choose from. That being said if two people are still in a relationship then the whole silence/power struggle is completely relevant once the knives come out and the games start.....I think this is the lesson that people should take away from this thread for future reference. Don't ever let someone pull you into being the partner who reaches out and gets ignored......if someone ignores you once then just ignore them back and beat them at there own game otherwise they will make you look like a fool somewhere down the line. Edited December 13, 2013 by L1ght Link to post Share on other sites
CYBER77 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) dude i had an experience like this but shorter than yours may be 8 or 9 months we did together, man she was like sometime she would be so cold and make you feel as if you are guilty,you are a bad person etc, i was kinda like her puppy i accepted to be like that because i cared for her or i thought i love her and one day she said we should stay friend though still as friend she was behaving like my gf kissing talking like before!then one day i just left. she started dating another guy she was like someone who couldn't stay alone she had to exist through a boyfriend kind of! i started dating a girl for three months she was just lovely i still talked to her but she was here just for three months as she was from another country!dude 11 months have passed and her thoughts came back suddendly ,i don't want her back in my life i really don't know whats happening to me but i'm kinda piss right now i just hope that she leave my head as some people you just know they are not people you want any kind of relationship with. i've blocked her on facebook some days ago i didn't check her account for like 11months, i even close my account i don't love her but i don't know why i'm thinking about her its pissing me off sometime i feel like i'm depressing as i'm working at home! tomorrow i'll be off i guess i'll just go out and try to refresh my mind have some fun. Edited December 13, 2013 by CYBER77 Link to post Share on other sites
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 You are so awesome for ignoring her and giving her nothing!! I can't wait till I do that to my ex this weekend when I move out of his house without him knowing and completely vanish. After 3 years he can't even remember my mom's name and doesn't know anybody's address. So there is no way he can find me. Sad, isn't it? Anyways...you have to stay strong with the silence. But I know there will be a downfall for you once she gives up and goes silent too. This is the time you will have to be really strong and accept that this silence is a break through. Right now it's all fun and games and you have your power/control back. But after both sides have become quiet is when it gets rough and when the true heartbreak settles in. Be prepared for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just smile Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 The silence is sheer pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 You are so awesome for ignoring her and giving her nothing!! I can't wait till I do that to my ex this weekend when I move out of his house without him knowing and completely vanish. After 3 years he can't even remember my mom's name and doesn't know anybody's address. So there is no way he can find me. Sad, isn't it? Anyways...you have to stay strong with the silence. But I know there will be a downfall for you once she gives up and goes silent too. This is the time you will have to be really strong and accept that this silence is a break through. Right now it's all fun and games and you have your power/control back. But after both sides have become quiet is when it gets rough and when the true heartbreak settles in. Be prepared for that. the truth is... i love this girl & have done so for 3 years... but i cannot tolerate her behaviour anymore... it breaks my heart to let her go... but if i do not she will at some point ruin me. i do not trust her anymore.. she has never been there for me.. never shown me any loyalty or genuine care & love... every other week i am in some kind of emotional pain with her... time to cut her loose! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Share Posted December 15, 2013 the last few days have been sheer agony... not knowing who she is with, did she branch swing to another guy.. why did she want to end it... (probably because i did not come chasing after her & i vanished & was not playing ball) in her twisted mind, i was guilty, it was my fault, i should be ringing, texting, apologizing so many questions... and no answers! one thing i do know... i have done lots of research on borderline personalities, narcassistic personalities she defo fits the bill.... she never ever put her hands up & admitted wrong doing everything was my fault she lacked empathy even her love felt fake she used silent treatment on a regular basis gas lighting shaming & manipulative tactics using sex as a weapon sometimes hot/ sometimes cold i know this woman is 100% toxic... and getting away from her, is the only solution! i have stayed NO CONTACT it's soooooo hard, but it's the only solution! i keep writing out a text saying, that i don't want anything to do with her, i am done with her, don't contact me again.... but after i write it out... i delete it again lol Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Then move on the best you can. Toxic, i know that. You have to go cold turkey now. Do it please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 guys i am so tempted to send her an email... i know i should not do it. first of all I DO NOT want her back... this woman is toxic judging from one of the emails she sent me... she was apologizing for it not working out blah blah blah almost like she felt sorry for me or pitied me... she might be thinking i am sat at home, crying to have her back lol the thing is, i just want her to know, that i wanted to break up with her anyway... i never made contact with her again after the argument, simply because in my mind, i was done with her. maybe i should have sent her a text & told her it was over, but at the time vanishing seemed like a better idea i want to do it.. send it... but something tells me it could be a bad move Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 yes i know what you mean... but i think she might be thinking, i am silent because i am very hurt etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 yes i am hurt... i,m hurt for trusting her.. i,m hurt for putting up with her crap but i am not hurt, that she is gone... i need her gone, so i can live again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Share Posted December 19, 2013 yes i don't want her back... but.... i feel like letting her know how i feel.... to me it's almost like closure & for her to know that i do not care & i am leaving this relationship behind for good but then again... by not giving her any attention, reaction, i could be making an even bolder statemant indifference Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 still not made contact, having some bad days,, then sometimes the odd okay day Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 (edited) it has now been over 4 weeks since i had anything to do with her.. i am sure she will have sent me some emails, but i have not checked... i will continue on my road to recovery... sometimes i miss her loads, but i realize she has nothing to offer me in the form of a healthy relationship... she was toxic on so many levels now i understand, by simply vanishing without a word & making no contcat at all, i did the right thing. what hurts me the most is, the thought of her now bieng with some other man... i really don't know if she is.... but no news is good news i suppose! i guess what is more important is, that i rid her from my life! Edited December 31, 2013 by soulforge2013 Link to post Share on other sites
Teejee Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 The same thing bothers me. The thought that she is with someone else. Also the fact that my ex moved on so easily is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
phloxxandsoxx Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I love how after every breakup the dumper has bipolar disorder. Does being dumped automatically make a robot in a building in Wisconsin somewhere issue out a metered-mail psychology degree to the dumpee? Or are you just hurt and calling the person who left you any name you can think of to get even after Googling mental illnesses and behavioral disorders about THEM instead of YOURSELF Guys, we've got to stop doing this. Bottom line it didn't work out. You're not a psych counselor. You're a dumpee. Stop playing Carl Jung; you are not him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I love how after every breakup the dumper has bipolar disorder. Does being dumped automatically make a robot in a building in Wisconsin somewhere issue out a metered-mail psychology degree to the dumpee? Or are you just hurt and calling the person who left you any name you can think of to get even after Googling mental illnesses and behavioral disorders about THEM instead of YOURSELF Guys, we've got to stop doing this. Bottom line it didn't work out. You're not a psych counselor. You're a dumpee. Stop playing Carl Jung; you are not him. I like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 The same thing bothers me. The thought that she is with someone else. Also the fact that my ex moved on so easily is killing me. well i don't know if she has moved on, or is seeing anybody else... but that is just a gut feeling i am getting it is better not to find out... better to just move forward and not look back Link to post Share on other sites
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