Is he impotent?

[Marina]

Hi,

 

Please forgive me for posting this question here, but some guys' opinion. I am in a very loving relatinship with my boyfriend, 24 years old. Everything is perfect, except the fact that every time we make love, I need to physically stimulate his penis, for him to get erect, he does get erect and we have sex, but he just does not seem to get excited unless I masturbate him. He said he is used to it.

 

When we make out, he only gets erect, but not quite erect, always needs my stumlation. Is this normal??? We have sex for at least 30 - 40 minutes, but how lond do I have to continue stimulating his penis?

 

I am getting this impression, that he has masturbated a lot, and the only thing his penis is responding to, is my or his hand????

 

AM I crazy? Is this normal?

 

Thanks

[iggy]

I don't know if he is impotent but I would guess something more is going on.Does he consume lots of alcohol? how long have you known him? In hindsight ,when you 2 had sex the first few times did you have to masterbate him? has he been faithful to you?does he get into porn? these are only questions you need to ask yourself.I had a similiar experince and wondered why.After watching and putting things together i came up with my own conclusion.The truth will be what you believe.Some guys get off on having there mate masterbate them,why don't you ask him?

Hi, Please forgive me for posting this question here, but some guys' opinion. I am in a very loving relatinship with my boyfriend, 24 years old. Everything is perfect, except the fact that every time we make love, I need to physically stimulate his penis, for him to get erect, he does get erect and we have sex, but he just does not seem to get excited unless I masturbate him. He said he is used to it. When we make out, he only gets erect, but not quite erect, always needs my stumlation. Is this normal??? We have sex for at least 30 - 40 minutes, but how lond do I have to continue stimulating his penis? I am getting this impression, that he has masturbated a lot, and the only thing his penis is responding to, is my or his hand???? AM I crazy? Is this normal? Thanks

[Tony T]

Sex is sort of a "whatever works for you" type of thing. If you are able to have sex for 30 to 40 minutes, not only is he NOT impotent, but he can maintain an erection and put off orgasm longer than 80 percent of males. You ought to be dancing in the streets and celebrating. Most women are tickled with five to 20 minutes...although some "slam bam, thank you mam" guys can get it done in less than three.

 

The fact that you have to stimulate his penis for him to achieve an erection may be a conditioned response thing. This may very well be what his brain is used to for a signal for his penis to become erect. He told you himself that he is used to this kind of stimulation. This would not be a result of excessive or long term masturbation unless he stimulates his own penis this way prior to masturbation.

 

The argument against the conditioned response is that billions of men throughout the ages have masturbated...something like 12 out of 10 (LOL), and I seldom read of a man requiring penile stimulation of this type from his partner to achieve erection.

 

I think he should get checked by a physician for diabetes, heart problems, circulatory problems and overall health to once and for all eliminate any type of physical problems that could affect this. Certain components of his blood, such as testosterone, should be tested. Additionally, certain over the counter and prescription medications such as beta blockers and blood pressure medication can affect how long it takes a man to achieve erection. It is doubtful a man his age would have any of these problems...but it is possible.

 

Once all physicial causes have been eliminated, then there can only be a psychological component. General stress and worry (about school, money, family, getting you pregnant) can affect a man's ability to achieve a more instant launch. Performance anxiety can be a factor, although after a few successful adventures, this should not be a cause...although still possible. A past sexual relationship with someone whose loss caused him great emotional trauma and grief and to whom he may still be psychologically loyal to or stuck on in some way...could be a factor.

 

The fact that he takes 30 to 40 minutes to achieve an orgasm would possibly indicate that he masturbates excessively away from you and perhaps this has been a problem for him, an addiction. It is so personal it's doubtful he would admit it to you. You can bring it up as a possiblity so he can hear it...but don't accuse him of it or dwell on the subject. If he does have this addiction, especially if it's been for a long time, it may be extremely difficult for him to stop now. This will only happen with age.

 

Is there proper and suitable foreplay? Do you begin flirting, touching, rubbing, etc. well before the bedroom. Foreplay should take place from the time you set eyes on him, while you're out eating or at the movies, to build up his excitement. What the two of you do should vary. Use your imagination. And be somewhat risky at what you do and where you do it and, of course, most of this early foreplay is done fully clothed. This is something very exciting. Do you make every attempt to stimulate him visually?

 

Now, I think you can condition him otherwise. Figure out what you would like to have as a cue for him to get erect. I'm sure there are other places on his body, besides his penis, that will get the same response. Find out from him what other parts of his body are sexually stimulating. Say, if it's whispering in his ear, then do that...and keep doing that...until his penis gets erect. You can actually train the penis to get up and lay down by this type of cue. This may be a fun experiment. The only problem is that if you whisper in his ear at a social function, his penis could begin to protrude from his pants. Lord knows what would happen if another girl came up to him and whispered in his ear. You go figure...and do what you need to do.

 

I think if you just lovingly mention the masturbation thing...and that's the problem, he will not do that for a while before seeing you. If stress or worry is a problem, he can learn meditation to rid himself of that prior to lovemaking. If it's medication that's causing the problem, he can find something different that has the same healing qualities but does not affect sexual performance.

 

There are millions of women around the world who would die to be in your place...only having to grab their guy's penis and stimulate it a bit in order to have sex for 30 or 40 minutes. I mean they would wonder what the problem is here. But if it bothers YOU, you need to know what to do. But you also need to know it wouldn't be a problem at all if it didn't trouble you.