So here it goes...I'm ready to share

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Really you want to hurt yourself so much???? I wouldn`t care what he is doing. The same way i dont care what my ex is doing. You really need to see this for what it is? Have you moved out? Do it. You are not a puppet. Move and leave now. Do not not make the same mistakes so many here are trying too save you from!

 

Okay first of all...of course I don't want to hurt myself! Hence, why I'm moving out. Second of all, it's not that easy to "not care"...hence, why there is LoveShack. I mean, if you're gona say something on here, be realistic. Jeesh.

 

And last but not least, read my thread. I am moving out this weekend.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I agree with ^this. Oh Bless, I have been in your shoes and it hurts like a moro. I'm sorry you are in the middle of it.

 

And…

 

From that hellish experience, I have learned that I should never make decisions when I am super emotional. I understand the desire to exit with a FU impact, but I agree that the feeling you seek will not last long. And that is what I hear you wanting, long-term ability to stay away from this relationship and heal.

 

The heat and drama of that moment will pass. And then you will still be left with the feelings of sadness and loneliness from the breakup. THAT is the time to be grounded and strong. THAT is the time we are most vulnerable to reconnecting with toxic partners.

 

Wouldn't telling him that you are moving out and do not want him to be around on Saturday or contact you feel more grounded to you? It certainly sounds more serious and mature to me… and hopefully to him. He will know you are serious and not looking for drama, but are truly ready to end this and move on.

 

Just my opinion. I realize I am not in your pain, and I wish you serenity in whatever path you take.

 

L

 

 

Thanks! I understand. But my mind is set. I'm not letting him know I am moving out. He has been so cruel to me lately and just very inconsiderate of my feelings and I don't think he deserves anything more from me than silence. I am leaving without saying anything because that's what I want to do. I think it will help me feel like I was the one who left the relationship and feel like I have some sort of power!! Maybe I will feel different later, who knows. But in a way, he has left the relationship before while just leaving and ignoring me without saying anything. It's nice to be able to give someone a taste of their own medicine...

 

Sure, it's drama. Sure, it can be looked at as immature. But I'm done with his verbal abuse. I don't think he deserve crap from me.

 

I understand that it will pass and I will feel low. Of course I will, I already feel it. And he may not say anything to me when I move out, who cares. That's not what I'm looking for. I HOPE he doesn't say anything to me actually because then that would set me back.

 

I'm not moving out because I want him to realize what he has and take me back. I'm moving out because I am moving on. He will be a stranger again and I don't care what strangers think of me.

[Zahara]

I have this unsettling fear that once all is said and done and a few months go by of No Contact...he will find someone else and give them everything he couldn't give me, everything I worked so hard for will come easy for "her". I mean, I won't ever really know of this because I will be NC, but it's a thought that constantly runs through my mind.

 

I know it's not healthy to think of that and I know I need to move on, but do those thoughts go away??

 

This is a normal emotion and thought process to have. It's comes with being rejected or dumped. You'll wonder if you were flawed, you'll wonder if he'll change, you'll wonder what it is about you, you'll wonder if he'll meet a special woman and he'll do all he can for her, etc. It's normal for your mind to work that way when you're struggling with letting go of the dissapointment and loss.

 

Yes, the thoughts go away, surely but very slowly. It comes when you begin to detach. It comes when you start to not care. Till then you will have to battle your thoughts and try to stop from dwelling on it. The only reason you feel this way now and will for awhile is because you are emotionally invested and at the height of the demise of your relationship.

[CaliBabe]

I truly believe that people sometimes need to mentally prepare themselves to leave. If OP did not come up with a plan she would have left unprepared and probably gone back and continued the cycle. I understand everyones skeptism but I am so happy OP is doing this. You seem like such a sweet person, surely when you move out, build yourself up again, you will find someone more compatible and a man that will treat you right. There are few, but they do exist.

 

Do not let anything or anyone detour you from your plan/goal. Leave this man, you know you deserve better.

 

The most important thing after you leave is sticking to NC. Even if he pleads, begs or whatever the case may be, you need to go super strict NC for your own sake. For your own healing.

 

I promise you, if you stick to NC you won't care anymore. You won't care if he gives everything to another woman. It will all be a dull pain. I promise you. Many of us have been where you are and although this is all still very fresh it will get better for you if you take care of yourself and do what is best for YOU which is NC.

 

Please keep us posted on your move. We are all here to support you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Calibabe,

 

Thank you so much. It was very vital that I made a plan and that was my mistake before. I acted on impulse versus thinking and planning which is why it never stuck and why I went back. This plan is dramatic for a reason. Packing up my stuff, vanishing and going NC isn't easy. Once you do something like that you can't just go back. Things will forever be damaged.

 

Somehow, even living together, we have managed to be No Contact. Thanks to our different schedules, I haven't seen him or talked to him since Wednesday and won't see him tonight or tomorrow. Which means I won't see him before I leave. That makes me sad for some reason to end on terms like this. It's not a proper goodbye (if there were one). But it's a goodbye nonetheless.

 

The most important thing after you leave is sticking to NC. Even if he pleads, begs or whatever the case may be, you need to go super strict NC for your own sake. For your own healing.

 

So true. I'm not sure how he will respond, what he will say/do. I think he will be shocked and a little surprised, but I don't think he will reach out. He is a stubborn one. If anything he will get the hint and vanish from my life also. We are both dramatic like that.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I had a weak moment. I was thinking about how I could wait and move out in 2 weeks when my dad moves into a bigger place (because for now I'll be on a couch). I went to the bathroom and cried and snapped myself out of it. I can't turn back, I have to do this. I need strength, but this is so difficult.

 

Why does doing the right thing feel so wrong?

[Mariposa10]

I had a weak moment. I was thinking about how I could wait and move out in 2 weeks when my dad moves into a bigger place (because for now I'll be on a couch). I went to the bathroom and cried and snapped myself out of it. I can't turn back, I have to do this. I need strength, but this is so difficult.

 

Why does doing the right thing feel so wrong?

 

 

How long were you guys together?

 

I'm sorry you're hurting so much... Things do get better, believe me. I'm not completely healed, but at least I've stopped feeling depressed, crying in public..having insomnia, not being able to eat. I've started to enjoy life once again.

 

You just really need to get out of that place immediately... I would probably start crashing that couch tonight and get my things on Saturday... but that's me.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

How long were you guys together?

 

I'm sorry you're hurting so much... Things do get better, believe me. I'm not completely healed, but at least I've stopped feeling depressed, crying in public..having insomnia, not being able to eat. I've started to enjoy life once again.

 

You just really need to get out of that place immediately... I would probably start crashing that couch tonight and get my things on Saturday... but that's me.

 

For 3 years.

 

I won't see him tonight or tomorrow anyways even if I stay home.

 

I realize I'm very vulnerable right now, so I have to continue on with my choice to move out this weekend. I had a weak moment, it passed. But I know this weekend will be very emotional for me.

 

Will he miss me? Will he regret me? Will he be sad? Will he care? Will he hate me? After 3 years...I'd hope he would feel something.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

A couch isn't that uncomfortable. It's not like you're sleeping in a cardboard box.

 

Haha thanks. You are right. I hate those weak moments...I just want to get this weekend OVER WITH.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Should I tell him I'm moving out or just disappear?

 

You have to remember how this man treated me the last couple weeks...

 

He isn't violent, just verbally abusive, cold and heartless.

 

What is the right thing...tell him or not?

 

The reason I haven't told him is because I'm vulnerable and I'm afraid he will try to make me stay...

[Mariposa10]

Just move out.

 

Agreed. Let's get this over with. Let the healing start...

 

But then again, you're the one who knows when you're ready to do it.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Just move out.

 

I am! But what's the right thing to do...vanish or tell him I'm moving out?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Agreed. Let's get this over with. Let the healing start...

 

But then again, you're the one who knows when you're ready to do it.

 

The question isn't whether I should move out or not, I am moving out this weekend, it's set in stone!!

 

The question is whether I should tell him or not?

[Still Searching]

No, just move out.

 

 

 

Yep. He'll figure it out.

[Mariposa10]

The question isn't whether I should move out or not, I am moving out this weekend, it's set in stone!!

 

The question is whether I should tell him or not?

 

 

I will just leave a note saying, "I'll come pick up my stuff on Saturday." Something like that...

[Zahara]

I am! But what's the right thing to do...vanish or tell him I'm moving out?

 

Just move out.

 

Getting into a dialogue about moving out will probably jeopardize your efforts. You're in no condition to deal with a crying begging man if that happens and you don't want to stab yourself in the heart if he's indifferent.

 

Just get out of there. Shut the door and dissappear.

[Zahara]

And no leaving little bits of stuff behind so that you can use that to make contact one day. Wipe the place clean of everything that you own. Start making a list.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

And no leaving little bits of stuff behind so that you can use that to make contact one day. Wipe the place clean of everything that you own. Start making a list.

 

haha I'm already ahead of you. I have stuff all over. Last night before he got home I looked around the house to see how much stuff I have and made a list to remember to get it :-)

 

Okay, so it's been decided: I won't say anything, I'll just vanish! :-)

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Just move out.

 

Getting into a dialogue about moving out will probably jeopardize your efforts. You're in no condition to deal with a crying begging man if that happens and you don't want to stab yourself in the heart if he's indifferent.

 

Just get out of there. Shut the door and dissappear.

 

I have a feeling he WOULD be indifferent if I told him so that's why I didn't want to. It would end up just hurting me more. And if he did decide to cry or beg me to stay, I would be too vulnerable for that situation. That's why I chose to just disappear.

 

But I know some people on here were against that and said it was dramatic and rude. I just wanted to know why.

[Zahara]

I have a feeling he WOULD be indifferent if I told him so that's why I didn't want to. It would end up just hurting me more. And if he did decide to cry or beg me to stay, I would be too vulnerable for that situation. That's why I chose to just disappear.

 

But I know some people on here were against that and said it was dramatic and rude. I just wanted to know why.

 

Dramatic, rude, whatevs. As long as it helps YOU move forward. Your motive to do this has to be solely because you want to move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, just get your sh*t and go. Don't make a big production out of it. I see that the wheels in your head are starting to spin, which I was afraid of and why I've been skeptical this entire time. But yeah, you needed to move two weeks ago. But yeah, no announcement, no production, as the Nike slogan goes "Just Do It".

[OpheliaSong]

Stay strong and make this a transition for yourself and your pride. No one should have to be told over and over again they aren't important enough to invest in and have to live through conflicting messages. I hope you find yourself in all of this and know that you don't have to be anyone other than who you are. He wasn't right for you. Just get your stuff and leave. You owe him nothing.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Yeah, just get your sh*t and go. Don't make a big production out of it. I see that the wheels in your head are starting to spin, which I was afraid of and why I've been skeptical this entire time. But yeah, you needed to move two weeks ago. But yeah, no announcement, no production, as the Nike slogan goes "Just Do It".

 

To be honest, I always roll my eyes and sigh when I see you have commented on my thread because you never have anything nice to say. You always make me feel like I'm dumb and belittle my actions/feelings. And I don't think that's fair since people on here are seeking guidance and someone to talk to. If you don't care about my feelings and are so skeptical and negative about my situation, why do you bother to take even a second out of your precious day to mention it?

 

The wheels are spinning (which is so frickin normal by the way) and I came here for guidance before I acted on impulse. I still haven't changed my mind about moving out. It's happening whether I like it or not.

 

I know I needed to move out two weeks ago, in fact, I know I should have never moved IN. Lesson learned. It's the past. You got a time machine I can borrow or something? I'm doing what I can with what I have.

 

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

[CaliBabe]

Do not tell him. He doesn't deserve that courtesy.

[Simon Phoenix]

To be honest, I always roll my eyes and sigh when I see you have commented on my thread because you never have anything nice to say. You always make me feel like I'm dumb and belittle my actions/feelings. And I don't think that's fair since people on here are seeking guidance and someone to talk to. If you don't care about my feelings and are so skeptical and negative about my situation, why do you bother to take even a second out of your precious day to mention it?

 

The wheels are spinning (which is so frickin normal by the way) and I came here for guidance before I acted on impulse. I still haven't changed my mind about moving out. It's happening whether I like it or not.

 

I know I needed to move out two weeks ago, in fact, I know I should have never moved IN. Lesson learned. It's the past. You got a time machine I can borrow or something? I'm doing what I can with what I have.

 

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

 

That's cool, get mad at me. Get mad at something. If that anger gets you to where you need to go, then mission accomplished. Bring all you got -- would much rather you take it out on me then whimper and fail in relation to him.