Amazing Girlfriend Makes a Horrible Mistake

[Spectre]

You call her an amazing girlfriend, but amazing girlfriends do not cheat. It is impossible for a good girlfriend to cheat on you. Also you say they went to a hotel, did they have sex? Or just fool around? If it was sex, how many times?

 

Anyways I think you need to get out of the relationship. You've both cheated, but it doesn't make what she did right nor does the fact she forgave you mean you have to forgive her.

 

You also really need to stop with saying this was just a series of unfortunate events..she went to a god damn hotel with a dude. She didn't just slip and fall into bed with him.

 

So drop her, she can't possibly respect or love you. Also no offense but if you cheated on her then I'd say the same about you.

 

Also as for the title of your thread, this woman did not make a mistake she made a choice. She got up and went to a hotel with him...that is not a mere slip up, it's a complete lack of respect. Her deciding to forgive you for your cheating actually makes it worse..since it means she knew the horrible pain that comes with being cheated on and she didn't care about inflicting that on you.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Spectre

[FrankieFrank]

Frank it was mentioned already. It's definitely not a factor though, we are in a wealthy developed country. Not everyone is dying to live in the United States.

 

You can't possibly know what's going on in her head, and even if you asked, who would guarantee you got the truth?

 

Good luck with that anyway.

[ThatMan]

Frank it was mentioned already. It's definitely not a factor though, we are in a wealthy developed country. Not everyone is dying to live in the United States.

This mind reading ability simply does not work for anyone. You should distance yourself from that sort of thinking.

 

Contrary to whatever you must be imagining, the visa creates an added pressure and incentive for anyone in your girlfriend's position to be on good terms with the sponsor, even if the sponsor isn't well-liked. You've demonstrated with affairs that you aren't very likable but she was sportive anyways. To me this suggests desperation or fear opposed to love and support. I would question whether or not she felt like a hostage. I would also bring what I question to light and talk about it. Problems fester and grow when left in the dark like this. The problem between the two of you exploded in an additional affair on her part. Maybe she didn't feel free enough to express any concerns because she had a legitimate reason not to. This is exactly why you should properly communicate rather than assume whatever's most convenient.

Edited December 14, 2013 by ThatMan

[Tyler.1]

This mind reading ability simply does not work for anyone. You should distance yourself from that sort of thinking.

 

Contrary to whatever you must be imagining, the visa creates an added pressure and incentive for anyone in your girlfriend's position to be on good terms with the sponsor, even if the sponsor isn't well-liked. You've demonstrated with affairs that you aren't very likable but she was sportive anyways. To me this suggests desperation or fear opposed to love and support. I would question whether or not she felt like a hostage. I would also bring what I question to light and talk about it. Problems fester and grow when left in the dark like this. The problem between the two of you exploded in an additional affair on her part. Maybe she didn't feel free enough to express any concerns because she had a legitimate reason not to. This is exactly why you should properly communicate rather than assume whatever's most convenient.

 

 

Guys, the visa is not the motivation here. Just trust me on that.

 

Anyway, that is not what I am asking for advice about.

[Spectre]

I for one don't think this was done for the visa. That would make the case so much simpler wouldn't it? But no, this was a dude who was just "paying more attention to her" then you. I am guessing in this context paying more attention means "trying to bring her to a hotel to bang her". The fact is if she needed more attention she should of told you about it. If she told you and you didn't change then she simply should of left.

 

I'm also still curious about exactly what she says went on at this hotel. If they had sex was this a one time thing, or was she screwing him all night? or something like that? How much "attention" did he need to give her that night?

 

I still feel you should stick to your guns when you told her it is over. Don't be swayed if she is crying in front of you, etc. She also clearly did not tell you because she just knew it was the right thing to do, but rather because, as you said..she is a bad liar and you knew something was up because you know her, yet she tried to lie to you anyways at first. I'm guessing perhaps the fact that some co-workers saw her kissing this other man might of factored in to her telling also, not sure..but her being a bad liar did. I'm also wondering why did she decide to call you at work and confess instead of at least showing enough respect to you by telling you face to face, surely she could of just waited until you got home from work?

 

She also pulled the trickle truth method. First she was just out at a female colleagues house. Then she was out at a female colleagues, but there were 2 dudes there. Then it turns out oops I lied I actually went to a hotel with another man. Another sign she that she wasn't planning on telling you everything and only did so when you pushed her. You would of never even known other guys were there if you had never questioned her at all about where she was. Think about how messed up that is for a second. If she was a good liar then you probably would be going on right now with your life, still thinking she cares about you and respects you.

 

However, there is another thing I feel is the biggest red flag, I feel it is the absolute worst thing she did to you in this situation in a lot of ways and that is: her having breakfast with him. I know it sounds odd, but here is why that is such a major red flag and such a bad sign at how she regards you. A normal person who truly gives a damn about the person they cheated on would wake up the next morning feeling really guilty. If the OM was still in bed with them, they would of immediately gotten out of bed and just left, period. They wouldn't take the time to even speak to this other guy, except maybe to tell him "this was a bad choice and won't ever happen again".

 

So what does your wife do? She has breakfast with the guy, friggin breakfast! You have to wonder what they talked about during breakfast. About how awesome the previous night was? This tells me that when she woke up that morning and saw this other dude she boned laying beside her and was not hit with feelings of guilt or regret. I think that is the utmost worst betrayal of all here, it's unforgivable. This woman does not regret what she did, all she regrets is that she isn't a better liar. Get out while you can, you've already cheated on her..and her behavior shows such a lack of love and respect it is astounding. I don't mean to be harsh, and I know a part of you will definitely be trying to factor in the fact she forgave you for cheating into your decision on whether or not you get back with her..but don't. Whatever you did to her, you didn't deserve this. You also did not force her to give you another chance SHE chose to do so, and when she did that you both were agreeing to be faithful, not just you. There wasn't some unspoken agreement that she would get a "get out of cheating free" card because of what you did. That's not how cheating works. If she regretted or was sorry for what she did even a little bit that breakfast would of never ever happened.

 

I would be curious though about the circumstances of your own cheating. Though I understand if you do not want to go into it as this isn't really about your cheating. I suppose at this point it might not be relevant since your girlfriends own actions have already doomed the relationship. I don't condone cheating at all and I doubt I would forgive it at all anymore. However, I do recognize the fact that sometimes others can do this if their partner is truly regretful, etc. of what they did. That is one of the key ingredients you need for the relationship to work out, and you don't have it and like I mentioned the reason you don't have it isn't because of the sex, it's because of the breakfast.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Spectre

[Tyler.1]

I for one don't think this was done for the visa. That would make the case so much simpler wouldn't it? But no, this was a dude who was just "paying more attention to her" then you. I am guessing in this context paying more attention means "trying to bring her to a hotel to bang her". The fact is if she needed more attention she should of told you about it. If she told you and you didn't change then she simply should of left.

 

I'm also still curious about exactly what she says went on at this hotel. If they had sex was this a one time thing, or was she screwing him all night? or something like that? How much "attention" did he need to give her that night?

 

I still feel you should stick to your guns when you told her it is over. Don't be swayed if she is crying in front of you, etc. She also clearly did not tell you because she just knew it was the right thing to do, but rather because, as you said..she is a bad liar and you knew something was up because you know her, yet she tried to lie to you anyways at first. I'm guessing perhaps the fact that some co-workers saw her kissing this other man might of factored in to her telling also, not sure..but her being a bad liar did. I'm also wondering why did she decide to call you at work and confess instead of at least showing enough respect to you by telling you face to face, surely she could of just waited until you got home from work?

 

She also pulled the trickle truth method. First she was just out at a female colleagues house. Then she was out at a female colleagues, but there were 2 dudes there. Then it turns out oops I lied I actually went to a hotel with another man. Another sign she that she wasn't planning on telling you everything and only did so when you pushed her. You would of never even known other guys were there if you had never questioned her at all about where she was. Think about how messed up that is for a second. If she was a good liar then you probably would be going on right now with your life, still thinking she cares about you and respects you.

 

However, there is another thing I feel is the biggest red flag, I feel it is the absolute worst thing she did to you in this situation in a lot of ways and that is: her having breakfast with him. I know it sounds odd, but here is why that is such a major red flag and such a bad sign at how she regards you. A normal person who truly gives a damn about the person they cheated on would wake up the next morning feeling really guilty. If the OM was still in bed with them, they would of immediately gotten out of bed and just left, period. They wouldn't take the time to even speak to this other guy, except maybe to tell him "this was a bad choice and won't ever happen again".

 

So what does your wife do? She has breakfast with the guy, friggin breakfast! You have to wonder what they talked about during breakfast. About how awesome the previous night was? This tells me that when she woke up that morning and saw this other dude she boned laying beside her and was not hit with feelings of guilt or regret. I think that is the utmost worst betrayal of all here, it's unforgivable. This woman does not regret what she did, all she regrets is that she isn't a better liar. Get out while you can, you've already cheated on her..and her behavior shows such a lack of love and respect it is astounding. I don't mean to be harsh, and I know a part of you will definitely be trying to factor in the fact she forgave you for cheating into your decision on whether or not you get back with her..but don't. Whatever you did to her, you didn't deserve this. You also did not force her to give you another chance SHE chose to do so, and when she did that you both were agreeing to be faithful, not just you. There wasn't some unspoken agreement that she would get a "get out of cheating free" card because of what you did. That's not how cheating works. If she regretted or was sorry for what she did even a little bit that breakfast would of never ever happened.

 

I would be curious though about the circumstances of your own cheating. Though I understand if you do not want to go into it as this isn't really about your cheating. I suppose at this point it might not be relevant since your girlfriends own actions have already doomed the relationship. I don't condone cheating at all and I doubt I would forgive it at all anymore. However, I do recognize the fact that sometimes others can do this if their partner is truly regretful, etc. of what they did. That is one of the key ingredients you need for the relationship to work out, and you don't have it and like I mentioned the reason you don't have it isn't because of the sex, it's because of the breakfast.

 

Lot's a good points...

 

- No, the attention was more than just sex. They had been seeing each other at work and when practicing for the show in a group setting. He had been giving her a lot of emotional support when she was going through tough times at work. She is also not the most secure person, and I think he complimented her and made her feel like she was special.

 

- They had sex. She says they only did it once (but you're right, is this the truth?)

 

- Totally agree about the breakfast part... I think that is the part that bugs me the most

 

- She called while I was working but it was the weekend so my schedule was flexible. It was easy for me to just come home.

 

- The circumstances of my cheating was a one night stand. I'm not making excuses but it was strictly sexual relief when she was gone for 3 months. I didn't care about them at all. But I didn't tell her until she saw messages on my phone later. Maybe I set a bad example? She really isn't the lying type.

[ThatMan]

Guys, the visa is not the motivation here. Just trust me on that.

 

Anyway, that is not what I am asking for advice about.

 

You're essentially asking whether or not the two of you are doomed? But you aren't interested in hearing any other perspective on what to try differently?

Yeah. You guys are doomed. What did you expect?

 

What you two are doing is not working out for you at all. This relationship will never succeed if you allow this stuff to continue. I doubt anyone will say the relationship has a chance in hell if you're unwilling to seriously look into a mirror to make changes.

 

 

- The circumstances of my cheating was a one night stand. I'm not making excuses but it was strictly sexual relief when she was gone for 3 months. I didn't care about them at all. But I didn't tell her until she saw messages on my phone later. Maybe I set a bad example? She really isn't the lying type.

You've brought this up, not me. So is this topic off-limits, too? If not, this is what I think; Cheating is a terrible thing that fosters a sense of fear, distrust, and sometimes obligation. Forget the damn visa, man. If a girlfriend moved into my place from across the continental united states, and she suddenly discovered an affair on my phone, there will be plenty of reasons to feel fear. What would happen to her if I kicked her out to the curb after the discovery? Living with somebody out of a sense of obligation is ****ing toxic, and it doesn't matter if she's not interested in earning a visa. By the way, what arrangements did you create for your living situation?

 

Since that conversation last week, she's been living at her Mom's house. We are trying to figure out what to do about our living situation, and whether we can even put together the broken pieces.

Do you mean she had to pack all her stuff and move back to her country? I don't know... I think the threat of homelessness, deportation, and the prospect of losing a job are all legitimate reasons to be terrified. Did she have the security of a stable household after discovering the affair? Did she have the mere option to move out to a nearby apartment? If she felt obligated to remain with you, then she stayed out of a sense of fear, she was co-dependent. There's a good chance that life as she knew it depended on your whims, the whims of somebody who tore her heart to pieces in a senseless act, that you fostered the destructive sense of obligation.

 

You are in for a rude awakening because this is an all too common story. The visa has nothing to do with that. Until you are capable of building a nurturing and safe environment, nothing will change. When you want somebody to live with you they have to feel safe enough to express their views. Nobody deserves to live with the threat of losing their entire way of life looming overhead. Otherwise problems fester in the dark and grow into another monster entirely. If you did not grow the balls to express that you're a sexual being who couldn't handle a three month hiatus, then how can you expect yourself to be open enough to talk about other concerns? Until you deal with that insecurity and build confidence within yourself to openly communicate, nothing will change, and your next relationships will also be toxic. Focus on yourself for a time. Do not allow other people to live with you unless they can safely choose to remain or move on the next time you couldn't keep your pants zipped up.

Edited December 15, 2013 by ThatMan

[road]

You cheated on her.

 

 

Twice.

 

 

You are a parasite. She supports you.

 

 

You talk about leaving her country but you tell her that you will not do anything to bring her with you back to yours.

 

 

You neglect her.

 

 

You use her to be a maid and cook then pimp her out using her job to support you.

 

 

 

 

My question is why did this girl wait all this time to cheat back on you?

 

 

 

 

She needs to dump you.

[sidney2718]

Guys, the visa is not the motivation here. Just trust me on that.

 

Anyway, that is not what I am asking for advice about.

 

But the visa figures in one way: you were planning on ditching her and moving to California. You even told her so. She wanted to talk about plans for her going with you. You seem to have blown her off.

 

With that, you did worse than cheat on her. You used her. You stayed in her apartment, let her pay many of the bills, and you wouldn't even go to a party with her.

 

And of course your cheating on her doesn't count, does it.

 

You are going to have to live with what you did. And yet you agonize over TAKING HER BACK! How self-can you be. If anything, you ought to beg her to take you back.

[fixing]

I for one don't think this was done for the visa. That would make the case so much simpler wouldn't it? But no, this was a dude who was just "paying more attention to her" then you. I am guessing in this context paying more attention means "trying to bring her to a hotel to bang her". The fact is if she needed more attention she should of told you about it. If she told you and you didn't change then she simply should of left.

 

I'm also still curious about exactly what she says went on at this hotel. If they had sex was this a one time thing, or was she screwing him all night? or something like that? How much "attention" did he need to give her that night?

 

I still feel you should stick to your guns when you told her it is over. Don't be swayed if she is crying in front of you, etc. She also clearly did not tell you because she just knew it was the right thing to do, but rather because, as you said..she is a bad liar and you knew something was up because you know her, yet she tried to lie to you anyways at first. I'm guessing perhaps the fact that some co-workers saw her kissing this other man might of factored in to her telling also, not sure..but her being a bad liar did. I'm also wondering why did she decide to call you at work and confess instead of at least showing enough respect to you by telling you face to face, surely she could of just waited until you got home from work?

 

She also pulled the trickle truth method. First she was just out at a female colleagues house. Then she was out at a female colleagues, but there were 2 dudes there. Then it turns out oops I lied I actually went to a hotel with another man. Another sign she that she wasn't planning on telling you everything and only did so when you pushed her. You would of never even known other guys were there if you had never questioned her at all about where she was. Think about how messed up that is for a second. If she was a good liar then you probably would be going on right now with your life, still thinking she cares about you and respects you.

 

However, there is another thing I feel is the biggest red flag, I feel it is the absolute worst thing she did to you in this situation in a lot of ways and that is: her having breakfast with him. I know it sounds odd, but here is why that is such a major red flag and such a bad sign at how she regards you. A normal person who truly gives a damn about the person they cheated on would wake up the next morning feeling really guilty. If the OM was still in bed with them, they would of immediately gotten out of bed and just left, period. They wouldn't take the time to even speak to this other guy, except maybe to tell him "this was a bad choice and won't ever happen again".

 

So what does your wife do? She has breakfast with the guy, friggin breakfast! You have to wonder what they talked about during breakfast. About how awesome the previous night was? This tells me that when she woke up that morning and saw this other dude she boned laying beside her and was not hit with feelings of guilt or regret. I think that is the utmost worst betrayal of all here, it's unforgivable. This woman does not regret what she did, all she regrets is that she isn't a better liar. Get out while you can, you've already cheated on her..and her behavior shows such a lack of love and respect it is astounding. I don't mean to be harsh, and I know a part of you will definitely be trying to factor in the fact she forgave you for cheating into your decision on whether or not you get back with her..but don't. Whatever you did to her, you didn't deserve this. You also did not force her to give you another chance SHE chose to do so, and when she did that you both were agreeing to be faithful, not just you. There wasn't some unspoken agreement that she would get a "get out of cheating free" card because of what you did. That's not how cheating works. If she regretted or was sorry for what she did even a little bit that breakfast would of never ever happened.

 

I would be curious though about the circumstances of your own cheating. Though I understand if you do not want to go into it as this isn't really about your cheating. I suppose at this point it might not be relevant since your girlfriends own actions have already doomed the relationship. I don't condone cheating at all and I doubt I would forgive it at all anymore. However, I do recognize the fact that sometimes others can do this if their partner is truly regretful, etc. of what they did. That is one of the key ingredients you need for the relationship to work out, and you don't have it and like I mentioned the reason you don't have it isn't because of the sex, it's because of the breakfast.

 

Spectre is my most favourite poster when it comes to Cheating/cheated on. Such truth spoken.

[johan]

If you found a girl who not only doesn't break up with you after all that professional failure but mind bogglingly still wants sex hold on to her no matter what. Even if she blows your dad, brothers, best friend and unemployment case worker. There aren't many girls who would put up with half that amount of nonsense and still be turned on by you on any level.

 

This is true. If you're looking for long term happiness find a woman you can't trust for whom sex is the priority #1.

[Neith]

Honestly, the pair of you are as bad as each other. I agree with Spectre in that you should just stick to your guns - this relationship isn't healthy. On many levels.

 

I'm not surprised she cheated. She shouldn't have though - like someone already said.. she should have voiced her feelings or left. She didn't have to lower herself.

 

Though, if you ask me, if your girlfriend has to ask you for attention or do so "couple things", that should tell you what kind of boyfriend you are & that you need to stop being so incredibly selfish.

Of course it doesn't excuse her crossing the line AT ALL; but going forward (with or without her), you need to take a look at yourself. If you can't even make time for the person who's supporting your ass, something is wrong with you.

 

 

..and by the way, it doesn't matter how early on in the relationship you cheated. Fact is, you did.... TWICE.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Neith

[Neith]

Are we doomed?

 

Forgot to answer this bit....

 

 

yes.

[Elliotte]

You two were doomed for a long time, her cheating just seems like the straw that broke the camel's back. Move on with your life, support yourself and get your career in order to where you can actually have enough time for a relationship (and household chores), before you attempt to have another one.

[Tyler.1]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

 

It does sound like the relationship is too broken to mend.

 

I know that I have done a lot wrong myself, but keep in mind that I wrote the details of this post to defend her actions as much as possible. I'm desperately trying to find a way to forgive her.

 

The truth is, despite all of my wrongs that I mentioned, I did tell her all the time how I could never have come this far without her. I hold her close and tell her that, and I truly mean it when I say that I'm absolutely crazy about her. From time to time I did bring up marriage, and was serious about it. I never asked her for any of the things that she has done for me, and have never forced her to do anything that she didn't want to do.

 

The problem now is that I just don't see her in the same light. I used to feel assured that if I ever got into a car accident and became paralyzed, she would take care of me. I would do the same for her. But after all this, I'm just not sure anymore. Would she eventually run off with another guy? To me, that is critical part of the relationship that may never be the same again.

[gaius]

This is true. If you're looking for long term happiness find a woman you can't trust for whom sex is the priority #1.

Hey, theres a good reason you're always hinting about what a great job you have. It's a turn on for women.

 

If I was in Tylers social circle I wouldn't see his situation the way he described it. I'd see it as either A) He got canned and tried to dress it up by saying he left to start his own company or B) He threw away a decent paying job that let him be independent for a company that was not well thought out or executed. And now that he failed and is letting his girlfriend support him he's not looking to regain his independence, but to continue to try and start ANOTHER company for some reason. Either way it has to be an enormous turn off for her. That's he's content enough with the situation that he's making no serious effort to change it. A far cry from if he just hit a streak of bad luck.

 

The days of finding someone who's going to stick with you no matter how many bad choices you make is way over. I'm sure if your girlfriend gained 300 pounds and stopped brushing her teeth other women would start looking pretty good to you johan.

[road]

I feel this is maybe too harsh. Or rather, they both cheated so why only harsh on him since she did wrong too. The cooking and cleaning, I do not think a gun was held to her head and she was forced to do those things. Neglect is bad, but there are ways to deal with it other then adultery.

 

I feel bad for her, I would be harsh on either of them. Well, ok the thing with breakfast seems bad but she is not a terrible person she just needs to realize what her behavior symbolizes.

 

 

 

I am not harsh.

 

 

Their story is harsh.

 

 

The truth is they are better off calling it quits. He loved her so much but he would not bring her back to his country. He would not lift his finger to get her a green card let alone lift his hand to earn a pay check.

[tonedeath]

I think you need to cut your losses. Sorry to say that, but it's true. If you're both cheating on each other, and the relationship is one-sided (which it sounds like it is), then it's probably doomed, and would be best left now, rather than later. That said, if you really want to try to piece it back together, no one can stop you, but realize that you're both operating from a position of distrust, and it's really hard -damn near impossible- to make a relationship work on those grounds.

[JohnMcClaine]

Are we doomed?

 

Yes. She cheated on you. Break up with her.

[Ruby Slippers]

You cheated on her twice and not only did she forgive you but did everything for you and you ignore her, tell her you're moving to another country with no plans or even seeming to have any interest in the 2 of you being together there.... I wouldn't have cheated but I would've assumed that was your way of passively dumping me and left.

All this, AND you declined being your girlfriend's date for her company Christmas party. What kind of lousy boyfriend of 2 1/2 years lets his woman go dateless to her office Christmas party?

 

Given how much you've taken her for granted and neglected her all this time, I'm not surprised she found comfort in someone else's arms. That was a loud and clear message that she's fed up with your neglect. Let her go.

[FrankieFrank]

So what this woman did is good because he neglected her first?

 

Couldn't this woman, you know, voice her concerns first and break up if no progress was made? Or leave after his own cheating?

 

Duly noted: if neglected, cheat left and right

[Ruby Slippers]

I didn't say it was good. The whole situation sounds lousy. Of course the high road would have been to just leave. What I said is that I'm not surprised. Same way I'm not surprised when a man strays after his wife/girlfriend treats him like crap as a habit and won't have sex with him. In such cases, I see no reason to continue a crappy relationship.

[FrankieFrank]

But if relationship is so crappy, then cheating makes no sense. Because at the end of the day after you cheat in a bad relationship you are still in a bad relationship, unless a partner breaks up with you or you add explicitly that you want to break up. But then, why not just say you are breaking up without cheating "bonus"? That would be quite a lowering yourself in a situation that was already not great to begin with.

 

So what exactly did cheating achieve?

[Untouchable_Fire]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

It does sound like the relationship is too broken to mend.

I know that I have done a lot wrong myself, but keep in mind that I wrote the details of this post to defend her actions as much as possible. I'm desperately trying to find a way to forgive her.

The truth is, despite all of my wrongs that I mentioned, I did tell her all the time how I could never have come this far without her. I hold her close and tell her that, and I truly mean it when I say that I'm absolutely crazy about her. From time to time I did bring up marriage, and was serious about it. I never asked her for any of the things that she has done for me, and have never forced her to do anything that she didn't want to do.

The problem now is that I just don't see her in the same light. I used to feel assured that if I ever got into a car accident and became paralyzed, she would take care of me. I would do the same for her. But after all this, I'm just not sure anymore. Would she eventually run off with another guy? To me, that is critical part of the relationship that may never be the same again.

 

This is a lot your fault, but it really does sound broken beyond repair. Maybe let her move on and find some happiness while you double down on a career. You are planning a move anyway let this be a catalyst.

[beach]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

 

It does sound like the relationship is too broken to mend.

 

I know that I have done a lot wrong myself, but keep in mind that I wrote the details of this post to defend her actions as much as possible. I'm desperately trying to find a way to forgive her.

 

The truth is, despite all of my wrongs that I mentioned, I did tell her all the time how I could never have come this far without her. I hold her close and tell her that, and I truly mean it when I say that I'm absolutely crazy about her. From time to time I did bring up marriage, and was serious about it. I never asked her for any of the things that she has done for me, and have never forced her to do anything that she didn't want to do.

 

The problem now is that I just don't see her in the same light. I used to feel assured that if I ever got into a car accident and became paralyzed, she would take care of me. I would do the same for her. But after all this, I'm just not sure anymore. Would she eventually run off with another guy? To me, that is critical part of the relationship that may never be the same again.

 

She seems to tolerate you being hyper focused on work yet ignoring her. She doesn't complain or express her dissatisfaction much.

 

But behind your back she finds another man to play with.

 

It may simply be that you two haven't found your footing to stay grounded. You need a career that earns money! She needs to only support herself.

 

 

Immaturity in the R is tough.

 

But solving problems with cheating isn't the solution!

 

 

You both need time apart - to grow up.

 

No - don't take her back. She doesn't address how she really feels - then is passive aggressive and cheats. Those are never ideal qualities in any person.

 

Adversity shows us the persons true character - hers isn't adequate.

 

 

IF you were sick - shed smile and play pretty life with you - all the while screwing you over behind that smile. That's awful!