emotionsmessmeup Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 OK...the only advice i can give here for heartbroken people GO AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE FOR CASUAL DATING... The first make out experience and u'll forget ur ex ... TRUST ME! Atleast u wont chase them... Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 You are 1000% right. The second i found a new man and kissed him it was like ex who!?!?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 man my new years eve was so awsome.. i made out with this guy.. and as usual my ex was like...did u meet anyone u like.. all i said was no but i was a bad girl.. and he got so hyper.. I just got a "I miss you " email... guess wht i need a lot more than just "I miss u" Link to post Share on other sites
KatieMae Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 if thats true i need to start dating Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 I've said this a million times and will say it a million more: A woman's thinking is "the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone". You have all just proven this. I think rebounds are rediculous because you're using somebody for your own benefit. That person may be the next on your hurt list. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 I think rebounds are rediculous because you're using somebody for your own benefit. That person may be the next on your hurt list. I know a few people who actually maintained a "rebound" into a full-fledged relationship. So you think dating after a break up is selfish? Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 The making out with someone to get over an ex sounds like fun but I think it also has a superficial tone to it. I mean really, if you are heartbroken over someone that you supposedly were in love with and a quick hookup is going to do the job of getting over the ex, then how serious was the relationship with the ex? Sometimes a quick fix is only that a quick fix and sooner or later you'll have to deal with your heartache head on. Can't hide from it. And also quick hookup seems a little sad like denial. Even if the object of your making out doesn't catch on, you'll know it and it begins to feel weird because you know its just superficial. I think dating casually again after a breakup is not the same..that means you are really invested and interested in the person you're going out with. It may or may not work out but it's Not just using a person to get over an ex. hmmm. that's what I think. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Dating someone else is not always the best way to get over a break up. It worked for me in the past break ups but not this last one. If anything I ended up longing for my ex more after 1 date with someone else 3 weeks ago. After that I said forget it. I am in no condition to date anybody for the time being. I put myself back at square one. I think my particular rebound on the first day was more damaging to my heart and soul. The best way to get over someone for me is to go through the grief process however long it takes. Time is on my side now. I'll have plenty of time to date others later on. So for me dating others right now would just make it worse. I am single right now for choice. Normally after a break up I would hurry up and find someone else in 2-3 weeks time. Not this time. And that is the way it is going to be. Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 J dub: No, I'm not suggesting that dating after a breakup is selfish. We all have to get back out there at some point. There are no set time limits on when this happens. I'm saying that it seems like women (and there are some men too) that feel like they have to immediately jump into a relationship with somebody to get over the last person - not allowing time to reflect on what went wrong to begin with. And because sex is almost a guarantee, the rebound guy gets the wrong impression and winds up getting hurt too! Then, if this girl tries to reconcile with the ex, it may be too late since she "moved on" so easily/quickly. Again, I'm not saying this is strictly a woman's action but it does seem to be the norm. Do you not know of anybody that slept with someone different shortly after a breakup - only to later admit it was a mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 I agree with insync about the quick fix. I am not looking for any quick fix this time. I cannot depend on a new gf to take away my heartache. I either have to feel the pain and go through it or commit suicide. Those are my only 2 options. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Actually the idea of starting over with someone new is quite scary because I'm not going to find anyone better than my ex. I lost the best gf I ever had. But yes at some point you hve to move on. Only you can decide when. Don't let someone else tell you when it's right. The only way for you to find out if a rebound works for you is to go ahead and try it. Don't take my word for it. But there is a risk you might feel worse sleeping with the new person. I know I did. I was tormented in my soul night and day after sleeping with the woman I dated 1 time 3 weeks ago. I met her from the internet. After that I decided not to see her or call her again. I take relationships very seriously. It's like my flesh enjoyed the sex since I hadn't gotten laid since the break up but I paid for it in my own soul. It left me more empty than before. Whether you realize it or not you are giving a piece of your soul to someone else when you have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Also let's get real about the quick hookup for recovery... If you found out someone was using you for a quick fix, how would you feel? Hmmm? And people aren't stupid...they figure that s*** out fast. Someone can tell when they're being used as a painkiller. In the end my philosophy is cliche but true, treat others as you would like to be treated. Karma has a way of coming around and biting you in the heart so why set yourself for payback. Link to post Share on other sites
wx3 Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 They can turn out bad, trust me. My ex girlfriend dated me in attempt to get over her ex (although she's never admitted this, I believe it is true). We were happy together, but at the same time I knew she still liked the other guy... Now we are either in a love-triangle or a huge manipulation of minds to keep 2 guys around, lol Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 > I'm saying that it seems like women (and there are some men too) that feel like they have to immediately jump into a relationship with somebody to get over the last person - not allowing time to reflect on what went wrong to begin with. People in general do this, it can sometimes be a codependancy issue than anything else, but its not exactly accurate to assume most women do this. Thats like me saying most men cheat. >And because sex is almost a guarantee, Um, it is? What kind of people do you hang out with?! >the rebound guy gets the wrong impression and winds up getting hurt too! Youre making massive assumptions on many different situations that are literally incomparible right now. People are going to get hurt in relationships no matter what. >Then, if this girl tries to reconcile with the ex, it may be too late since she "moved on" so easily/quickly. Can you elaborate? This sentence doesnt support anything you suggested. >Again, I'm not saying this is strictly a woman's action but it does seem to be the norm. If you say so. >Do you not know of anybody that slept with someone different shortly after a breakup - only to later admit it was a mistake? Sure, and I also know people who didnt realize what they lost UNTIL they hooked up with someone else. Variables, my friend. Many, many variables here. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 >I'm not going to find anyone better than my ex. I lost the best gf I ever had. You lost the best you had, YET. You are derailing your future by believing that she was the best. Wrong thinking mode. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Variables, my friend. Many, many variables here. Smoking crack and downing a bottle of jack daniels to get over an ex is one of many variables..but I wouldn't promote either if I think it'll do more harm than good. Hook-ups to get over an ex have hidden costs. And since the inner motives are because one is trying to get over a breakup I don't see the advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 >Smoking crack and downing a bottle of jack daniels to get over an ex is one of many variables.. I would hardly think drugs & alcohol are comparible here considering harmless making out isnt going to inflict addiction (not likely anyhow ) >but I wouldn't promote either if I think it'll do more harm than good. Hook-ups to get over an ex have hidden costs. And since the inner motives are because one is trying to get over a breakup I don't see the advantage. We can argue til the cows come home about whether or not its right, I'm simply stating that if it works for you, great! More power to you. I am not going to condemn someone for finding a positive release to their problems. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Having consoled one tearful friend after she realized she was just an in between fix for the guy was enough for me to know, it's just not right. Hey, don't get me wrong everyone is gonna do what they want, but it's awful watching someone crying over somebody who was just being use for the moment. Unless both parties know its all just fun and games mixed signals about hookups can lead to more disappointments. If you use somebody just to heal yourself what does that say about your own character? Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 I've said this a million times and will say it a million more: A woman's thinking is "the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone". You have all just proven this. Well, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please STOP saying annoying gender-biased crap like this. It's NONSENSE. Men and women both do this. There are a LOT of hurt women who have had to deal with being rebounds. It transcends gender, women get hurt just as much as men do, and this kind of crappy shallow thinking does NOT HELP ANYONE. I've said this a million times and will say it a million more: ugh, this type of bulls*** is SO ANNOYING. Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 I am going on what I've personally experienced in life. It's happened in my relationships as well as some others I know. I've had 2 long term g/fs and they both slept with another guy within 2 weeks of breaking up with me. The first asked me back and was completely honest about what happened; the second one was kept secret and came back without a word. I only found out from a "friend" 6 months later. I apologize for insinuating that it's just a woman that does this. I know there are men that do it too. My point is that the mere attempt at a "quick fix" isn't the best action in my opinion. I have a good friend that was heartbroken by a girl after she told him that she could no longer be with him because she's still in love with her ex. He was simply a rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
billskrill Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 you're over your ex has made me feel much worse and long for her back. I slept with a girl I just met on Friday night, went back to her place and had sex. I thought about my ex during the sex and wished this girl was her. Now a couple days later I almost feel as if I have started back at square one, actually I have because I broke the NC with my ex yesterday which made me realize we really are over and she has a life of her own which no longer involves me. I was really drunk last night and texted her bascially asking (not begging) for her to take a chance with me and this was at 3am. I get a call on my cell from her at 745am and hit the silence button and went back to sleep. I called her back at noon today and she was around her family and asked if my dad's horse was ok (I live in Owensboro, KY which is 30 mins from all of the tornado destruction and my dad had a horse that was stabled at a horse track that was destroyed by the tornado). I find it hard to believe that she would call me at that hour to ask me that, I think she had too many people around her to say what she really wanted to say. But anyways I got sidetracked off the point, my point is if you're not over your Ex then sleeping with someone will cause you more pain than pleasure. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 OK...the only advice i can give here for heartbroken people GO AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE FOR CASUAL DATING... The first make out experience and u'll forget ur ex ... TRUST ME! At least u wont chase them... When I found a guy who was much better than my ex-husband plus I was ready to move on after a couple years, I got over him. But when I as making out with people, it didn't help me. Especially because they would use me for sex and ditch me afterwards so it hurt me and made me long for my ex even more. Only if you find a better partner that wants to be serious with you, you can get over. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I would hardly think drugs & alcohol are comparible here considering harmless making out isnt going to inflict addiction (not likely anyhow ) Any harmless fall from the top of the Empire State Building does not break your bones. Because of the given that the act itself is harmless. The real question is of course whether or not acts like that are harmful. You might have been lucky once, not to break anything. The same with making out. It could be a dealbreaker for an ex, to decide not to give you a second chance. And of course, the guy / girl with whom you make out then, has feelings of their own. And desires. And everything is comparable in one sense: namely the effects it has on ourselves, and everyone around us. And pretending you have no issues with the ex, and are ready to date might actually give guys / girls the idea, that you have no issues with the ex, and are ready to date them, and try to build up something meaningful. And sometimes find themselves in the situation that they have to brush of a person because the person made the "mistake" of believing them. After all, how many of those who have broken hearts, rush to the nearest friend of the opposite sex, for a making out session? Very few, I think. Now the problem is of course, that we are not omniscient, and therefore are often unaware of the effects actions have on us. And it also means, that what works for us, is not necessarily the best thing for us. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Be very wary of this, some people say it works, personally I don't think it does, you need time to realise you're over the relationship. I only say this because a few years ago I broke up with a girl I'd been with about a year, felt bored of the relationship, broke up with her and got a new girlfriend a few weeks later, at first everything was cool. Probably a lot of the immature male pride behind it, I thought I could always go back to my ex if I wanted to. Anyway, stayed with the new girl for about 3 months, and had such strong feelings for her, then one day I woke up in bed and didn't want her to be there... I had this strange feeling in my heart, and REALLY started missing my ex... Sure enough by the time I called her and ended up crying and begging her back, I got quite a frosty response, "I'd have taken you back quite happily a month after we broke up.. but I've moved on now" Then it felt like day 1... we had just ended for good in my mind. I deserved it all I know! But I NEVER saw that coming, I assumed I was over my ex when I was with her, but if you do love someone, you cannot surpress it forever. I'll never make the same mistake again, it was the most pain I've ever felt over a relationship (makes what I feel for my recent ex feel like nothing in comparison). Link to post Share on other sites
brittanyjean259 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 yeah, i dont see how anyone can get over some one by using some one...thats just wrong...if i was too date any one right now...it would just make me miss my ex more...and why would i want to do that and torture my self? im sure we all go through break ups that are extremely painful... but this is my first time going through it...so i dont have hope to know that i could be happy again...but other peoples advice.. rebounds can last sure... i think people who have the strongest posts who are" hard on people"...have gone through it all only to know that it does get better... Link to post Share on other sites
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