best way to get over a breakup

[Kengne]

I'm torn on this issue.

 

REALLY torn.

 

On one hand - my most recent rel'ship was what many ppl would've referred to as a rebound. I broke up with my ex-bf of 4 yrs (he cheated) in Feb. I met the most recent ex in March. He was also recently out of a rel'ship - 2 years -but in his case the split was amicable/mutual and he claimed to no longer have feelings for his ex.

 

We dated 2 mths. Yes, during that time I still had feelings for my ex but they somehow dwindled as time went by and I became more involved with the new guy. We became official in May only to break up 5 mths later October (he initiated - smth along the lines of he needs to focus, get his life/head straight, he can't be in a rel'ship rite now, he cant give his all?).

 

Was it a rebound? I DUNNO!

 

Did it help me get over my ex of 4 years? HELL YEAH!

 

Would I do it again (i.e. jump into another rel'ship 3 mths from now) HELL NO!

 

Because sad to say... I put the recent ex thru an emotional wringer. He dealt with my leftover emotional baggage, which was NOT CUTE. He put up with ALOT. Looking back I feel bad at what he went thru, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone else I encounter. I would have liked the opportunity to do things differently - but we're not together right now (for the reason stated above)... there's nothing I can do but accept it, and move on... knowing that the next guy I meet will not be subject to what the recent ex went thru, bcuz of my unresolved issues (not feelings - issues) from my 4 yr rel'ship - which I did not realize were unresolved at the time.

 

Going forward I will not be with smo unless I am 150% I have no leftover feelings for an ex. I will not use the new found attention from a new person to help me get over an ex (even tho IMO, it DOES WORK!)

 

I've made that choice bcuz IMO it's not fair, and I would hate to be someone's re-bound girl. UGH.

 

K.

 

PS> BUT I WILL DATE and am doing so RIGHT NOW!

I just will not let it become serious, if I know my emotions are still engaged elsewhere.

[HeartBroke2006]

J DUB, I'm feelin you man.

 

Thats how I feel.

8 Years with the girl of my dreams, how can i ever replace her.

I find myself looking at women from behind and thinking i wonder if thats her (my ex).

Not a day goes by where i want to phone, text or email her -but i know i need to fight it.

[In Sync]

Hey, I'm not against dating...I think dating is definitely a healthy thing after a relationship has ended. I'm not saying one should go into mourning either. My whole objection to the quick fix hook-ups are the motives and level of maturity behind the actions. It's like teenage behavior, to simply seek out the sexual gratification in order to recover. If a relationship that meant something could be so easily wiped away by a night of sex with a completely new person then how deep was that relationship from the get go. AND if it was a meaningful relationship why would you debase it by trying to wipe it away with a rebound. Breakups are suppose to be hard because they indicate how important that person was to us. Why be so afraid of going through the heartache...it does make you more beautiful as a person to come through it and not having use superficial and emotionally unhealthy means (i.e. sex, drugs alcohol to ease the pain).

And dating is an extention of going through the fire and coming out on the other side, because when you date again it comes with hmmm, I am ready to meet this new person and get back on the bike again and see what this new person has going on. Your interest is genuinely on the new person and not as a means to avoid thinking about the ex.

[brittanyjean259]

its really sad that this is apart of life, i hope one can love again after loosing some one who ment the world to them..

[chocolate_boy]

You can, and you may lose them too, but that is life. It doesn't get any easier though

[chocolate_boy]

I must admit I do have my suspicions about people that jump into new relationships so quickly, my recent ex is a prime example of this, she was with her first boyfriend for 8 months, cheated on him with a new guy and then got with this guy straight away, after 6 months dumped this guy cos she cheated on him, however the guy she cheated with became obsessive so she got rid of him and got with me 2 weeks later. We were together 8 months, she just left me a few weeks ago (for reasons unknown to me, she didn't really tell me apart from I was too selfish and she wasnt attracted to me anymore) and now she is with a new guy already.

 

It just seems a bizarre way to live your life, she is only young, but rebound to rebound cannot be healthy.

[TUDOR]

After my divorce I was having a hard time moving on so after a few months I just threw myself back in the deep end of dating. The first sex I had, I'll be damned if I didn't feel much better about my situation.

 

Some have mentioned a kiss, not me it wasn't till I had actually sex again that I felt a clearity and will to move on. Needless to say the next couple of years were the most sexual active of my life. Looking back I know I was a bit selfish and used a few (ok a lot) women along the way but rebound or not it made a huge difference in me pulling myself out of the dumps and getting back in the game.

[brittanyjean259]

i cant except the pain that life brings, hopefulyy i will one day

[RecordProducer]

I must admit I do have my suspicions about people that jump into new relationships so quickly...

It just seems a bizarre way to live your life, she is only young, but rebound to rebound cannot be healthy.

When I was younger I used to envy the girls who always had boyfriends, like 2-3 per year lasting for a few months. From my point of view, I hadn't evn met that many men that I liked in my whole life (2-3 per year).

 

I think those who jump from one relationship to another are not that much into their partners, they just have to have someone. Just like when someone has had many women in bed, you know that most of them he didn't even like. Actually I don't know about men, but after I got divorced for a few years I hadn't met one single guy that I liked enough in any aspect.

[chocolate_boy]

When I was younger I used to envy the girls who always had boyfriends, like 2-3 per year lasting for a few months. From my point of view, I hadn't evn met that many men that I liked in my whole life (2-3 per year).

 

I think those who jump from one relationship to another are not that much into their partners, they just have to have someone. Just like when someone has had many women in bed, you know that most of them he didn't even like. Actually I don't know about men, but after I got divorced for a few years I hadn't met one single guy that I liked enough in any aspect.

 

She could be like that, but she acted VERY into it at the time, I found her really clingy a lot of the time, and she'd write me cards confessing her undying love for me, and talk about how she'd love our future to be etc.

 

Everyone (even her friends) thought she was 100x more into me than I was to her.

 

She must have her own reasons, but it defies logic to me.

[scobro]

I think those who jump from one relationship to another are not that much into their partners, they just have to have someone.

 

I agree completely.

[scobro]

GREAT AVATAR TUDOR i HAD TO SAVE IT AND USE FOR MYSELF:lmao:

[TUDOR]

GREAT AVATAR TUDOR i HAD TO SAVE IT AND USE FOR MYSELF:lmao:

 

I promote honesty and when I saw that avatar I knew it would be truth in advertising!

 

Oh and I saved your's too and when people want to see what I look like I will send that and tell them how ripped I am. Wait that contadicts my previous comments...oh well.

[Nikita20]

"I think those who jump from one relationship to another are not that much into their partners, they just have to have someone."

 

I think in some circumstances it is true, however, I think there is the possibility that they aren't brave/strong enough to deal with the pain of the separation, which I think is pathetic.

 

Those people that go from one rebound to the next are weak individuals.

[RecordProducer]

She could be like that, but she acted VERY into it at the time, I found her really clingy a lot of the time, and she'd write me cards confessing her undying love for me, and talk about how she'd love our future to be etc.

Everyone (even her friends) thought she was 100x more into me than I was to her.

She must have her own reasons, but it defies logic to me.

She cheated on all the guys and dumped them (including yourself) after a relatively short period of time. That implies that she was not in love. Being emotionally dependent doesn't necessarily mean being in love. Besides, I am sure this type of people also fall in love sometimes.

[JosiePosie]

"I think those who jump from one relationship to another are not that much into their partners, they just have to have someone."

 

I think in some circumstances it is true, however, I think there is the possibility that they aren't brave/strong enough to deal with the pain of the separation, which I think is pathetic.

 

Those people that go from one rebound to the next are weak individuals.

 

My ex and I broke up almost two months. We were both in need of a break. It didn't take long for him to start logging into his dating profiles and updating them. It hurts knowing that he is doing this, at the same time...I remind myself that this a way to stroke his ego. I am a kind-hearted, sensitive, gentle person who wears my heart on my sleeve. And I rather go through the whole grieving process of a break-up before I could even think of dating anyone. I wouldn't want to subject them to my selfishness. It can turn around and bite me in the a** down the line.