If MM's wife always wants to take MM back unconditionally

[beach]

It may be no drama now - but wait until his wife finds out again.

 

He must love having two women fighting for his attention. His entitlement and the way he goes about it is grossing me out... Especially that thought of him hiding behind his wife's skirt and purse strings. Ugh...

[Mount]

The thing is that I don't care. Expose? Maybe his wife already did, at workplace...so what.. that is personal matter, nothing related to business.

 

It may be no drama now - but wait until his wife finds out again.

 

He must love having two women fighting for his attention. His entitlement and the way he goes about it is grossing me out... Especially that thought of him hiding behind his wife's skirt and purse strings. Ugh...

[anne1707]

Reading this thread, the thing that comes across to me is how cold, detached and beaten down you sound Mount, as if this is your lot and you are just going to get on with it. Is this really how you want to spend your life? Do you really want the MM to decide what happens to you and his wife and you both just accept this in such a defeatist manner? Or are you going to be the strong woman you say you are?

[Mount]

There has no win or defeat. Maybe the MM is getting the most benefit at this moment.

 

Also it is based on the perspective of being strong - I see so many "strong" women keep posting here, acting like having high moral but in reality they are not getting what they want.

 

I guess you want to see me posting - ah...I have a date with single man, I feel good so I can not imagine why I hooked up with MM...etc , kind of story.

 

And in reality yes, some single men are hoping me hanging out, dinning with them, particularly someone was hoping to spend holiday, NY eve with me, but I refused, and have tiny 0 interest all.

 

I am not saying I want to spend holiday with MM either, realistically it is not going to happen honestly. The only thing I can say I still like MM , love to hang out and being intimate with him, rather than those SG men.

 

Plus, I still need MM do lots of things for me, why not. Life is practical.

 

Reading this thread, the thing that comes across to me is how cold, detached and beaten down you sound Mount, as if this is your lot and you are just going to get on with it. Is this really how you want to spend your life? Do you really want the MM to decide what happens to you and his wife and you both just accept this in such a defeatist manner? Or are you going to be the strong woman you say you are?

[AlwaysGrowing]

The thing is that I don't care. Expose? Maybe his wife already did, at workplace...so what.. that is personal matter, nothing related to business.

 

 

The thing about "I don't care" is that usually means...one does not care. Your question is in contradiction to that statement.

 

If you plan on continuing the affair every chance MM hands you, then it really doesn't matter how/what the BS is doing....does it.

 

And if you are a person that gets pleasure out of hurting another, then that is who you are. You are free to wear that hat badge all day, everyday.... Just don't be surprised if that drama that you claim you don't want (but are creating)...comes home to roost.

[underwater2010]

If MM's wife always wants to take MM back unconditionally, does that mean she is doomed that her husband will continue cheating on her.

 

Enough said, you know why I am asking this.

Yep and it also means that you are always willing to be the OW each and every time you take him back.

[experiencethedevine]

You know, if she accepts him back, and he goes, what right have we to judge any of it? He is choosing her, and not (collective) us, and we have to accept that. Does that make her weak? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on why she did it. Is he snowballing her and she wants to believe? If so, doesn't that make him the jerk?

 

 

To be commended.....a post with bare honesty and acceptance of the facts. No rose tinted spectacles here.

 

 

Yes. You are absolutely bang on....

 

 

The married man is always the jerk in reality.

 

 

Whether his wife takes him back repeatedly or not is of no concern to the other woman. The fact remains, as goodyblue states, he does not want the other woman any longer, and his wife may indeed be weak, but her reasons are her own.

[Mascara]

I've heard of many instances where MM has cheated over and over, and the wife is aware but chooses to turn a blind eye. Then, after many years sometimes - he's just done. He comes to the decision himself, and they spend the latter years with him content in only his marriage. They both know the other knows, but it just stops because she's waited and let him get it out of his system. Not sure I could do that, but I've heard of many content former MM who just stop very suddenly.

 

What rarely happens is that he leaves this patient wife for a screaming, yelling OW. I'm not saying you, BS or MM are like this, but you just seem very intense - understandable for a woman who can't seem to walk away from this man.

 

He's basically got you both where he wants you, so he's not going to uproot his life when he can have you regardless.

[anne1707]

There has no win or defeat. Maybe the MM is getting the most benefit at this moment.

 

I think in the eyes of most posters here, there is a winner in the MM.

 

Also it is based on the perspective of being strong - I see so many "strong" women keep posting here, acting like having high moral but in reality they are not getting what they want.

 

When you are just letting the MM play you and his wife, I do not see that as being strong.

 

I guess you want to see me posting - ah...I have a date with single man, I feel good so I can not imagine why I hooked up with MM...etc , kind of story.

 

No, not at all. I would rather see you post in a way that says you are in control of your life and not just letting things happen to you.

 

And in reality yes, some single men are hoping me hanging out, dinning with them, particularly someone was hoping to spend holiday, NY eve with me, but I refused, and have tiny 0 interest all.

 

Which is fine if you are not in a position to offer them a relationship.

 

I am not saying I want to spend holiday with MM either, realistically it is not going to happen honestly. The only thing I can say I still like MM , love to hang out and being intimate with him, rather than those SG men.

 

You not saying you want to spend Christmas with him is not the same as saying you don't want to spend Christmas with him.

 

Plus, I still need MM do lots of things for me, why not. Life is

practical.

 

Oh please! You are a grown woman. You are more than capable of doing those jobs that you want the MM to do for you. If not then pay for a repair man. This is no reason at all to be in a relationship (and I would say the same to any woman who said that not just an OW).

[beach]

She's just the same to him as you Mount - weak enough with him to believe his lies and take him back.

 

I do know a couple who stayed together after much cheating (for 36 years) but when he got his 6th DUI and the kids were finally grown - she divorced him.

 

His drinking and legal fees stripped them of everything they had accumulated in those years.

[carhill]

If MM's wife always wants to take MM back unconditionally

 

I would sooner believe in flying bovines.

[KathyM]

Some wives believe that it is their obligation to keep taking a cheater back time after time. Some hope he will someday change, and they are waiting around for that. Some like their lifestyle and don't want to disrupt it, so they put up with crap in order to keep their lifestyle or their family together. Some don't want or desire to find another man because, for one, they don't know what the future holds in that regard, so to them, the known crappy situation is better than the unknown, which is fear-provoking to them. Some women think that all men are like that, and it won't be any different with the next one, so why end it. Of course, this attitude keeps their life in perpetual turmoil and they can never be at peace, always wondering/fearing when the next breach of trust will occur.

 

 

But the question is, why do you keep taking him back? Why would you continue to put up with sharing this man instead of being free to find someone who will care for you and care about you in a way that only a single man could? Maybe you think no one better will come along, but as long as you are with this man, or keep your feelings invested in him, you will never find a man who can be the romantic partner that you desire. So the question is, why are you willing to settle for scraps? Why are scraps good enough for you? You will never have anything more as long as you are willing to settle for a man like this.

[stillafool]

The reason I am asking is that, no surprisingly, MM and myself here we go again - of course behind BS's back. But seriously I believe in her bottom of heart, no surprise either. Just Life.

 

Why do you continue to take him back? How are you any different than her? I mean, at least she's married to him.

[Mount]

There is no WHY, no reason. Just like you ask someone why you are allergic to peanut, why you dont eat meat, why....why....

 

It is what it is. I guess everyone has to GET OVER it. I need to get over with it, his wife NEEDS TO get over with her husband's continous affair.

 

Life goes on.

 

Some wives believe that it is their obligation to keep taking a cheater back time after time. Some hope he will someday change, and they are waiting around for that. Some like their lifestyle and don't want to disrupt it, so they put up with crap in order to keep their lifestyle or their family together. Some don't want or desire to find another man because, for one, they don't know what the future holds in that regard, so to them, the known crappy situation is better than the unknown, which is fear-provoking to them. Some women think that all men are like that, and it won't be any different with the next one, so why end it. Of course, this attitude keeps their life in perpetual turmoil and they can never be at peace, always wondering/fearing when the next breach of trust will occur.

 

 

But the question is, why do you keep taking him back? Why would you continue to put up with sharing this man instead of being free to find someone who will care for you and care about you in a way that only a single man could? Maybe you think no one better will come along, but as long as you are with this man, or keep your feelings invested in him, you will never find a man who can be the romantic partner that you desire. So the question is, why are you willing to settle for scraps? Why are scraps good enough for you? You will never have anything more as long as you are willing to settle for a man like this.

[stillafool]

In my opening post, I said "does that mean she is doomed that her husband will continue cheating on her"? I did not ask why she did not leave, basically I answered my question myself - as I think she has no choice anyway, just need to accept it.

 

Yes, the man is not faithful to all, but it is just life.

 

If she continues to stay with him, he will one day get old and will no longer cheat. He won't have the energy or testosterone to want to cheat. Then he will be hers alone. Oh my, what a prize! Hopefully, you won't still be waiting for him at that point because you too will be too old to care.

[stillafool]

There is no WHY, no reason. Just like you ask someone why you are allergic to peanut, Most people who are allergic to peanuts will tell you they don't eat them because they make their tongue swell and could die from the reaction. So you see there is an answer to why.

 

 

why you dont eat meat, why....why....Most people will tell you it's because red meat can cause cancer and slow down your digestive tract.

 

 

There is a Why to the examples you gave. Still you will not answer why you wait on another womans husband.

[KathyM]

There is no WHY, no reason. Just like you ask someone why you are allergic to peanut, why you dont eat meat, why....why....

 

It is what it is. I guess everyone has to GET OVER it. I need to get over with it, his wife NEEDS TO get over with her husband's continous affair.

 

Life goes on.

There is a reason why you put up with this. You may not be conscious of the reason. It would probably be worth your while to talk to a counselor about why you keep yourself in this situation. Counseling helps you to explore your feelings and patterns of thinking, and may shed some light on why you keep yourself in this situation. It seems you are waiting for his wife to make a decision and kick him out, but she may never do that. Why are you using his wife's refusal to leave him as an excuse for you not leaving him? Why are you waiting for her to take action? She may never take action to leave. She may be too weak, or stay for reasons that will never be resolved. Why are you willing to be so weak, and not willing to end it of your own accord? Why wait for her to take action? She may never take action, and he certainly has no reason to change the status quo. Both women are willing to put up with his crap.

[beach]

It may be no drama now - but wait until his wife finds out again.

 

He must love having two women fighting for his attention. His entitlement and the way he goes about it is grossing me out... Especially that thought of him hiding behind his wife's skirt and purse strings. Ugh...

 

The thing is that I don't care. Expose? Maybe his wife already did, at workplace...so what.. that is personal matter, nothing related to business.

 

But you do care Mount- that is obvious by your threads.

 

You moved to typing about exposing... But I didn't even bring that up.

 

You also moved away from acknowledging his piss poor behavior when she was at your house.

 

Keep making excuses for him acting like the little brat throwing a temper tantrum to get his way - he's got what he wants - do you have it the way you want?

[truthbetold]

I choose to, I enjoy making BS hearbroken or worried or depressed. That is my answer.

 

Dont mention anymore deserve better, self -esteem...etc, I never believe those craps. Just like in front of all kinds of gourmet food, I only choose to eat MM, others are waiting for me to spend time with them, spend time with them for dining, for new year eve. I refused all.

 

Really? I don't believe that. It sounds like it's coming from a hurt place, evident from your saying "she keeps him on a leash" if you really didn't care and this is your lot in life, you wouldn't give a whit about their marriage it would be as you say, "and life goes on" This reeks of bitterness on your part.

 

But IF this is how you truly feel and you have allowed yourself to become that hardened, then you need to repeat that above phrase over and over and tape it to your bathroom mirror and own it and realize the magnitude of that statement as well as what it says about YOU. That's ugly Mount, no way of sweetening that up. That's an ugly inner thought that is sure to start showing up on the outside of you.

 

Most OW here go into denial but to use the word "enjoy" like I said, I don't really think you are that heartless or ugly.

 

And you aren't making her feel anything. Sure you are helping to cause her pain, but you're not a puppeteer pulling her strings. She is a human with her own thoughts and choices. She can choose to react in anyway as it's her choice.

 

Just like she is not making you do anything, you can't make her feel a certain way if she chooses not to. You however are choosing to be played by MM. And being a negative influence in someone's life, well I just don't see how that will reap peace or happiness for you.

 

And why wouldn't you want that? Yeah life goes on, but you don't have to litter your path with thorns to make it that much tougher of a journey. You don't sound happy with this new resignation you've made. You sound defensive and defeated. It's a shame a bunch of strangers would like more for you than YOU want for you.

[beach]

Make no mistake about it - she doesn't keep him on a leash.

 

He may lead her to believe that with his lies and pretending - but we all have evidence there is no leash.

[Mount]

But how do you know I would even be willing to marry the MM IF wife kicks him out, why can' t you even think the reason I keep choosing him is because I dont being "locked" under marriage. That is why I feel those single gentlemen so TASTELESS.

 

How did you know I did not talk to those Counselling, which is totally so useless....Just a few time, you can tell they know nothing about other people' s lives.

 

And can you stop ask Why...just because you are reading what you dont' want to read. But remember, reality is happening, life is life, it is not textbook, it can go any direction.

 

There is a reason why you put up with this. You may not be conscious of the reason. It would probably be worth your while to talk to a counselor about why you keep yourself in this situation. Counseling helps you to explore your feelings and patterns of thinking, and may shed some light on why you keep yourself in this situation. It seems you are waiting for his wife to make a decision and kick him out, but she may never do that. Why are you using his wife's refusal to leave him as an excuse for you not leaving him? Why are you waiting for her to take action? She may never take action to leave. She may be too weak, or stay for reasons that will never be resolved. Why are you willing to be so weak, and not willing to end it of your own accord? Why wait for her to take action? She may never take action, and he certainly has no reason to change the status quo. Both women are willing to put up with his crap.

[Journee]

"Someone hurting you (BS) simply because they can", exactly, your statment echoes mine. I have so say, my intial post was not really a question, a statment per se.

 

I was referring to the MM hurting people because he can. Those people being you and his wife.

 

You did ask a question in your OP. People are answering it. People who may actually have an answer instead of speculation or drooling the typical degrading answers. Degradation goes both ways.

[whichwayisup]

There is no WHY, no reason. Just like you ask someone why you are allergic to peanut, why you dont eat meat, why....why....

 

It is what it is. I guess everyone has to GET OVER it. I need to get over with it, his wife NEEDS TO get over with her husband's continous affair.

 

Life goes on.

 

Someone who is allergic to a peanut was born that way or developed an allergy, it's not something they have any control of. An affair and choosing to stay with someone who does NOT choose you over and over is controllable.

 

I will keep on saying this, over and over again, but what MM's wife does and why she still stays married to him isn't and shouldn't be your concern. Worry about yourself and why MM chooses to stay married. Maybe he can tell you why he isn't or can't or won't divorce. But I think he loves having two women and both of you will never leave him. He is the winner and the king in this senario.

[Mount]

There has no WHY in my opening post at all - I did not ask WHY, as I don't need to ask why, and it is SO OBVIOUS. As "whichwayisup" wrote here "But I think he loves having two women and both of you will never leave him. He is the winner and the king in this senario". Are we surprised at it, of course not.

 

 

 

Someone who is allergic to a peanut was born that way or developed an allergy, it's not something they have any control of. An affair and choosing to stay with someone who does NOT choose you over and over is controllable.

 

I will keep on saying this, over and over again, but what MM's wife does and why she still stays married to him isn't and shouldn't be your concern. Worry about yourself and why MM chooses to stay married. Maybe he can tell you why he isn't or can't or won't divorce. But I think he loves having two women and both of you will never leave him. He is the winner and the king in this senario.

[Mount]

So..............?

 

I was referring to the MM hurting people because he can. Those people being you and his wife.

 

You did ask a question in your OP. People are answering it. People who may actually have an answer instead of speculation or drooling the typical degrading answers. Degradation goes both ways.[/QUOTE]