Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 My husband are I are expecting baby #2 in April. My MIL is going to stay with us for a week to help take care of him. We no longer have a guest room because we turned it into a toddler room for our 19 month old son. She now has no bed to sleep in so she inquired if we could purchase a futon for her to sleep on since she would be there a whole week. Futons are like $200, which we don't have! So tonight after she inquired (again!) about it, I told her that we were probably going to get an air mattress because we would use it to go camping next summer also. She said "Oh" and then "Well, I thought I'd ask." I wanted to tell her that they were too expensive, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings or upset her. My husband is also SUPER defensive when it comes to his mother, therefore this is a very touchy subject. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Buy a used futon on Craigslist. For the price of an air mattress, you can get something decent without a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) That's rather rude of her to come out and ask you to buy one for her. My mom with arthritis and physical ailments uses an air mattress with no problem when she visits us. I even have friends who are cool with sleeping on the couch. If you must get a futon, I agree on going with craigslist....although I would buy a new mattress that would go on that...never know what kind of critters lurk in the used cushions of futons of strangers. Edited December 13, 2013 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I wanted to tell her that they were too expensive, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings or upset her. I think it would have been perfectly fine to tell her that you couldn't afford it. Your response may have been more hurtful. It's kind of weird that she asked you to buy a futon, but I honestly don't think she was that out of line. She is going there to do you a favor. I personally think it would be weird for everyone in the house to sleep in a proper bed, except for the guest who is staying there to help you. The baby isn't coming until April. There's plenty of time to come up with a solution that will work for everyone. Is your toddler's bed big enough for MIL to sleep in it? Your toddler can take the air mattress. Or you can save up for a futon. It's like 13 dollars a week. Or "Sorry, MIL, but we just don't have the money for a futon. We will be more than happy to make space for one if you'd like to purchase it." Or something. With four months' notice, the best you're willing to offer her is an air mattress "because we'd use one for camping." Come on, you know sleeping on an air mattress like that for a week is going to suck. So what's the deal? You don't like her? You don't want her there? She's a spoiled princess pain in the ass so you don't want to even give an inch? If it's none of the above, and she's a perfectly lovely woman, then you might be being a little jerky. Sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thanks for the advice! My MIL is a perfectly lovely woman, but she is usually so laid back and understanding that I am super perplexed why she is not just saying "oh, thats fine, wherever I sleep is fine with me." I thought about craigslist but buying people's used stuff that has been slept on creeps me out a bit. Buying another cushion is a good idea, we would have to match it though to the futon we buy. Honestly, we have no extra money to even save for anything but the baby. My parents in law have financial issues too so its not like she can afford to buy one for herself. I guess thats what upsets me the most, that she expects us to buy something she cant afford. I dont know, I feel like I do sound jerky when I read this though... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I used to think that way about Craigslist, but if you shop in nicer parts of town, what you're mainly going to find is a bunch of crap that people bought and never used. What made me think of craigslist in the first place is I once bought a futon for my facility that was still new in the box. $60. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 LaurieBelle, tell the truth, would you rather you MIL not come and just stay home? Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Another alternative is that you can buy an air mattress and sleep on it yourself while SHE takes the bed. I was raised to believe that a guest's comfort should be of the up most importance to a host, so there is no way I'd invite an elderly woman to come to my house and ask her to couch surf. I'd rather eat glass. Add to that that the whole reason she's there is to HELP you...then....well...it's only right that you go out of your way to make sure this poor old woman doesn't throw her back out or something. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Rent a roll-a-way bed. Borrow a bed from a neighbor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thanks for the responses! Well, she is 55 yrs old so not exactly elderly. But I see your point. No room in our house for another bed and the air mattress would go on the first floor and we live in a 3 bedroom townhouse so me sleeping on it isnt an option. Part of me feels very guilty about her staying because my own mother cant stay with me and I have to lie to her about my MIL staying. Maybe I am trying to ease my own guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Debanked Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 She's coming to help you and your family out, so suck it up and drop $200 on the credit card and get a futon. Do her a favor, she is doing you one. No need to for any drama over this. Congrats on the new baby! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I slept on a $90 air mattress on the livingroom floor for over two years. I miss it as it was more comfy than the tempurpedic or the sleep number bed. Give your MIL your room and you take the air mattress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I hate it when guys are too sensitive with their parents. I mean, they have been good parents and all but you are a man now, grow up! (I'm not talking about your husband of course, but in general). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 I slept on a $90 air mattress on the livingroom floor for over two years. I miss it as it was more comfy than the tempurpedic or the sleep number bed. Give your MIL your room and you take the air mattress. As I said above, that is not an option, as we live in a 3 story town house and the air mattress will have to go on the first floor. My friend suggested we take the mattress out of the garage but I dont know if it will fit in my husbands office. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I believe you should do anything in your power to make your MIL comfortable while she is there. Buy a used futon. When she leaves, re-sell it. That way you don't have a creepy used futon in your house. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Thanks for the advice! My MIL is a perfectly lovely woman, but she is usually so laid back and understanding that I am super perplexed why she is not just saying "oh, thats fine, wherever I sleep is fine with me." I thought about craigslist but buying people's used stuff that has been slept on creeps me out a bit. Buying another cushion is a good idea, we would have to match it though to the futon we buy. Honestly, we have no extra money to even save for anything but the baby. My parents in law have financial issues too so its not like she can afford to buy one for herself. I guess thats what upsets me the most, that she expects us to buy something she cant afford. I dont know, I feel like I do sound jerky when I read this though... If you really cannot afford the futon, you may just have to come out and say "I would love to accommodate you any way I can, but unfortunately at this time we have to keep our expenses to a minimum." or you can also offer to go in on the cost together? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Time for some creative problem solving. Maybe you can borrow a futon or mattress from a friend with an unused guest room? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 I guess thats what upsets me the most, that she expects us to buy something she cant afford. Is that what this is about? I was honestly expecting you to come back and say that she's, at the very least, a difficult person. It doesn't sound like she expected you to buy one. She asked about it twice and then accepted your answer. I think your best course of action would be to do your best to get over your indignation and make her feel like an important, valued guest. I'm not saying the only solution is to buy her the futon, but you're coming up with excuses for almost all of the proposed solutions that people are suggesting. You have four months, three bedrooms, three stories(?!) and a garage to work with. You have the means to make her more comfortable. You said yourself that she's a lovely, laid back, understanding woman. You're really fortunate that the mother of the man you fell in love with happened to be a nice lady. Be nice back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) Is that what this is about? I was honestly expecting you to come back and say that she's, at the very least, a difficult person. It doesn't sound like she expected you to buy one. She asked about it twice and then accepted your answer. I think your best course of action would be to do your best to get over your indignation and make her feel like an important, valued guest. I'm not saying the only solution is to buy her the futon, but you're coming up with excuses for almost all of the proposed solutions that people are suggesting. You have four months, three bedrooms, three stories(?!) and a garage to work with. You have the means to make her more comfortable. You said yourself that she's a lovely, laid back, understanding woman. You're really fortunate that the mother of the man you fell in love with happened to be a nice lady. Be nice back. Agree 100%. LB, I had a baby last month and my mom has been staying with us for about a month. We live in a three-bedroom townhouse too. Granted, we splurged on a bed, knowing that we could afford it and that the grandparents would want to stay; I understand that that isn't within your means right now. But what I don't understand is your space issue. You have three bedrooms, but nowhere for the MIL to stay for one small week (or, by extension, you, if you take the air mattress) except the first floor? What about the toddler's room? Your husband's office? There's no space in any of these for a temporary bed?? As for the futon, I understand that $200 seems like a lot all at once, but within four months you could probably budget for it over time. To me, it's worth it - someone drama-free who has offered from the goodness of her heart to help you out - make her stay comfortable however you can. Don't resent her for making a request - she may have health issues she isn't sharing because she's that type of person. I really think that, if you get past whatever anxiety/resentment you're feeling, you can find a way to accommodate a fairly inexpensive, practical request like this. Honestly...it's not really a lot to ask. I've heard far, far worse. Edited December 20, 2013 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Ew do NOT buy a used futon on CL. That's how people get bed bugs. I'd never, ever buy any used furniture from a source other than a trusted friend or family member. Maybe MIL should buy you guys a futon for Christmas. I think it's ridiculous anyone would suggest a woman who just gave birth should sleep on an air mattress. If MIL isn't comfortable with the accomodations that are offered, she should not come. LOL I still can't get over people suggesting the OP sleep on a damn air mattress in her house after giving birth. Ridiculous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Why do you need so much help? Are you having multiples? Maybe she could just come visit and stay in a hotel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 22, 2013 Author Share Posted December 22, 2013 Why do you need so much help? Are you having multiples? Maybe she could just come visit and stay in a hotel. My husband can only take a week off, so she is coming the week he goes back to work. I am probably going to have a repeat csection due to placenta previa issues, and it will be difficult dealing with a 2 year old and a new baby while trying to recover. She lives an hour away, so a hotel wouldn't really make much sense. And before some suggests that she just not spend the nights, she is afraid to drive to our house because you have to take a major highway and she wont drive on it. My FIL has to drive her to our house (long story). My husband's office is the first floor (and the garage). We are trying to see if we can fit the mattress that was the bed (it's still in the garage) in his office. We would have to take out some furniture for it to fit, but you guys have made me realize that I'm being a bit of a biatch about the whole thing. Unfortunately our bedrooms aren't very big, therefore there is no room for a mattress in the nursery (new baby's room) or my son's toddler room. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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