this whole time she was cheating on me.

[Simon Phoenix]

all i want is revenge on this bitch. the only way i know to get it, is to tell her off.

 

And your "revenge" will make you look to her like you look to us right now -- like a 5-year-old boy throwing a temper tantrum, stomping around Toys R Us because your mother won't buy you a G.I. Joe action figure. It's a lot of drama for no payoff. You won't win -- you'll continue to be this girl's b*tch.

[Bandito]

How? Did you look her up?

 

saw the pics on a mutual friends profile.

[Bandito]

anyways, i already said i'm not going to send it. i've gone exactly 1 month NC.

 

she has GIGS and i don't expect her new relationship to last. its her fault she can't keep a relationship, not mine.

 

if she ever comes running back, my ship will have sailed.

[headinthecloud]

I felt exactly the same as you do right now when I found proof of his cheating. I was angry and felt humiliated that I allowed someone to betray me when I saw all the red flags at the time and even questioned him...and he lied to my face! (when we still together)

 

Then I read a quote, "being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

 

She is not a good person. She has no morals, ethics, scruples...nothing. She cheated on you. That was her poor decision, not yours, and it does not reflect on you. If you feel foolish, don't! You loved her and trusted her. She prefers to lie and cheat. You're just incompatible - different morals. Don't break NC...it will only boost her ego.

 

Try to focus on what will be. Let this girl go. You will in time. My anger subsided once I realized that I was free....free to find someone who values people, not uses them.

[JDPT]

Certain things are better left unsaid, and as stated previously diminishing your past to indifference is your requital. No need to open up new fresh wounds, you have plenty that you are currently healing from. Don't act on impulse, think things through and know that ultimately you will be hurting yourself if you set forth your intentions.

[Am4Real]

There have been extensive studies on infidelity primarily because of the nature in which infidelity or cheating is interpreted.

 

It can be amazing to learn from cheaters their thought process leading up to and through the period of “cheating” both emotionally and physically.

 

Perhaps the simple “cheating” event we all hold in our interpretations is the person who gets drunk, loses control, does something silly like kiss a stranger, share a private intimate moment with a close friend of him/her and their partner that should be kept private, all the way to a physical connection. If only it were that simple, but it is these types of events which usually has the “cheater” confess or beg for forgiveness and an apology accepted or a relationship terminated. Yes, if it were only that simple.

 

Alternatively there are dozens of psychological conditions and illnesses as well as behaviors which have a hand at infidelity. Some of the common themes within these conditions, illnesses and behaviors are lack of committed love, lack of respect for oneself, lack of respect for the partner, separation anxiety, BPD and so many more.

 

The point being your EX likely didn’t just slip up one night at a bar or kiss an old “crush”, no your EX probably has deep-rooted issues at play which most likely induced a lack of respect for you (obviously) and conceivably has no committed love for you.

 

I know that is hard to hear and in your angry state you are prone to disbelieve it – I get it – believe me! More than you know. However this is what you are dealing with, a person with deep-seeded issues and a complete disregard for your mental and emotional state. She didn’t care about you when she lied or cheated and she certainly is not any different now than she was then.

 

There are many posts in this thread and I have not read one yet that doesn’t come with excellent advice for you; there is nothing I can say to improve on any of this advice.

 

I’m coming at you this morning from an intellectual level and if you’re ready to really think through what was done to you (regarding the causes for infidelity) and use the excellent posts from all included, you will see there is no point in prolonging this thought of revenge. There is no revenge with a person who has such mental or emotional issues at play – you will become her if you continue. You will formulate your own mental and behavior issues fixated on revenge, mis-trust, and possibly a future of repeated dysfunctional relationships.

 

If you can do anything right now, take 48 hours to consider all of your options, go back to your original post and read every single contribution right up to this one…your answer to your anger is right before your eyes.

 

Keep us posted and so sorry for all of your pain.

[Haydn]

I think it would be a very bad idea to get blind drunk considering the state you are in. You are more likely to bombard her with messages when lashed. (I Speak from tragic experience) Dont do this. Ignore her and stop stalking! The advice you got here was sound. I dont think anyone will tell you opposite.

[fixing]

Look, take it from me. Dont confront her about it, seriously.....

 

I kicked my ex out 13 months ago because she slept with a guy (Even joking and relishing the experience with eachother over facebook)

 

I went NC the whole 13 months up until last month...

 

A mutual friend let it slip to me that my ex was sleeping with another guy on and off probably the whole relationship (She even brang this guy to my house on many occasions as a 'friend')

 

Well, i was drunk at a mutual girlfriends house when my ex came. I walked in and called her a whore and told her i knew about these other occasions and that i thought she was a bitch.

She was cold as ice and wouldnt even acknowledge me. She left.

 

I ended up the bad guy because her boyfriend came storming around with a baseball bat after me. I ended up beating him up. (Not badly, we traded punches and he ended up locking himself in his van)

 

The two female mutual friends have stopped talking to me now and i feel no better about the situation. Admittedly, those two female friends where just using me and manipulating me anyways, because they led me to believe i was their best friend and that they had stopped being my ex's friend a year ago....

 

So, dont confront her, cut all ties with your ex and any mutual friends.

 

Fwiw, i do not love my ex, i despise her, but i have a certain weakness in my personality, and that is, that i hold grudges for years...

[Bandito]

i won't do it. i'm really lost right now though. feeling of betrayal, and anger. i just want to call her a f*cking whore and beat this dude up, he's like a foot shorter than me too btw, lol.

 

how long will this pain last?!

[deponie12]

Those who stay silent... win.

 

( according to my therapist) getting revenge shows that "you care". STOP caring and move on, go no contact, do not search for her on social media, block her from everything- I have done all these for MY healing and I have been doing GREAT!!! SO CAN YOU! hang in there!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i won't do it. i'm really lost right now though. feeling of betrayal, and anger. i just want to call her a f*cking whore and beat this dude up, he's like a foot shorter than me too btw, lol.

 

how long will this pain last?!

 

As long as you allow it to last

[reddragon588]

i won't do it. i'm really lost right now though. feeling of betrayal, and anger. i just want to call her a f*cking whore and beat this dude up, he's like a foot shorter than me too btw, lol.

 

how long will this pain last?!

 

As long as you let it by continuing to stew over it and continuing to look her up on social media.

[Haydn]

Mate the pain will last as long as you want it to. Do me a favour and dont get pissed today. Have a good clean sleep and please delete all social media! Even friends if you have to. It will remove a lot of stress in your life.

[Bandito]

As long as you let it by continuing to stew over it and continuing to look her up on social media.

 

why does everyone think i wanted to look her up on social media, it was an accident. i've been NC for a month, and this happened.

[deponie12]

Just try not to "have another accident" keep moving forward- I blocked all mutual friends on social media....

[Am4Real]

You are way too fixated with the "now" and not fully understanding this has nothing to do with you, it was not your choice, it was her choice to lie to you. That's called disrespect!

 

Please take time away and think through this situation carefully, come back to this thread and read it all the way through from your first post to these when you're head is clear and you're calm.

 

A forum will do little for anger management -- such anger reduction comes with understanding what has occurred and time. You're overly focused on the act of cheating including punching the new guy instead of understanding the mental state of the cheater.

 

How old are you both? That might help me understand your reactions.

 

 

why does everyone think i wanted to look her up on social media, it was an accident. i've been NC for a month, and this happened.

[Chi townD]

all i want is revenge on this bitch. the only way i know to get it, is to tell her off.

 

 

And what is that going to solve? Let's pretend that I'm you're Ex and you just sent me a hateful text or email. Here's her response.

 

" Who I date and who I see is none of your business. He was just a friend and we found each other months AFTER we broke up. He's not the reason why we broke up. It's your psycho attitude (like the letter you just wrote me) that broke us up! I didn't need that and I didn't deserve that. So, do me a favor and DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! You're being pathetic. GROW UP!"

 

There ya go! You have no REAL proof that he wasn't anything more than a friend. So, she's not going to admit to something you can't prove!

 

How that revenge feeling now?

[Bandito]

And what is that going to solve? Let's pretend that I'm you're Ex and you just sent me a hateful text or email. Here's her response.

 

" Who I date and who I see is none of your business. He was just a friend and we found each other months AFTER we broke up. He's not the reason why we broke up. It's your psycho attitude (like the letter you just wrote me) that broke us up! I didn't need that and I didn't deserve that. So, do me a favor and DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! You're being pathetic. GROW UP!"

 

There ya go! You have no REAL proof that he wasn't anything more than a friend. So, she's not going to admit to something you can't prove!

 

How that revenge feeling now?

 

i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

[Haydn]

[Think you missed the point here. Say nothing, do nothing.

 

QUOTE=Bandito;5400189]i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

[Zoe Lilith]

i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

You said you would only send one message to let her know that you know..

Don't do it! I made that mistake and I feel like an idiot. I don't think that I will never forgive myself for that.

[Bandito]

You said you would only send one message to let her know that you know..

Don't do it! I made that mistake and I feel like an idiot. I don't think that I will never forgive myself for that.

 

everyone is telling me not to send it, and i'm not. i'm just venting right now.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

 

Haha yeah Im sure that would go over well.....

[Chi townD]

i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

 

There ya go! I was your Ex and you just let me know about it! Done!

 

Point is, whether it was true or not, the fact that she thinks that she may or may not have gotten away with something....well, that's going to eat away at her.

 

But, here the thing. She's move on with her life while you're here stuck being all mad and wanting revenge. It's like, once a month you find out new information that sets you off. And you're not allowing yourself to heal.

 

If she did what she did, then you know the truth.....she's a cheating bitch. And, as a man, do you want to associate yourself with someone that has such low morals, to stoop down to someone you now know is beneath you in the morals department?

 

Time to move on dude, I've said it time and time again.

[Bandito]

There ya go! I was your Ex and you just let me know about it! Done!

 

Point is, whether it was true or not, the fact that she thinks that she may or may not have gotten away with something....well, that's going to eat away at her.

 

But, here the thing. She's move on with her life while you're here stuck being all mad and wanting revenge. It's like, once a month you find out new information that sets you off. And you're not allowing yourself to heal.

 

If she did what she did, then you know the truth.....she's a cheating bitch. And, as a man, do you want to associate yourself with someone that has such low morals, to stoop down to someone you now know is beneath you in the morals department?

 

Time to move on dude, I've said it time and time again.

 

 

i will try to move on. now i don't know what to feel...relief, sadness, anger. its sucks being lied to all these months and me wasting time on her. i'm a fool to have been dragged along.

[Bandito]

Glad to see no rash decisions have been made while i was asleep...

 

don't get me wrong i'm still thinking about it. i'm trying to resist the urge to call her out.