this whole time she was cheating on me.

[Freeman1123]

I was cheated on, in a way, for 6 months. It turns out she was still with her ex with me, so she was cheating on both of us...?

[Am4Real]

Chi,

 

Have always appreciated and adored your straight-to-the-heart-of-the matter bluntness. Good post.

 

And what is that going to solve? Let's pretend that I'm you're Ex and you just sent me a hateful text or email. Here's her response.

 

" Who I date and who I see is none of your business. He was just a friend and we found each other months AFTER we broke up. He's not the reason why we broke up. It's your psycho attitude (like the letter you just wrote me) that broke us up! I didn't need that and I didn't deserve that. So, do me a favor and DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! You're being pathetic. GROW UP!"

 

There ya go! You have no REAL proof that he wasn't anything more than a friend. So, she's not going to admit to something you can't prove!

 

How that revenge feeling now?

[Am4Real]

This guy just doesn't get it and after SEVEN pages of posts is right back at the first post.

 

Interestingly sidesteps the question of age but frankly this immature venting and vacillating is indicative of a teenager and might possibly be the reason is GF EX looked elsewhere to start with.

 

I just don't get you Bandito...time for therapeutic assistance.

 

 

It'll be an epic fail if you do. You've just proven that you can't stop at one text message, and will be drawn into a slanging match.

 

Man, has she got you by the short and curlies. Dance, puppet, dance!

[Simon Phoenix]

i would respond saying "i'm not stupid, you left me to be with someone else. you lied to me about everything, and i let you get away with it by being suckered into your games. i just wish you were straight up and honest with me in the beginning and i wouldn't have been so angry and bitter right now. don't tell me lies like your heart can't love anyone soon, thats why we can't be together, cause its all BS. you're a shallow empty hearted person. karma is catch up to you."

 

http://i.stack.imgur.com/jiFfM.jpg

[Simon Phoenix]

It'll be an epic fail if you do. You've just proven that you can't stop at one text message, and will be drawn into a slanging match.

 

Man, has she got you by the short and curlies. Dance, puppet, dance!

 

[Zoe Lilith]

This guy just doesn't get it and after SEVEN pages of posts is right back at the first post.

 

Interestingly sidesteps the question of age but frankly this immature venting and vacillating is indicative of a teenager and might possibly be the reason is GF EX looked elsewhere to start with.

 

I just don't get you Bandito...time for therapeutic assistance.

 

I understand how he feels; the anger, the disappointment, the confusion, the sadness, the love, the hate - all the emotions at once..I hope that he will realise that messaging her would be the biggest mistake he can make in this case. She doen't deserve that, and it's not going to change anything!

[Bandito]

glad all of you are taking the opportunity to poke fun at my situation, but i hope you understand the roller coaster of emotions going through my head after finding out something like that. i got heart, i'm not a robot.

[Bandito]

This is not about being a robot. You have known she has had a questionable character for some time. She is self-centred, egotistical, and manipulative. It's clear that in whatever capacity she "loved" you, it's not how you deserve or what a reasonable person should accept. Why does her cheating make a lick if difference at this point? Unless you were still entertaining thoughts of getting back with her?

 

you know i wanted to get back with her for the longest time. she made me believe that she didn't want to be with anyone, and that i could have a chance to win her heart when she was ready. i know i should have known better but i'm crushed.

[Zoe Lilith]

glad all of you are taking the opportunity to poke fun at my situation, but i hope you understand the roller coaster of emotions going through my head after finding out something like that. i got heart, i'm not a robot.

 

People here are trying to help. Sometimes, it might seem a bit harsh, but it's exactly how it should be - no surgar-coating! Sometimes we need a big slap in the face from someone in order to wake up and see the reality!..People here are great and supportive, they KNOW what they are talking about, it's "personal experience".. sharing their personal stories online in order to prevent others from making the same mistake! Take those advises, they are not saying that to hurt you. I wish I've found this forum before I contacted my ex. But, I was busy thinking about how do I hurt him, how to get his attention back..few honest and harsh advices would have been really helpfull for me at that time...

[mtnbiker3000]

See my signature below...

[Simon Phoenix]

glad all of you are taking the opportunity to poke fun at my situation, but i hope you understand the roller coaster of emotions going through my head after finding out something like that. i got heart, i'm not a robot.

 

Yes, I'm poking fun at the situation, because you don't seem to get it. If this was the first page of your first thread I wouldn't be posting like that, but you've started a lot of threads and are posting in the same manner that you got here.

[Bandito]

you know if it were summer I would just ignore all of you and texted her, I would end up breaking down and being depressed for weeks. but I don't want that, so I'm not gonna do it. I guess it's better to be left with unanswered questions then her telling me the truth, and me having an episode.

[Bandito]

Um, why does the season matter?

 

That's a strange concept.

 

I'm starting to heal I guess.

[Leigh 87]

She is heartless.

 

She doesn't care about hurting people. It honestly doesn't phase her.

 

Some people lack empathy. Where as, on the other hand, I personally feel awful when I hurt others.

 

Your ex simply is devoid of much emotion or empathy.

[bubbaganoosh]

Example. Long time ago, my fiance did me wrong. Big time. Got pregnant and blamed me. I found out about it after I married her. She married me because I was in the army and since she was married to a serviceman she got the same benefits as me. In other word the Government paid for everything and the real father got off scot free.

 

Divorced her and never spoke one word to her for 40 years until 2008. When I talked to her then, my first question was (you guessed it) why?

 

Got every stinking reason she could think of except the real one and even if I got the real reason, it still wouldn't make thing better because it would lead to another question, then another.

 

No matter what your ex says will not be good enough so leave it be and get on with your life and just be glad you didn't get saddled with her like I did.

[Leigh 87]

You can't make certain people feel bad about wronging you. You just can't.

 

Some people are either sociopaths OR they have a VERY low level of empathy.

 

 

For example; when I do wrong by someone and I hurt someone badly, I feel positively AWFUL for it! I feel rotten on the inside whenever someone is hurt as a result of something I did!

 

Where as people like the OP'S ex girlfriend do not have feelings to a large extent; they can fck people over, cheat and lie without feeling ANY remorse.

 

They just don't have a heart.

 

She may or may not care. If she is a decent person who has good values and who has a normal level of empathy towards others, she will likely feel ashamed and embarrassed about her cheating ways.

 

If, however, she is a sociopath or just doesn't care about other peoples feelings all that much, she WILL NOT CARE about the fact she hung out with another dude.. the weekend she told the OP she was too "busy" to see him:sick:

 

 

 

I had this done to me recently; a guy disappeared on me, after a month of pretending to fall head over heels for me! Then he came back, wanted me back, swore he would never disappear again. He disappeared again.

 

Some people are truly sick. They have NO conscience.

 

The trick with these people is; they will never fall deeply in love in the way a normal person does! They simply lack the empathy and feeling towards other people, that drives people to fall deeply in love with care for other people.

 

People like the OP'S ex and MY ex, is they are really never going to be good people, no matter WHO they date; they may enamoured with a person for a short while, but heartless people do not have enough of a heart to truly love and feel true joy.

 

People who don't care about others much and have no remorse for hurting people are generally not nice people.

 

There is no such thing as a truly kind and decent person who is selectively nice to SOME people, such as partners they want to date, only to disrespect lie and cheat to those who they cannot be bothered being decent to.

 

The OP'S ex, if she truly doesn't care about lying to him, she doesn't truly have the capacity to care or love deeply, with ANY person; she is simply not a nice enough human being to fully experience true love.

 

Those are my two cents. Sure, good things happen to bad people, yet they cannot feel true happiness in my opinion.

[Leigh 87]

Let this girl decide whether or not she feels "bad" about what she did to you.

 

If she does feel remorse for cheating or lying to you about hat dude you found out about on social media - she will feel rotten about it.

 

If she does not care about how she wrongs others - she won't care, and you texting her or communicating to her your distaste will NOT phase her in the last. She may even think you are a sad loser and tell her friends and new boyfriend.

 

I have learnt to NOT react. They will care OR NOT care either which way. You do not need to contact people from our past in order for them to "know: what they did.

 

People feel good or bad about their actions irrespective of whether or not WE try to shame them.

[Bandito]

i can't stop thinking about this, the images of her and that douche keep popping up in my head. i'm driving myself crazy with this! i understand she's a heartless bitch, and all i want to do is let her hear it from me.

 

i think i need time off of this forum, maybe some time away will help me to stop thinking too much.

[Am4Real]

Words that make sense only to those that look beyond their own situation, unfortunately. I suspect this OP is young (hard to say as he keeps sidestepping the question), experiences are new to him, fixated on the past and words he heard, and as you so elegantly point out in this summation, has yet to come to grasp with the character and or mental state of the person he was with.

 

You can't make certain people feel bad about wronging you. You just can't.

 

Some people are either sociopaths OR they have a VERY low level of empathy.

 

 

 

Generally yes. However sometimes the person concocts a justification that may or may not be communicated. I’m becoming suspicious of the OP and perhaps we’re not hearing the entire relationship story, just hearing about the final act. I suspect if we’re having trouble getting through to this individual after EIGHT or NINE pages of posts, communication could have been an equal challenge in the relationship.

 

Where as people like the OP'S ex-girlfriend do not have feelings to a large extent; they can fck people over, cheat and lie without feeling ANY remorse.

 

 

 

Very TRUE, but it is often not communicated and lives within the person for a long time, eating away at them…which we have tried to communicate to the OP is the ultimate revenge if you leave the person alone. Mind you, if they are mentally off balance such is not the case, but presuming you reference is matter of fact, the likely shame and embarrassment now live deep within her.

 

She may or may not care. If she is a decent person who has good values and who has a normal level of empathy towards others, she will likely feel ashamed and embarrassed about her cheating ways.

 

 

 

Sorry for this…people can be totally whacked!!

 

I had this done to me recently; a guy disappeared on me, after a month of pretending to fall head over heels for me! Then he came back, wanted me back, swore he would never disappear again. He disappeared again.

 

 

 

And this is the truth for most who I have encountered. They move from relationship to relationship, well into their adult years having the same pattern repeat itself over and over and over. Infatuation is bliss, love however, the true commitment of love eludes them every time an issue presents itself. Always look to their childhood or teenage years for the clues…they are not always the cause but most likely. Next time you’re on that second or third date, ask about their childhood or teenage years. Forget the details, see if they answer with flair and exuberance or whether they shrug their shoulders, look away or frown before answering. I’ve had enormous success in understanding how rested a person is in adult life. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but it can be a useful tool in the early stages of dating.

 

The trick with these people is; they will never fall deeply in love in the way a normal person does! They simply lack the empathy and feeling towards other people, that drives people to fall deeply in love with care for other people.

[Am4Real]

[highlight]Eventually[/highlight] is the key word.

 

That is: "eventually people feel good or bad about their actions irrespective of whether or not WE try to shame them.'

 

It can take months, years or even decades for a person to come to grips with their past ways and life. One can study criminal behaviors for such evidence or generally confessions from those much older in life. Both situations have persons come to regret their past after many of their deeds have come to haunt them in life, made them miserable, and changed their behaviors and even their general well-being.

 

Guilt almost certainly comes to haunt those who willfully engage in serious hurtful behaviors whether they bury the emotions for the time being or for years.

 

The problem in this dragged out thread are the OP words of REVENGE.

 

Revenge is an equally hurtful action that can have the leave emotional scars for the aggressor or as ZOE put it, have you feeling silly for even trying to have the person feel guilt when they are not ready for such.

 

The word REVENGE is defined as: to inflict injury in return for an insult or hurtful action."

 

By definition the act of revenge is equally as disturbing as the act itself, hardly the makeup of good character in my opinion. It’s like fighting bad character with bad character!

 

I prefer the word punishment. Punishment is defined as: “a penalty imposed for wrongdoing”

 

I like it because the penalty does not have to come from anyone in particular, it can come from within the person who committed the hurtful act, it can come from deep within. It can be a life-long sentence that resurfaces over and over and over and over; it can live on forever if the person who committed the act does not seek understanding or forgiveness. And for me…that is good enough, the cost of a deceptive person living with a resurfacing guilt for a long period of time…priceless.

[JDPT]

I'll tell you what occurred to me when I also thought "oh I need time away from here to clear my head..." I started heavily abusing drugs, drinking, broke NC several times, dug myself in a deeper hole and was beyond depressed. Keep posting, keep venting, listen to people who can provide you with objective and constructive criticism although you may not agree. Do this for you, and work on letting go of this bone you have to pick with her. Indifference is the best course of action you can take at this moment. This will be old news to her if you decide to move forward with your intentions. Save yourself future grief and back to focusing on YOU.

Edited December 14, 2013 by JDPT

[JDPT]

I would go one further. Indifference itself doesn't need to be the goal. The projection of indifference is the goal. You don't have to feel indifferent if you can't yet - i don't feel indifferent about the last guy i was with, I really liked him and I'm totally bummed he did a Houdini. But he doesn't know that, because i've kept my mouth shut.

 

Image is perception. Project indifference, even if you don't feel it. The best way to project, is NC. Because they always wonder, when you're not spewing your feelings all over them, just what the hell you're up to...

 

 

Speaks the truth.

[Bandito]

I'll tell you what occurred to me when I also thought "oh I need time away from here to clear my head..." I started heavily abusing drugs, drinking, broke NC several times, dug myself in a deeper hole and was beyond depressed. Keep posting, keep venting, listen to people who can provide you with objective and constructive criticism although you may not agree. Do this for you, and work on letting go of this bone you have to pick with her. Indifference is the best course of action you can take at this moment. This will be old news to her if you decide to move forward with your intentions. Save yourself future grief and back to focusing on YOU.

 

aw man, i'm already there, drinking every night, feeling like sh*t. i've been depressed. to me the more i let it go, the more it builds up inside of me. i had a discussion with someone yesterday about holding onto anger, and sadness. it leads to health problems and the best way to relieve it is to just let everything out. people deal with things different ways.

[BC1980]

So let it out here. What happens the next time you get angry at her? Areyou just going to keep spewing it on her every time it builds up?

 

You've taken your anger out on her more than once and it hasn't helped. You seem to have trouble staying away from her.

 

This is true. You will get angry many times. Do you know how many times I've thought about going off on my ex? Too numerous to count, but I haven't done it once. The only thing that would accomplish is me showing that I can't control my emotions and that I have put too much energy, once again, into someone who doesn't give a d*mn.

 

Take all of this anger, and put it into making yourself better. I can promise you that she won't care one bit if you tell her how awful she is. Do you think she will agree with you? Do you think she will feel badly for her actions? Of course not. People can justify anything to themselves.

[Simon Phoenix]

aw man, i'm already there, drinking every night, feeling like sh*t. i've been depressed. to me the more i let it go, the more it builds up inside of me. i had a discussion with someone yesterday about holding onto anger, and sadness. it leads to health problems and the best way to relieve it is to just let everything out. people deal with things different ways.

 

No problem with letting it out. Just not to her.