this whole time she was cheating on me.

[Zoe Lilith]

aw man, i'm already there, drinking every night, feeling like sh*t. i've been depressed. to me the more i let it go, the more it builds up inside of me. i had a discussion with someone yesterday about holding onto anger, and sadness. it leads to health problems and the best way to relieve it is to just let everything out. people deal with things different ways.

 

...again, you might not get a reaction that you've expected, you might not even get a reaction at all, which is going to make it even worse for you...I am talking from my own experience. Let it go, there is no point. One day you will realise how ridicilous this was. Unlike me, you have the chance to walk away proud and sophisticated!

[solostman]

i do have closure, but i want this bitch to know that i know everything. i want to ruin her holidays. she was hiding me this whole time from the new guy.

 

I agree with the others man. I can kind of feel your pain, I was on the same boat. Gf of 5 years broke up with me 5 months after living together said she didn't like me anymore, kicked me out of the apartment (said take as long as you need etc,) I understood was ready to give her space. week later I find out she was talking to a guy a whole month before the break up. All those excuses of "oh i'm texting my church friend"

I was devastated. I quickly moved out instead of taking my time.

My thought of closure was finding out if she physically cheated on me.

I confronted her a week after the break up that I knew everything she did to me.

It backfired

She was the most brutal cold hearted person I've ever met shot things at me like

"I have no regrets"

"You'll never find someone like me"

I was defeated and going insane, I begged, pleaded, came up with rationalizations, took the blame, blamed her, I hated her and loved her at the same time. Looking back at it now I wish I would have just left without a trace.

I wanted to know if she physically cheated and that would bring me to hate her, and that hate would bring closure (this was my idea of closure), I asked and asked, she never gave me an answer, she said no, but I could tell it in her eyes

I asked her so much she blew up

and said no, but she was already intimate with him within a week after the break up.

This destroyed me. I hated her;

to add insult to injury, she told me to leave the apartment because that guy was coming over that same night. This is bringing me a lot of pain just by writing this but its making me realize how she doesn't deserve me.

 

I left and almost drove off the cliff by our house. I was destroyed

Long story short

5 months later she started chasing me after I was moving on.

I gave in, she cried, said how she was stupid, all the guilt came out in her\

we

acted like we were together for 2 months

and now, December she tells me she wants to be just friends

I'm hurt all over again, but I'm tired of feeling this way

 

so if you're worried about her feeling guilt,

she wont' feel guilty , at least not now

everything is going perfectly fine in her world

and you need not be apart of her world

If reconciliation is on your mind (it's natural to want someone you love back despite the painful things)

Your best bet is to move on and NC, the first 2 months I was constantly contacting my ex, like a dog on a leash. I finally had enough courage to NC after 3 months, and the faster it seems like your moving on

the faster they will flock back to you

focus on yourself and building you and finding yourself and learning to love yourself again and becoming full of confidence and being the person you were or even better before you met your ex

 

If your not looking for reconciliation, Just move on and don't try to guilt her. It might backfire and not give you the closure you are looking for.

 

 

I wish you the best luck man; I'm back and square one, but with a whole new mindset, I really want to move on. She came back, I had her for a while, and she left again, do I really want to deal with this pain?

 

STAY STRONG MAN!

[JDPT]

aw man, i'm already there, drinking every night, feeling like sh*t. i've been depressed. to me the more i let it go, the more it builds up inside of me. i had a discussion with someone yesterday about holding onto anger, and sadness. it leads to health problems and the best way to relieve it is to just let everything out. people deal with things different ways.

 

I've been in your shoes as many of us have. In times of distress you just don't know how to approach these emotions and the next best thing is to numb yourself and exacerbate the feelings with drugs or alcohol. At least for me this never fails, everytime I decided to take a drink I've made the most careless mistakes. With regards to my BU, I broke NC every single time I had a drink it was ridiculous. I reached a point where I said to myself, if I don't put this down I'm going to continue hurting myself to the point that I'm going to find out something about her that's going to hurt to the core or worst, get me in some serious problems. I can tell you from personal experience that it's just not worth it, no one is.

 

Do whatever it is that you need to do but do not break NC this is for your own sake. Luckily you have found a place where people can relate with your pain and provide you with objective advice. Take baby steps work on letting go of this grudge. We tend to sugar coat the shiet when in love but truth is, and if you do deep self analysis that your ex was never the "one" for you. Get all the anger out. There were times when i found myself pulled over on the side of the road in so much pain crying my eyes out and my only consolation was me telling myself "she will never see my pain, she will never see my pain, it's mine and no one else's" believe it or not this helped me as I was now taking charge and ownership of my own emotions. She just didn't deserve to know, she isn't worth it. Be strong my friend and easy up on the drinks, we are all here for you, we all know how much it hurts.

[Bandito]

would you guys say this is GIGS?

 

she talked about us having a future together, but wants me to move on.

 

wanted to remain "friends."

 

going into a rebound.

 

people who know her tell me she doesn't know what she wants.

[fixing]

Bandito. I dont give a **** what you want to call it.

 

She cheated on you man! She used and abused you. She didnt give a damn about you or your feelings.

 

Stop trying to find a diagnosis or prognosis for this bitch.

 

I know its hard pal, but learn to hate her for what she did. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS WOMAN BACK.

 

She has no class, no moral compass. She's totally self absorbed.

 

Stick to no contact bud. You gotta let this ship sail.

[JDPT]

At this point quiet honestly it does not matter what it was. Don't attempt to rationalize the irrational you will end up going in circles going nowhere fast. This thing you found out really threw you off balance and understandably so. Get right back up and keep pushing, expand your horizons and continue on this journey of recovery. No need to torture yourself trying to find a reason or asking why? Focus on you and no one else.

[Am4Real]

You conveniently skip-over or ignore the posts that directly address your issue and deflect by initiating a new idea. Does any of this even remotely sink into your noggin???

 

You're looking pathetic here and certainly would lookthesame if have any contact her whatsoever

 

Let it go man

Man up

[Bandito]

i've gone 5 weeks NC, i'm not going to break that when i've gone so far. my birthday is this thursday and if she contacts me i won't respond.

 

i'm trying to move on, there is this cute girl i know, i wanna try to holler at her but she has a bf -____-

[reddragon588]

Once you arrive at your destination, does it really matter if you took a plane, train or automobile to get there?

[Am4Real]

A train....really...do they still exist? LOL

 

Let me think...

 

Well...do breakups ever get smooth...?

 

Okay...

 

No wonder the phrase TRAIN WRECK was so popular in its day.

 

 

 

 

Once you arrive at your destination, does it really matter if you took a plane, train or automobile to get there?

[solostman]

Bandito. I dont give a **** what you want to call it.

 

She cheated on you man! She used and abused you. She didnt give a damn about you or your feelings.

 

Stop trying to find a diagnosis or prognosis for this bitch.

 

I know its hard pal, but learn to hate her for what she did. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS WOMAN BACK.

 

She has no class, no moral compass. She's totally self absorbed.

 

Stick to no contact bud. You gotta let this ship sail.

 

 

I can't agree much more, i've been in such a similar situation as you man;

 

I begged, pleaded, was left with all the broken pieces of the relationship to pick up on my very own ALONE, while she was "oh so happy" with her new boyfriend, in the very house I onced breathed and slept and worked for man. Defiled my sanctuary man.

Don't wait around that's the best thing I can say, and it's the hardest thing to do. You must kill that hope.

 

You know what happened the moment i started NC (well a few weeks after)?

Every day texts

I ignored, dated a few girls (still wasn't over her, it's not good to get serious with anyone I was trying to get serious again)

kept trying to contact me

I kept ignoring

I was moving on so well

 

but then one girl broke my heart again and I was stuck in depression and

finally responded

 

so what i'm saying is

once you move on

they will most likely come back

if that's what you're hoping for

 

but it's not going to be pretty

it's probably going to be amazing for a short while

 

(2-3 months of acting like we were together, so comfortable, magical, familiar sex, )

 

then BOOM out of nowhere, just wants to be friends

most of the time they come back not because they like you

but miss the comfort with you

or ****s going bad with their new bf

or they feel the need to get rid of the guilt by being your friend or getting back

 

and once those guilty feelings are gone or whatever they are looking for

BOOM they are gone again

leaving you hurt all over agian just like i am

 

who knows it might be a happy ending , which i seriously thought mine would (reconcillation, working through the past, fixing things, she told me she wanted to be with me forever, wanted me to move in with her, blah blah blah blah)

then bam

lets be friends

it'll most likely come down to that the truth hurts man

 

I was just used man

 

don't be used

 

Accepting that it's over and that the very person you love isn't good/meant for you is so hard, especially since you love them.

It's been 8 months of hell and heaven for me and I'm finally coming to acceptance that this isn't what I need in my life man.

It's so hard though I'm struggling but this new mindset to even think about moving on is a good indicator that i'm doing well

 

BEST OF LUCK MAN :'/ Internet bro hug

[Am4Real]

Your story comes with so much pain and so much courage. I'm sorry for the hurt, however many posters who read your note will hopefully realize the courage of your presentation while some might gleam a glimmer of well needed inspiration.

 

 

 

 

I can't agree much more, i've been in such a similar situation as you man;

 

I begged, pleaded, was left with all the broken pieces of the relationship to pick up on my very own ALONE, while she was "oh so happy" with her new boyfriend, in the very house I onced breathed and slept and worked for man. Defiled my sanctuary man.

Don't wait around that's the best thing I can say, and it's the hardest thing to do. You must kill that hope.

 

You know what happened the moment i started NC (well a few weeks after)?

Every day texts

I ignored, dated a few girls (still wasn't over her, it's not good to get serious with anyone I was trying to get serious again)

kept trying to contact me

I kept ignoring

I was moving on so well

 

but then one girl broke my heart again and I was stuck in depression and

finally responded

 

so what i'm saying is

once you move on

they will most likely come back

if that's what you're hoping for

 

but it's not going to be pretty

it's probably going to be amazing for a short while

 

(2-3 months of acting like we were together, so comfortable, magical, familiar sex, )

 

then BOOM out of nowhere, just wants to be friends

most of the time they come back not because they like you

but miss the comfort with you

or ****s going bad with their new bf

or they feel the need to get rid of the guilt by being your friend or getting back

 

and once those guilty feelings are gone or whatever they are looking for

BOOM they are gone again

leaving you hurt all over agian just like i am

 

who knows it might be a happy ending , which i seriously thought mine would (reconcillation, working through the past, fixing things, she told me she wanted to be with me forever, wanted me to move in with her, blah blah blah blah)

then bam

lets be friends

it'll most likely come down to that the truth hurts man

 

I was just used man

 

don't be used

 

Accepting that it's over and that the very person you love isn't good/meant for you is so hard, especially since you love them.

It's been 8 months of hell and heaven for me and I'm finally coming to acceptance that this isn't what I need in my life man.

It's so hard though I'm struggling but this new mindset to even think about moving on is a good indicator that i'm doing well

 

BEST OF LUCK MAN :'/ Internet bro hug

[Bandito]

thanks for all your guys' input. i know i tend not to listen to your advice but this whole "not knowing" is driving me insane. i just need to know for sure if its true or not, like if its not true i'm tripping over nothing. if it is true, i'll have a sign of relief and give myself the closure i'm desperately seeking. there's this hope i'm holding on to that she will return, and i need to end it somehow.

[yorkie]

bandito i am going through the same emotions as you now and that's 3 n half months maybe 4 months. end of the day its doesn't matter now she left you my friend and yes she is getting ****ed by her new guy. luckily for me i have met someone new and you know what even if she did come back i could never have her back again just the thought of her with someone else destroys me but you have to move on. go date show her that you are moving on to. end of the day even if she came back you cant get over the thought of her with someone else and thats what you have to think about if she was there you'd always compare yourself to the other bloke. your like me i feel all your emotions but im lucky in some ways i have sort of moved on, but i still have to talk to her although its very limited because i was with her 12 n half years and have two kids with her. sadly its over. even if she came back mate you cant live with the fact she slept with someone else. so move on hate her in your heart and move on dont ever contact her again it in the past. you cant change the past but you can the future. i keep getting told im good looking and im seeing someone else now so its getting easier for me but yes i also wanted to know why and how long it had been going on for but you know what it doesnt matter it will only set you back further and if yu move on she will tell you one day to try and destroy you again. move on my friend

[Bandito]

bandito i am going through the same emotions as you now and that's 3 n half months maybe 4 months. end of the day its doesn't matter now she left you my friend and yes she is getting ****ed by her new guy. luckily for me i have met someone new and you know what even if she did come back i could never have her back again just the thought of her with someone else destroys me but you have to move on. go date show her that you are moving on to. end of the day even if she came back you cant get over the thought of her with someone else and thats what you have to think about if she was there you'd always compare yourself to the other bloke. your like me i feel all your emotions but im lucky in some ways i have sort of moved on, but i still have to talk to her although its very limited because i was with her 12 n half years and have two kids with her. sadly its over. even if she came back mate you cant live with the fact she slept with someone else. so move on hate her in your heart and move on dont ever contact her again it in the past. you cant change the past but you can the future. i keep getting told im good looking and im seeing someone else now so its getting easier for me but yes i also wanted to know why and how long it had been going on for but you know what it doesnt matter it will only set you back further and if yu move on she will tell you one day to try and destroy you again. move on my friend

I wish I found someone new like you did. I get told by women that I'm hot even from gay men, lol. but my ex told me one of the only reasons she got with me is because she said I was good looking. said to me "just because you're handsome and a good guy, doesn't mean it would work out." So my confidence was shattered and I'm left wondering what it was that made her leave. I'm left with unanswered questions, and it's killing me.

[Zoe Lilith]

thanks for all your guys' input. i know i tend not to listen to your advice but this whole "not knowing" is driving me insane. i just need to know for sure if its true or not, like if its not true i'm tripping over nothing. if it is true, i'll have a sign of relief and give myself the closure i'm desperately seeking. there's this hope i'm holding on to that she will return, and i need to end it somehow.

 

She "checked out" long time ago, while you were still in the relationship thinking, that all is as it should be...You won't get the closure, no matter what the reality or the truth is..you will never get justifying answer.

Edited December 17, 2013 by Zoe Lilith

[Eddie007]

You dont need closure. Ive never gotten closure and Im doing fine. I have a million unanswered questions but Im at the point where I probably dont want to hear the answers even if I had the chance.

 

I have no idea why my fiance of over 4 years left me other than her saying 'Im not happy". Truth be known she probably doesnt know either.

 

I just really dont care anymore. You will get there too if you wish

 

You need to stay with NC and time will do its magic.

[Zoe Lilith]

but you've "ended" it several times. Angry emails and phone calls. How could knowing any more than you already do possibly help?

 

Say she didn't cheat. Then what? Do you still entertain thoughts of getting back with her? If she didn't cheat, does that give you closure? Because if not, wouldn't it be better to assume that she did cheat without confronting her?

 

I think you need to end the hope by rereading your threads that detail her transgressions. Why do you want to be mixed up with her at all?

 

 

exactly!

[Bandito]

But you've "ended" it several times. Angry emails and phone calls. How could knowing any more than you already do possibly help?

 

Say she didn't cheat. Then what? Do you still entertain thoughts of getting back with her? If she didn't cheat, does that give you closure? Because if not, wouldn't it be better to assume that she did cheat without confronting her?

 

I think you need to end the hope by rereading your threads that detail her transgressions. Why do you want to be mixed up with her at all?

 

I mean she was the perfect partner, we were set to get married and start having kids next year. All these years of us being good, then all the sudden she ends it. I just want her to admit that there was somebody else waiting on deck.

[Zoe Lilith]

I mean she was the perfect partner, we were set to get married and start having kids next year. All these years of us being good, then all the sudden she ends it. I just want her to admit that there was somebody else waiting on deck.

 

She doesn't want any of this with you anymore! It's irrelevant whether or not she has someone else or not...It's done! You won't get the closure, never, ever...it's unfair and heartbreaking, but it's the fact!!

[im_thedude]

This is why this thread resonates so well with me. Specifically the part about how nothing is as it seems.

 

I was so wrong about my ex girlfriend and how she viewed me, herself, the relationship, and our future. SO wrong. And, unfortunately, OP, you were too. It's a bit of a jaded, pessimistic view on things. But as I have found out, it's all too true.

[Am4Real]

Yes, true. Hope the Bandit is reading this one!

 

 

This is why this thread resonates so well with me. Specifically the part about how nothing is as it seems.

 

I was so wrong about my ex girlfriend and how she viewed me, herself, the relationship, and our future. SO wrong. And, unfortunately, OP, you were too. It's a bit of a jaded, pessimistic view on things. But as I have found out, it's all too true.

[BC1980]

I mean she was the perfect partner, we were set to get married and start having kids next year. All these years of us being good, then all the sudden she ends it. I just want her to admit that there was somebody else waiting on deck.

 

I thought the same things about my ex. People were so shocked when we broke up. We acted like the prefect couple. Everyone goes through this disbelief. Sometimes, I still wonder WTF happened. However, I'm not going to give any time to someone who does not want me.

 

I know how you feel so helpless and confused. I still think, son of a b$tch, my ex was good at acting. Everyday, I still have to reinforce reality to myself. Your feelings are normal, but contacting her won't help. Today, I wanted to tell my ex what a POS he is, but I resisted the urge. He's not even worth the energy.

[yorkie]

I wish I found someone new like you did. I get told by women that I'm hot even from gay men, lol. but my ex told me one of the only reasons she got with me is because she said I was good looking. said to me "just because you're handsome and a good guy, doesn't mean it would work out." So my confidence was shattered and I'm left wondering what it was that made her leave. I'm left with unanswered questions, and it's killing me.

 

 

tbh mate it aint all that good im still thinking the same and it hurts like hell. yes i still sit here and think about stuff, i wish in a way i didnt have kids to me ex then i could just walk away and not speak to her. my new lady friend has been 4 weeks now but going very steady. whether it works out i dont know. what my advice is to you is go out and date not to get into another relationship but to have fun and meet new people, have just plain sex. also get back in touch with friends move on my friend. you need to! i know its hard and i still now even after 3n half months coming onto 4 months think like you but not as much you need to get busy and after a while instead of every day you only think of her every half a day etc if that makes sense but yes she left you! move on its tough but you need to do it! if AND ONLY IF she comes back you then need to think hang on you left me for another guy now you want me back? it wont work mate and i feel your pain but it just wont work! sorry

[reddragon588]

Closure comes from within. You're wasting your time. When has seeking answers brought anything but more questions. Face it, you're trying to answer the unanswerable. You're trying to control the uncontrollable.