this whole time she was cheating on me.

[Zoe Lilith]

Closure comes from within. You're wasting your time. When has seeking answers brought anything but more questions. Face it, you're trying to answer the unanswerable. You're trying to control the uncontrollable.

I agree!

In one of my first threads, I was asking and wondering about the same thing; "when will I get the closure?" Many people responded that that will never happen. I thought; "What kind of cr*p are they talking about, my situation is so much different from theirs, as if they would know..." Every single advice and answer that I got from people here was "spot on" and really helpful and realistic..(thank you guys so much)..but it took me awhile to process it though...I was in denial, which make my recovery so much more painful...it's true; "Closure comes from within", I don't need any explanations "why", "what reason is", etc...Whatever! The point is; they left the relationship, form that point on, they are NOT worth fighting for...let them go!

[Bandito]

This is why this thread resonates so well with me. Specifically the part about how nothing is as it seems.

 

I was so wrong about my ex girlfriend and how she viewed me, herself, the relationship, and our future. SO wrong. And, unfortunately, OP, you were too. It's a bit of a jaded, pessimistic view on things. But as I have found out, it's all too true.

 

that's a way of putting things, nothing is as it seems. but the reason i suspect she was cheating was:

-bringing her phone into the bathroom when she took a shower.

-deleting all photos of me, right when this dude adds her on instagram.

-not wanting to spend time with me on the weekends.

-saying "a lot of guys are waiting for me to be single. i may come back, or you may find a new gf, but whatever happens with us, we need to be happy for each other."

-i asked for another shot, she said it's too late, i've moved on. i've moved on even when we were still together.

 

but when she said that, maybe she was telling me to step it up. maybe this dude she's hanging out with is just a friend. i brought up many times if she left me for someone else, and she said no, she laughed at me and said that i'm insecure, that she's jaded and doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. she's not dependent on others to be happy, and can be single for the rest of her life.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Bandito

[Simon Phoenix]

but when she said that, maybe she was telling me to step it up.

 

For the love of God don't try this.

[Bandito]

Has anyone told you "Dude, this chick just isn't that into you?"

 

no.

 

i know i may seem indenial. but just 2 months before the breakup we were both in love, her telling me i'm the one, "i want to spend forever with you." she was planning our wedding, and wanted me to ask her dad for his blessing to marry her. i mean everyone knew we were meant for each other.

 

then all the sudden she's not happy. i was shocked, and broken. she wanted us to make it work and didn't want to breakup, but it was getting to stressful for her, so she ended it.

[Bandito]

So she ended it. It's done. Whether she cheated or not, whether she robbed a bank or not, whether she ran down the main street with her underwear on her head or not, it doesn't matter. It's in the past. Dead. Buried. Cremated, even.

 

Why do you want to poke the corpse? It's not going to give you what you want...

 

i know its dead. but after the split she gave me all the breadcrumbs... i'm going to miss you. i will always love you. if we mean something, i could come back. maybe one day when we cross paths, we can give it another shot.

 

i cut her off and it made her cry, depressed and she begged me to at least remain friends, so i thought, maybe she really does love me.

 

all of that kept me hanging on for so long, she led me on.

 

until i found out what just happened, my whole world shattered. brought back all my emotions.

[BC1980]

no.

 

i know i may seem indenial. but just 2 months before the breakup we were both in love, her telling me i'm the one, "i want to spend forever with you." she was planning our wedding, and wanted me to ask her dad for his blessing to marry her. i mean everyone knew we were meant for each other.

 

then all the sudden she's not happy. i was shocked, and broken. she wanted us to make it work and didn't want to breakup, but it was getting to stressful for her, so she ended it.

 

Sounds familiar. Just a month before my ex broke up with me, he was talking about how we needed to hurry up and get engaged, so we could get married in the summer. It's one of those WTF moments. There are actually people out there who act like this, and I just happened to be unfortunate enough to stumble upon one. Sounds like you also found a real winner in your ex as well.

 

The best thing to do with these people is to leave them alone. Save yourself the trouble.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're ruminating and rehashing. This gets you nowhere. It's over. Nothing for you to do right now except pick up the pieces and concentrate on you.

 

Everything an ex told you in a relationship is null and void when said relationship ends.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[BC1980]

i know its dead. but after the split she gave me all the breadcrumbs... i'm going to miss you. i will always love you. if we mean something, i could come back. maybe one day when we cross paths, we can give it another shot.

 

i cut her off and it made her cry, depressed and she begged me to at least remain friends, so i thought, maybe she really does love me.

 

all of that kept me hanging on for so long, she led me on.

 

until i found out what just happened, my whole world shattered. brought back all my emotions.

 

Again, sounds familiar.

[Bandito]

So stop prolonging your pain and consign this to the past. Don't scratch off the scab by contacting her again.

 

If you confront her, she'll probably lie. You haven't answered my question - without concrete evidence of her cheating, if she denies it, what then?

 

i've been acting it out for days if i confronted her, i would say "if you didn't cheat on me or leave me for someone else then prove it! unblock me on social media and let me see your pics!"

 

lol, thats one way of stumping her if she denies it.

[JDPT]

Subconsciously you know your way beyond this. There is that voice that tells you that contacting her is not a good idea. You certainly took a blow by finding "this" about her. However, if you analyze this what good is it to ruminate over it? What good is it to want or wish for a better past? The break up will forever remain stagnant, stuck in time, unlike you who will continue to move forward and make progress every second of your life. Take this as a life experience to help you be stronger. We certainly develop scars from our pain and that where true healing and progress occurs. Keep moving forward no need to look back anymore.

[Bandito]

Subconsciously you know your way beyond this. There is that voice that tells you that contacting her is not a good idea. You certainly took a blow by finding "this" about her. However, if you analyze this what good is it to ruminate over it? What good is it to want or wish for a better past? The break up will forever remain stagnant, stuck in time, unlike you who will continue to move forward and make progress every second of your life. Take this as a life experience to help you be stronger. We certainly develop scars from our pain and that where true healing and progress occurs. Keep moving forward no need to look back anymore.

 

i'm not going to contact her. i'm just going to make an indirect statement by posting this on my blog, which her and her friends always read.....

[Simon Phoenix]

i'm not going to contact her. i'm just going to make an indirect statement by posting this on my blog, which her and her friends always read.....

 

Don't do that either. Seriously, all the ideas you have are bad. The only good idea is to move forward and stop focusing on here. Focus on you. But you are going to lose this game and you are going to lose it big.

[JDPT]

i'm not going to contact her. i'm just going to make an indirect statement by posting this on my blog, which her and her friends always read.....

 

Render credit where credit is due, she certainly doesn't deserve any.

[Simon Phoenix]

Bandito, you really need to stop acting like a child.

[Bandito]

Bandito, you really need to stop acting like a child.

 

i know, i know. i'm mischievous, always have been. a lot of ppl like my sense of humor, but there's times where i need to be serious.

[Simon Phoenix]

i know, i know. i'm mischievous, always have been. a lot of ppl like my sense of humor, but there's times where i need to be serious.

 

So be serious and stop being a dumbass about this whole relationship thing. Leave it be, improve yourself and move forward.

[Bandito]

Really? The passive agressive route?

 

How about - I don't know, going out there and meeting a new girl, getting fit, getting an awesome job, hobby, life... why not do that instead?

 

good idea, i gained 20 pounds since the BU. i need to get ripped again. i need to gain my confidence back and get a new girl, that will be the best revenge.

[Simon Phoenix]

good idea, i gained 20 pounds since the BU. i need to get ripped again. i need to gain my confidence back and get a new girl, that will be the best revenge.

 

Instead of thinking about how she'll react, why not just do this for yourself?

[hinatticus]

I agree with stringchick;)

[smuggy95]

Make yourself better for the girl who deserves you. DESERVES YOU. She's gonna be awesome and hot and you want to be ready for her.

-Be strong

-Be good looking

-Be emotionally stable/mature

-Be responsible and the man in your own life

 

 

PS if you email the ex, it'll just prove you were/are a chump, no matter how you dice it.

[reddragon588]

that's a way of putting things, nothing is as it seems. but the reason i suspect she was cheating was:

-bringing her phone into the bathroom when she took a shower.

-deleting all photos of me, right when this dude adds her on instagram.

-not wanting to spend time with me on the weekends.

-saying "a lot of guys are waiting for me to be single. i may come back, or you may find a new gf, but whatever happens with us, we need to be happy for each other."

-i asked for another shot, she said it's too late, i've moved on. i've moved on even when we were still together.

 

but when she said that, maybe she was telling me to step it up. maybe this dude she's hanging out with is just a friend. i brought up many times if she left me for someone else, and she said no, she laughed at me and said that i'm insecure, that she's jaded and doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. she's not dependent on others to be happy, and can be single for the rest of her life.

 

Solid post. Speaking of which, did you know I have a goldfish? Oh you didn't? No worries, it's just more **** that doesn't matter, kind of like your train of thought above.

[Zoe Lilith]

no.

 

i know i may seem indenial. but just 2 months before the breakup we were both in love, her telling me i'm the one, "i want to spend forever with you." she was planning our wedding, and wanted me to ask her dad for his blessing to marry her. i mean everyone knew we were meant for each other.

 

then all the sudden she's not happy. i was shocked, and broken. she wanted us to make it work and didn't want to breakup, but it was getting to stressful for her, so she ended it.

 

My ex said the same things to me and then, he "got sick" and had a surgery he couldn't take the pressure anymore, blah, blah, blah...I was confused and hurt. Fdew days I realized that he doesn't make sense, so I thought, maybe if I tell him that I know that none of his stories make sense and that I am willing to forget about it, he'll talk to me and we'll e together forever, just like he said we would. NOTHING - I never, ever got any message back..no matter what I've said to that man... I am trying to tell you that there is NOTHIG you can do, She is out!! There is no relationship between you two anymore. The sooner you accept that, the better.

[Zoe Lilith]

Forget about what was said while in the relationship..It's over now! Focus on the behaviour and words during the break up! Process it, thoughen up and move on..It's not the end of the world, life still goes on, enjoy it.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Stop listening to these posters. Get revenge on her.

 

Lol you're cool.

[Zoe Lilith]

Lol you're cool.

 

Yep...It seems pointless trying to tell him to move on... He should just go ahead and beg her or confront her, he will get that that "closure" I am sure!