RedHawk08 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Throughout my 9 month separation, I have been possibly the Ultimate Doormat. This week, that has all changed. I have made no secret of my want to save my marriage. I have worked so hard to improve myself and create the life we both always wanted. But to be dismissed by my estranged wife every turn. THING IS.... Although my wife has maintained that our marriage breakdown is all down to me, I have known since the start that isn't quite true. My wife fell for her boss and left to be with him. Things haven't quite worked out for her as planned it seems though. The guilt has eaten her up so badly that her life is spent revising history, tripping over her lies and avoiding everyone we knew. Her only friend is one that validates every decision and feeling she has. Earlier this week, I realised how exhausted I was on every level. I emailed her that "I know why you left. I SAW the messages on your phone and computer 9 months ago". I then wrote to her family, thanking them for making me a welcome member of the family. That I love them all and will miss them. I then filed for divorce myself. Citing her for Unreasonable Behaviour. I sent another email informimg her of this. I have turned the tables. I'm no longer the heartbroken man living in hope that my wife will come home. All I could think of while filling in the forms were the good times. Some of them just a month before she left. I shed a few tears. Thing is, if she were sorry and realised she had made a mistake, I would forgive her and stop the divorce. I have taken away the secret she has been hiding and feeling guilty enough about. Ruining her own life. And burying that guilt with unbelievable lies and history rewrites. I think she is feeling messed up now that she knows I knew all along. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Hardest thing I ever did - file those papers. Best thing I ever did - file those papers. You are on your way to feeling better. Good for you for getting there. Better times are ahead - even if it takes a while. You'll see. Hugs to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 For me the hardest thing, was sticking to my guns, when the Ex decided she wanted to reconcile, that was far worse than the day I caught her kissing the OM. It took awhile, to get over her, but I continued to move on in life, And it didn't take long for me to get my social and sex life back. It has not been about 30 years. A couple of years back I found a photo of the Ex on the internet. Boy, did I dodge a bullet. While for the past 18 years I've shared my life with one of the sweetest kindest, most giving people God ever created. I trust her completely. And even though she is a granny to a teenager, she still has an hour glass figure. At first it will be hard, but there will come a time, when you will say like I now say, "Divorce, is the best thing that ever happened to me!" Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Good for you. We all know how hard it is to come to this conclusion and how sad you feel that your marriage is over, but I say congrats because you took the first steps to regaining your life and your sanity. Better days are on the horizon you just have to weather the storm for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Good for you. You are taking control of your own life and not letting her dictate it. And I can totally relate with the STBXW who only spends time now with people who condone her behavior and that circle is getting pretty small. I have not "outed" my wife yet on all her infidelity, but a number of people know and I don't deny it if they ask me. Congrats on taking this big step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedHawk08 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 This divorce will take 5-6 months to process. I STILL don't want this and believe things can be saved. However, I realised today that there was one change I had yet to make to myself. One that caused her respect for me to decline. When she recieves these divorce papers next month (I am NOT filing before Xmas. That's nasty), she will see that my job title will be different from what she is expecting. She will see the words "Manager" and a different company name. She will see that I'm no longer a dogs body on low pay in a crappy company with no prospects. Respect will rise my friends. She will see that final change, in a document that shows that I'm moving on. Let's see how fast that phone rings... Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 This divorce will take 5-6 months to process. I STILL don't want this and believe things can be saved. However, I realised today that there was one change I had yet to make to myself. One that caused her respect for me to decline. When she recieves these divorce papers next month (I am NOT filing before Xmas. That's nasty), she will see that my job title will be different from what she is expecting. She will see the words "Manager" and a different company name. She will see that I'm no longer a dogs body on low pay in a crappy company with no prospects. Respect will rise my friends. She will see that final change, in a document that shows that I'm moving on. Let's see how fast that phone rings... Honestly, I understand where you are coming from and I have been there and I would wager that many of us have. "Wait until they see, they will be sorry...etc." I think you are where you are supposed to be as it is pretty early, but listen to what is ahead. You will not care what she thinks about that and you may not know that now, but with that will come a freedom that you may not be able to imagine right now. It is not unusual for an ex to come back around asking for another chance, but it may be (and hopefully will be) that if she ever does, you will not want to even think about that. You know what kind of person she is, Hawk. In time, you will find someone worthy of a faithful man and then you will see that even though you did not want any of this, there is a good life with a good woman down the road for you. Don't settle for less. Plow forward and keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedHawk08 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Share Posted December 14, 2013 I'm not making allowances for her. Her actions cut me to the bone and put me through hell. Her actions also occurred suddenly. Up until a month before she left, we had a wonderfully happy marriage. We experienced a lot of sadness and tragedy the last few months we were together. I had too much pride to tell my wife I was having trouble coping. I neglected and avoided her, withdrawing into my own shell. She took this personally, and was an easy target for her Don Juan boss. People make mistakes. There was never any need for all this. Link to post Share on other sites
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