OLD: Do you think women are overlooking men too much?

[xxoo]

It's really depressing when it's the same women that have been on there for YEARS.

 

Are they just on there for attention?

 

Reject every man they meet?

 

Or are they just crazy?

 

Why is it depressing? Are you worried about their relationship success? Why?

 

There will always be dysfunctional people, on OLD and IRL. These women are clearly identifying themselves, so they are easy to avoid. That's a blessing.

[xxoo]

Yes they are, why?

 

Because it doesn't seem like being willing to give a chance led to much, if they are still on OLD for years. What happened after they gave you a chance?

[elbe]

Why is it depressing? Are you worried about their relationship success? Why?

 

There will always be dysfunctional people, on OLD and IRL. These women are clearly identifying themselves, so they are easy to avoid. That's a blessing.

 

It is super depressing if only because your selection doesn't change.. it's the same girls who are just trolling.

[xxoo]

It is super depressing if only because your selection doesn't change.. it's the same girls who are just trolling.

 

Ya'll are expecting it to be a buffet of great candidates?

 

You've got to mine for gems, on OLD or IRL. Women do, too.

[FitChick]

Many people have the appearance of being on a dating website for years but their profiles are inactive. I wish websites would have a function that would automatically make a profile dormant and hide it if the person hasn't logged on in a set period of time. I always hide mine so it doesn't become "stale." Then when I appear again, I'm fresh meat.

 

I have male friends with whom I have things in common, enjoy spending time with them, we get along great but -- THERE IS NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

I will also chime in with the admonition to always have photos taken within the past year and be able to prove it. Either overtly ask or subtly dig, i.e. "Sounds like you had a great time on vacation last month. Did you take any pics?"

 

SOME people don't change over the years. I am one of them and I have the pictures to prove it. As a matter of fact, last night I was saving them from my computer to a thumb drive because my computer is on life support. I didn't want to lose them. Normally I date them when I name them, but there were a few where I had no idea when they were taken. I compared them to others in various years and I looked the same. Even so, I photographed myself holding up a favorite magazine of the particular month my profile was up to reassure men that it was indeed a current photo.

 

If you gained one pound a week, in a year you would be 52 pounds fatter. Big difference, huh?

 

My pet peeve is men who say they ski and post photos of what could be anyone on the side of a mountain. Unless I also see a closeup of them in the same ski gear, which in itself is no guarantee, the photo is useless.

[irc333]

Well, the point of this post is to reach the goal of even getting a response...and if you're lucky an actual date. Whether it actually leads to something beyond that is a completely different forum topic altogether.

 

You could say I probably actually land a face-to-face get together with a woman, from online ...at the most about 3 or 4 times a year.

 

Got actually 6 meets this year, so I'm improving.

 

Because it doesn't seem like being willing to give a chance led to much, if they are still on OLD for years. What happened after they gave you a chance?

[irc333]

Kind of like an equivalent to those who are shown a picture of a well known US monument like The Alamo and calling it "The White House" because...well....they aren't well educated

 

It's interesting, because I kinda view this as a positive. It becomes a filter if you think about it. If a given change in environment changes the behavior of a person, then they're weak morally, psychologically, and intellectually... which are NOT qualities I want in a women. Maybe it's just me, but I want to avoid any driveling, mouth breathing cavewomen operating off their lizard brains when presented with the paradox of choice.

 

It's like guys who find themselves tipping over cars in a riot after a contentious sporting event, and blame the environment for their behavior. It's a scientific fact this stuff happens, but it's those who buckle to the context of the situation and wantonly toss off reason that are the devolved garbage of our world.

[FitChick]

Then try one of these dating websites. I have no experience of them, so if they look promising, let everyone know.

[BlametheIrish]

While we're talkingbpet peeves, I hate shirtless pics, it makes me automatically assume that the guy posting them is wayyyyy to into himself. I always ignored any profiles with shirtless pics.

[BlametheIrish]

I think they exist for a reason though. OK Cupid data pointed to them being very effective, statistically speaking, primarily with the Millennial generation. SOMEONE's interested it them. Weather they're meeting the right people with the methodology, I couldn't say. It doesn't say much about a person, good or bad, IMHO. Maybe they just read the statistics are are being scientific about it.

 

I have a few friends that are bodybuilders (I guess I'm assuming that bodybuilder bare chests are the only one's that are effectual here, but I could be wrong) but none of them would go the shirtless route. That particular hobby doesn't define them, any more than my hairstyle defines me.

 

Judging by the pics I saw online most of them would make bad body builders lol. I have whats considered by many people nice breasts, that doesn't mean I'm going to smash them together for a close up pic for OLD.,Because that would be offputting to the kind of men I was trying to attract. And a shirtless pic is offputting because im not attracted to men who need to show off,like that. Ive noticed the messages I received from those types of men were quite srxually explicit right from the get go. And while I.consider.myseld a very srxual being, I dont velieve messages like that are appropriate to send to strangers. Just my own view based on my experiences in OLD. I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling.

[BlametheIrish]

^

I understand that, and it makes a lot of sense. But people aren't operating on your anecdote. They're out they're applying what makes sense for them... again, perhaps playing the raw statistics.

 

It's like getting mad that you come across 60 year old men on online dating. They have every right to use the medium as you do. Filter them out with the means are afforded to you, or just pass them over if can't. I don't like hippies, for instance, but it's their right to portray themselves that way to meet the love of their life, and my job to pass them over when one comes up.

 

Yeah I said it was a pet peeve. Its not like It came across a shirtless guy.online and was like "How dare that man offend my eyes with his unclothed nipples!!" I think youre reading to.much into a preference. You prpbably dont want to date hippies, Im not into guys who like to.shoe off their stuff in that way. Enough said

[BlametheIrish]

You seem to.be picking a fight out of thin air. Did you happen to.be one of thpse men with a shirtless pic? Otherwise I dont see the need for you making a mountain out of a molehill. Go pick at someone else, it's my bed time . Goidnight people of LS. Hope you wake up in a better mood tomorrow synerjist.

[FitChick]

I can understand a man who is in good shape wanting to show off, but what about men who aren't? What madness possesses them to pose shirtless? There was a guy with a big belly wearing a neon orange bathing suit. I figured he didn't want anyone to harpoon him when he was floating in the sea.

[FrankieFrank]

Nope. Never had a shirtless pic.

 

I'm not picking a fight. I'm just saying people do things for their own reasons not to appease everybody. If there's a success rate associated with it, and those who are doing it aren't unhappy with the results, they're going to continue to do it. It's their business. Personally, I have little doubt that most who do are, in fact, D-bags... but there is a part of society that rewards them for it and therefore they exist.

 

That's quite true.

 

As long as there exist girls who will sleep with d-bags with shirtless pics, those d-bags will stay d-bags with shirtless pics. I mean, it works for them, why should they change?

[irc333]

that doesn't mean I'm going to smash them together for a close up pic

 

 

You can send one to me privately. ;-) lol

 

Anyhow, yeah....there had been some women who have done just this or typically the more "Boxom" women would put a very low cut top on, V-necks or whatever showing their ample bosoms.

 

Then in their profile they actually have the audacity to say they are looking for a long term, serious relationship and to stop it with the perverted comments? lol

 

What did she expect?

 

This is POF not Facebook.

[PinkInTheLimo]

It's really depressing when it's the same women that have been on there for YEARS.

 

Are they just on there for attention?

 

Reject every man they meet?

 

Or are they just crazy?

 

I was online dating for several years in a row. I found it extremely difficult to

 

1) to find quality profiles of men my age

2) to have any of the profiles I thought were interesting to find my profile interesting (the profiles who found mine interesting were of men more than 7-8 year older than me and I will NEVER give a man that much older a chance - their profiles were not interesting anyway)

 

3) when a guy and me had mutual interest in each other's profiles, have the guy be 100% available (instead of still being married, or separating, or breaking up)

 

4) when a guy and me had mutual interest in each other's profiles and the guy was actually available (or at least he said) manage to actually meet each other because there are clearly as many flakers among women as among men. Making the appointment should be simple; if a guy postpones 3 times I am no longer interested.

 

I think my wishes are realistic but very few men meet them.

[PinkInTheLimo]

It's kind of funny, I HONESTLY think that women tend to pass over men online that they'd have NO problem getting to know in a public, chance encounter at an event.

 

Quite a few times, I've contacted women in POF that were uncannily like me in almost every way. More conservative views, the love for Sci-FI and comic book characters, movie buff, same humor type, etc.

 

One I recall recently, and she wasn't all that great looking physically , cute smile though, and there was just something about her in her in her eyes that I just "liked'.

 

But she gave me the "Sorry, but I don't think we're a good match"

 

ANd I responded, "How can that be? We have the same likes, interests, etc...why not give a quick meetup?"

 

No reply, but it just boggles the mind...I bet a million dollars that if we had met in person...she'd have no problem giving me her #.

 

It's pretty simple. If the way you look on your picture does not do it for a woman, she will not want to pursue the contact further. Be honest, you do exactly the same with some profiles of women.

As far as I am concerned, I certainly do not expect a guy to be a model but certain looks and styles don't do it for me. I don't like guys who are chubby in their face, I totally detest goatees, if a guy posts a shirtless pic I think he is sleezy. All this is very subjective of course.

This said, if the look of a guy does not totally turn me off, I'll pursue a real life meeting.

 

It does not always have to do with the looks. It can also be the way you express yourself in your profile. An exaggerated attempt to be funny can come across as uptight. Sometimes it's a hobby that we don't like. For example, I rule out guys who ride a motocycle by definition because they are just not my kind of guy.

Other dealbreakers: guys who send you a wink but not a message, guys who can't keep a mail conversation going, guys who ask indiscrete questions too soon,...

[PinkInTheLimo]

There was a guy with a big belly wearing a neon orange bathing suit. I figured he didn't want anyone to harpoon him when he was floating in the sea.

 

:laugh:

[PinkInTheLimo]

You could say I probably actually land a face-to-face get together with a woman, from online ...at the most about 3 or 4 times a year.

 

Got actually 6 meets this year, so I'm improving.

 

And what makes you think that this is so different for the average woman somewhere in her forties?

 

I was a member of 2 online dating sites in my country, websites with a certain quality and I think I would have 1 or 2 dates every two months. If I would have minded meeting older guys it could have been more. But since I don't want to date those, I did not feel the need to meet them.

[PinkInTheLimo]

True. There are some quality people that do online dating, but they typically do not stay on there for long. Sometimes they reappear if the guy they were dating turns out to be a dud, so they move on to the next guy, but they generally don't stay on the site for very long at a time.

 

Oh please... Do you really think that quality people find a partner quickly online and that the rest are non-quality people? I think that the ones who don't stay online very long are often people who can't be alone and hook up with the first person they meet.

 

It's like saying that all married people are quality people and those who are not married are non-quality people. If that was the case, then why are there so many criminals married?

[irc333]

Yeah, I get a kick out of how some people that it's the way you write your profile or word your introductory email that will probably bring up your chances of a response....don't get me wrong on RARE occasions it does...in fact, I got some dates simply base on the fact that my intellect outmatched the morons that had been emailing them lately.

 

I was a complete relief to them. LOL

 

Funny, I could understand the chronic obesity being a turn off to most men and women who are thinner than the subject that's interested in them. Goatees? Not sure how that's a turn off, get a razor and shave it all off, and viola...you have a desirable man...what if you date a guy and he decides to grow a goatee? You going to dump him? LOL

 

I usually don't mind somewhat "thicker" women, there was this one that lived locally, I actually liked her cute smile and eyes...she' was a bit thicker than I'm used to dating....most men I know wouldn't give someone like yourself a second look , but what she had written in her profile got my attention andI contacted her...she was a science teacher, a big sci-fi geek, and pretty much a carbon copy of me when it comes to belief systems....but get this, she did reply, but was like "Sorry, I don't think we'd make a good match" and I was like "Huh?? How can THAT be?"

 

I contacted her asking her just that, considering that I did point out in her profile pretty much mirrors mine. I was thinking some of the lesser attractive women were even looking for that ideal, Adonis of a partner. The online realm seems to do that to people.

 

Yeah, shirtless pictures just enables the attention seeking narcissism that goes on online and Facebook.

 

But anyhow, yes...no matter what you write, even if you're a profound, intelligent gentleman that presents his material to the lady of interest.

 

The goatee is a good example, also height...some have written, "If you're not 6 feet tall, do not even bother contacting me" of course she would only be 5'1" herself. "Bald men,do not contact me! I'm just not attracted to bald men!"

 

Even better, "Do not contact me if you are not attractive!"

 

I can just picture the women going through hundreds of emails , thumbing through them like a Christmas catalogue going "Too short, too bald, face to long, face to short, nope..nope..nope". and so on.

 

On POF you could actually go into the "Sent MEssages" area...and see what was read and what was not...worst of all was the "Unread/Delete" and to see how you tailored your email to that person only to have it not even read, was quite disappointing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's pretty simple. If the way you look on your picture does not do it for a woman, she will not want to pursue the contact further. Be honest, you do exactly the same with some profiles of women.

As far as I am concerned, I certainly do not expect a guy to be a model but certain looks and styles don't do it for me. I don't like guys who are chubby in their face, I totally detest goatees, if a guy posts a shirtless pic I think he is sleezy. All this is very subjective of course.

This said, if the look of a guy does not totally turn me off, I'll pursue a real life meeting.

 

It does not always have to do with the looks. It can also be the way you express yourself in your profile. An exaggerated attempt to be funny can come across as uptight. Sometimes it's a hobby that we don't like. For example, I rule out guys who ride a motocycle by definition because they are just not my kind of guy.

Other dealbreakers: guys who send you a wink but not a message, guys who can't keep a mail conversation going, guys who ask indiscrete questions too soon,...

[irc333]

It can also be the way you express yourself in your profile. An exaggerated attempt to be funny can come across as uptight. Sometimes it's a hobby that we don't like. For example, I rule out guys who ride a motocycle by definition because they are just not my kind of guy.

Other dealbreakers: guys who send you a wink but not a message, guys who can't keep a mail conversation going, guys who ask indiscrete questions too soon,...

 

Sure..some people online may "look good on paper" so ruling out certain things in a profile and actually LOOKING for a reason not to reply may not be something you may come to odds with unless you meet them face to face.

 

I prefer to not come off as "anything" in a profile and keep it pretty basic (like most women I keep seeing)

 

"I'm looking for a decent guy, good morals, values, my friends say I'm a good catch"

 

Usually typically painting themselves in a good light and it's best to leave something for the first meet...can't give it all away too soon.

[anna121]

Those that don't respond simply don't know a good thing when they see it.

 

This sounds a little arrogant and entitled.

 

No one is a "good thing" for everyone.

[NGC1300]

I can understand a man who is in good shape wanting to show off, but what about men who aren't? What madness possesses them to pose shirtless? There was a guy with a big belly wearing a neon orange bathing suit. I figured he didn't want anyone to harpoon him when he was floating in the sea.

 

 

 

 

 

If a man is in shape, I think a pic in a tank with suffice. They can see you're in shape, but you don't have to resort to posting shirtless pics that might be off-putting.

[NGC1300]

I rule out guys who ride a motocycle by definition because they are just not my kind of guy.

 

What "kind of guy" rides a motorcycle???

 

Really confused on your thought process here.

 

It's fun, and you can save gas.