Broma Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Hi everyone, Sorry for my bad English (non-native speaker). My boyfriend and I are together for 1 year and a half. We had a bad start into the relationship due to the naughty side of his part. Basically, before we became official, he still didn't finish completely finish with his ex (she went abroad) and he has lots of one night stands with other girls. Somehow we worked that mess out and become a happy couple. He starts to show more commitment to me over time. He said he's 'been there, done that'. Now he just wants to be with me and work hard to build our future together. We also talk about marriage. By accident I saw his chat messages to a girl at his office. The date was 1 year ago (at that time, we had been together 6 months already). The messages are very flirty: 'I want to know you more'. 'Next time I want to dance with you' and 'What is your plan for the weekend? Let's combine yours and mine to do something interesting'. 'Let's go out sometimes soon'... I talked to him about this right away. He said he is sorry and feel embarrassed for what he did. He said he didn't have any dirty intention than just pure flirtation. And that time he still wasn't sure about us and about his future, so it's likely to look for back-up option and keep his option open. He swears he didn't do anything more than the messages. I find it hard to believe and it hurt so much. I don't know what to do. We are planning to get a house together and stuffs. Now this came into the picture. What I worry is that If I forgive him this time, he will do it again in the future. Anyone has experience about this, please help. I much appreciate. Love, Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I knew a girl in that situation, she decided to get a loan together with him for a house, now she wants to get rid of it because he cheated on her. And its hard because they have the bank acc's together and the loan. Be very careful. Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Had the same situation, like you I let it go....he did it again, again and again for 3 YEARS! He never did anything....but that's because the girls never flirted back...he ALWAYS claimed that even if they did he wouldn't do anything about it.... Yeah right..... He is too much of a "macho man" to turn down sex. So that was my answer...I was just in wishful denial. It was VERY sad....even made me feel super insecure, but at my 3rd year of it I had had enough and realized that his flirting had nothing to do with ME, but with his insecurities. It took me a long time to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Hi everyone, Sorry for my bad English (non-native speaker). By accident I saw his chat messages to a girl at his office. The date was 1 year ago (at that time, we had been together 6 months already). The messages are very flirty: 'I want to know you more'. 'Next time I want to dance with you' and 'What is your plan for the weekend? Let's combine yours and mine to do something interesting'. 'Let's go out sometimes soon'... Flirty isn't so bad. Practically asking for a date crossed a line. Then again you said these messages were posted over one year ago. If his current behavior is above board, I don't think you have anything to worry about going forward but I'd still keep my eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Get a house on your own. Make it amazing. Invite over your next boyfriend. Ditch this kid! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jonny walker Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 tit for tat.post ur sexy photos on fb or send intimate msgs to your friend and let him know that you are intreasted in other guy so he might realise his mistake.i personally believe life is all about trying new things get out and express urself to the world. Link to post Share on other sites
jonny walker Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 I fell that when we talk about love nothing else matters except sex."Love is between legs" Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Well, whatever you do, don't get a house with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Can't believe some women can date a guy with so many red flags and think they're special enough to change him or that he's ready to settle down...my god, what are you even thinking. Look he's going to cheat on you eventually Broma if he hasn't done so by now...you don't just stop screwing around with women because of special love magic and was still with his ex at the time. You don't even know who this guy is and what he is capable of, and I'm certain he's done this same situation with you about the future and all of that with other women...it's what these guys do. But go ahead and find out the hard way, I'm already telling you now....he will cheat on you, he will cheat on you, he will cheat on you...take it from someone who knows better about these kinds of things. Edited December 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Non-conforming content redacted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 She is still at the stage to try to change the bad guy. As much as we warn her, she will still do it. Only like this will she appreciate a good guy. The difference between a bad and a good guy is that you never doubt the good guy's actions and intentions; you just know he doesn't mean to do anything wrong or hurt you and he's sorry if he does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tonedeath Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 If this was more than a year ago, and he hasn't pulled this type of stuff since, I would just keep a keen eye on the situation, and be suspicious, until you're certain that this is a thing of the past. Often times in the early stages of a relationship, people are still testing the waters, and wondering if what they're feeling with you is for real. That does NOT excuse him doing that while he was "committed" to you. But -and this is a big but- if it's truly in the past, you will know soon. Cheaters cheat. That's what they do. So if he was intending on cheating, and not just flirting, you may have a problem on your hands. Only time will tell. If you really love the guy, I would feel it out for a while, but don't put your blinders up. Past is prologue, so keep that in mind. Best of luck to you, lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broma Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 It's a few months since I post the question to this forum. Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate your help. I'm sorry for not replying and updating my decision earlier. Iguanna said, "She is still at the stage to try to change the bad guy. As much as we warn her, she will still do it." He is right. The reason why I ask people's opinion is to look for "YES" encouragement to continue the relationship with this guy. In facts, against all odds, I still be with him until now. Now, we rent a new house instead of buying one. Plan to get married on March next year. I try to get over his past and almost succeed at doing so. I'm very happy with him and so much in love. I still keep an eye on his action. He is naturally quite a flirty guy. He often looks at girls even when I'm there. He said: that's just a man thing - man will forever enjoying looking at hot women - whether the man will cheat or not depend on how much he loves his wife. I know many cheaters will cheat again and again. Is there any cheater you know that never cheat again? I love him so much that I gave him (and myself) another chance. If I ever find out a single flirty message, that'll be the end of us. Then, I will come back here and say I wish I would have listened to your advice. Cheers and happy ending to everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Plan to get married on March next year. You gotta be kidding me...?! He says crap like this; He said: that's just a man thing - man will forever enjoying looking at hot women - whether the man will cheat or not depend on how much he loves his wife. ...basically already telling you "I will betray you the moment I'm not happy or you don't satisfy my every whim" and you want to marry him?! At least don't spit on marriage vows and don't have a wedding in a church. The vows include stuff like "in good and bad times", not "in times I can manipulate you to believe that the red bra in the car was just from a friend". Good luck, you'll need it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 No, not all guys do it. Men who respect their wife don't look or flirt around. He sounds like a manipulative person. He tries to persuade you about things that are good for him so you forgive all his ****. How would he react if you'd told him "women always like to flirt with other men, but they don't cheat until they stop loving their husband (translation: until their husband stops being what they dream of him to be and show his flaws, like every person sooner or later does)"??? I bet he'd be jealous as hell and he'd not accept it. I bet also that he is a guy from a village in a small european country? Think about the wedding. Don't do it. Don't convict yourself in being a divorced and hurt woman in 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 ... At least don't have kids. Just wait a few years until everything's over and then start a family with a real man. I don't know any guy that would deal with a single mother beyond friends with benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 ... At least don't have kids. Just wait a few years until everything's over and then start a family with a real man. I don't know any guy that would deal with a single mother beyond friends with benefits. What a load of bull! People divorce and remarry all the time. Saying that single mother's are only worthy of FWB is a really awful thing to say. I hope you never find yourself alone with children. OP-I agree with the other's this guy is probably going to cheat on you again. Link to post Share on other sites
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