How should I act?(a bit long)

[Dam]

I've been with this girl for almost a year,last year of high school and now into college.We were really great together but she had a ton of bad thought,pessimism,was always scared i would get bored or dump her etc.We had a break in the summer,she acted really mean and it would have turned into a break up.She said I was suffocating her and then that she didn't feel anything for me.I managed meet with her at the seaside on a trip during the summer and we talked and i calmed her down.The months that came after that were great,she was closer than ever,we even got intimate,she told me she loves me and it was bassically heaven.We started doing a lot of things together.

 

When college started she sort of fell into a depression with her best friend leaving for another country,her not liking the college,I was there for her but she closed up,she didn't want to go out with anybody,but she told me that it wasn't related to me.We started getting into fights because of the lack of talk.For two months we didn;t go out,but she started behaving ****ty only for the last 2 weeks. It's like all her bad emotions got channeled on me.

She broke up with me telling me that she didn't love me anymore.From what i found out she also told her friends,well my friends basically since they are closer to me,that she doesn;t want responsibility during college,or the first year.She wants to have fun.

 

I said ok...tried to accept it,tried to move on.We decided to stay firends.Then after five days ,i think, we bumped into one another at prom. She was a bit dizzy but tried to talk to me ,i ignored her and then she started crying.I took her outside and she told me that she still loved me,but she can't be in a relationship,can't commit.

 

I she kept addmiting this when we talked a few days later, and was rather nice with me,telling me that maybe we should try and fix it but not now,that i should give it time.

For two weeks we didn't speak.I accidentally went past her without saying 'hi' and it got her pissed. She went on a trip to another country to see her friend and i sent her a text telling her to think about everything. The thing is her friend doesn;t really like me,she was always jealous that i was getting more attention then her.So after a few days there she posted some stupid song with the message to basically snap out of it.Probably she talked to her friend who has the same ideas with having fun in college and crap...

 

she came back we didn't talk but I got a text from her yesterday with"it's been a while since we broke up.you should man up and accept that. if i loved you we would still be together but we aren't."...This really pissed me off...she was the one who messed me up and didn't even want to talk face to face.I know deep down she still cares and loves me,but right now it's like I'm the bad guy. I don't know what to do,I still don't know if she hooked up with anyone on the trip,though we are broken up but still,she told her friend she has no more feelings,but then again she did this when we broke up and even in the summer.

 

I got angry and wrote a text telling her that this is a very immature way of dealing with things and that I'm sick of her ****ty behavior,that she did more harm than good to me,she should grow up...basically telling her for the frist time in a very brutal way everything that pisses me off.I didn't send the text yet.It would make her really angry and hurt her in some way...but i really want to send it,i don't like being taken for a fool.

 

The thing is what should I do,say nothing ,ignore her,no contact, focus on myself and if she gets over this phase and comes back good,or send her the text so she realises I'm not a doormat,and again move on and see what happens.She knows how much i love her and has the assurance that i'm always there for her.I think that's why during prom she broke,for the first time she felt like really losing me,but now i don't know...any advice would be useful.It's hard because we still see each other at certain classes,we have the same friends...

 

I also saw her this week at drawing classes and she kept looking at my when she thought i wasn't paying attention,she seemed really sad,but i basically just ignored her presence.

[thompkevin]

I think your attitude towards this is perfect. Ignore her, no contact and focus on yourself. If she comes back, great, if not move on. The only thing I can say is that understand that she is probably confused what she wants in life since she is still young. She has emotions for you but she is just confused with how to deal with them. (Read more about it in this article).

 

I will also suggest that you start dating someone else. This will help you gain a better perspective.

[Dam]

I also found out that she wants to go study abroad,if that happens and they accept her,she will go away in september 2014,so maybe she thinks getting back together is pointless since she will go away,that maybe it's too hard to make it work,I don't think she will admit this but i think this is the problem since she was ok with talking before. I for one am confident that things can work out if she would talk to me,I do care enough to make it work but I don;t know how to make her admit that this is her true reason. I presume that she think its just better to "leave me" not to cause more harm. Still should I try and talk to her about this,or send her that text or not,or just ignore everything...but by ignoring it since she wants to go away it's really gone...so what should i do? This changes a lot.

[thompkevin]

First of all, you can't be sure that things will work out when she goes away. Long distance relationships are really hard and it takes incredible commitment from BOTH PARTIES to make them work. If she is not committed to make it work, then there is literally nothing you can do about it.

 

I guess you should give it a bit of time right now. A few months maybe. Then contact her and see how things go.

[Dam]

First of all, you can't be sure that things will work out when she goes away. Long distance relationships are really hard and it takes incredible commitment from BOTH PARTIES to make them work. If she is not committed to make it work, then there is literally nothing you can do about it.

 

I guess you should give it a bit of time right now. A few months maybe. Then contact her and see how things go.

 

I gave her the text,regarding everything,of how dissapointed I am,it really struck a chord,pissed her off.Which I'm glad somehow that I got all of that off my chest. I'll follow your program,am leave her alone for 2-3 months. Thank you for the help.

[Dam]

So it's been a while, a lot has changed. I met someone new, tried for a while, but things didn't really work out, i dated a lot. We are still together but it will end soon i think. I don;t want to hurt her so I won't stall. I'm feeling great about myslef, I've improved a lot. My ex sent me a message on christmas telling me she was sorry for how she baheved and that she hopes that I will be ok and at the end she wrote"merry christmas, love"..it really pissed me off so i didn;t reply. ON new years eve I didn't reply and now she is pissed.

 

She found out i have a gf and now she is trying to make me somehow jealous by trying to give the impression that she is seeing someone else(he isn't anything above me, i'm saying this without any envy), it doesn't bother me at all, I've come to accept things. I still feel sad when I think about her, but i don;t understand the mind games honestly, she dumped me and she is acting weird.

 

Why? I don't even know if i should still go on with the program, I just feel like being alone honestly most of the time. This is why my current relationship isn't working. I just feel like exploring everything all of a sudden. very strange...

 

So all in all I'm doing good, a bit disoriented if I should still try to get her back or not, or try harder with the current one or dunno...anyways thanks for the help guys.