Married and confused

[Jackalynn]

Help!!!! I have only been married a little over a year and already my husband and I are having problems. We have went to marriage counseling, and our counselor quit seeing us until my husband receives therapy for the ways verbally/emotionally abuses me. It has been months since we last saw our counselor and he still isn't seeking help. That's one issue.

 

I feel neglected by my husband and I also do not feel that he appreciates all of the sacrifices I have made to try and make our relationship work out. I believe these feeilings of loneliness and rejection I feel have turned my attention to another man; my husband's best friend. I have always thought that "Mike" was an attractive man, we have always gotten along well, having so much more in common than my husband and myself have. He seems to have good understanding of our marriage; well one night after a party that the "whole gang" went to my husband, "Mike", and myself came back to our place. We all stayed up and had a few drinks, then after my husband went to sleep "Mike" and I stayed up and talked, which was nothing unusual.

 

All of us were ridiculously drunk, and I know it's no excuse but "Mike" and I ended up kissing. And to make matters worse, my husband walked right into the room to see it all happen..... What led up to the kiss was "mike" and I discussing my marriage. He believes that we weren't meant to be together and life is too short to stay in a marriage that you are unhappy in, especially as two young people as my husband and I are.

 

Now I feel like such an ass. I have totally ruined any trust that my husband had for me, messed up his relationship with his best friend, and messed up my relationship with our mutual friend. What's worse is that I don't even remember it happening. I remember balling my eyes out over what "mike" was telling me, believing it for the most part to be the truth. and then I woke up the next morning and my husband was pretty upset with me and "refreshed" my memory of the night before. I have no idea what to dO!!! I've humiliated both of us. And I have confused myself even more. What started out as an innocent crush - to go no further than that, has turned out on me making out with his best friend. My husband seems forgiving of me, but not him. What can I do? I can't even stop thinking about the fool I have made of myself.

[Moose]

First off, you can thank God that it didn't go any further than what it did.

 

Secondly, set your husband down, with his undivided attention, and tell him that things are going to have to change, or at the very least, need to be worked on in order for you to not look outside of your marriage.

 

I'd have to say that 99% of cheaters cheat because of an area in their marriage that isn't being filled. What happened between you and, "Mike", isn't neccessarily all of your fault, ( Although you should practice some restraint ).

 

There is nothing you can do about it now. I hardly doubt that your husband and Mike will feel the same as they always have. So you might as well get over that.

 

If you have one foot in yesterday, worrying about what you did, and one foot in tomorrow, wondering how you're going to fix it, then you're pissin' all over today when you could be working on self improvement.

 

PS:

 

Don't have anything else to do with another man unless your husband is dead or you have a signed divorce.

[jmargel]

It all depends if you want this marriage. I can't believe a counselor would stop seeing you because of what he won't stop doing. Go see another counselor even if it's just for yourself. He needs to change. Please click on the link in my signature, it'll tell you quite a bit of what I came up with, without having to repeat myself in here.

 

Becareful with that 'friend'. Anytime you discuss marriage problems with another guy, it's a signal for him that a door is left open for him to enter. Adding a third party into a marriage will only make things worse. Take this 'friend' out of the picture and decide if you want to be married to your husband. How is he emotionally or verbally abusive towards you?

 

-Jeff

[Debster]

Yes, you fuc%ed up. However, what is important now is what you want to do about it.

Do you want to stay in your marriage? Do you want out?

Once you figure out what you, and you alone want. then you can start fixing things.

 

If you do want to stay in your marriage, you will have to put up with a very black period. You will need to earn your husband's respect back and you will have to make it up to him.