i'm ready to leave

[judy]

i don't understand the way i'm feeling right now and it is scarry. i have been with my b'f for over 2 years and we have had our share of problems.

 

it seems that that has had a lingering effect on me and i sit and wait for them to return. i have actually saved money for the next time we fight so i can leave him.

 

it feels like i'm waiting for it tho, almost happily waiting, biding my time until i can leave. the worst part of it is i don't want to leave him, but yet i do.

 

we don't fight that much but when we do, boy they are bad, a lot of hurtful things get said and i get hurt so easily and he thinks i should not be so hurt by what he says when he is mad cause he is just saying them cause he is mad.

 

i say the truth comes out when we are mad. if i choose to believe that then the truth he speaks when he is mad, makes me feel very bad about myself and our relationship.

 

he had me pegged as this insecure, selfish, lazy person, which i am none of the above, but if that is what he is saying about me when he is mad then that is what i think he really feels about me.

 

this is why i want to leave. i have my pride and each time he says these things (only when he is mad) i feel my pride going further and further down hill.

 

so now i'm just patiently waiting for him to say those things one more time. i have packed up in boxes my most prized posessions, i have money to go and a place to go once i get there.

 

i am not in any hurry to leave him, but i am not going to stick around and be insulted either. any better ideas on how to handle this? he does not even know any of this is going on.

 

i have told him tho that he needs to quit insulting me. that is thee only time he ever says anything mean to me, but it has a lasting effect.

 

i'd rather get hit then, (which he has never done) then i could heal from bruises of my skin but not from bruises of my heart and my pride.

 

any advice?

[sparkle]

he had me pegged as this insecure, selfish, lazy person, which i am none of the above, but if that is what he is saying about me when he is mad then that is what i think he really feels about me.

You say he sees you as insecure and lazy. Prove him

 

wrong by getting out of this relationship. It's not

 

productive..it doesn't look like it's heading anywhere

 

but for the dumps anyway. So prove him wrong and show

 

him just how secure you are, that you don't NEED him.

 

And you can do just fine on your own. Don't wait for

 

the next argument before you end things. Don't let him

 

think you're lazy either. Do it now.

[Tony T]

I'm with sparkle all the way here. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of goodness in this "association" you're having.

[forgotten]

Wow, I've been in your situation. Though my ex wouldn't outright insult me, he would withdraw, talk about me behind my back to his friends, and treat me bad. It's hard to make the right decision. I think I broke up with him a couple of times before I was ready, so I went back. Only to find the same problems. When I was actually ready to leave--and even moved several hundred miles to take a better job--he suddenly appeared. I made the mistake of seeing him again, and it was the same old crap. Then we had a major blow up, and he said something insulting that I couldn't believe. Once again, I felt it was my fault, so after a couple of months, I tried to contact him again. He was with someone else, and got married at Christmas. But at least I know that he didn't love me, or he wouldn't haved acted that way. I don't know if he's capable of loving anyone. Someone who loves you will not put you down for no reason. Don't ever doubt that. Leave when you've had enough, but don't wait until his verbal abuse becomes physical.

i don't understand the way i'm feeling right now and it is scarry. i have been with my b'f for over 2 years and we have had our share of problems. it seems that that has had a lingering effect on me and i sit and wait for them to return. i have actually saved money for the next time we fight so i can leave him. it feels like i'm waiting for it tho, almost happily waiting, biding my time until i can leave. the worst part of it is i don't want to leave him, but yet i do. we don't fight that much but when we do, boy they are bad, a lot of hurtful things get said and i get hurt so easily and he thinks i should not be so hurt by what he says when he is mad cause he is just saying them cause he is mad. i say the truth comes out when we are mad. if i choose to believe that then the truth he speaks when he is mad, makes me feel very bad about myself and our relationship. he had me pegged as this insecure, selfish, lazy person, which i am none of the above, but if that is what he is saying about me when he is mad then that is what i think he really feels about me. this is why i want to leave. i have my pride and each time he says these things (only when he is mad) i feel my pride going further and further down hill. so now i'm just patiently waiting for him to say those things one more time. i have packed up in boxes my most prized posessions, i have money to go and a place to go once i get there.

 

i am not in any hurry to leave him, but i am not going to stick around and be insulted either. any better ideas on how to handle this? he does not even know any of this is going on. i have told him tho that he needs to quit insulting me. that is thee only time he ever says anything mean to me, but it has a lasting effect.

 

i'd rather get hit then, (which he has never done) then i could heal from bruises of my skin but not from bruises of my heart and my pride.

 

any advice?