Is she cheating on me??

[Wolfman01]

Ok. So my gf and I have been dating for about 6 months. We are both busy medical students who are both under stress most of the time. Recently I have been very suspicious that she may be unfaithful.

We began dating in the spring of this year. Things were going great and then summer came and she went home for the summer (which is several states away). We kept in contact over video chat most nights. One night in particular I asked her about a rumor I had heard that she and another guy from our class had some sort of fling. She admitted to seeing him and when I asked if they slept together she began crying and said that she did, but that it was a huge mistake and that she regretted ever doing anything with him. From what she said about their "relationship", he didn't want anything but sex, he never wanted to be seen with her at school, and he even wouldn't allow her to hang out with him in public (what an *******, right?). She wanted a relationship with him but he didn't. All of this happened prior to her and I dating.

Fast forward to summer ending and school starting again. We had several school functions to get to know the new matriculating class. At one party I saw this guy approach my gf and they talked for a good while. A bit longer than I was comfortable with. So, I asked her about it later and she said it was nothing and that they only reason she talks to him is to be friendly.

At yet another school function (just a few days later), she goes out of her way several times to initiate conversations with him. At this point I'm starting to get a bit angry, I tend to be a jealous person. But I keep my cool and later talk to her about it, and she swears again that it meant nothing. At this point I told her I was uncomfortable with she and him talking and asked if she would stop. She said that she would, that he was an ass, and that she'd have no problem ignoring him.

Much to my surprise, I find out a few weeks later that she went over to his apartment (!) to buy some old stuff for school from him (they were in contact via text, that's how she new he was selling stuff for school). I was infuriated at this point. We had a huge argument about it but in the end she convinced me that nothing was going on, and that she would never talk to him again.

For the next few months, nothing really happened with this guy. He seemed to be out of the picture. But small things kept adding up that didn't make sense. She would back out on plans sometimes claiming she was "tired" or "had so much to study". We had sex less often (sometimes she would hold out for 2 weeks). Several times I thought that maybe she was up to something, but I had no proof.

Then one morning when she was showering before school, I looked in her phone (something I've never done...) and come to find out she is still in contact with the same guy!!! I almost lose my cool. I scroll up and the messages keep going, I can't even read most of them because I'm so mad. I immediately confront her about it (which probably was a mistake) and she denies that anything happened. We fought over it for several days. I told her I needed to see her Facebook messages to prove that there was nothing going on. She absolutely refused. I dumped her right on the spot.

Now we're talking again. I do love her. She says that she loves me and that I'm the one for her, and that she could never love anyone but me. But I can't seem to get over this. I'm trying really hard to, cause I do care so much about her, but I feel like at the very least she is hiding something from me. I'm just looking for some advice, and maybe I'll feel better venting about this.

What should I do?

[todreaminblue]

she did wrong....adn will continue too...nothing was resolved ...she is happy...you are going to get hurt.....you were manipulated...............deb

[TylerDurdenn]

Get rid now.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude. But, How many times did she promise you that she would not have any contact with him and how many times was that promise broken?

 

I have a feeling that she would rather be with this other dude and if he was interested in more than a piece of ass, you would be thrown to the curb. But, since he's not, she's going to settle for you. You're the back up plan.

 

Now, how is that fair to you?

[Wolfman01]

Then what should I do? I broke up with her, and was the unhappiest I can ever remember being for the week and a half we didn't speak. Her answer to the reason she talks to him still is that she has a hard time ignoring people. He would text/message her and she would feel obligated to reply. I want so badly to believe this is true but something still doesn't feel quite right.

I feel stuck.

[veggirl]

She "hates ignoring people" but has no problem hurting you and going back on her word to you.

 

"other people" are her priority then. Not you.

 

She has boundary issues, and craves the attention. Of course it hurt when you broke up with her, that's how break ups go!!!! Go read the break up section, people go through it every day!! No one is saying it's easy or doesn't hurt! You get through it though.

 

Dump her and find a woman who is actually HONEST to you!

[veggirl]

PS the fact that their relationship never happened because he only wanted sex is VERY CONCERNING. You are her back up plan, her 2nd choice.

 

What if he decided he wanted a real relationship with her? You can bet you a$s she'd be on that real quick.