Trying to find my way

[charlzyd]

Just wondering if anyone could recommend some good literature or advice about 'finding one's way'?

 

As a teenager, I had a very specific plan about how my life would turn out. I would do well at school. I would go to a prestigious university and do well there. I would get a good job and work my way up the 'ladder'. I would be successful, have money, have friends, etc. I assumed, naively, that all of these things would lead to a balanced life and make me 'happy'.

 

While I've pretty much followed that plan, it hasn't really made me happy like I thought it would. I've spent my whole life believing that I need to prove myself to others, that I need to have a great career to be considered a success, that I need to be confident, etc.

 

Now I feel like I’ve lost my way a bit. I don’t really know what I want out of life anymore. I think I’ve spent so many years obsessing over what I ‘should’ be to make me appear happy and successful to others that I’ve lost sight of who I am and what I ‘want’ to be in life.

 

So where do I start on the path of rediscovering myself?? Right now I’m stuck in an unhappy relationship which I don’t have the courage to end and that makes it really difficult to have ‘me’ time to figure myself out.

 

I’ve unfortunately fallen into a pattern where I need men to validate my existence. It sounds silly, but it’s just how I’ve been. If I’m not getting attention, I feel shattered, like I’m not good enough. Which is ridiculous. So many people look up to me and have told me how I inspire them given I have achieved a lot already even though I’m only 23, but I just don’t see it. I still look at myself in the mirror and think ‘who would love this?!’ or look at my achievements and believe they’re just not good enough and I need to be doing more.

 

I am desperate to find my way and to be someone who knows who she is and what she wants from life… I just don’t know where to start.

[sarbunoemi]

First, set your mind free and by that I mean don't depend on what others might think of you. Don't prove anything to people, other than you. Practice self-fulfillment, self-love, and act in a confident way because you will feel better.

Don't seek validation from anyone, it's unnecessary because you are already enough.

And don't worry if you feel lost, everyone feel in that way too sometimes. Take it slow, build confidence, self-love and then try new things like cooking, dancing, join a fitness class (zumba, kangoo-jumping, cardio party, strength training, turbo jam, pilates, yoga), try learning a new language, plan a trip with your friends or with your family, try out a new sport (hiking, biking, jogging, running, floorball, basketball, chess, ping-pong, tennis, football, baseball etc), singing lessons, learn to play on a musical instrument, try out painting (with sand or painting on glasses etc). These are just some great ideas that will help you to have an active life and fun also! And on the long run, you will discover yourself by just trying out new things, building up a positive attitude and a healthier way of living!

Don't forget: you do this for YOU not for others.

 

Life is a rollercoaster, You just need to learn to ride it properly.

And you are a work of art because you are the only one responsible of how to you paint yourself on canvas and how to draw yourself on a sheet of paper.

 

Hope I helped!

[d0nnivain]

Try a book called Who Moved My Cheese. It's about what to do when life throws you a curve ball.

 

I also peruse the self help section of the library & the bookstores reading the dust jackets until something speaks to me at that moment.

[JDPT]

Try a book called Who Moved My Cheese. It's about what to do when life throws you a curve ball.

 

I also peruse the self help section of the library & the bookstores reading the dust jackets until something speaks to me at that moment.

 

 

 

I've actually watched a video on youtube on this (who moved my cheese) it's a very good eye opener, certainly puts a lot into perspective.

[charlzyd]

Try a book called Who Moved My Cheese. It's about what to do when life throws you a curve ball.

 

I also peruse the self help section of the library & the bookstores reading the dust jackets until something speaks to me at that moment.

 

Thank you. I will hit the bookstore today and check it out

[charlzyd]

First, set your mind free and by that I mean don't depend on what others might think of you. Don't prove anything to people, other than you. Practice self-fulfillment, self-love, and act in a confident way because you will feel better.

Don't seek validation from anyone, it's unnecessary because you are already enough.

And don't worry if you feel lost, everyone feel in that way too sometimes. Take it slow, build confidence, self-love and then try new things like cooking, dancing, join a fitness class (zumba, kangoo-jumping, cardio party, strength training, turbo jam, pilates, yoga), try learning a new language, plan a trip with your friends or with your family, try out a new sport (hiking, biking, jogging, running, floorball, basketball, chess, ping-pong, tennis, football, baseball etc), singing lessons, learn to play on a musical instrument, try out painting (with sand or painting on glasses etc). These are just some great ideas that will help you to have an active life and fun also! And on the long run, you will discover yourself by just trying out new things, building up a positive attitude and a healthier way of living!

Don't forget: you do this for YOU not for others.

 

Life is a rollercoaster, You just need to learn to ride it properly.

And you are a work of art because you are the only one responsible of how to you paint yourself on canvas and how to draw yourself on a sheet of paper.

 

Hope I helped!

 

Those all sound like wonderful things, and definitely things I want to achieve, my big issue is HOW. I don't know how to do any of the above. Easy to say, not so easy to do.

 

I've tried new things. I took up pole dancing over a year ago (which I LOVE! My next goal with this now is to compete), I took up weightlifting six months ago (also obsessed with this now too, but I injured my back a month ago so now I'm out of action for a bit. But still, want to compete in this as well!), I used to live in Germany so I learned that language (desperate to get back, starting to lose my German!), I already play the saxophone, guitar and drums (although it would be nice to get back into all of this and play more regularly, join an orchestra again).

 

All of the above is definitely for me and me alone, but it makes it difficult to truly enjoy it sometimes when others constantly judge me for it...