Weird friend

[Leeladams72]

First post.

 

Started a job at a temp place back in August. Became friendly with a co-worker that I met after working at the job for about a month. We've been friends now for about three months. General outline of our relationship:

 

*We text all day throughout the work-week. Conversations have varied--some intellectual, some teasing, some debating, some going off on each other lol, some shallow, etc.

*When schedules allows we'll usually have lunch together--whether it's just eating together at our desks, or going out somewhere.

*He came off in the beginning as a quite reserved guy. And didn't seem very social. While he mingles with other teammates(the floor is pretty big and there's about 40 of of us) I'm the only person he generally talks to on the day-to-day basis. I'm the only girl he really talks to at work outside of small talk.

*We instant message as well.

*I've hung out with him once outside of work. He had invited me out with a group of his non-work friends.

*We've tried to hang out other times outside of work(in the past), but could never get it together. So we don't really bother asking the other hanging out outside of work anymore. And we don't really talk on the weekends that much. Though we may shoot a text out to the other person.

*He has a lot of female friends(from HS and college).

*He seems like a pretty passive guy. Doesnt seem to want to approach women, doesn't do fwbs, or hook-ups(but did them in the past), doesn't like to talk about his feelings directly etc.

 

So now that I've gotten that out of the way. In the beginning I figured that he might have liked me. He flirted a lot. Teased me a lot. We would talk all day. He invited me out a lot. He would follow me around at work. COme to my desk often, etc.

 

I liked him as well, but am pretty passive and wanted him to come out directly and be clear about his intentions(even though his actions were). Overtime it just sort of became a friendship. He still comes to my desk often. Still teases me. He'll flirt it every now and then(or we'll flirt together every now and then). We still talk throughout the work-week. And still have lunch together, etc. But again no direct feelings from him about if he likes me. There was one point in time that I told him I liked him, and I suspect he may think I still do. But I have not mentioned it in a while.

 

Recently he's changed. He used to be very gentlemanly. And came off as a nice quiet, guy. That's what made me like him. Lately he's been kind of like a douche bag.

 

He's been trying to push my buttons a lot more. He'll tease me, make fun of me. Play pranks on me(steal things from my work desk). He'll make critical statements about me. He'll even admit to trying to push my buttons. I did ask him why once and he said "maybe I'm trying to push up on something else". He'll ask me what guys I think at work are cute. And if I admit to which guys I think are cute, he'll tease me about it. IF I have one of my guy friends call me, he'll ask me if the guy is a "booty call" or keep demanding to know who the guy is. But try to do it in a playful way. He'll get mad at me, for something I may say that he finds offensive and he'll give me the brief silent treatment, and then the next day keep coming around, talking to me a lot, flirting, wanting to have lunch... Just every odd.

 

He didn't have his phone last week, because the charger broke. And he asked if he could use my phone to call his brother. He called his brother(who I've have never met) and I guess his brother asked who's phone he was on and he was like "a co-workers" and then he got this smile on his face and said "yeah her". And I was like...???? Again I've never met his brother. His dad sometimes works out of our building(weird I know). And he saw us have lunch together a couple of times. One day last week, his dad gave me a weird smile when I bumped into him on the way to the bathroom. I felt creepy, but then felt like maybe I was being paranoid.

 

He has a friend that we work with, that he car-pools with. And he makes fun of this friend a lot.(He thinks he lame). But the last week or so he's said, "you should go out on a date with him. I want you to see how corny is". Or yesterday he said "what would you do if he(this friend of his) grabbed your butt" Again this friend shows no interest in me and has a gf. WTF?

 

He's been bringing up sex situations. It started a few weeks ago. He asked me if I wanted to see something wild, and I said sure, and he showed me a picture that his friend sent him of a naked girl with c** on her and he asked me what I thought was on her and I said "c**" and he said exactly. He sent me a joke, it was about blow-jobs... The other day he brought up blow jobs again(just in general convo), one day he wanted me to read a message his friend sent him where she said she just got done masturbating and having a mind-blowing orgasm. He kept asking me to read it out loud. And I was like "no way--and she's totally coming on to you" And he was like "no she is always like that, she has a bf, she's just likes talking about sex."

 

He called his friend, the other day, in the middle of lunch, while I was eating, and gave me this teasing smile and said "are you jacking off man" And then went on to have this really disgusting conversation with his friend about that amongst other things. And I got up to leave and he told me I was nasty.

 

He'll ask me scenario questions-like why did a relationship(for me) end? Or what kind of men body-types do I like? Do I like to be chased or do I like to chase guys. He constantly tells me that he can read me, and that he pays attention to detail with me, and I don't know what I want, etc. I made a comment that he was a life-long bachelor in my opinion. And he was like "you can't read me at all. You're always in your own bubble thinking you know things. And I just let you be. If I was really a life long bachelor why would I have been with my ex for four years." And I was like "you told me you had commitment issues with her, etc" And he said "No I told you in the beginning I did. I'm not like that anymore." And I was just like "sure you aren't." And he got a weird smile on his face and he said that him and his ex will probably end up together several years down the road. And I asked him why they broke up in the first place then. And he said "Why are you worried about it, etc"

 

I admitted that I have a tendency to like a guy, hang out with him a lot, and then "friend" the guy because rather than developing romantic feelings for the guy I end up developing friendship feelings. And he started laughing, told me I should have my own show and then walked away in the middle of the conversation to warm up his lunch. Then came back and kept asking me "dating" questions. He's just so weird.

 

He "acts" very cocky and teases me all the time, and is constantly try to push my buttons. He keeps calling me "nasty"(sexually) even though I don't talk about sex with him, have never done anything physical with him and he knows I've only had sex with one guy.... He used to not be this way at all.

 

Sometimes I'll ignore him or not have lunch with him because of his behavior the day before. Or because I just don't feel like it, and on those days he'll send me a message telling me "I'm acting weird". Or he'll be like "your acting weird again today. but I don't care,etc". In other words, weird=not giving him attention. Yet he'll give me the silent treatment and I just give him his space.

 

Point blank period. He is no longer the way he used to be. What happened? Why is he acting like this? How can I get him to act the way he used to be? I feel like he was such a nice guy before. I just don't understand.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Leeladams72

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly? He sounds like an arrogant, immature perv. Ew.

 

And you can't make him go back to the way he used to be. It sounds as though THIS is who he is. He's just letting you see his true colours now.

[Leeladams72]

Honestly? He sounds like an arrogant, immature perv. Ew.

 

And you can't make him go back to the way he used to be. It sounds as though THIS is who he is. He's just letting you see his true colours now.

 

So the first few months he was just on his best behavior? Ugh, why did he trick me.

 

My friend said it sounds as if he may like me, which would explain some of the weird behavior. What do you guys think? Or is this just some sick twisted version of a friendship? Should I just tell him to stop being pervy around me, that it makes me uncomfortable?

[ExpatInItaly]

So the first few months he was just on his best behavior? Ugh, why did he trick me.

 

My friend said it sounds as if he may like me, which would explain some of the weird behavior. What do you guys think? Or is this just some sick twisted version of a friendship? Should I just tell him to stop being pervy around me, that it makes me uncomfortable?

 

Yes, why wouldn't you?

 

He seems incredibly immature and arrogant. Don't share more personal information with him. I don't think he likes you, but he likes knowing you like him. It's an ego boost for him. This is not how a guy who likes you behaves, unless he's about 16. How old is he?

 

I think he seems creepy: disingenuous, not trustworthy, looking for sex.

[wavejumper]

i'll second what expatinitaly said. why wouldn't you tell him in no uncertain terms that that kind of talk makes you uncomfortable? not to mention how disrespectful it is to you and to women in general. yuck. get a backbone and distance yourself from this scary clown. btw: you may have to do some damage control, who knows what the hell he is saying about YOU behind your back?

 

girl, get your dignity back!

[Leeladams72]

Yes, why wouldn't you?

 

He seems incredibly immature and arrogant. Don't share more personal information with him. I don't think he likes you, but he likes knowing you like him. It's an ego boost for him. This is not how a guy who likes you behaves, unless he's about 16. How old is he?

 

I think he seems creepy: disingenuous, not trustworthy, looking for sex.

 

I haven't told him I liked him in a while. As I said in the beginning that's when I told him I liked him. It's been a few weeks. However when I told him I had liked him three weeks ago I had asked him if he wanted to just be friends or date. He said he would be open to dating. then I thought about it later and told him I just wanted to be a friend. That was the last time I told him I liked him. I try not to show in actions that I still am attracted to him. I don't like him anymore as much as I am just attracted to him physically. Since I have found out his true colors.

 

And he is 26. We both are. I don't want to make it seem like he's the only immature one. I did play a lot of games when we first met. Such as flirting a lot, but then ignoring him other days. Not saying yes when he would ask me to hang out or say yes then later change my mind and cancel. Constantly try to push him to talk to other girls. Even now I still do it. I will tell him to hook up or have ask with random girls.

 

He tried touching me a couple of weeks ago and putting his arm

Around me and I kept pushing him away. I would talk about other guys to him and ask him for advice about other guys even though I had a feeling he had liked me.

 

We both are very attractive people and get attention a lot. And we both are cocky in our own way.

So it went two ways. But ive always been this way since we met. he knows hiw i am. on top of that the one thing I have never done is act pervy around him so what bothers me is how all of the sudden he keeps bringing up sexual convos around me. Knowing that sex is one subject I am not experienced with. He keeps finding ways to bring it up. I figured maybe he was horny or just trying to get a reaction out of me.

 

I am going to tell him to stop bringing it up.

 

And I still enjoy his friendship. It sounds sick but the teasing and games is our thing. I just don't like the times where he gets in the douchebag zone. And I feel like while I have been the same from day 1 he has only started to become sexual and start playing a lot of games recently.

[Leeladams72]

i'll second what expatinitaly said. why wouldn't you tell him in no uncertain terms that that kind of talk makes you uncomfortable? not to mention how disrespectful it is to you and to women in general. yuck. get a backbone and distance yourself from this scary clown. btw: you may have to do some damage control, who knows what the hell he is saying about YOU behind your back?

 

girl, get your dignity back!

 

What could he be saying behind my back? people at work think me and him are dating. And he is friends with my team leader who also asked him what was going on between us and he wouldn't tell me what he told her but did attest to the fact that people think something is going on with us. Is he saying nasty things about me behind my back? I just have no idea what he could be saying about me.

 

I do have self respect. If he gets douchebag around me i become b****** right back. I say what's on my mind and don't care if it offends him. And I do ignore him when I feel like it or don't pay attention to him and give him the silent treatment as well.

 

Tbh the more Im writing about this the more I'm feeling like our actions are reflecting each other. Maybe I'm also immature arrogant etc. we are friends so I don't necessarily want to stay away but maybe some distance while I reassess myself and my actions, is necessary.