long-term gf and only girl of 9 years cheated

[Downfall]

I feel as if a train just ran over me and while I still love her, at the same time I'm trying to get over it. She keeps expressing remorse but now it's like I can't feel that special, one of a kind love we had for each other. She let someone else in and I'm trying to get over that.

 

I was close to asking her to marry me until one of my best friends informed me last month about seeing her with another guy at a restaurant. I confronted her about this and that's when she confessed about it. They slept together twice. When I knew this, I broke down immediately and the more she tried apologizing the more I couldn't stop crying:(

 

I feel so lost. We've been dating for a very long time since we were 14. Do I forgive? How do I get over those move triggers I'm having? I can't stop thinking about everything they have must done together.

[Spectre]

You need to walk away man, you are still young so you have PLENTY of time to find a girl who truly is in love with you and truly respects you. Since let me tell you..this girl doesn't fit the bill. Especially to throw away 9 years? No you need to drop her immediately.

 

The disgusting part is this was premeditated. She went out to eat with him first, that's not only sex that is a date. This isn't something that just happened in the heat of the moment or something.

 

Also one other thing to consider: she didn't confess to you. You had to find out from a third party! She doesn't love you, she would of gone on letting you think she actually cared about you, making a fool of you the entire time. She isn't remorseful she cheated, she is remorseful she got caught. If she was remorseful she cheated then she would of told you about it herself.

 

So why on earth would you want a girl who can do this? Who can throw away nearly a decade long relationship? Who had a premeditated affair with another man, since it wasn't just sex but a date. She knew what she was doing when she went on the date, she did it anyways. The only reason in the world you can want to stay with her is if you enjoy being a doormat. She's not sorry she cheated, she is sorry she got caught and if you forgive her she will just walk all over you and do it again in the future since now she knows she can get away with it. You've been together since you were 14 and it's been 9 years so you have to be 22-23 years old. So yeah man, go find a girl worth your time, don't make the mistake of wasting another decade of your life with someone who could do this to you.

 

Also definitely DO NOT propose to her! If you bought a ring return it. This girl is not wifey material. I can just imagine the wedding day, with her saying her vows, staring right at your face talking about how much she loves you..and you knowing all the while what she did to you? Do you really want to experience that feeling man? Since I can tell you it will be a billion times worse then what you feel now. Then, what if, on your wedding night or honeymoon..you have a trigger flash of them together? Good way to spoil the entire thing and I hate to tell you this man, but these triggers won't ever go away..never fully, no matter what you do. They will be there 10 years from now, they will be there 20 years. Hell, on your 50th wedding anniversary they will still be there.

 

Why should you have to deal with that for that for the entire relationship, which if you stay with her and get married will be the rest of your life? Why should you pay, year after year, for her poor choices? I know it is hard, walking away from this girl..you were with her since you were 14 so I am assuming she was probably your first love. But she needs to go my friend, I know it will be hard and it's going to suck, but trust me when I tell you it is better then staying and having to deal with the triggers. Also as if the triggers alone aren't bad enough you have to deal with the fact that you would of never found out had your friend not seen her out on a date. She had no intention of telling you. Also how ballsy is it for her to go out where she might be seen by people you know? It's as if she really just didn't give a f*ck at all. Also I really wouldn't believe her when she says she only screwed this guy twice. She has zero credibility now. I mean hell how can you trust her to even leave her house if you aren't with her? Since you have no idea if she is or isn't going out to go screw some dude, since, as mentioned, she has zero credibility and her word means nothing now. Get out of the relationship before you become any further invested in it.

 

I think the only reason you should stay with her is if you enjoy torturing yourself. If you do then yes staying with her will definitely satisfy your need for torture(and thensome)

Edited December 14, 2013 by Spectre

[Downfall]

Yes Spectre, she was my first and only love and I was her first too. I never stopped loving her. It's so hard for me at this point to deal with it. It is killing me the fact that she didn't confess and I might never know every single detail that took place. I wish this were all a dream but it isn't.

 

I know this might sound stupid but I've had urges to punch the hell out of the guy she slept with. It's someone I was introduced to a couple times on a social gathering and he knew we were together.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Downfall

[Darren Steez]

They had dinner, had sex twice? I'd run away guy.

[Spectre]

Yes, Spectre she was my first and only love and I was her first too. I never stopped loving her. It's so hard for me at this point to deal with it. It is killing me the fact that she didn't confess and I might never know every single detail that took place. I wish this were all a dream but it isn't.

 

I understand, and this is why if the people who cheat truly care they are immediately honest with their partners. This at least shows you that they do want to be honest with you. Doesn't guarantee honesty of course, but makes it a lot easier to take them at their word if they haven't lied to you.

 

I've felt that killing sensation too..I felt like I was dying from the inside out. It can be tough, but I can tell you it will fade with time if you walk away from her.

 

I know this might sound stupid but I've had urges to punch the hell out of the guy she slept with. It's someone I was introduced to a couple times on a social gathering and he knew we were together.

 

You have every right to want to do this, especially if he knew you were together, what kind of scum does that? Though remember: it takes two to tango. If he deserves a punch then your gf probably does too. However, you shouldn't go the physical route, you don't want to end up getting charges pressed on you by the dude who also got to bang your girlfriend.

 

Just walk away, if she wants to be with this guy so much then hey let her, one scum deserves another after all. The one thing you need to keep telling yourself is how she never would of told you this herself and how you will never ever come close to knowing the whole truth for as long as you are with her. Nobody deserves to have to live like that.

[TaraMaiden]

They had dinner, had sex twice? I'd run away guy.

 

True dat.

Once may be excused as a foolish indiscretion, a desire to expand her horizons, try something new.

Twice?

Twice is telling you she's not into you, has no respect for you and doesn't want to be with you for ever, from now on.

 

Staying with her says as much about you as it does about her.

And you really don't want to be 'that guy'.

[Spectre]

Just be glad that the ONE good thing that came out of this is that you found out before you proposed. Thank god you dodged the bullet, not everyone is so lucky and they only find out about the cheating long after the bullet has struck them.

[Spectre]

True dat.

Once may be excused as a foolish indiscretion, a desire to expand her horizons, try something new.

Twice?

Twice is telling you she's not into you, has no respect for you and doesn't want to be with you for ever, from now on.

 

Staying with her says as much about you as it does about her.

And you really don't want to be 'that guy'.

 

I have to say I agree about it showing no respect, etc. but I have to say it seems like you are implying if she'd only done it once it wouldn't of shown that.

 

But cheating, even once, shows she has zero respect for him. If she did, she'd dump him before she tried something new and before she expanded her horizons(I take it horizons means legs in this particular case).

[TaraMaiden]

What's more, she cried and begged for forgiveness.

But that's not because she was truly contrite.

 

It's because she got found out.

 

Not because she confessed.

 

She had two chances to avoid this mess, and shot her bolt both times.

She feels bad about being discovered, but trust me, had you NOT found out, it would easily have been 3, maybe 4 times.....

[TaraMaiden]

I have to say I agree about it showing no respect, etc. but I have to say it seems like you are implying if she'd only done it once it wouldn't of shown that.

 

Someone who only cheats once, and then confesses, may hold a degree of respect for their cheated-on partner.

This girl goes beyond the pale, frankly. I agree....

 

But cheating, even once, shows she has zero respect for him. If she did, she'd dump him before she tried something new and before she expanded her horizons(I take it horizons means legs in this particular case).

 

 

I nearly said 'spread her wings' but didn't want to make it such an obvious euphemism....

[Spectre]

Let us be honest: she probably was already with him more then 2 times, maybe dinner itself only happened twice(that's probably how she would justify lying about how many times, since it might sort of be true if she when says "it only happened twice!" in her mind she is thinking of dinner onlyy). She had no intention of telling him, I surely doubt she ever has any intention of ever being fully honest with him about this(or any of the other men she might of cheated with prior to this).