Another Woman and me messing with every person who is important.

[TryingToGainControl]

Where does someone start?

 

Well hold on, because this is going to be a long one. Lets go back to 2008, that would have been the last time my life was in crises enough to need a little help from this very site. I cannot remember my username from then but have come back to share my story.

 

I didn't think I needed to talk about the split in that relationship, its something I dealt with and believe I can sign off from. However my behaviour within that relationship reared its ugly head again and has landed me back into my current situation.

Before I start, let me be clear I am in no way seeking pity but I would love to hear your advice and opinions. In advance I thank you for listening.

 

1997, and I finish school. Come November I had already started driving and it wasn't long before I started dating. I wasn't lucky enough to have my school years behind me to have great experiences in the dating world. I was a relatively quiet lad and had no confidence to start new conversations.

The girl in question was well above my punching weight (in my eyes) and we lasted until 2008. However I ruined her and by the time we split she hated every crawling bone in my body. Why? because I slept with no less than 10 other girls whilst I was with her. Some she knew about and some she didn't. She didn't trust me, didn't like me going out. And yes I can understand this!

Come near the end we both sat on different sofas, her texting to whoever, me texting whoever, both went to bed and slept, got up and worked, come home and had some dinner and so the cycle continued.

Our lives were uncomplicated if I am completely honest, we had no major life crises we had to deal with in our time. But a habit is what kept us together.

 

Any way she ended up leaving me because her Nan become very sick and within 3 weeks she past away with lung cancer, so bitter and twisted in the person I was I didn't offer her any support and didn't even go to the funeral with her.

That was her last straw, another Man did give her support and won the girl and so he should have done.

WOW - the shoe was on the other foot, I was a ruined man. I lost everything and was a mess. But I hoped this was a turning point for me, reflecting on the pas 12/13 years I saw the damage I had caused and tried to embed some morals into my pathetic life because I was a selfish liar and a cheat.

 

We finished in June 2008, come October 2008 an old flame, a girl who I had slept with when in my 12 year relationship came along out of the blue, a facebook thing.

 

I tried to stand by these new morals, I had a bit on the side because I needed to feel close to someone and the physical thing was always important to me. But when me and the this new girl started to date I cut all ties with any friends with benefits.

I thought she was exactly what I needed in life, a new start. A huge love was never there, but she was a fantastic rock. This relationship was a drama a second and if your not liking me as a person already your going to despise me further in this next section.

 

She was living with her sister and her little girl, i used to go over a lot and I always made sure I assisted with money in regards to any food that may have been cooked for me. Her sister moved out because financially it was to much. It left me in a hell of a position, within 6 months I needed to assist because it was a 3 bedroom property and my partner couldn't afford the bills by her self and I ended up moving in. A strain when I hadn't yet managed to sort the house out from my previous relationship.

My job was requesting for me to go into London every day which was costing me £000's a month and was breaking. I had a terrible stomach and my nerves were wrecked because I simply couldn't cope with all the money going.

 

November 2009 and my world was about to crumble. My father had fell over a couple of times, as a family we thought he was just being clumsy. We didn't think any thing of it. But one night me and my partner and her girl went over for tea, i think it may have been bonfire night. My dad had to collect my sister from a friends house a few villages away. I wasn't that close to my dad by any means but I went with him so we could have a natter. Any way I have never ever been that scared by any ones driving. He was not breaking at corners and literally waiting until the last possible moment to turn a corner.

I expressed my concerns to mum and she said something similar happened a week before but then he went back to normal.

A week went by and I am just about to go to bed, my younger sister calls in tears, my dad had fell over and my mum was out and he was saying his legs were not working and he couldn't move. I drove over in a panic and by the time I got there he was sitting on the sofa a little shaken but ok. My mum returned and we decided a trip to A&E.

Expecting a stroke we were well prepared. But to be told he actually had a grade 4 brain tumour and had months to live was something no one can ever prepare for. By December that year he was booked in to have surgery and he returned home on christmas eve (This was 2009)

I was so scared before his surgery. I had no knowledge of any one having brain surgery and I was expecting him to be severely disabled if his brain was to be touched. In my adult years I had never kissed my dad. But when he went down I kissed his head and both our eyes were full of tears.

All went well and to have my dad back and him being near normal after his surgery was brilliant. These Dr's were simply amazing. Mine and my dads relationship flourished, he text every single morning and night to let me know he loved me and how he was feeling. Some months moved on but in this time it was spending a lot of time at my family home enjoying the time with my dad & mum.

 

My partner and I found out we were due to have a baby in December 2010 and My father was overwhelmed. He was simply the best grandad any one could ask for. He was born via C-Section and my partner also had thyroid issues which were going to be addressed after the birth of our boy, it turned out she actually had throat cancer. In part of her treatment she had to be secluded in a room in a local hospital and have some form of radio iodine treatment which made her radio active. She recovered well and due to her time required off work and my fathers illness we offered to move back to my mums and us become a supporting family unit for everything that was going on. we didnt have any physical relationship for about 12 months. a birth of a new son who didn't ever sleep in his cot and the emotional issues we had going on with everything.

Nothing was great, but at the same time nothing was terrible. we just got on with life. (Normal I guess)

 

January 6th 2012 my father lost his battle with his disease. The worst time of our lives, our family had never lost any one close. To this day our whole family is a mess because of this event.

Lets roll on now till November 2012. I went out on a works night out. There was a girl who had just started with our company and because I didn't know the meeting location I asked for someones number. Me and this girl had never spoken but she emailed her number to me. Lets not beat around the bush. We started an affair. She said she hated her boyfriend soon to be her husband in May 2013 and I had all my issues too. She got married and I said when this was to happen we should stop. I was awfully behaved towards her as up until this point I lied every time she wanted to meet/talk/spend time with me as I see it as exactly what I thought it was an affair. I told her I hated her and she was purely sex for me and I would never ever see my self being in a relationship with her. Enjoy your marriage and get on with it.

She was going on her honeymoon and the day that happened her and her new husband were in our local village and they bibbed at me from the car. I see red and sent her some very nasty messages because I thought I was being laughed at.

Something clicked. This woman wasn't an affair I actually had feelings for her, why I don't know. I enjoyed all this time we spent together because we had so much in common. we didnt speak for 2 days and she sent me a message out of the blue demanding to know the reasons for such nasty texts. I told her, I said I had been in denial about my feelings and I think I had love feelings for her.

Since then I have left my ex partner, she is a mess and I am still continuing with this married woman who makes all the promises in the world. She says she is leaving her husband in March next year. But every weekend I have a melt down. I tell her I hate her and she has to go back to her husband and leave me be. She never does she stands by loving me (apparently)

 

I need to understand why I am like this, why am I cheating and lying and hurting people I am meant to care about.

[Clay]

No Doubt you are truly a horrible person. Are you looking to change yourself or just vent?

 

Clay

[AlwaysGrowing]

Most likely, after having a traumatic event in your life, you reached for anything to make you feel better. Something that had zero ties to the trauma. You used another person to soothe yourself.

 

Now, the only time you feel good, is when you are involved in the affair, which of course also makes you feel bad. Honestly, what is redeeming about a woman who would engage in an affair and marry someone at the same time? Is that really someone that is worth investing your whole life into? I bet her newly wed husband wouldn't think so...if he knew the truth.

 

You simply used prior poor coping skills...because you never addressed why you use women like this...its an easy implement..its comfortable.

[TryingToGainControl]

No Doubt you are truly a horrible person. Are you looking to change yourself or just vent?

 

Clay

 

Of course to change.

[whichwayisup]

Of course to change.

 

You want to change, work on yourself, become the person you're meant be, do counseling. your coping skills are not great and you've made some bad choices in the past. Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and others - Move on, let go and make peace so you can be happier and healthier.

[Clay]

I think you really need to figure out exactly what it is you want to change.

 

If you want to stop cheating on people then start by ending it with this married woman.

 

Having her in your life now will only promote this horrible behavior not to mention you are ruining another mans life because your being selfish.

 

Stay singe for a while.

 

Get counseling. You need this for several reason. The loss of your dad. Your lack of the ability to deal with stress. Your lieing and cheating.

 

Clay

[Snipercatt]

It seems you don't value relationships until you almost lose them.

 

How is your son? When did you see him last?