Is girlfriend cheating?

[VcV]

My girlfriend and I has been in a long distance relationship for 9 months. I feel everything is going great, however she told me recently that one of her friends had asked her to accompany him to a black tie function and she accepted. I had some reservation at first, but I told her it's fine if she wants to go.

 

The function took place last week, however she told me that after the function, they decided to head for the club after. Once it got a bit late, I tried calling her numerous times, however she didn't pick up my calls and eventually I suspected that the phone was turned off. Eventually, I managed to get through the next morning, and she told me that she had a bit too much too drink and her cellphone's battery died and couldn't pick up my call that.

I tried to ask her what she was up to during the night, however she just mentioned that they were just up for some dancing and did nothing more. She was pretty vague about what she was going.

 

I have an uneasy feeling that she might have done a lot more. Do you guys think that I am being too overly concerned, or should I confront her about it?

[Spectre]

What concerns me is why she even accepted the offer to go to a black tie function(essentially a date) before even talking to you about it? She only talked to you about it afterwards, that is red flag number one.

 

Then she doesn't just go to the function with this guy, she goes to a club afterwards. That is red flag number 2. Then she doesn't answer phone all night, with is another red flag since you are in a LDR and she is out on a somewhat date with another guy, she should of made damn sure her phone was fully charged and on and at ALL times.

 

Then she is vague the next day about what exactly happened. So yeah, you definitely have a lot of reasons to be concerned man. It sounds like she hooked up with this guy, not sure if it was full blown sex, but it sounds like it. Also, where did she end up sleeping that night?

 

You definitely need to confront her about this. Even on the off chance she did not cheat, you have to find out why this girl was so quick to agree to go to this function without even talking to her boyfriend about it. I hate to say it though man, but it sounds like she cheated. All the signs seem to be there, and she definitely shouldn't of been so quick to accept this date without talking to you. I do not care if she thought the function would be innocent, if you are going to a thing like this with a man who isn't your boyfriend..ESPECIALLY if you are in a long distance thing, you don't end up agreeing to go before talking to him.

Edited December 14, 2013 by Spectre

[theothersully]

Based on everything I know about women and their low fidelity rate, especially if you are not around, I'd say she probably didcheat.

[Spectre]

Based on everything I know about women and their low fidelity rate, especially if you are not around, I'd say she probably didcheat.

 

It pretty much breaks my heart this is true

[theothersully]

It pretty much breaks my heart this is true

 

 

I know. Sad but true. I know soooooo many women and they pretty much all cheat at one point or another. Maybe guys do too, but I don't know enough guys to make a statistically significant statement on that.

[VcV]

Thanks guys, my fear was proven right

 

So I finally decided to confront her and she tearfully confessed that she made out with him in the club. She claimed the combination of being intoxicated and the effect of the environment made her unable to resist when he started trying to kiss her.

 

I learned that he sent her back home to her place later on and he tried to make further advances, but she has sobered up a bit and feeling really guilty over the whole situation. She told me that she gave him a blowjob before he left as she felt bad about leading him on.

 

She told me that she's really sorry and will not contact him anymore. However, I'm lost on what to do as I don't know whether I can trust her and if she did not do anything more as she claimed.

[InnocentMan]

Thanks guys, my fear was proven right

 

So I finally decided to confront her and she tearfully confessed that she made out with him in the club. She claimed the combination of being intoxicated and the effect of the environment made her unable to resist when he started trying to kiss her.

 

I learned that he sent her back home to her place later on and he tried to make further advances, but she has sobered up a bit and feeling really guilty over the whole situation. She told me that she gave him a blowjob before he left as she felt bad about leading him on.

 

She told me that she's really sorry and will not contact him anymore. However, I'm lost on what to do as I don't know whether I can trust her and if she did not do anything more as she claimed.

 

You don't think what she done was enough to ditch her ass?

Accepted a date, went to a club with him, lied about it, sucked a guy off. All four are ditching offences.

[theothersully]

You don't think what she done was enough to ditch her ass?

Accepted a date, went to a club with him, lied about it, sucked a guy off. All four are ditching offences.

 

Then again, I'm not sure I know any girls who don't do this kind of thing a time or two in a relationship or marriage.

 

He'll get a new one, same thing will happen.

 

Maybe it's about just expecting it and doing it yourself as well. Odd thinking, I know, but reality seems to be pretty ugly these days. Everyone is a cheater.

[bubbaganoosh]

Well now you know why she didn't answer her phone. Not polite to talk with a mouth full ya know what I mean?

 

Look. She cheated on you by going out with this guy then got drunk, then sobered up. Dude she sobered up and gave him a BJ. She was sober when she did it so there's no excuse that she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing.

 

It's almost laughable. The woman shot herself in the foot with that statement and you want to know if you should take her back?

 

What is she going to do if she's drunk? Friend drop her and find someone else that you can trust. She's going to screw you over big time so don't fall for the sob story and tears.

[InnocentMan]

Then again, I'm not sure I know any girls who don't do this kind of thing a time or two in a relationship or marriage.

 

He'll get a new one, same thing will happen.

 

Maybe it's about just expecting it and doing it yourself as well. Odd thinking, I know, but reality seems to be pretty ugly these days. Everyone is a cheater.

 

That's a pretty cynical, depressing view of relationships, perhaps with a grain of truth thrown in. Not everyone is a 'cheater', but his gf certainly is. Give people a chance, until they prove otherwise. I think she's proved otherwise.

[theothersully]

That's a pretty cynical, depressing view of relationships, perhaps with a grain of truth thrown in. Not everyone is a 'cheater', but his gf certainly is. Give people a chance, until they prove otherwise. I think she's proved otherwise.

 

Sure is, but I know soooooo many girls. As lovers, as friends, but not in a relationship with them. They all cheat or have cheated down to the last one. Combine that with the threads about, "she left me" on this forum and I do not have an overly positive view of women's fidelity. I'm cynical by observation. But also a realist. Rather just be ready for it.

[MrMeh]

Does she need to do anything more. Honestly, have some integrity!

[incelveteran]

I has been in a long distance relationship for 9 months

This is why I am not a firm believer in LDRs. Very rarely (on occasion) do they work out in the long term. While one person may be satisfied, so to speak, with LDR, the other may believe it doesn't resemble the real thing.

 

Innocentman said it best. Ditch. She may have confessed this story to you, but what if it were to happen again? And besides, she may have confessed this story to you, but the LDR situation, you don't know what (or who) else she could have done.

 

and the effect of the environment

LOL. Epic skullduggery.

[WoodyK]

Does this friend of hers even know of your existence?

 

Not only she is not showing you any respect at all, the fact that she accepted his invitation, agreed to go to a club alone with him and blew him later on indicate that she might be attracted to this guy as well. Especially since they are friends seem to indicate that they have spent quite a fair bit of time together.

 

What was she thinking that going to a club alone with him will lead to? She can't possibly be that naive to think that it will just be dancing and nothing else! Does she expect that he will be happy with a blowjob. If she had not spread her legs for him that night, it will just be a matter of time when she meets him again.

 

She might be interested in this guy and now that he has made his move, she is telling you all these in order for you to break up with her. You should ditch the slut anyway.

Edited December 15, 2013 by WoodyK

[VcV]

I can see where you guys coming from, and it might seem irrational not to dump her. However, things have been going great so far (other than this issue). We had so much in common and whenever we get together (about once a month), we enjoy each other company.

 

Going into an LDR I am aware that there are temptations out there when we are not with each other. I thought initially, I might be able to overlook infidelity as long as it is one-off, but it turned out I don't really handle it well. The image of her giving a blowjob to another guy keeps on playing on my mind since she told me about it and I keep on wondering why would she do that when everything seems to be going on well between the two of us.

[road]

Thanks guys, my fear was proven right

 

So I finally decided to confront her and she tearfully confessed that she made out with him in the club. She claimed the combination of being intoxicated and the effect of the environment made her unable to resist when he started trying to kiss her.

 

I learned that he sent her back home to her place later on and he tried to make further advances, but she has sobered up a bit and feeling really guilty over the whole situation. She told me that she gave him a blowjob before he left as she felt bad about leading him on.

QUOTE]

 

 

 

Then after the BJ they banged all night. Then again when they woke up in the morning.

[Chi townD]

Road got it right. When cheaters confess, without concrete proof from you, they will only admit to the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what truly happened.

 

I mean, a BJ is bad enough, how would you be able to kiss that mouth knowing where it's been?

 

The biggest problem you had is when she agreed to go with this guy in the first place. She should have declined stating that she dating someone and that he needs to find someone else (out of respect for you...which, apparently she doesn't)

[VcV]

Had a chat with her and eventually I told her again that it's hard for me to trust her after what happened and I might have to rethink this relationship over. She said that she's really sorry and she didn't mean to hurt me. She confessed that she has feeling for this friend of hers and he provided her with a listening ear when she had some troubles at work.

 

I was crushed upon hearing that, and I asked her if she is really going to contact him again and she said that no she couldn't cut contact with him, not after he's been so nice to her. She eventually said if it's better than if we take time off and became friends instead. I was pretty emotional at that time and eventually I hung up the phone

 

Feeling really terrible now =(

[soccerrprp]

Had a chat with her and eventually I told her again that it's hard for me to trust her after what happened and I might have to rethink this relationship over. She said that she's really sorry and she didn't mean to hurt me. She confessed that she has feeling for this friend of hers and he provided her with a listening ear when she had some troubles at work.

 

I was crushed upon hearing that, and I asked her if she is really going to contact him again and she said that no she couldn't cut contact with him, not after he's been so nice to her. She eventually said if it's better than if we take time off and became friends instead. I was pretty emotional at that time and eventually I hung up the phone

 

Feeling really terrible now =(

 

Sorry, man. This is her way to say that she doesn't want a relationship with you. I'm willing to bet that she really doesn't want a friendship either. She's going through a lot of emotional crap too, so her crying and remorse may not be that at all. Just emotions taking over. She knew what she was doing and essentially told you that she will likely get back with this guy, so let's end it.

 

Good luck.

[Zahara]

Had a chat with her and eventually I told her again that it's hard for me to trust her after what happened and I might have to rethink this relationship over. She said that she's really sorry and she didn't mean to hurt me. She confessed that she has feeling for this friend of hers and he provided her with a listening ear when she had some troubles at work.

 

I was crushed upon hearing that, and I asked her if she is really going to contact him again and she said that no she couldn't cut contact with him, not after he's been so nice to her. She eventually said if it's better than if we take time off and became friends instead. I was pretty emotional at that time and eventually I hung up the phone

 

Feeling really terrible now =(

 

You dodged a bullet, V. You can't see it now but after having been in relationships with cheaters, there is nothing more damaging than infidelity. Betrayal is hard to get over and even if you went back to her, you would have a hard time not looking over you shoulder.

 

I have a feeling she was cheating way before that night. If I were you, cease contact and shut the door. I have a feeling when this goes bust, she'll come around sniffing.

[road]

Had a chat with her and eventually I told her again that it's hard for me to trust her after what happened and I might have to rethink this relationship over. She said that she's really sorry and she didn't mean to hurt me. She confessed that she has feeling for this friend of hers and he provided her with a listening ear when she had some troubles at work.

 

I was crushed upon hearing that, and I asked her if she is really going to contact him again and she said that no she couldn't cut contact with him, not after he's been so nice to her. She eventually said if it's better than if we take time off and became friends instead. I was pretty emotional at that time and eventually I hung up the phone

 

Feeling really terrible now =(

 

 

See, she banged the brains out of each other. She was testing the waters to make sure she wanted him for sure before she dumped you.

 

 

This is why she refused to go NC with the OM. Why she told you we need a break.

 

 

She also put you in the let's be friends role. This way she has you as her back up plan.

 

 

 

 

She banged the OM.

 

 

One point for her.

 

 

She dumped you.

 

 

Another point for her.

 

 

 

 

Let me see how many points did you score?

 

 

You were dumped before you could dump her.

 

 

 

Minus one point for you.

 

 

You did not man up and tell her you would not share her with any man so it's NC or I am gone.

 

 

Minus another point for you.

 

 

GF 2

 

 

You -2

 

 

That is a 4 point spread.

 

 

You got a can of whoopass open on you.

[ktya]

I've been through this sort of thing before and your situation sounds very similar.

 

In my case when I found out about the *second* affair (we were engaged) and started getting really mad and talking about beating the guy senseless (I didnt do that the first time) she packed up and left the next morning before I woke up. She wanted to protect him more than she wanted to do right by me.

 

She also played the lets be friends card. It was horrible. I was with her for 8+ years so I really didnt want her entirely out of my life after nearly a decade together. When I was with a girlfriend she came by and talked about how great the old times were, came back from Costa Rica and told me she wished she had gone with me and not with him. When I was single she would disappear completely and dodge my calls.

 

The above poster is right.

 

If you catch her cheating then it's absolute NC with the other guy and she is going to have to step up and show absolute accountability for where she is what she is doing who she is with etc to rebuild your trust. That means leaving the cell phone on the table and on all the time when at home and always answering it no matter what for you if she is busy she can tell you so and call you back at the first available opportunity. If she isnt willing to do that stuff then give her the boot.

 

This woman doesnt respect you and is treating you like a doormat. Better to pick up what peices of your pride you have left and learn for next time around.