What Is Cheating?

[Leigh 87]

Cheating is obvious a lot more than sexual acts done with "another person" when within an official relationship.

 

Morally, and through learning about boundaries, I feel that cheating is anything that you do behind your partners back that they would not feel comfortable with.

 

With my first second adult relationship that ended about 5 months ago, I watched a DVD in the dark with an ex FWB was insanely hot and who I once had the hots for.

Of course I would never have in a million years cheated on my bf at he time with this hot guy, but it was sure wrong of me to do!

 

What other things do you not like your partner doing!?

 

I don't:

 

- chat to FWB'S unless they were my very good friends, and only once or twice every few months at that; I wouldn't want a partner to chat to their ex FWB'S often also

-do not hang out with ex FWB or hang out one on one with new guys I meet, unless I invite a boyfriend along. And I would never see a FWB in person again once attached, much less bring my current bf along:sick:

- I no longer discus sex with other men which I am very open, about sex, and I enjoy participating in discussions pertaining to sex with both gender!

 

 

 

Anything else you guys don't do once in a relationship?

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do you all consider healthy boundaries?

[incelveteran]

Anything else you guys don't do once in a relationship?

I don't do any of the above in a relationship. I simply don't get into relationships

 

Cheating is an issue I never have to concern myself about, thank goodness.

 

Cheating is (apparantly) something women never do *rollseyes*, but men do constantly.

Edited December 15, 2013 by incelveteran

[FrankieFrank]

Cheating is anything you do regarding other men/women that you wouldn't do in front of your partner.

[crederer]

Cheating is anything you do regarding other men/women that you wouldn't do in front of your partner.

 

I don't necessarily agree with that statement. However, that is how you should behave if you respect your partner.

 

Cheating isn't the only act that provokes the ending of a relationship. But if a partner does something they probably shouldn't, doesn't mean it's cheating.

 

For example, if I get stupid drunk, run around the dorm room with my pants off, I wouldn't consider it cheating. It'd be stupid and would understand if someone were to break up with me over it, but cheating it is not.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't necessarily agree with that statement. However, that is how you should behave if you respect your partner.

 

Cheating isn't the only act that provokes the ending of a relationship. But if a partner does something they probably shouldn't, doesn't mean it's cheating.

 

For example, if I get stupid drunk, run around the dorm room with my pants off, I wouldn't consider it cheating. It'd be stupid and would understand if someone were to break up with me over it, but cheating it is not.

 

FrankieFrank DID specify 'regarding other men/women'.

I think he's right.

[carhill]

What do you all consider healthy boundaries?

 

Relevant to FrankieFrank's post, my healthy boundary is either having or visualizing my partner or spouse being present during any interactions. It's a really easy boundary to maintain and each partner/spouse is different so the specifics wrt words and actions are necessarily different.

 

I've had plenty of practice with MW's since my divorce even though I'm single. I'll steer them away from words or actions which don't match up with my boundary, even if their spouse may not care. I would, so that's my boundary.

[FrankieFrank]

FrankieFrank DID specify 'regarding other men/women'.

I think he's right.

 

Yes, that's certainly important distinction.

[Leigh 87]

oh good.

 

So when I got naked last year and did handstands and cartwheels around my city in front of my ex and 2 friends, it wasn't cheating.

 

I am just a moron.

 

Well, he copied me too. I guess technically we were "both" disrespecting each other. By showing our bodies to others. Tsk Tsk. Naughty naughty.

 

I wouldn't do that with my current boyfriend, funnily enough. He isn't really into getting wasted, and neither am I really.

 

 

 

..I think most disrespectful behaviour tends to happen whilst under the influence....

 

You can make bad decisions, such as crashing in a bed with a member of the opposite sex, because you're tired and too drunk to bother considering walking home or.. sleeping on the floor.

[Leigh 87]

My boyfriends ex did something pretty damn disrespectful to him...

 

 

She hung out with this guy who had the hots for her. My bf did not like the way he looked at her. They would text all the time and hang out on one one.

She invited this guy to her main birthday instead of my boyfriend; my bf had arranged a party for her with his friends and everything for her (since she didn't have friends of her own:lmao:)

 

..So yeah. Ditching your boyfriend on your birthday to go hang out with another guy who has the hots for you? Can you GET more inappropriate:lmao:

 

 

I once talked to a guy who was saying very explicit sexual remarks about me at a party my EX boyfriend was at.

I didn't like my exes friends. This one guy I enjoyed talking to. Even once he made it known that he badly wanted to kiss me, I still talked to him.

 

So yeah I have been realllly disrespectful before!

 

 

As mean as it sounds.. I loved my ex, but I would never disrespect the current boyfriend I have. Perhaps it is because I have learnt the proper boundaries now? I know what is and is not appropriate by now?

 

I think I just respect my boyfriend more than I did my ex.

[nescafe1982]

I don't discuss issues in my relationship with men (I'm female), and I expect my BF not to discuss issues/problems with our relationship with other women. It invites EAs... it's just good practice to talk about anything that comes up with one another.

 

Other than that, I comport myself in public in a manner that conveys that I'm taken: no flirting with other men (or abiding their flirting with me), no male friends I can't "bring home to my BF," etc. It's not hard to not be sneaky.

[Spectre]

To be honest, I'd prefer a girl I'm dating not associate with guys she has been sexual with. I don't mind if she isn't a virgin, but something I always see people saying about girls and past partners is "the past is the past". Well, maybe true..but then for me these dudes you slept with need to be left in the past too.

 

I just think it opens up the doors to too much potential drama. It's why I have avoided dating or hooking up with friends, since I wouldn't want to put future gf's through having to deal with me being good friends with a girl I screwed. My main reason why I think friends just should not hook up.

 

I will fully admit the reasons I feel this way are 100% because I've been cheated on multiple times. Just another example of the utter toll cheating on someone can take on their life. This is why I will probably just end up alone , I doubt many girls would wanna put up with issues stemming from the way other girls treated me. They'd probably think it just matters how they treat me, but I can't help the fact these past betrayals had a huge effect one me. I miss how I used to be, I used to be so much less jaded.

Edited December 16, 2013 by Spectre

[jonny walker]

If u do something wrong and being caught then its called cheating....if u wanna cheat then don't let proof then your cheating is no more a cheting... lol..

[nomadic_butterfly]

I echo the sentiments it's anything you would do with the opposite sex that you wouldn't do in front of your partner be it virtually or in real life. I also agree about not telling a member of the opposite sex your relationship problems.

 

I also agree if you banged a chick you now call a "friend," I'd totally not be ok with that friendship. Anyone that you have had any level of sexual intimacy with should be at arms length with a "how do you do" phone call every now and again at most unless you share kids.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I don't:

 

- chat to FWB'S unless they were my very good friends, and only once or twice every few months at that; I wouldn't want a partner to chat to their ex FWB'S often also

-do not hang out with ex FWB or hang out one on one with new guys I meet, unless I invite a boyfriend along. And I would never see a FWB in person again once attached, much less bring my current bf along:sick:

- I no longer discus sex with other men which I am very open, about sex, and I enjoy participating in discussions pertaining to sex with both gender!

 

Anything else you guys don't do once in a relationship?

 

What do you all consider healthy boundaries?

 

I think that I should be able to meet and hang out with your "female friends" too and vice versa. I believe in being open and honest with nothing to hide. I haven't had a serious relationship in 5 yrs so I must admit my next one will take some readjusting cause I still talk to almost all the men of my past because I am lighthearted, forgiving and don't hold grudges. If something doesn't work out romantically as well, I still remain friends if we had a solid platonic foundation.

 

If my partner minded though, I wouldn't talk to them because my new relationship would be of the essence and I'm obviously choosey being that I'm single for all this time by choice. I am also marriage minded now so I set those kind of boundaries.

 

No hanging around exes, females that you KNOW like you romantically, and obviously no calls/texts during booty call/late hours from your "female friends."

 

No hanging out with a woman as much if not more than you hang out with me.

 

Cut off a friendship once a female who knows you have a gf disrespects your relationship.

 

No paying for your female friends (unless it's their birthday or they've lost their job or something) when you go out or else TO ME that's a date.

 

I take issue as well with a man hanging out with a new chick he met randomly after our relationship. I find that a bit weird and suspicious unless it's in a group setting like coworkers or something but one on one smells fishy.

 

If he can't/wont answer his phone while out with a girl I also find that fishy too.

[Envy_rodge]

Anything you have to hide.

[JessieJ08]

Well I don't understand why people feel they need to continue being friends with their Exes enough to still hang around them Seriously Grow up with so many ppl in the world you chose to be friends with a past lover who you invested feelings into? That cant be good for anyone I mean I feel people who keep exes around have an issue with letting go of their past. Meaning they haven't grown and experienced new people at all cus they surround themselves with past people who didn't make the cut. Thats just how I feel about that its kinda immature once your a grown up in the real world. Dont get me wrong if I see any of my exes I say hi and respect them but I def dont keep them involved in my life to that extent of were ever going to hang out on a personal level again.

 

Another thing cheating comes in 2 different forms physical and emotional cheating. Physical you sleep,kiss,hug, any sexual act. Emotionally cheating talking to the opposite sex about your feelings, your relationship problems and/or having feelings for someone else when your in a serious relationship and acting on them.

[No Limit]

I haven't been in a relationship yet, but I've had a friendship go wrong and ever since have given myself clear rules I will also use on anything involving romantic feelings:

 

- No contact with an ex, espeically not during a relationship. And also, no sex with the ex, ever again. That's not just a nice title for a movie but a rule which I take very seriously after one of my girlfriends went to bed with her ex, who on that turn betrayed his current girlfriend with her. And she knew of that. I have no clue why, after she's been betrayed herself, she'd do such a thing, but she's not much of a strong person overall and it's like we're from two different worlds anyway.

- Once unhappy or "unloved", it's over. I certainly won't hold on to a guy who isn't happy with me and wait for me to turn one of those girlfriends who count the hours before their guy goes to another "late work". A breakup, a clear cut is simply the best thing to do.

 

I have also some thoughts put together concerning cheating in case it happened to me, but maybe it's just not good to be that pessimistic.