experiencing MASSIVE pain...

[Lizrd3000]

I'm borderline crazy, yeah.

I just want to die. My girlfriend will leave me again anyway. She says she loves me, who believes that **** anymore anyway? People say this and in their mind just thinks the other. I'll just be used and tossed aside. I bet she was lonely because she didn't like the other guy as much as she thought when she broke up with me, so wanted me back to reduce her lonely feelings.

 

And when someone better comes by she'll just leave me again. She said her reasons for the break-up was because I wasn't dominant enough and the insecurities are getting the better of me, but I'm sure she thinks I'm not good enough for her, I'm ugly, not funny enough, not supportive enough, take her problems too easy (like she said I did). She's been on whatsapp for hours now without messaging me once today, neither did she yesterday. I bet she's talking to other guys. I just want to die, I won't ever get rid of these ****ing feelings, death really seems like the only way out now.

 

I'll try to get some supportive reply's here first, I don't even know anymore.

How can I be this sad and messed up when I'm only 18 years old? No one knows how sad I am in real life, I am so fed up with life, I am so so so sad. my mother has a grasp of how sad I am, but I don't show her everything, neither could I. I don't tell my girlfriend anything anymore, because she'll dump me if I show any weakness.

 

I'm crying right now, I've cried ALOT in the past and ALOOOOOT more to come in the future, with a little fake smile here and there. Please tell me why life is worth living if you feel this sad...

 

please just help me.

 

and please don't give me that ''life gets easier'' ****, it hasn't ever gotten easier, only more hurtful once you ''thought'' you've made progress, new pain just comes right back in. and I won't call a hotline, I don't even have the number for it, and I'm too afraid.

 

I'm sorry I have to ruin your day with this ****ty post, but please, I've been feeling sad, angry, anxious, worthless, EMPTY all my ****ing life. I just want to feel happy. I've tried so hard and worked SO SO hard to make myself happy, but it just fades as fast as it came.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Lizrd3000

[todreaminblue]

hey lizard....crazy is relative......to certification by a shrink...and if I were you wouldn't trust a shrink as far as you could toss one.....they think I am crazy....I am not........sort of ......anyhoo...you aren't crazy you are hurt from her leaving from before you haven't healed....see a doc about some therapy maybe......group is cool......I am sorry you are feeling bad...at least you haven't been certified theres a positive........hugs.......to you from me......deb

[regine_phalange]

Hey! *pats Lizrd*

Everything will be a lot better. You indeed seem to be a bit insecure, which makes things difficult, but this girl is not nice. I would dump her if I were you.

One friend once told me the best advice anyone could give me... "Only people who make you feel good and happy deserve to be around you. Nothing less". It made me feel so lovely, she said it so sincerely, I had forgotten how it is to be around truly nice people. Don't ever allow yourself to get used to ****ty behaviours. You are only 18 for god's shake!

[Lizrd3000]

hey lizard....crazy is relative......to certification by a shrink...and if I were you wouldn't trust a shrink as far as you could toss one.....they think I am crazy....I am not........sort of ......anyhoo...you aren't crazy you are just hurting....you need to not know what she is doing....cut complete contact......see a doc about some therapy maybe......group is cool......I am sorry you are feeling bad...at least you haven't been certified theres a positive........hugs.......to you from me......deb

Thank you, but as much as she hurts me I can not live with the emptiness I have when she's gone. I rather hurt this much and be with her than not be with her. and she just texted me a goodnight and a kiss. I really love her, but I always feel as if I need more and more, it's never enough. I'm really all to blame for.......... I hate myself for it, I know it's my fault. thanks for the hug, I really could use that now, a really long big strong hug.

[TaraMaiden]

sadly, posts like this don't often get a lot of responses, because the author actually sounds as if they seriously wallow professionally.

 

First of all, get professional help.

You need it, and won't get it here. You need to see your doctor for medication and referral to a counsellor.

Secondly, break up with her before she breaks up with you.

Your negativity makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy, and to be honest, you're in no fit state or frame of mind to date anyone anyway.

 

You're clearly desperate and convinced you're beyond any form of love, redemption or happiness. Nothing we say will even dent that.

You need therapy, not forum advice.

 

Seriously, get help.

[Lizrd3000]

Sorry, I'm contradicting myself, I don't even know what I feel anymore.

I love her, but I hate that she sometimes doesn't give me more affection. when she doesn't give me that, I hate her and think about breaking up, but then she suddenly gives me, and I feel guilty for thinking the things I've thought. and the cycle continues tommorow.

 

I just needed to post this, and get some nice reply's from you guys.. because I'm so lonely in real life, I can't bother the few friends I have with this, because ít'll push them away, like I pushed away my girlfriend once. and my parents can't give me the love I need, they can't cast away my anxious feelings and give me the love I desperatly need, they've ****ed up in the past, and all the love I had for them is basically gone... untill it's not.

 

my feelings, thoughts and everything is riding a rollercoaster, and the only thing to stop them is to drink heavily, do drugs or kill myself. but I don't want to be a junkie, because I've been bullied at school in the past for smelling like smoke and been called a junkie, so doing that will only reinvorce how right they were. and if I kill myself it'll all be gone, the people who hopefully love me will be hurt for a while, but life will go on, and I'll be in a better place hopefully, but if I won't that's okay too, better than this ****hole world I have.

 

I sound so weak and negative I hate it. I hope I'm not ruining anyones day by this, I just need a let out. sorry..

[TaraMaiden]

I rest my case.

 

Professional wallower.

 

Respond to some posts, instead of constantly telling us how awful you are and how dreadful life is.

 

LISTEN.

 

And I reiterate:

 

GET - HELP.

[Lizrd3000]

sadly, posts like this don't often get a lot of responses, because the author actually sounds as if they seriously wallow professionally.

 

First of all, get professional help.

You need it, and won't get it here. You need to see your doctor for medication and referral to a counsellor.

Secondly, break up with her before she breaks up with you.

Your negativity makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy, and to be honest, you're in no fit state or frame of mind to date anyone anyway.

 

You're clearly desperate and convinced you're beyond any form of love, redemption or happiness. Nothing we say will even dent that.

You need therapy, not forum advice.

 

Seriously, get help.

No, I really need her, someone.

I'm on medicationg, lexapro to be exact. but I forgot to get my docter's permission for more pills, so I had none this weekend. probably why I'm feeling so bad right now, but the pills only mask the pain I have, and numbs me out.

 

and yeah, I will go to the dr. tommorow, and ask for a therapist. my school already gave a warning note to the docter that I need a second degree therepist (or whatever they called it) as soon as possible, but I didn't go to the docter lately, neither have I gone to school at all.

 

I will go see a therapist asap.

I feel better now, and I feel I could go to sleep now without the anxious feelings.

 

I know I sound like a weak attention seeking little boy, which I am, but it works, and I feel better now. thank you.

 

I rest my case.

 

Professional wallower.

 

Respond to some posts, instead of constantly telling us how awful you are and how dreadful life is.

 

LISTEN.

 

And I reiterate:

 

GET - HELP.

 

I was busy writing you back, lol.

[TaraMaiden]

Good thing.

Come back to us when you're seeing a therapist. we'll keep you company, but here's the toughie:

The hard work has to be done by you.

 

But we'll support you through it. As long as you stick with it and do the work.

 

Trust me - it's so worth it.

[todreaminblue]

No, I really need her, someone.

I'm on medicationg, lexapro to be exact. but I forgot to get my docter's permission for more pills, so I had none this weekend. probably why I'm feeling so bad right now, but the pills only mask the pain I have, and numbs me out.

 

and yeah, I will go to the dr. tommorow, and ask for a therapist. my school already gave a warning note to the docter that I need a second degree therepist (or whatever they called it) as soon as possible, but I didn't go to the docter lately, neither have I gone to school at all.

 

I will go see a therapist asap.

I feel better now, and I feel I could go to sleep now without the anxious feelings.

 

I know I sound like a weak attention seeking little boy, which I am, but it works, and I feel better now. thank you.

 

 

 

I was busy writing you back, lol.

 

 

 

 

I dont think you are weak...venting helps its a release valve....that's why I am a firm advocate in regards to talk therapy........over meds.......deal with the root not the stem of the problem....deb

[regine_phalange]

Sorry, I'm contradicting myself, I don't even know what I feel anymore.

I love her, but I hate that she sometimes doesn't give me more affection. when she doesn't give me that, I hate her and think about breaking up, but then she suddenly gives me, and I feel guilty for thinking the things I've thought. and the cycle continues tommorow.

 

I just needed to post this, and get some nice reply's from you guys.. because I'm so lonely in real life, I can't bother the few friends I have with this, because ít'll push them away, like I pushed away my girlfriend once. and my parents can't give me the love I need, they can't cast away my anxious feelings and give me the love I desperatly need, they've ****ed up in the past, and all the love I had for them is basically gone... untill it's not.

 

my feelings, thoughts and everything is riding a rollercoaster, and the only thing to stop them is to drink heavily, do drugs or kill myself. but I don't want to be a junkie, because I've been bullied at school in the past for smelling like smoke and been called a junkie, so doing that will only reinvorce how right they were. and if I kill myself it'll all be gone, the people who hopefully love me will be hurt for a while, but life will go on, and I'll be in a better place hopefully, but if I won't that's okay too, better than this ****hole world I have.

 

I sound so weak and negative I hate it. I hope I'm not ruining anyones day by this, I just need a let out. sorry..

 

You are not ruining anyone's day... Just yours, which is bad already!

 

So, you are not very pleased with your relationship...

In life you will need to do some choices. Most of them hard. But if you listen to your gut, the result will be a happy you. Do you think it is worth throwing everything away for someone who ignores you? I don't think so! I mean there are so many better things to do.

 

I'm also lonely this period, my best friends in the world all moved away and we only speak by phone. I am jobless, I don't have a boyfriend, I gained 5 pounds. And I dislike alcohol! What to do?? All that someone can do is go out there, take opportunities, talk to people even if it is a 30 second chat to strangers, try to have fun, try to laugh, try to move forward. Speak up. Don't be afraid to do so. No one is supposed to save us, we are not princesses and princes locked away in some tower. It's easy to put the blame on others, but this doesn't bring happiness.

[Lizrd3000]

No one is supposed to save us, we are not princesses and princes locked away in some tower. It's easy to put the blame on others, but this doesn't bring happiness.

Someone has told me this before, thanks for reminding me this!

I really liked your post, thank you, and everyone else!

[d0nnivain]

Lizard

 

If your GF texted you goodnight with a kiss, that's a positive sign. It's not an indication that she wants to break up but you have yo be careful not tp create a self sulfilling prophecy.

 

Talk to your mom. She can help. She loves you & will help you find a professional therapist who can teach you tools to improve your disposition. You need to improve your self-esteem. when you do that, it will help lessen the insecurities & teach you to value yourself.

 

Whatever you do, however bad you feel now, please don't take your own life. Things will improve but you have to be alive.

[MidwestUSA]

Lizard, it's never a good idea to go cold turkey off of any medication. Please get back in ASAP to your doctor or therapist. Make sure you don't run out again. Good luck!