She said she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.. Next day she needs space

[Sportsman44]

Hello, I am very new to this and never used a forum but I thought nows the time for open opinions. I met a girl this spring, we hung out for a week...she stopped talking to me. Then about 1 1/2 months ago we started hanging out again. Everything progressed very fast. We were going out, spending the night at each other's places. Meeting the parents, discussing our lives.. You think it.. That's it. I'm 24, she's 27. She was married for 2 years, and just got out of a 3 year rocky relationship. You could say we were "dating" but she never called it that. We were having unprotected sex and she was not on birth control. We were pretty sure she was pregnant and I decided it was to early to carry on with it so she got the pill. We were laying in bed and emotions were flying. She told me I'm amazing, perfect, where did I come from? I'm the guy she's looking for her whole life... Then she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and I can honestly say I could do the same. Everything seemed PERFECT. The very next day, she told me that she's not over her past, we've been hanging out way to much, and she needs her space. Basically she's not over her ex. She doesn't want to get back with him, but she's not over it. I asked her what was up with us? And she said there was never anything... We were only hanging out for a month. A COMPLETE opposite of the night before. Anyways.. We've only talked 2 times since then and she says she needs space.. Which I'm giving her it because I don't want to mess this up. I feel she's confused, scared and doesn't know what she wants. She said she could be over her past tomorrow, 6 months, a year, she doesn't know.. But if I'm around (which I will be). That she'll be back. I honestly don't think there's anyone else she's talking to... I need advice. I have never been this upset, my stomach is in knots, and I'm starting to get depressed. This is the only thing I can think about... Anyone that responds thank you VERY MUCH!.. And I've talked to a few of her friends, do not believe this is a rebound... And we still workout at the gym together

[Poppyolive]

Space you will need to give her or things may get worse for you and her and you together. "Coming out of a rocky marriage" it was a marriage, there was love, there was commitment, there was proposal, excitement, wedding day, love, plans, future, heartache, whatever else! thats a lot of mess for this girl and is all hers to work through and deal with. Not yours and you need to remember that. I think you are a rebound for her and you will get hurt, you are already hurt. Give her space to work out her weary little mind and continue on being wonderful you. If you push for this you'll get burnt. Listen to her she's asking for space to heal, she's telling you she's confused. Listen to her. My advise would be to tell her you respect her and what she's going and working through and you will give her space. Fill your mind, world and heart with things that make you happy, excited and love. Leave her to her business and you to yours. Coming here will help your heart....Best wishes

[Sportsman44]

Thank you, exactly what I was thinking... I have talked to a few of my friends that are girls and hung out with us, and they do not beleive this is a rebound and I honestly don't either. I told her I 100 percent respect her on this and what I want more is for her to get happy. She said she could see her self with me again. I honestly believe we both think we're supposed to be together. I can see it in her eyes.... Can't let this one go

[lucy5]

I too agree, no matter how hard for you this situation is, you have to give her space. Take all your stenght and optimism now cause situations like these are when they are needed. She obviously has a problem within her cause of her past and she simply needs to solve it. One can be frightened so suddenly of future cause of some things that happened in past and fear is the worst enemy of love and happines. When someone is feared they need gentile and patient hand to show that person he/she can trust you. Be patient, be strong...I know exactly how you feel and I know how hard it is, but don't let fear overcome you! It will make you weaker and everything will go dark then... Be strong and positive!

 

Wish you the best

[salparadise]

• she's not over her ex
  
• doesn't want to get back with him, but she's not over it.
  
• she said there was never anything... only hanging out for a month
  
• complete opposite of the night before
  
• says she needs space..
  
• she's confused, scared and doesn't know what she wants.
  
• I need advice.
  
• my stomach is in knots
  
• starting to get depressed
  

 

Ah man, that's really a tough one. I think you've got it right when you say she's confused. Now you have to understand the rest of it, which is a bitter pill to swallow...

 

You represented the emotional equivalent of her going on a binge to escape her own feelings. All that good pussy, with her leading you to believe it was both real and about you got your hormones flowing. She secured your attachment. She got your brain addicted to love drug and then just cut you off. You're going through withdrawal. She's going through something too, of course, only it's not about you––she has multiple objects, plus the fear, loss, confusion and disorientation.

 

Your best strategy is to accept that she is an emotional train wreck and not capable of reciprocating until she's finished dealing with the past (which will be awhile). Also accept that your current misery is based on coming down from the feel-good hormones... a month of good sex is not equal to everlasting love. So take your power back and normalize your brain chemistry. Then when she comes back around in a few weeks or a month or whatever, realize that going for it again is volunteering to go through the same spin cycle all over again. The chance that she's sitting at home practicing celibacy while you're enduring your misery is pretty remote.