Son doesn't want to talk to me on the phone?

[M30USA]

I am divorced with standard possession (every other weekend). Up until recently both my boys liked talking on the phone. Lately the older one, 6, hardly says a word and he seems to just wanna get off. He also seems kind of sad on the phone and mostly gives me one-word responses. Even when I tell him I love him he doesn't say anything back. Contrast this to when he's actually at my house, away from his mom or their family: he is clearly happy to be with me, laughs frequently, and ALWAYS says, "I love you too."

 

I'm wondering if he just doesn't like the phone. Or do you think he's intimidated by his mom and her family? They are always monitoring his calls and watching him talk. I have proof of this. Plus their mom and grandmother are VERY controlling and manupulative. Or do you think he's just going through a stage which is temporary? Because the younger 3 year old son talks to me just fine and happy as always on the phone.

 

As additional info, my ex has strong history of violence and emotional instability. She was arrested after beating me with a board. I'm not sure if this plays a role in my question but I assume she is still the same person with the same emotional chaos. The problem is that I used to have fine phone calls with my 6 year old but they have gotten very strange and difficult within the last month.

 

Input is appreciated.

Edited December 16, 2013 by M30USA

[RonaldS]

Ride it out and stay positive. Whether or not this has your Xw's fingerprints on it or not, you just have to always be 'dad' and be upbeat and interested in them.

 

I talk to my kids every night. A lot of times, it's a struggle, especially with my oldest, who is 7. They're kids. A phone conversation is not always the most important thing in the world. A lot of times, they're distracted. I've learned that a lot of times when my kids are not into talking, it's because they were watching TV, or playing with something. Just stay positive and engaged. If they don't want to talk, sometimes it's best to just keep it short and make sure they know you love them. Of course, there could be something wrong, so when you get them when they're talkative, you can try to explore why and always reassure them that they can talk to you and that you love them.

 

And when you catch them at good times when they're engaged, take advantage of it and talk to them about whatever they want to talk about.

 

Another tip: try to Skype or FaceTime when you can. Far more interactive.

 

Always remember...they're kids. They don't do things like we do, they don't respond to or prioritize things the way we do. Just be consistent, happy, honest and interested.

[strive]

I agree, your son in probably just busy (my daughter did that to me one time and I had worst case scenario in my head, turned out she was watching youtube). Maybe the next time you see him ask him what was doing while you guys were on the phone (that is if he could still remember it). Chances are he's just really into something at that moment and can't be bothered with a phone call. All part of growing up.

 

Just stay positive and be very interested in whatever he's doing.

[Porridge]

OP, mine are exactly the same and are around the same age. We're all extremely close and love our time together but they're not particularly comfortable talking on the phone and we don't do it often.

 

It's just a maturity thing and i'm quite sure will have no underlying sinister causes. We're in this for the next ten years at least and over that time contact, conversation, the kid's needs etc will change constantly. We just need to be the stable, reliable presence that the children know they can trust, as opposed to the dysfunctional, emotional roller coaster that is their mother.

 

Remember, we're in a very similar boat here!

[M30USA]

I guess you guys might be right. It just sucks because when they talk to their mom at my house, I make sure they turn off TV and stop playing with toys, etc. I do this to teach them how to be a respectful communicator. I only wish this was reciprocated with their mother--but then, again if she were like that, then we probably wouldn't be divorced in the first place.

[strive]

but then, again if she were like that, then we probably wouldn't be divorced in the first place.

 

This made me laugh. I feel exactly the same way with my ex.