Married 2 months. I'm not attracted to him anymore.

[hopeless21]

My husband and I got married 2 months ago. 2 weeks after the wedding i realize I don't want to have sex anymore. We've been arguing and fighting almost everyday since the wedding. We both love sex. We both love each other but I think he loves me more than i love him. He's a great man. He's an awesome father (we don't have kids together). He's thoughtful and helpful around the house. He would never cheat on me and I trust him. We have good communication. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. He still wants sex from me but I've had to force myself to do it just to shut him up. I dont want to divorce only 2 months into it. but i'm tired of masturbating. is all hope lost for us?

[theothersully]

My husband and I got married 2 months ago. 2 weeks after the wedding i realize I don't want to have sex anymore. We've been arguing and fighting almost everyday since the wedding. We both love sex. We both love each other but I think he loves me more than i love him. He's a great man. He's an awesome father (we don't have kids together). He's thoughtful and helpful around the house. He would never cheat on me and I trust him. We have good communication. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. He still wants sex from me but I've had to force myself to do it just to shut him up. I dont want to divorce only 2 months into it. but i'm tired of masturbating. is all hope lost for us?

 

 

Jesus.... find ways to become attracted again.

 

This post is exactly why we do not have good relationships, marriages, etc... anymore.

 

Get re attracted. You cannot lose all attraction to someone in 2 months unless you have severe mental issues.

 

Sorry, but I am so tired of reading this again and again. Woman up and fix yourself.

[Poppyolive]

I agree with above

[Eggplant]

Sounds as though you weren't head-over-heels for him... You'll go through a lot of rough patches in your marriage. I would not recommend denying sex. But then, I've never been married, so what do I know?

[curiousGeorge2]

He is great in everything, so what is problem?

 

Whatever the problem is, it will would be likely getting worse over time.

[Grumpybutfun]

My husband and I got married 2 months ago. 2 weeks after the wedding i realize I don't want to have sex anymore. We've been arguing and fighting almost everyday since the wedding. We both love sex. We both love each other but I think he loves me more than i love him. He's a great man. He's an awesome father (we don't have kids together). He's thoughtful and helpful around the house. He would never cheat on me and I trust him. We have good communication. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. He still wants sex from me but I've had to force myself to do it just to shut him up. I dont want to divorce only 2 months into it. but i'm tired of masturbating. is all hope lost for us?

 

This sounds like the poster thread for men who believe that women hate on/ diss the good guys and want the bad boys. I smell troll.

G

[xxoo]

It sounds like you are confusing passing feelings with lasting feelings.

 

When I argue with my spouse, I don't feel desire for sex with him. But I understand that is a passing feeling, and the desire for sex comes back when we resolve whatever issue we're arguing about.

[Eivuwan]

It would be helpful if you tell us what kind of arguments you guys are having.

[pink_sugar]

It takes time for attraction to fizzle. It doesn't make sense that one minute you're head over heels and getting married and now suddenly for no apparent reason, you do not find him attractive anymore. Why did you go through with the wedding? Surely you had doubts before hand.

[hopeless21]

Thank you everyone for your responses. To be honest I was never actually physically attracted to him. I fell in love with his personality and the way he treated me. He is a very religious man and I'm not quite as pious as he is but I am very spiritual. A few months into our dating relationship we decided that we wanted to wait until marriage with each other to have sex again. When we first met I was fresh out of another relationship. Anyway, we thought waiting would uncomplicate emotions and make a married life more satisfying. All during our engagement we were battling all sorts of problems with family members and unemployment. We thought that because we were able to make it through all those problems that we were meant for each other. A week after the wedding, my husband went into a serious depression about finances. I found out that his debt was double what he originally told me it was and that he had been hiding how out of hand his bills had gotten while he was in between jobs (he's changed jobs 3 times this year). He was so depressed that he became blasphemous towards God and violent towards our pets. He never hit me or attempted to but his words did just as much damage. One of the main things I was attracted to him for was his faith. I ended up wiping out my checking account and my savings account and maxing out my credit cards trying to help him get caught up on everything but he's still behind. Anyway, I can hardly look him in the face anymore because I don't know what to think of him. He knows how I feel about everything and he says he is trying to manage his finances better. But I found evidence of more personal loans he took out behind my back after he promised me that he would talk to me before making any financial decisions. I'm just at the point where i feel like i don't know the person I married and I wonder if I can trust him. We were once happy but i feel like our relationship was based on lies.

 

@ Grumpybutfun - that was not my post

[Eivuwan]

These sound way more serious than a physical attraction problem. I am very concerned about your husband's emotional stability and character. If I were you I would leave. Violence towards animals and lying about finances are unacceptable.

[Got it]

I agree with the above poster and wanted to add financial infidelity to the list as well. With all of those issues, and the physical attraction is minuscule in comparison, I would think this will take intense therapy and investment to change or divorce now and walk away learning a very important lesson on needing to know more about someone prior to marrying them. It doesn't sound like you were dating for very long.

[crederer]

Two months? You're not even trying. I really can't understand how this is even possible.

 

I'd suggest getting an annulment (if that's still possible, I dunno the parameters).

[Realist3]

I think you should just get out while this marriage is still new.

 

If you were never physically attracted to him that is not going to change.

 

The fact that he lied to you about his financial troubles is a double whammy. It shows he is willing to lie to you about a very very serious aspect of your marriage, and that he is financially irresponsible.

 

Violence and verbal abuse are examples of a very damaged person.

 

When you say you feel like you don't know the person you married it is because you don't know him. He sold you on a fraud.

 

Get out ASAP. Best of luck.

[oldshirt]

You both sold each other a fraudulent bill of goods.

 

You sold him that you were in love with him and desired a sexlife with him (even if postponed till after marriage)

 

And he sold you that he was stable, religious and responsible.

 

You both pulled one over on the other and used each other. You both have valid grievances and valid reasons to have this marriage annulled and dissolved.

 

Do it now before you get deeper in debt or get knocked up.

[oldshirt]

Attraction is not a choice. She never was attracted to him so she cannot "reattract" herself to him. The only way she can become attracted to and desire him is if he becomes another person.

 

The only way he can have her desire him in his true state is if she becomes a different person.

 

They both misrepresented themselves and portrayed themselves as people they are not.

 

While the argument can be made they deserve each other, there is no valid reason for this sham to continue.

[Quiet Storm]

It sounds like he has some serious character issues.

 

I think you saw his faith in religion and assumed this meant he is a good person. Religious people are not exempt from doing terrible things- character is stronger than faith. For example, pedophile Catholic priests are not driven by their faith or desire to serve when they molest children. No matter how much they believe or love or serve, their personal issues & character- drive their behavior.

 

What concerns me about him is the lying. It is one thing to admit your financial problems & work together as a couple towards repairing things. However, its a much deeper issue if a spouse is lying, sneaking, omitting, manipulating.

 

Please do not have kids with him.

[pink_sugar]

I think you should just get out while this marriage is still new.

 

If you were never physically attracted to him that is not going to change.

 

The fact that he lied to you about his financial troubles is a double whammy. It shows he is willing to lie to you about a very very serious aspect of your marriage, and that he is financially irresponsible.

 

Violence and verbal abuse are examples of a very damaged person.

 

When you say you feel like you don't know the person you married it is because you don't know him. He sold you on a fraud.

 

Get out ASAP. Best of luck.

 

How long were you together before marriage? I am amazed you did not see any of these signs before the marriage contract was signed. I would have gotten an annulment right away when I found out about these things.

[hopeless21]

How long were you together before marriage? I am amazed you did not see any of these signs before the marriage contract was signed. I would have gotten an annulment right away when I found out about these things.

 

 

We dated for 1 year and were engaged for 1 year. I definitely hear everyone's comments. I have not yet decided what I will do. I still see a lot of good qualities in him and all the reasons I married him. I just now also see a lot of really bad problems with him as well. He does just as much good as he does right. However it does affect my perception of him. Is it worth throwing away the good in our relationship because of the bad? I see so many posts about infidelity and bad attitudes and laziness. He wants us to work. Should I keep trying as long as he is trying?

[emotionlessbutalive]

We dated for 1 year and were engaged for 1 year. I definitely hear everyone's comments. I have not yet decided what I will do. I still see a lot of good qualities in him and all the reasons I married him. I just now also see a lot of really bad problems with him as well. He does just as much good as he does right. However it does affect my perception of him. Is it worth throwing away the good in our relationship because of the bad? I see so many posts about infidelity and bad attitudes and laziness. He wants us to work. Should I keep trying as long as he is trying?

 

I have a similar story. I asnt attracted to hubby but he was perfect in every other way. been with him for 15 years and have still the same problem. I had one affair during this time but back with hubby. Depnds on you want to be in a crazy sexual relationship but he is cheating and abusing..thats unacceptable for me. Try to make it work and focus on his positive points. comparatively to all my other froends i am happer today. for sex, I please myself and we do have dead sex once in a while. but when everything else is good attraction respect will come along...it works better when we like someone rather than being in love and being a doormat. trust me I have been in that kind of relationship. not worth it.

[Jim305]

I was never actually physically attracted to him...I fell in love with his personality and the way he treated me. He is a very religious man and I'm not quite as pious as he is but I am very spiritual...When we first met I was fresh out of another relationship...I found out that his debt was double what he originally told me it was...One of the main things I was attracted to him for was his faith. I ended up wiping out my checking account and my savings account and maxing out my credit cards trying to help him get caught up on everything but he's still behind...I can hardly look him in the face anymore...I found evidence of more personal loans he took out behind my back after he promised me that he would talk to me before making any financial decisions...I wonder if I can trust him.

 

(1) Well, you CAN'T trust him. He lied to you before you were married and then he broke his promise to you after you were married.

 

(2) You can't look him in the face because you've (justifiably) lost respect for him which makes him even less attractive and exciting to you than he was before.

 

(3) Some people are givers, some are takers, and some are a mix of both. THIS GUY'S A TAKER. You've been generous and helpful, but you've also, I think, been taken advantage of.

 

(4) It's axiomatic that we shouldn't get too involved with new people after a big break-up. It sounds like your judgment was a little clouded and you ended up doing something you really didn't want to do and that wasn't good for you.

 

(5) It's curious that you were attracted to his piousness even though you're less religious than he is. Well, it sounds like he's treating you in a way most religions wouldn't approve of, so I don't see that he's really all that faithful.

 

(6) I'm not superficial, and well all can't be supermodels, but there has to be at least a little bit of attraction between a couple in a relationship - if that was NEVER THERE, then it's probably not going to be. It's admirable that you tried to see the person inside, but you're not doing another person any favors by pretending to be sexually attracted to them when you really are not - that will lead, obviously, to a very unsatisfying sex life for both partners.

 

Conclusion: If you don't want to be hurt, depressed, lied to, and used anymore, the LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE! This thing is headed nowhere but south!

 

Good luck!

[Mr. Lucky]

I still see a lot of good qualities in him and all the reasons I married him. I just now also see a lot of really bad problems with him as well. He does just as much good as he does right.

You mean you found out he was human, makes mistakes and has a past ?

 

I don't condone his deceiving you regarding his finances. But I wonder how up front you were with him regarding your chemistry together? Honesty is a two-week street and an equal obligation on both partners in a relationship.

 

Outside of any decision you make regarding your marriage, you have some thinking to do about your approach to a relationship. Marrying someone you're not attracted to is unfair to both parties...

 

Mr. Lucky

[painfullyobvious]

Is this just a cause of the relationship making it past the butterflies and now you are in love just not crazy I cannot wait to see you love? Its only been a total of two years, just got through the wedding and things have started settling into real life.

 

 

What I think you have here is a relationship where some lies have been exposed and a person starts to wonder what else aren't they aware of. Ask anyone who has been cheated on. Lies begin to put up barriers even if they are small lies. Trust is so important in a relationship even small dents that seem trivial makes a person wonder and ask why they are lying about small things. If a person has small lies they probably have larger lies. Its a snowball effect of wondering and guessing.

 

 

Start over. Clear the plate. Learn to connect. If you struggle at this get counseling. There will not be a magical date that will make divorce feel better. You cannot wait for the one year or two year date and say its okay to leave now. People talk no matter the time frame of the relationship. Its seems you are focused on the two month period being too soon but it will "look" better later. I'm telling you it wont.

[SweetandHappy]

None of this bodes well for the future. I think you need to cut your financial losses now and get out before it gets worse. I was married for 18 years to my previous husband and tried and tried (with the finances). As long as you are bailing him out, he will continue to mismanage. Don't go down with the ship like I did. On top of that, he is verbally abusive to you and abusive to your pets.... again, been there and done that. Get out before it gets worse.... because it DOES!!!!

[crederer]

Let's cut the BS. Why did you marry him? I find it very hard to believe that you married him for love then fell out of love 2 months later. WHY did you marry this person?

 

Christ almighty, this is a MARRIAGE. A marriage. Not a person you're dating that you can simply discard.

 

I'm sorry if this comes off as rude, I'm genuinely confused.