10 years of LOVE and PAIN.

[thenotebooks]

I was in a relationship for nearly 10 years.. we were high school sweet hearts. I was 15, he was 16 and we met in the year 2002, started dating in 2003. We had so many ups and downs.. physical & emotional abuse. Very tumultuous, and heartbreaking yet with a strong love that made us last that long. I am 25 now & he is 27. We broke up nearly a year ago and I started seeing someone else with intentions of nothing serious (our 1 year anniversary is next month). I fell in love with this guy fast and hard.. He is everything my ex could never be. Gentle, sweet, passionate, thoughtful.. the list goes on. He is my prince charming and knight in shining armor. He wouldn't lay a hand on me like my ex did. I care for him so much..yet at the same time I am still in love with my ex (my 1st everything) . It hurt me to find out my ex was seeing someone else too, but I knew we had to be apart.. We fought way too much and too often.

 

Anyway, I met up with my ex over 2 weeks ago and we talked like civil human beings. Something we haven't been able to do since we parted. We both cried to each other. I hated seeing him cry, seeing him hurt. I cried so hard and I missed him so much, I just wanted to give him a hug and tell him how much I still loved him and that I forgave him for everything he had put me through. but I couldn''t.. I sat there and wept with him sitting infront of me. I knew that would risk everything that I've worked so hard for this whole year. I no longer depend on him emotionally, and I gained emotional strength and stability... things I hadn't had in YEARS... I was always overshadowed by what he wanted and his feelings.

 

To make things short - My boyfriend now is so in love with me and tells me how much he wants a future with me. Everytime he talks about the future, I'm always in it.. Again, something my ex never did. (My ex actually told me a year ago that he didn't want to get married or have kids, he told me that throughout all the years we were together and I kept waiting and hoping that someday he'd change) .....Anyway, my ex told me after our meet up that he wanted to get married and have kids... that he loved me too much to be without me and he's ready for it all now. He is financially stable and ready to do what he couldn't back then.

 

I am so torn right now. I love my ex so much... nearly 10 years of my life were spent with him. And I've been with my current boyfriend for 11 months and I just found out that he bought an engagement ring for me for Christmas. .....He isn't that well off financially, but in no way does that affect how I feel towards him. I love him too....but I don't think it's 100% right now....

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna go back to the familiar... I don't want to be put through the ringer again with my first.. I don't wanna be hurt. But I just can't let this love for him go... I cry when I hear "our songs" or "our movies"... Everything that reminds me of him hurts.

 

Yet I am soooo happy with my love right now.... All we do is laugh, make each other happy.. he listens to me... And I know that right now things may be peachy (we've had pretty bad fights throughout this year but nothing I couldn't handle)... I don't know whether to be HONEST and end things with my current now, because my feelings for my ex are too strong, or stay put and brush my ex off.. Start anew, make new memories and grow in love with someone who would never do horrible things to me ....

 

I'm so confused and I hate myself for getting into this situation. What to do???

[Mariposa10]

OMG, so it's true? People can love two people at the same time??

 

If he mentally and physically abused you, then you need to move on. He'll do it again. Did you start dating this guy right after you broke up with your ex? If so, that's why you're so confused right now!!

[ravssss]

why did u jump into a relationship if u cudnt commit completely to ur current BF ... i hate to say that i see u breaking this for ur ex and telling ur current BF that its because "i think u deserve better" ... why dont ppl feel like over coming the temptations that u get when u move on ... and ya one good advice .. never drink with ur ex at this point ...