Engaged friend still has feelings for me

[Velo]

Hi. Newcomer here, not sure if I'm posting this in the right forum or not, but anyway...

 

Three years ago, I became very close friends with a girl, Rachel. We hung out together all the time just the two of us, had a very strong connection and chemistry, but nothing romantic happened at the time. She started seeing someone long-distance (we were in NYC, he was in Atlanta) not too long after we started hanging out; he moved to Boston shortly thereafter, and she would periodically go visit him. She then moved to Buffalo for school, but right before she left she and I slept together a couple of times. She put an end to it because she was getting serious with the other guy, which hurt quite a bit more than I expected...by that time I realized that I had deeper feelings for her. We remained Facebook friends but basically had no contact afterward other than a couple of email exchanges, mainly because I wanted to put it behind me.

 

Fast-forward three years. Rachel is now engaged to the same guy and living with him in Boston. She emailed me out of the blue a few weeks ago to say she'd be in town for a couple of days, we should hang out. I told her that I didn't think it would be a very good idea, but she was persistent and also a bit insistent that it just be the two of us. I finally acquiesced, partly because I did want to see her, partly out of curiosity. Things started off well - we chatted, caught up, it was nice. But then a few drinks in she brought up some relationship issues she was having - he doesn't like her friends, they're in what she called a sexual rut (although I had the impression it was a bit more than a rut), etc - nothing really major, and she did say several times that she loves him.

 

But then a drink or two later she told me that she still has feelings for me, that she was instantly attracted to me when she saw me, that she thinks about those nights we spent together often, several times said that she wanted to sleep with me but couldn't because she's engaged (and no, we didn't, but we did have a fairly graphic discussion about what we do sexually). We eventually ended up kissing and cuddling on a couch in the lobby of her hotel until sunup.

 

We texted a bit in the days afterward during which she said seeing me raised a lot of unexpected emotions, that it was very emotional and complicated, things like that (she also said at one point that what she wanted and what she was looking for are different things, which I didn't fully understand - aren't you just asking for trouble if they're not pretty much one and the same?). She also said that her feelings for me and what we said and did that evening were completely separate from her relationship, which I find a bit difficult to believe.

 

How can we go three years with virtually no contact and then within a few hours more or less just pick up where we left off? I have to assume that we both still have fairly strong feelings for one another and are still mutually attracted to one another, but why would she be telling me those things now, after she's engaged?

 

It was all very unexpected and I am totally confused about what it all meant and the more I think about it the more confused I get. Any thoughts, opinions, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

Unless you are prepared to be the OM or at least the guy who broke up her engagement, stay away from her.

[imtooconfused]

Seeing you may have made her question her engagement. It wouldn't be the first time. But as d0nnivain says, it would dangerous to get any more involved with this woman until she breaks it off with her fiancé officially. If she invites you to get involved with her while she is still attached, she will be showing herself to be an untrustworthy cheater, and someone you wouldn't want to be involved with in the first place.

 

On the other hand, it would be wrong for her to continue her engagement if she is having second thoughts. You should call her out on her feelings for her fiancé and counsel her not to make that mistake if she is not sure.