romantic1389 Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Length of relationship: 1.5 years OK, so I know the general consensus would be to move on with my life, and find another girl, but I just lost a girl that I REALLY loved because I couldn't get my act together. I have been unemployed for the entirety of our relationship, and I made almost 0 effort to get a job. I also was lazy, and became complacent in the relationship. The break up happened 2 weeks ago, when she told me that she needed time to think about things. Then she said she doesn't see herself marrying me, and doesn't feel the same way I feel about her (understandable, I was a lazy useless ****). So I have gone out there, and started making some serious changes to myself, found employment, cleaned up my act, no more laziness. I want her to see the new me, I want her to DATE the new me. I have been trying to have minimum contact, but we have spoke a few times. I invited her to dinner to celebrate me getting a new job, and she said she will think about it, and it would be happening next Tuesday. I want to spill my heart to her, I want to ask her if she will date the new me, if she will give the new me another chance. I love her with all my heart and can't stop thinking about her, even when talking to other women. I don't need this girl, but I ****ing want her. I just don't know what to do. Update: She ended up coming to the date (this was a week or so ago) we both had a really nice evening, laughs smiles, and I know she saw some of beginnings of the changes I Was trying to make. I sent her flowers this past wednesday, she messaged me with "you shouldn't have". I ended up talking with her about it, and she said it's a nice thought, but to little to late. She then proceeded to ask me for a favor the next day (just getting her some free e-books while she was at work). I unfriended her from facebook already, and have been trying to do no contact, but what am I supposed to do if she contacts me? I know she looks at my facebook profile EVERYDAY (im know this because I knew her habbits from when I was with her) I just want to know what I can do that won't be to little to late. I was thinking of just dropping off a gift for her and her dog with a nice note saying " merry Christmas, hope all is well" Just simple, nothing over board or clingy. I am trying to play this cool, but I don't know how to break the emotional barrier that she has shielded herself with. Link to post Share on other sites
thompkevin Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 The emotional barrier can only be broken when it gets weak with time. Right now, she is too adamant about her decision of breaking up. You need to give her some time to miss you. (as mentioned here). I love the fact that you have turned your life around for her but still you have turned your life around FOR HER. Which kind of makes you needy. And I am talking about her point of view. You need to stop focusing on her for a while and do things for yourself. Her shields will come down when she realizes that you are no longer doing things for her (or just to show her) and you are doing things for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeWithoutMiMi Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 The emotional barrier can only be broken when it gets weak with time. Right now, she is too adamant about her decision of breaking up. You need to give her some time to miss you. (as mentioned here). I love the fact that you have turned your life around for her but still you have turned your life around FOR HER. Which kind of makes you needy. And I am talking about her point of view. You need to stop focusing on her for a while and do things for yourself. Her shields will come down when she realizes that you are no longer doing things for her (or just to show her) and you are doing things for yourself. Well said, basically you should improve yourself for your own good, for your happiness. There is no need to let her know. At some point in the future, she may notice that you have changed either by mutual friends or social media. That way, she may find you attractive again. You need to feel good about yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author romantic1389 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 Thanks guys, at this point i am doing it mainly for myself, but she is my inspiration. I am trying to let it heal, and go no contact, but JUST today she even texted me and I tried to keep it polite and brief, but she just keeps popping up in my life, like I ignored her text, so she msged me on facebook (where I have her unfriended) to say "you forgot to tell me about such and such" And i am responding briefly and politely, cause idk how else to talk to her in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Thanks guys, at this point i am doing it mainly for myself, but she is my inspiration. I am trying to let it heal, and go no contact, but JUST today she even texted me and I tried to keep it polite and brief, but she just keeps popping up in my life, like I ignored her text, so she msged me on facebook (where I have her unfriended) to say "you forgot to tell me about such and such" And i am responding briefly and politely, cause idk how else to talk to her in this situation. Don't talk to her. No Contact is No Contact and that's what you need to do. You need to let things settle and you need to get your head straight. Stop talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) "I was thinking of just dropping off a gift for her and her dog with a nice note saying " merry Christmas, hope all is well" Come on dude, the dog can't read and doesn't even know what Christmas is. Everybody will know you are really focusing on her, INCLUDING her. Desperate, clingy, sappy. If you're going to go ahead and give her a gift anyway, might as well be your balls, since apparently they have separated from your body and are by your feet. Might as well put them to use and put it in a gift box or something..a really small one. tic tac size .. Ok that was harsh, but just looking out for you man. Edited December 18, 2013 by legion113 Link to post Share on other sites
Author romantic1389 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 I went ahead and did it, just to make myself happy, and I think it just made things worse. I am going no contact, deleted/blocked her everywhere I could, and going to just live my life the best I can for a couple months and then maybe see how she is doing then. Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Good for you, at least now you know better. Some people need to get burned to realize how hot the fire is. Good luck on your NC! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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