What do I do!?

[legion113]

So she didn't even text you about the movies huh? Hurt right? Stop making plans with her only for her to blow you off. Don't text or answer her texts for a month. Don't text her family or even greet them, it will just seem like you're trying to make contact. And HELL no on the xmas present, don't be a sap. Buy an xbox one for yourself..they're pretty cool, just the voice control alone...

If she doesn't contact you in a month. hopefully you won't care because you've already met a hot new girlfriend on New Year's Eve! I'm heading out to a New Years Eve Party, I plan to wake up the next morning face down in my own vomit ha ha. At any rate, the best way to not show any signs of weakness, is not to ACT like you're weak. Your a young guy with lot's to offer, any woman would feel lucky to have you. Act it, believe it, BE it.

[aero2008]

So she didn't even text you about the movies huh? Hurt right? Stop making plans with her only for her to blow you off. Don't text or answer her texts for a month. Don't text her family or even greet them, it will just seem like you're trying to make contact. And HELL no on the xmas present, don't be a sap. Buy an xbox one for yourself..they're pretty cool, just the voice control alone...

If she doesn't contact you in a month. hopefully you won't care because you've already met a hot new girlfriend on New Year's Eve! I'm heading out to a New Years Eve Party, I plan to wake up the next morning face down in my own vomit ha ha. At any rate, the best way to not show any signs of weakness, is not to ACT like you're weak. Your a young guy with lot's to offer, any woman would feel lucky to have you. Act it, believe it, BE it.

 

Yeah. It did hurt. She never even texted me about the movies. You're right. I don't want to continue making plans with her just for her to blow them off. You think I shouldn't text or answer her texts for a month? What if she moves on within a month. Like I said in one of my previous posts (not sure which one), I have been at college for the past 3 weeks, and before that, she was in WV to see her family there (during Thanksgiving). So the last time we got to spend real quality time together was the weekend before Thanksgiving. During this visit before Thanksgiving, we had fun, but we also argued quite a bit. This was also the last time we've had sex. I think this may be part of the reason why she is finding herself able to disengage so easily (because it's been so long since we've gotten to spend quality time together, we argued the last time we did get to spend time together, and she is not one to talk on the phone - something that I think helps to keep relationships close when physical contact is not an option). When we initially got back together over summer she was SO into me, just the way we originally were. I feel that if I wait another month before contacting her it may be too late... but if I DO contact her first (since I was the last one to text her with no reply) she'll consider me weak and desperate. This is the last place I want to be. I made the mistake of begging and pleading with her the first time we broke up, and I vowed never to make that mistake again. As soon as I made up my mind that I was going to move on and not look back, she texted me wanting to make up and get back together. I'm worried that this might not be the case this time, and that quite frankly scares the sh** out of me.

 

I've been trying my hardest not to check her Twitter and Facebook pages, and also not to think too much about what she's doing or who she's with. As of now, she still has it on her Facebook that she is in a relationship with me. If she texts or calls me asking to come over on Christmas day, I should politely tell her no and wish her a Merry Christmas, or should I ignore her completely?

 

I would give anything to have things back to how they were... to be able to work out our issues and differences, and start fresh with each other. I feel like neither of us held up to our end of the deal when we got back together over summer. We were supposed to talk on the phone and video chat frequently, and I was supposed to come and see her more often. When we were together, I wasn't always as fun and spontaneous as I used to be, and quite frankly I think I may have become boring to her. I want to be that fun and spontaneous and energetic guy again. I can't help but feeling like this somewhat my fault. I want her to love me again the way she used to. I know I probably sound like a desperate loser that's beating a dead horse... but it's really hard to stop thinking about her and about what used to be, and what could be again if she'd let it.

 

Also, it's been 3 years since I've dated someone else, and I'm not sure I even know how to get back out there. Where do I start lol?

 

I really appreciate the kind words. It means a lot. It's so strange how we as humans want what we can't have. The very fact that we can't have it makes us want it that much more. And oh, the Xbox One looks awesome! I'm seriously considering getting it lol! Your New Years plans sound awesome! Just don't drink so much that you can't remember all the awesome things that happen that night lol!

 

Thanks again!

Edited December 20, 2013 by aero2008

[legion113]

I think you already have all your answers in your reply. If she moves on in a month, I think she was already on her way out. Her behavior has already changed compared to the last time. She's flaky about keeping dates with you. It's always easy to convince yourself that if only you get to spend more time with her, talk to her more blah blah blah she'll want to be with you more. What if that's not the case? What if talking to her, smothering her, always being in her face actually makes her sick of you? Kind of like a relative that overstays their welcome?

Relationships are hard to go back to what they were like, mainly because in the beginning it was all new and everything was great, consider it like adding extra baggage to the relationship as it went on. Sometimes it's still bearable, sometimes it's time to just quit as there is TOO much baggage. You said it yourself, you have started to act differently around her. Why is that? Because you are too busy being worried about where the relationship is going, you are becoming clingy, needy, and just not fun to be around. That's why take a month away from her.

What I've found in life is that there is ALWAYS someone better out there for you. ALWAYS. I've been with women that I thought, well damn, nothing will top this! But sure enough, there was. That's why I've kind of come to the point where break ups aren't as tough on me. The first one I ever had took me 3 years to get thru. And we're talking major drinking, late night sappy calls crying, and having to get a job to pay for all the long distance phone bills. The again, that was my first real girlfriend. As I got older, recovery got faster and faster as I realized that there IS ALWAYS someone better. We're talking weeks at this point. The time when there isn't someone better is when YOU decide to stop looking.

I see breakups as a necessary evil to get closer to THE woman that I was meant to be with. So even if a woman dumps me, I'm like , well thanks for the memories and fun, and thank you for stepping out of the way so I can get closer to finding my true love.

Some people lament about what a waste of time it was having spent all that time with an ex, but was it really? You learned a lot about what you don't like, and what you need out of a relationship to make it last, as well as finding out what you might have done wrong that led to it's demise. That's why the next woman is always better, because you are slowly focusing more and more on what YOU want out of a relationship, and you are learning about what you have to do to make it work.

 

One last thing, if you aren't even liking yourself right now, how can you expect her to? Take a break from her dude. Get your **** together.

Edited December 20, 2013 by legion113

[aero2008]

Thanks a lot.

 

You've done a great job at putting things into perspective for me. I'm gonna just focus on enjoying the holidays with family and friends. I'm not going to let her ruin my Christmas. I know it's going to be a struggle from time to time, but I can't let my happiness revolve around this one girl. That's ridiculous. I'm going to try and legitimately get over her without focusing on when and if she's going to come back. I'll cross that bridge (or burn that bridge) when it happens, but for now I'm going to focus on me.

 

I really appreciate you taking the time to help me sort through all of this.

[legion113]

That's the spirit. Who knows, maybe down the line something may happen between you two, but right now, don't you think you're wasting a lot of time and worry thinking about all this? Did she mean this, what does she mean, what does she want, is she reaching out? Why didn't she text, maybe she's busy, is she ignoring me?

Damn man, think of how much time you could have been playing Call of Duty Ghosts!!!!

[aero2008]

You're right! Thanks...

 

Something happened today... She sent out in her snapchat (not sure if you're familiar with it, it's a phone app where you send pictures with messages below them) with a picture of her saying she got her acceptance letter to the college she wants to go to. She looked so beautiful in the picture and this is a big accomplishment for her. I'm such a wreck.. I'm fighting with myself over breaking no contact. We're in the same city right now, and I don't see why we aren't together... When we were supposed to spend Christmas together... I'm so close to calling her or texting her right now... Even a week ago, I would have been the first person that she told of her acceptance to this college... And she didn't even text me about it. I feel broken.

[legion113]

I think that tells you everything you need to know. You aren't that important to her anymore. On the other hand, she may have done it to get a reaction out of you if she knew you would see it. Not because she wants you back, but just to get a reaction out of you.

[Nyx.]

I read your post and had to post a response. Please, please do not contact her. Trust me, from a woman's perspective, she does not seem to give you the respect that you deserve. She does not deserve you as a friend, let alone a partner from the cruel way that she has treated you. There is a better woman for you, and you WILL find her.

 

I know that you wish to work on this relationship but for it to work, both partners must be committed and willing to fight for it. You're a great guy for wanting to work it out, but the way she has acted shows that she is not worth your effort. You deserve so much better. You should never need to convince the right woman into loving you, she naturally wouldn't be able to stop. The things she has said to you - I would never dream of talking to my own boyfriend in that way, you do not and should not take that abuse.

Remember, it's not all about her. Think how miserable, hurt and upset she has made you. She's one person out of billions. Don't let her do this to you, you are important and deserving of love - without having to ask for it. The only thing you should text her is wishing her a good life without you - then work on making yourself happier without her bringing you down.

[aero2008]

I read your post and had to post a response. Please, please do not contact her. Trust me, from a woman's perspective, she does not seem to give you the respect that you deserve. She does not deserve you as a friend, let alone a partner from the cruel way that she has treated you. There is a better woman for you, and you WILL find her.

 

I know that you wish to work on this relationship but for it to work, both partners must be committed and willing to fight for it. You're a great guy for wanting to work it out, but the way she has acted shows that she is not worth your effort. You deserve so much better. You should never need to convince the right woman into loving you, she naturally wouldn't be able to stop. The things she has said to you - I would never dream of talking to my own boyfriend in that way, you do not and should not take that abuse.

Remember, it's not all about her. Think how miserable, hurt and upset she has made you. She's one person out of billions. Don't let her do this to you, you are important and deserving of love - without having to ask for it. The only thing you should text her is wishing her a good life without you - then work on making yourself happier without her bringing you down.

 

Thank you!! This is what I needed to hear!

 

And Legion, I think she did do this to get a reaction out of me. She didn't get one! I didn't text her or say anything to her!

 

Nyx, I very much appreciate the female perspective that you gave me. I shouldn't want to be with someone that would treat me like that. I'm glad that I stayed strong and didn't text her back, call her, or do anything stupid. I still haven't contacted her since Tuesday, and I don't plan on saying anything to her until she does to me, and even then, I plan on ignoring her at least for a month. I don't even plan on wishing her a merry Christmas. If she says merry Christmas to me, I'll say "you too" and that's it.

 

Thank you all for all the encouragement and support. I really need it and appreciate it. Thank you for helping me see that I deserve much better than her.

[legion113]

I think just the fact that you came on to these forums says a lot about what a catch you will be someday for the right woman. You think she's hanging around on forums like these like you are? Nope. It shows that at least you care enough about a relationship to try to get answers and fix things.

[aero2008]

I think just the fact that you came on to these forums says a lot about what a catch you will be someday for the right woman. You think she's hanging around on forums like these like you are? Nope. It shows that at least you care enough about a relationship to try to get answers and fix things.

 

Yeah, I know for a fact that she isn't posting on forums, and she probably isn't even thinking about me...

 

I've been debating between sending her a text saying "Congrats on getting into *College name here*" and just leaving it at that. I know what an accomplishment it was for her and I am proud of her for it. But I'm not sure whether I should break NC for this...

 

I checked her Twitter, against my better judgment (I know, bad idea), and found that she has been talking to one of her ex boyfriends. They didn't date very long, only for a month or two at the most, and it was a long time ago (over three years ago). But they've been flirting back and forth over Twitter, and talking about old times...

 

The thought of her with him kills me, and I can't stop wondering what she's doing, who she's with, whether she's thinking about me, if she's going to find another guy, etc. I'm trying to keep my sh** together. I definitely am not showing her any signs of weakness.

 

Also, I worry about how long I'll have to wait until I DO find the one for me..

[legion113]

That's what no contact is for, and yes that means social media as well. Just think how much further along you would be if you knew absolutely jack **** about what she's doing right now.

Anytime you feel anguish about what she's doing and with who, just remind yourself of this one simple fact....SHE CHOSE TO NOT DO IT WITH YOU.

[aero2008]

Thanks Legion.

 

That's the thing that causes me so much pain.. the fact that she CHOSE NOT to do it with me...

 

I wish there was some way to change her thinking, or some way to force her to remember all the good times we've had together...

 

At any rate, I will not break contact, and I will do my best to refrain from checking her social media. Also, it still technically says on Facebook that we are still in a relationship. Should I remove that myself or wait for her to?... Removing it will be tough... but it will also be difficult when/if she does it... Does the fact that she hasn't removed it yet mean anything?

Edited December 22, 2013 by aero2008

[legion113]

No it doesn't mean a damn thing. Remove yourself so you don't even know her status there. REMOVE everything that could link her to you or vice versa. Only she can change her thinking. She knows how you feel. If she comes to you great, if not, well, that that's that.

The fact that she's flirting with an ex from three years ago tells me she isn't having it as easy out there in the single world as you think. I mean seriously, that's how far back she had to go, 3 years for a guy she dated for a month? What's the matter, nothing current in the horizon? Talking about old times? They dated for a month?!?!? There isn't any OLD times!!!!

I've had relationships with inflatable dolls that lasted longer than a month!!!! (Just kidding, those bitches dumped me after two weeks...well ok they deflated...).

[aero2008]

I've had relationships with inflatable dolls that lasted longer than a month!!!! (Just kidding, those bitches dumped me after two weeks...well ok they deflated...).

 

HAHAHA, this is the most I've laughed all day... :lmao:

 

I thought the same thing whenever I saw it. How could they talk about "old times" when they were hardly even together!

 

Anyways, I'll remove the Facebook thing tomorrow when I have some time. It'll be hard but hopefully it will send her the message that this is her doing and this is for real.

[Grumpybutfun]

Yea, good luck w/that. I've never seen anyone "healed" of their human nature.

 

I was saying he needs to heal from her wishy washy nature.

G

Edited December 22, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[calgaryhearts]

Delete and block her on Facebook, block her on Twitter and delete snap chat from your phone. You will feel so much better, I promise. There's even an app called Lift (I have it) where you can track how many days you've gone NC - I'm a nerd I know. Do not look at her social accounts - this was tough for me too, but it really helps.

[aero2008]

Delete and block her on Facebook, block her on Twitter and delete snap chat from your phone. You will feel so much better, I promise. There's even an app called Lift (I have it) where you can track how many days you've gone NC - I'm a nerd I know. Do not look at her social accounts - this was tough for me too, but it really helps.

 

Thanks

 

This is great advice!

 

I keep thinking there's something I can do to get her to feel the same again... :\

[Haydn]

You misunderstood this advice. NC means for you. She will not feel the same unless she wants to. Push on and stop think up ways to get her to feel the same. So many of us here have been down this road. Take care.

 

 

Thanks

 

This is great advice!

 

I keep thinking there's something I can do to get her to feel the same again... :\

[aero2008]

Okay you guys. I removed her as my girlfriend on Facebook and I unfollowed her on Twitter.

 

As I was going to her page to unfollow her I noticed that she's been flirting A LOT with some guy that she dated for like a month or something insignificant before we started dating. I know for a fact that they have hung out since we've broken up. This initially bothered me very much at first, but I'm trying to be rational and logical about things... any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

 

She's still on my Snapchat though, and she's been looking at my snapchats... not sure if this means anything, and I don't want to read too much into it.

 

I'm doing my best to enjoy myself over Christmas break and not wallow in my own sadness.

 

Good luck to you all and thank you very much!

[Trapito]

Do you like to feel pain? I hope you don't.

 

When you have a headache, you take an ibuprofen. When you have heartache, you go NC. By allowing her to contact you, you will endure the pain. So still being on her snapchat isn't going to do you any good. In the near future you will see things you don't want to see.

 

So you removed her as your gf on fb? Why not delete her? At this moment you are not taking 'the ibuprofen'. You are tormenting yourself.

 

You don't want to be harsh? She DUMPED you twice and now wants to stay buddy-buddy on her terms? Let me repeat that for ya: She DUMPED you. Not once but twice.

 

Delete, block, ignore, etc.

Edited December 23, 2013 by Trapito

[aero2008]

Do you like to feel pain? I hope you don't.

 

When you have a headache, you take an ibuprofen. When you have heartache, you go NC. By allowing her to contact you, you will endure the pain. So still being on her snapchat isn't going to do you any good. In the near future you will see things you don't want to see.

 

So you removed her as your gf on fb? Why not delete her? At this moment you are not taking 'the ibuprofen'. You are tormenting yourself.

 

You don't want to be harsh? She DUMPED you twice and now wants to stay buddy-buddy on her terms? Let me repeat that for ya: She DUMPED you. Not once but twice.

 

Delete, block, ignore, etc.

 

Thanks! You're right.

 

You know what she got for Christmas?

 

A one-way ticket out of my life. She can be someone else's problem.

 

Time to move on and be myself. Sure it hurts, but someone that would treat me that way and dump me TWICE doesn't deserve to be with me, and quite frankly isn't worth my time.

 

Thank you everyone. All your advice and support really means a lot.