Dealing with partner's sexual history...

[unnamed]

If you did not get it from the title, I'm having a heavy problem with my partner's sexual history.

 

It was not entirely huge, nor severe to most people, but it is devastating to me.

 

She performed oral sex on two guys before me, and fooled around occassionaly with other guys. She did not have sex, but still.

 

I'm at a loss. I am depressed nearly everyday, not joking. I enter a state of denial, frustration and heartbreak when the thoughts come to me. I have simple images, and a few complex 'real-life videos' which loop incessantly. It really seem as if there is no end to this.

 

It has been almost nine months now, and the latter five months have been truly horrible. It never hit so hard, after she reveiled another guy to me. I have not been the same. Not even close.

 

I spend many nights crying, wishing it never happened, but I've accepted that its part of her. The hardest part is dealing with the actual pain of seeing her in that manner, with numerous guys.

 

Suicide lost its appeal long ago, but rears it head every so often, but ultimately, I am at a loss. Break up with her? Doubt it. We are madly in love, and I do believe it would kill me to leave her over this.

 

I am really not looking for a way, but assistance in things to do get my mind off her past, or whatever. Forget exercising, taking a hobby, etc. None of them work; I've tried.

 

But anyhow, thanks in advance. I would appreciate some feedback, as this problem is bringing me downhill and nowhere else.

 

Thanks,

 

unnamed.

[Tony T]

Your lady is pretty dumb for discussing these things with you. You ought to be pissed about her lack of good judgement and sensitivity and not about her past.

 

You will rarely meet a lady over 20 who has not had sex with at least a few guys and who has not had oral sex with a number of men. Many have been with dozens of men. But those things are supposed to be private and most classy women don't discuss them because they know what effects it has on guys like you.

 

You are not well served by dwelling on this. You have only one option...and that's to just forget it. When she had these sexual experiences, which she had every right to have, you were not in her life. Moreover, they are still absolutely none of your business. It is your business that your lady is so insensitive that she would discuss these things with you.

 

If you really love her, you need to teach her when to open her mouth (no pun intended) and when not to. You need to teach her what is appropriate to disclose to others and what is not.

 

And from this day forward, you need to drop this entire issue...put it behind you...and move to nurturing your relationship. And for Gawd's sake, don't press her for anymore personal information and tell her to cease disclosing this kind of crap you don't need to hear.

 

If you have considered suicide because your girlfriend had oral sex with some guys before you, you need immediate counselling, preferably by someone trained in rational emotive therapy (RET). For a psychologist in your area who uses this method, call the Institute for Rational Living in New York City or drop them an Email from their website at: http://www.rebt.org/

 

If the past of another person solely would drive you to that kind of extreme, you need emergency therapy.

 

Please let us know that you have resolved this satisfactorilly.

[Bobby Dygytul]

So let me get this straight (your post is a really unclear) your upset because you found out that your GF has slept with other guys before she was with you?????? Was you a virgin before you met her? Was she your first? To me, if she didn't want to be with you, then she would still be with one of these guys, don't you think? Im not sure if im understanding your post right, but if what i have stated is the correct problem, then to me you are really selfish and inconciderate to your lady.

If you did not get it from the title, I'm having a heavy problem with my partner's sexual history. It was not entirely huge, nor severe to most people, but it is devastating to me. She performed oral sex on two guys before me, and fooled around occassionaly with other guys. She did not have sex, but still. I'm at a loss. I am depressed nearly everyday, not joking. I enter a state of denial, frustration and heartbreak when the thoughts come to me. I have simple images, and a few complex 'real-life videos' which loop incessantly. It really seem as if there is no end to this. It has been almost nine months now, and the latter five months have been truly horrible. It never hit so hard, after she reveiled another guy to me. I have not been the same. Not even close. I spend many nights crying, wishing it never happened, but I've accepted that its part of her. The hardest part is dealing with the actual pain of seeing her in that manner, with numerous guys.

 

Suicide lost its appeal long ago, but rears it head every so often, but ultimately, I am at a loss. Break up with her? Doubt it. We are madly in love, and I do believe it would kill me to leave her over this. I am really not looking for a way, but assistance in things to do get my mind off her past, or whatever. Forget exercising, taking a hobby, etc. None of them work; I've tried. But anyhow, thanks in advance. I would appreciate some feedback, as this problem is bringing me downhill and nowhere else. Thanks, unnamed.

[Tamera]

This is insane !!!

 

My ex boyfriend was like this because I had 2 sexual partners before him. Both long term relationships. I am 27 years old, its not like I am a tramp. Anyway, he would bring this up over and over again, he said that we couldnt marry because I wasnt a virgin, in the end it drove him so crazy I broke up with him. Now he cant live without me, he is ringing me constantly, and asking me back all the time.

 

You have to decide what you want, (I dont know how old you are but trust me there are not many people left out there over the age of 20 who are still "pure"). If you want to be with her you have to DROP THIS crap. If you want to loose her (because she will get sick of the ##### your dumping on her) just keep going.

 

I know this is a funny question, but what religion are you??

[WGirl]

In this day and age, you are going to have a hard time

 

finding someone who isn't sexually experienced at all. How old are you? That makes a big difference. Were you totally inexperienced before you went out with her?

 

I am not that experienced for my age but most men I have dated seemed to have much more experience than I do. At my age, that is a reality I have to face. Even though I may not like it. Otherwise, I won't have many dating prospects. There is a limit. If I found out someone had an extremely wild sexual past, I wouldn't stick around and I have had a few relationships end for that reason.

 

Your girlfriend's past doesn't sound that bad to me.

 

Now if it were 10 guys, I would be a little concerned.

 

Try not to think about it too much. What's in the past is in the past. As long as she didn't cheat, I would just try to forget about it.

If you did not get it from the title, I'm having a heavy problem with my partner's sexual history. It was not entirely huge, nor severe to most people, but it is devastating to me. She performed oral sex on two guys before me, and fooled around occassionaly with other guys. She did not have sex, but still. I'm at a loss. I am depressed nearly everyday, not joking. I enter a state of denial, frustration and heartbreak when the thoughts come to me. I have simple images, and a few complex 'real-life videos' which loop incessantly. It really seem as if there is no end to this. It has been almost nine months now, and the latter five months have been truly horrible. It never hit so hard, after she reveiled another guy to me. I have not been the same. Not even close. I spend many nights crying, wishing it never happened, but I've accepted that its part of her. The hardest part is dealing with the actual pain of seeing her in that manner, with numerous guys.

 

Suicide lost its appeal long ago, but rears it head every so often, but ultimately, I am at a loss. Break up with her? Doubt it. We are madly in love, and I do believe it would kill me to leave her over this. I am really not looking for a way, but assistance in things to do get my mind off her past, or whatever. Forget exercising, taking a hobby, etc. None of them work; I've tried. But anyhow, thanks in advance. I would appreciate some feedback, as this problem is bringing me downhill and nowhere else. Thanks, unnamed.

[Laurynn]

Holy.

 

You're depressed, crying, have been suicidal in the past regarding this........that's unreal. Plus, you've been this way for a few months now.

 

You really, seriously need to get some professional help here. If you can't deal with the fact that your girlfriend had relationships/sexual activity PRIOR to you (it's not like she cheated), how on earth will you ever deal with big things in life that might come up in your relationship in the future? You really really realllllly need to get a grip. Counselor, therapist, psychologist...you need to talk to someone, and fast. This is completely unhealthy for you to OBSESS about your girlfriend's meager sexual past.

 

Laurynn

[MegaB]

I am just curious...are you Asian?

 

If you are, then it would make so much more sense, but if you aren't then get the hell out of here and go seek counseling!

[unnamed]

nt

[Laurynn]

Just curious...what does being Asian have to do with any of this? Do Asians have a harder time dealing with past sexual history of their partners or something? If so, I've never heard or read that. Can you explain? (no I'm not Asian LOL....I just wonder what race has to do with this)

 

Laurynn

 

I am just curious...are you Asian? If you are, then it would make so much more sense, but if you aren't then get the hell out of here and go seek counseling!

[unnamed]

Why?

[Tam]

My ex was Muslim..... they want their women pure, like the driven snow, but the double standard of that is, they can ##### like rabbits before they get married... they are preparing themselves. HA !!

 

What a load of crap !!!!!!!!!!!

[sparkle]

I'm sorry you had the misfortune of meeting one that

 

did think that way. But actually, many of the Muslim guys I know are not like that.

 

Neither are many of the Jewish, Christian and Hindu guys I know.

 

But then again, I've met a few Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu guys--as well as guys from other religions--that thought like that.

My ex was Muslim..... they want their women pure, like the driven snow, but the double standard of that is, they can ##### like rabbits before they get married... they are preparing themselves. HA !! What a load of crap !!!!!!!!!!!