Is it possible for a MM to tell the OW he loves her but actually doesn't?

[Owl]

Originally posted by hooghie

Maybe it is because while I was married, although I never 'cheated' physically, I had several male friends that I often confided in and spent time with who filled the voids.

 

 

Hooghie-

 

But did your relationship with any of those male friends ever extend to the point where you'd rather talk to them or spend time with them or be with them over being with your husband? Did you get to the point where you were being more emotionally intimate with them than you were with your husband?? If so, that would still be an "emotional affair". And when that happens, you start pulling away from your husband emotionally and intimately. It creates a distance between the two of you...and that becomes greater and greater the longer it goes on. It can get to the point where it SEPERATES you from your husband.

 

If you did do this during your marriage, that may have well been a contributing factor in the decline of your marriage ( I don't recall your story, but from the way you've responded I'm assuming you're divorced?). Most people can't maintain that kind of heavy duty emotional relationship with two people...so one of those relationships WILL suffer for it.

 

My take on the emotional vs physical is this...both are excrutiating. Knowing that your spouse CHOSE to be with someone else, physically or emotionally, is devastating. Both of these have the same impacts to the betrayed spouse... The only additional thing that the physical brings to the table is the horrible mental imagery that you create in your mind over what may have gone on between your spouse and the OP. But, even in an emotional affair, you can find that happening as well. My wife DIDN'T get on the plane to go be with her OM...but I did spend a lot of time imagining what would have happened if she did.

 

StillHurtin- Just hang in there friend...it's a rough ride. Decide what YOU want out of all of this, and make it happen. It's really the only thing you can do at this point.

[hooghie]

Originally posted by Owl

 

But did your relationship with any of those male friends ever extend to the point where you'd rather talk to them or spend time with them or be with them over being with your husband? Did you get to the point where you were being more emotionally intimate with them than you were with your husband?? If so, that would still be an "emotional affair". And when that happens, you start pulling away from your husband emotionally and intimately. It creates a distance between the two of you...and that becomes greater and greater the longer it goes on. It can get to the point where it SEPERATES you from your husband.

 

If you did do this during your marriage, that may have well been a contributing factor in the decline of your marriage ( I don't recall your story, but from the way you've responded I'm assuming you're divorced?). Most people can't maintain that kind of heavy duty emotional relationship with two people...so one of those relationships WILL suffer for it.

 

 

Yes, actually. My story is long, but I met my EX in college and all of my friends were male at the time (because of my field of study)- anyway, I preferred my ex over my male friends in general, but there were many times where I preferred to be around others over him. One of the major reasons for my divorce was that my ex and I could not communicate very well together- even from the beginning, which is why I confided in other males. Maybe it helped the divorce along, but I strongly believe that my marriage should never have happened in the first place.

My current bf fills in all of the voids and I no longer confide in my male friends.

I guess at the time I thought of the male friends as similar to female friends. I've learned over the years that men and women cannot really sustain a friendship the way same sexes can.