he wants his keys back

[liloldlady]

 

You're not a platonic born again virgin

 

I think the born again virgin concept is fascinating but if you're hot for your lover, it's hard to keep hands off.

 

And why should he know? Well, you know...relationships are supposed to be built on trust and respect...but clearly that is out the window here.

 

I really don't want to hurt him. He has forgiven so much already!!!!!!!!

 

If you don't feel like he deserves the truth nor the respect to know it...

 

No way, my man is the kind of man who will get the truth no matter what. That is just his way. I am in no way trying to obscure the truth from him, but the fact is -- he set me free. He has left me waiting a long time and the companionship from lover boy has been... Consistent.

 

Decision made.

 

Since actions speak loudly, yes, I guess lover boy gives me the chance to express my decision far more frequently than absentee soul mate who is beautiful and meaningful to me, yet so far away.

 

Here's the kicker: lover boy gives me the freedom to have two men in my life. He's very liberal, LOL, and such a sweetheart. We have no lies between us. Man #1 does not play that. He is traditional, I am supposed to belong to him, and he wants to do things in the proper order. Sigh.

[bentleychic]

OK. Good luck to you...I wish for the best possible outcome for all three of you, whatever that turns out to be.

I agree.

 

Other than that, I feel drunk reading your posts so I cannot really offer any input. Good luck!

[awkward]

Well you've said you are going to give him the keys so I guess that is resolved. I am just wondering if you used to post here under another name, Sweetie something? Your story sounds familiar. If you are the poster who was kind of sort of engaged to the ex and was kind of sorta on and off again with a MM who was not married.

[wanting more]

 

I want to be platonic born again virgin but lover boy has very different intentions and I have enjoyed him for so long.

 

What???????

[liloldlady]

Well you've said you are going to give him the keys so I guess that is resolved.

 

You're right. I am going to. But if it comes up in convo with my ex ol' man, since I'll never lie to him, he'll wonder why I am doing this. Then again, I already left lover boy for several weeks and then went back, so probably ex ol' man will think: she gave her body back to him, why not the keys? As well her heart? Because that is what's happening.

[LBlanc]

...are you high?...you are aren't you...

[bentleychic]

I'm not sure how giving him a key to a lock that has been changed makes any more sense than...well...what some of these posts.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure how giving him a key to a lock that has been changed makes any more sense than...well...what some of these posts.

 

This thread really confuses me and hurts my head.

 

So, your lover boy wants back into your life, but has no intention of getting married. He wants a house key after you changed the locks. Yet you're trying to fix things with your ex at the same time. Kind of pointless and selfish, don't you think?

 

I say, go for lover boy, let your ex go so he can grieve the loss and find a woman who will love ONLY him. He deserves someone who won't lie and cheat on him, and give a house key to a lover.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm not sure how giving him a key to a lock that has been changed makes any more sense than...well...what some of these posts.

 

 

Apparently, the "lock" hasn't been changed and the "lover" holds the" key" to whatever the OP is telling her SO is "locked".

 

A double entendre if you will.

[Sub]

Wait, what? Overuse of the dated term "loverboy"....a metaphorical lock....and born again virginity...this is a bad poem from the diary of a teenage girl in the 50's.

[Lillyfree]

hrmmm.... think we might have seen this poster before. wondered what happened to her and the twirling cinderella pic

[findingnemo]

Man #1 will swoop me up and turn my life around.

 

Why do you need a man to turn your life around?

 

You and me both.

 

 

 

He's an ex lover in terms of last 2 times I've seen him, we've played it cool and platonic and professional. But he's made it quite plain next time he sees me, that is not what he wants.

 

 

 

Maaaan, I was with one, he left me and the other one swooped in and will not let me go. So the one who left is the slow/steady reconciliation. Don't blame you if you're confused. I AM.

 

The one who left you? Don't you think that if he really loves you he will wait for to be single? Why does he get to choose when to leave and when to come back in your life?

 

Ex is marriage/parent oriented and SINGLE (bonus points, LOL!!!!). Lover is present consistently. Bonus points for him, too.

 

Ex is single...does that mean lover boy is M or otherwise committed? Maybe you don't really love any of these men. You just love some things about each of them. The ideal situation would be having a man who would do anything for your love (like lover boy) and yet is interested in M and kids. The ideal situation would be for you to dump them both and find another man who is compatible. Is there some sort of deadline for M?

[liloldlady]

 

So, your lover boy wants back into your life, but has no intention of getting married.

 

He's been back in my life for months now, but, true -- he's not ready for marriage to anyone but wants to do it someday to be right in the eyes of God.

 

He wants a house key after you changed the locks.

 

Right. He asked for it back. He wants to re-establish that aspect of our relationship. I think it's cute.

 

Yet you're trying to fix things with your ex at the same time.

 

My ex is the classic husband who works very hard for his family but can...forget to spend time with the family he works so very hard to provide for.

 

I say, go for lover boy, let your ex go so he can grieve the loss and find a woman who will love ONLY him.

 

Sigh.

 

He deserves someone who won't lie and cheat on him

 

I've never lied to him. He knows everything. And he asks the difficult questions, too. He's one tough cookie, and I love and admire him deeply.

 

and give a house key to a lover.

 

...it's also a good safety precaution, too, since lover boy & I are practically neighbors (another thing that works against reconciliation with ex: distance to the tune of a couple of hours). But if something happens to me, God forbid, someone besides building management should be able to come & check on me.

[liloldlady]

Why do you need a man to turn your life around?

 

I don't. That's the lesson here for me to learn. But ex is EXTREMELY smart with money and has done a lot to teach me a thing or two in this department.

 

Why does he get to choose when to leave and when to come back in your life?

 

Exactly what my home girl said when I told her I should leave lover boy alone and wait on the ex. She said: and what do you get in exchange for your loyalty? I said something like: a chance at a future? She just laughed and laughed and laughed!

 

The ex can't have it both ways and he's not trying to. He's not ready to be with me, but someone else is (whom he knows really well) and we have a beautiful thing going. I am sorry but I am not in the business of laughing in the face of love which is a gift, nor discarding people who have been nothing but good to me CONSISTENTLY SINCE DAY ONE. That makes no sense to me.

 

Ex is single...does that mean lover boy is M or otherwise committed?

 

Yes, he's been shacking up.

 

Maybe you don't really love any of these men. You just love some things about each of them.

 

I think you're 1/2 way right. Thank you. There are qualities in each of them that I adore. Lover boy shacking up? I don't love that so much. Other things about him I totally adore.

 

The ideal situation would be having a man who would do anything for your love (like lover boy) and yet is interested in M and kids.

 

Right. Right! I mean marriage & kids take time to grow toward and the financial investment and responsibility are profound! I'm not ready for kids at the moment, so this is something lover boy & I share in common. And for the record, lover boy first said he wasn't interested in kids and that evolved in to: well, if it happens, it must be meant to be.

 

The ideal situation would be for you to dump them both and find another man who is compatible.

 

NO! Ex is not a daily presence in my life. He can go for weeks without me. And more. And he has, LOL! And he really only wants to talk business right now as what he is working on is VERY IMPORTANT, and I love and appreciate him so much for inviting me to be a part of what he's working on. ♥ He is the bomb!!

 

Is there some sort of deadline for M?

 

Ex thought I put a deadline on him when I waited on him for 3 months and hurt lover boy in the process by leaving him alone and lover boy has been nothing but kind to me. And did I mention consistent? That's one of my favorite parts about lover boy.

[Popsicle]

I love that you call him lover boy. lol

 

Is he Man #1 or is your husband Man #1? Also, is lover boy married?

[Owl]

Here's my last suggestion.

 

Tell them both how you feel about both of them.

 

Let them both know that you're divided over who to choose, and at this point are choosing to keep both of them.

 

Give them the CHOICE to continue to compete for your affections ( ) or to man up and walk away....leaving you free to keep whichever one opts to stay in light of all the info.

 

Since you can't choose...let them choose.

[liloldlady]

I love that you call him lover boy. lol

 

I just made that up yesterday, LOL. 'Cause he's so sweet!

 

Is he Man #1 or is your husband Man #1? Also, is lover boy married?

 

I don't have a husband yet. Man #1 is ex, I guess, since I met him first. Lover boy is shacking up outside of wedlock.

[crederer]

Yah, loverboy wants to do things proper in the eyes god. Sounds pretty accurate.

 

Seriously, go for loverboy, stop leading this other poor sap on.

 

Do you enjoy the drama of all this? This is probably some of the most irrational thinking I've ever seen.

[liloldlady]

 

Tell them both how you feel about both of them.

 

Lover boy knows how much I love my ex. Ex has drawn conclusions based on the questions that he's asked that, no, it's not just a fling I'm having with lover boy, but a full fledged, long term relationship.

 

Let them both know that you're divided over who to choose

 

LOL, I can tell you're well intentioned at this suggestion, but ex would find this laughable. Ex chooses his work. And I choose to support him in that.

 

, and at this point are choosing to keep both of them.

 

Give them the CHOICE to continue to compete for your affections ( ) or to man up and walk away....leaving you free to keep whichever one opts to stay in light of all the info.

 

Since you can't choose...let them choose.

[liloldlady]

 

Seriously, go for loverboy, stop leading this other poor sap on.

 

I don't want to hurt the ex. I am very conscious of that.

[crederer]

I don't want to hurt the ex. I am very conscious of that.

 

You mean hurt him in the short term. You are most certainly hurting him long term by your actions. It's painfully obvious you're not going to stop anything with the loverboy for very long.

[liloldlady]

It's painfully obvious you're not going to stop anything with the loverboy for very long.

 

Lover boy is very persistent. He really wants me, and I love that about him. He's always made time for me, & you know what they say about how we make time for what's important to us. Ex tells me he loves me, but...

[jan2012]

You need to learn how to make choices. Every grownup knows how to make choices, you learn how to make them when shopping for groceries, clothes, cars, job offers, schools etc. Sorry, but you sound dumb, are you? Didn't anybody ever tell you that you need to learn how to make decisions? How did you make it through college, could you choose what classes to register for? How do you plan a vacation, do you know how to choose that? How do you plan your social time, hard time there too?

Your problem is that you don't know how to fundamentally make choices. Figure out hot to make a decision and stick with it, and your whole life will probably get better in all areas.

[Owl]

Lover boy knows how much I love my ex. Ex has drawn conclusions based on the questions that he's asked that, no, it's not just a fling I'm having with lover boy, but a full fledged, long term relationship.

 

LOL, I can tell you're well intentioned at this suggestion, but ex would find this laughable. Ex chooses his work. And I choose to support him in that.

 

Is it not that you can't choose...but that you want both, for as long as you can make it happen?

[Snipercatt]

he's not ready for marriage to anyone but wants to do it someday to be right in the eyes of God. and Lover boy is shacking up outside of wedlock

 

How convenient, for HIM!

 

He wants to re-establish that aspect of our relationship. I think it's cute.

 

Well, of course he does. How convenient, for HIM! Getting it at home and getting it from you, all without commitment or consequence. Not cute in my book.

 

He's not ready to be with me

 

 

You're right. And, that is with good reason. (Hint, sometimes men don't like to tell you when they've moved on.)

 

well, if it happens, it must be meant to be.

 

Are you joking? Just because something happens, like a baby, doesn't mean it happens because it was meant to be. Who would want to be born to irresponsible commitment phobic parents? It happens because of irresponsible thinking and behavior.