leeblack Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 my bf and i have been together for over a year and a half. He is so great and so loving and we have plans to move in together and start a life together.. we talk about it all the time. Recently i was looking through his fb message archives and saw that he has messaged more than one girl a different number of times saying "hi" or "ur cute" or "hey pretty" i confronted him about it and was super upset and he started crying and begging me not to break up with him. He said he was just insecure and drunk and being flirty but has never gone further than that. i don't know what to do. I forgave him and he deleted his fb and twitter and promised me it would never happen again. what should i do? i am still hurt over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) You have every right to be hurt, I will never understand why people who claim to be in a happy relationship flirt with others. It's not necessary, if you need attention from people other then your partner THAT much that is a bad sign. It's even worse when you have someone who claims they don't even realize when they are flirting(since that can lead to your partner unknowingly leading a person on) He has no business messaging other girls about how they are cute or pretty. You should be the only girl he says stuff like that to. His reaction to being confronted is also bizarre to me. Pretty severe reaction if this was nothing but some drunken messages he sent. Who are these other girls? Were all the messages sent on the same day? If not then it's hard to blame it on being drunk. The fact he was dumb enough to leave the comments up leads me to believe maybe he indeed was drunk and forgot about it. All that being said..you decided to forgive him for it, so I do not know what else there is for you to do other then to learn to deal with it and hope he is trustworthy. Be on the lookout for other suspicious behavior and make sure he knows he won't be given anymore chances. If you are so upset over this you feel it might eventually cause problems then maybe you should reconsider your decision to forgive. If you guys are in love and it went no further then he claims it did then I do not feel it is break up worthy. If you are 100% sure on forgiveness then you aren't doing anything wrong, it's only natural to still be hurt. Give it time. One thing I might be concerned about. He did this because he was "drunk" so..does he do a lot of things he regrets while drunk? Since my line of thinking might be "if booze makes them flirty online maybe it might cause them to take it a step further in person". Edited December 16, 2013 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Paying somebody a compliment or saying hi on FB is no reason to end a relationship. You need to get over your insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 All i will say is, usually there is no smoke without fire. Seeing as you looked through his archived messages did you discover any other information? i.e that some cheating actually occurred? Given your very brief description it seems kind of harmless (To him) But he has absolutely no business in texting other girls that they are cute, sexy etc. That's very unfair and inappropriate. That being said, he sounds very remorseful and he even went over board by deleting his accounts. Certainly not a reason to throw away a relationship unless he actually followed through on those messages with cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 my bf and i have been together for over a year and a half. He is so great and so loving and we have plans to move in together and start a life together.. we talk about it all the time. Recently i was looking through his fb message archives and saw that he has messaged more than one girl a different number of times saying "hi" or "ur cute" or "hey pretty" i confronted him about it and was super upset and he started crying and begging me not to break up with him. He said he was just insecure and drunk and being flirty but has never gone further than that. i don't know what to do. I forgave him and he deleted his fb and twitter and promised me it would never happen again. what should i do? i am still hurt over this. Um...maybe u should break up with him & do the same thing. Lots of girls & guys are looking for fun on facebook now & I'm doing too u know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leeblack Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 He suggested to delete his facebook if it would make me feel better. I told him it would. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 He has no business trying to bait women on FB while he's in a relationship with you. You've decided to give him a chance so be on the lookout. He'll be on his best behavior but hopefully he stays consistent and is truly sorry for what he did. I'm always skeptical about these sorts. An ex of mine was doing the same thing and I thought it was just that. Turns out he was doing all sorts of other things behind my back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 You're the only girl he should be calling cute or pretty and paying compliments to. You deserve to feel special in a relationship. I don't date guys like that anymore. It doesn't mean he is cheating and he could very well be madly in love with you; some guys are just like that irrespective of HOW in love they are. However, I do not know any men who ARE head over heels in love, who go calling girls cute and pretty on facebook. Very inappropriate. I would break up with my bf if I saw he went out of his way to instigate a convo with a girl, whom he then goes onto call "cute" Nothing wrong with a compliment; if he is in a social setting and there is a girl that is hanging around his group of friends or who is IN his group of friends; saying " wow nice flower in your hair it suits you" THAT is fine. Going out of your way to start a convo with a girl, to go on and call her pretty? NOT fine when you are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 He has no business trying to bait women on FB while he's in a relationship with you. You've decided to give him a chance so be on the lookout. He'll be on his best behavior but hopefully he stays consistent and is truly sorry for what he did. I'm always skeptical about these sorts. An ex of mine was doing the same thing and I thought it was just that. Turns out he was doing all sorts of other things behind my back. Yep same with my ex. He would add random girls just because they were 'hot":sick: He ended up opening dating accounts just to "talk" to girls, call them sexy and say inappropriate things to them. I call that cheating^^ Link to post Share on other sites
jonny walker Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 give him what he wants and he want go to anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leeblack Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 No I didn't find any other messages and no one responded to his messages either. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 He sounds genuinely remorseful, and that's a good sign. I would, however, have my radar on and be carefully looking for warning signs at this point. I might also pull back from him a little bit to make it very, very clear that this kind of behavior has consequences and that he will lose you if it happens again. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Well....that's a really sleazy thing for him to do. Cried and begged after? Sounds like a wussy thing to do. Not exactly getting the greatest vibes from your guy, have to be honest. He was probably remourceful cause he got caught. What else has he been doing where he didn't get caught? Link to post Share on other sites
Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 You shouldn't have to be looking through his personal data, unless he is making you feel insecure or untrustworthy towards him. Has he done these things in the past? Just a fair warning, just because he deleted his Facebook & Twitter doesn't mean he'll quit these online acts cold turkey. I had a VERY similar issue in the past. HE was the one who proposed the idea to quit the "acts" he was doing on the internet. I ended up finding out that he was still doing it, he was just hiding it better. I know many say that you shouldn't let this ruin your relationship, but these types of acts really do eat at you. My boyfriend cried too, and he still continued to do it. Don't let this tear you apart. Ask yourself these questions in the next few weeks. (Do you find yourself wanting to snoop on his computer when he's not around? What about his phone? Are you worried that he's with someone when he's not with you?) If these questions always come to your mind, you need to end the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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