When will it be my time?

[GoreSP]

This remark is made often, and it is always made by someone in a relationship, but it is a very hurtful remark.

It's basically putting the blame on us singles for wanting to be in a relationship and telling us to no longer want it because that's when it is going to happen. But if we do no longer want it is they why would it still be interesting to us?

 

Let's say someone wants a job. Will we tell this person that they certainly should not expect to find a job and that that's how they will find one?

 

In your case, the remark certainly does not make sense because you said you had given up but you went on a blind date. So you were still expecting and hoping something.

 

From what I see people meet their partner in the most different ways. Some women search in a businesslike way and I know some who found a guy that way. Some take life just as it comes and they meet someone. Some are leading a happy single life and don't feel the need for a guy and all of a sudden there is a guy they can't live without.

Others perceive love as something elusive (I know I do) and take some hesitant steps from time to time because they still want to hope that it is possible.

 

One thing is sure: single life would be a lot more pleasant if we single women would not have to deal with the insensitive comments from married people anymore!!! It's come to the point where I don't even want to talk about how painful being single sometimes is to married people. It's like they are totally uncapable to show some empathy. Being single in your late forties is not comparable with being single in your twenties...

 

OMG I LOVE YOU!

 

This is so true. Or the whole «You'll meet the right one when you are ready» wtf!

 

But to be honest, as soon as I let go of these so called friends who were pretty much just making me feel like crap about being single, it took less than a month and a guy from my sports league was asking me out (interesting fact is we've known each other for over a year...)

[GoreSP]

If the result is always the same take a look at what other factors in your life are the same. Is your "picker" off? A dear friend of mine always picked awful guys -- players, cheaters, just all around bad guys. Finally she said to herself that the next time she saw some guy & thought wow, he's hot, she'd make a conscious effort to talk to his buddy. She did that. She's now happily married to the buddy.

 

hahahaha! I love this!

[ZipperZapper]

I see others become couples and I wonder when will it be my time? All kinds of people. Gay, straight, black, white, young, old, murderer's in jail, and elderly people in the nursing home.

 

 

Yet it seems that I'll never find anyone willing to really try to make it work with me.

 

 

I know this may sound awful but am I really such a horrible person?

 

 

Oh let me make it clear I find people. But they are never 100% emotionally available, unattached, and unashamed. Be they male or female I am tired of being someone's secret yet that's all I'm selected for.

 

I'm beginning to wonder the same thing... when my 'time' is going to come, or if it ever will.

 

Six years ago I was married and my marriage fell apart because of step-child issues (her kid, not mine). It was a short-lived marriage.

 

I've been looking for someone since. I've had a few dates with a few women in that time. Three of them could have been serious girlfriends, but they had problems that made it impossible for me to continue with them - and the problems in question didn't make themselves apparent until I'd had a few dates with them. The third one had a good job and mostly seemed to have her **** together, but she was constantly travelling to her job in another city and had limited time to spend with me. Plus, she wasn't all that affectionate and seemed more interested in friendship than anything else. Maybe menopause was kicking in.

 

I met all of them online on different dating sites.

 

Online dating has been a really mixed bag. Lots of effort for very little return, it seems, apart from the three women I mentioned. Lots of emails sent out, and no responses. I've even gone to the extent of joining a traditional matchmaking service only to find that all of the women rejected me out of hand -and yet I have a half-decent job, and (I would hope) am at least average-looking.

 

I've been in a singles group. A couple of sporadic dates here and there, but again, no solid prospects. Meanwhile, some of the other members of the group have already paired off. These developments are starting to leave me feeling angry towards and jealous of those who have no difficulty finding partners.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if there is something so seriously wrong with me that this is the reason for my lack of success - something so bad that nobody has the courage or decency to tell me what it is that's so off-putting about me. It's like the old joke where Job asks God, "Why have you forsaken me?" And God says, "I don't know, Job. There's just something about you that pisses me off."

 

Lately I've been having this fatalistic feeling that maybe the universe is out to get me - and will only let me repeatedly search over and over again, but not let me reach my goal. Or that maybe my ex-wife was the one and only who was meant for me, a one-shot, one-time only deal, never to be repeated.

 

And don't tell me love will find me when I least expect it. I've been waiting a long time for that to happen. Again, if it were true, I would have found real love by now.

 

And saying that it's a mistake to go looking for love because I won't find it doesn't help either. I mean, would you expect to find your dream home or job without having to go look for it first?

 

I'm very close to giving up, for good. Perhaps I'm simply one of those people who isn't meant to have happiness, success, or be loved. I mean, if I was really meant to be with someone, shouldn't I have found her by now?

[jba10582]

I feel for you buddy and in your boat as well. I try and take this time as a way to vastly improve areas of my life which I didn't focus in on as much while I was in a relationship, and, am now working every day to make strides emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially while letting go of mental barriers that have held me back or weighed me down in the past.

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm beginning to wonder the same thing... when my 'time' is going to come, or if it ever will

 

And don't tell me love will find me when I least expect it. I've been waiting a long time for that to happen. Again, if it were true, I would have found real love by now.

 

And saying that it's a mistake to go looking for love because I won't find it doesn't help either. I mean, would you expect to find your dream home or job without having to go look for it first?

 

I'm very close to giving up, for good. Perhaps I'm simply one of those people who isn't meant to have happiness, success, or be loved. I mean, if I was really meant to be with someone, shouldn't I have found her by now?

 

Well I have mixed feelings about that.

 

When I was 20 I gave up and was even actively thinking I don't care about love or even making friends. Then I saw a woman who would be on and off in my life from age 19 to 24.

 

So as you know finding a girlfriend is something you can find without mindfully looking for it.

 

A wife (or a husband or partner for life) are something else all together. That is such a big deal of a relationship. As you said, she may have been the one. Most people I know get one or two spouses per lifetime. You don't just find one of those by accident. You find them by dating a number of people and rejecting and being rejected. You have to think and get to know them and their families and friends and see that you two mesh lives well.

 

That is what I want at my age, that is what you want at your age. I just think the people who give that well meaning advice just see their own relationship in such ideal terms that they don't realize how much hard work they are doing.