Is he an alcoholic?

[Mondmellonw]

When I met him, he swore that he would stop drinking .

I really thought it was strange because I did not ask him for it, it was him who said that. However, I found it cute. I thought he was on the need to become a better person.

So, as I know, he did. He left the drinking thing for a while, in our first two months as a couple. Then one day he just came to me and told me that I was going to be upset with him because he went to drink with a few friends the other night. I said no (although I was ) and told him it was his decision, not mine. I let that thing go because I did not think it was a real problem, since today is rare to find boys his age that do not drink (26) specially when it comes to "social gatherings".

One way or another I knew his history and all people admit, including him, he used to drink too much, and he did since he was teenager and so for many years. He left his drinking habits for a year and a half but he returned to it. After I met him he said he wouldn't do it anymore.

It's my ex. Anyway, when issues began to emerge on our relationship I realized of the fact that he started back to go drinking with his friends every weekend, as he said he used to do before we started our relationship.

He even threw away the tickets from shops because his parents asked explanations to him, although the tickets were from a juice, that was weird to me.

Another point is that he had irregular periods of sleep.

HEY: I never saw him drunk. I just know a lot from his past... And the things he did before-after our break up.

Also, some of his reactions were a bit violent (especially at the time of the breakup, when he called me crazy and well, long story).

 

 

I do not care about him anymore.

Even when I think he is a nice guy at some point, I'm happy with the fact I left that relationship. It took me a lot of night times without sleep to found out that it wasn't worth it anymore.

I just want to know if he is... Cause if he is, or was, it seems I can be a little co-dependant, obsessive or/and insecure.., and I want to be informed so I don't fall onto that place again. I'm young (20 years) I want to be better, to love, to trust. I don't want to waste my life with this issues. It has been very difficult to get over this. Thanks for your time, I'll appreciate your opinions.

Edited December 17, 2013 by Mondmellonw

[d0nnivain]

Based on your post, I can't tell if he's an alcoholic. I'm pretty sure AA offers an on-line "test".

 

 

If you think you are co-dependent, check out Al-Anon a group for people in love with alcoholics. However, imo, if you aren't cleaning up vomit & broken bottles or calling his work with excuses about him being sick, you are not enabling him.

[carhill]

When I met him, he swore that he would stop drinking

 

Yep, pretty clear and consistent sign of alcoholism, especially combined with underage/teenage drinking continuing unabated into adult years. If it wasn't a problem, he wouldn't need to 'swear' that he would 'stop'.

 

Making that statement at the beginning of a relationship acts as a disclaimer. It's a psychological tactic, not always done consciously, but it's there and can be manipulated later.

 

At 20, there's still a lot of life experience to, well, experience, so learn from this and move on. Like you said, you don't have feelings for him anymore. If, in the future, you see repeat patterns of this, then take a closer look at your attraction and relationship styles for health. Good luck.

[Mondmellonw]

Based on your post, I can't tell if he's an alcoholic. I'm pretty sure AA offers an on-line "test".

 

 

If you think you are co-dependent, check out Al-Anon a group for people in love with alcoholics. However, imo, if you aren't cleaning up vomit & broken bottles or calling his work with excuses about him being sick, you are not enabling him.

Thanks, I'll see if I can find that test.

We weren't married, we didn't even live together.

That's why I never saw him drunk, but I know he did drink for a long time.

[Mondmellonw]

Yep, pretty clear and consistent sign of alcoholism, especially combined with underage/teenage drinking continuing unabated into adult years. If it wasn't a problem, he wouldn't need to 'swear' that he would 'stop'.

 

Making that statement at the beginning of a relationship acts as a disclaimer. It's a psychological tactic, not always done consciously, but it's there and can be manipulated later.

 

At 20, there's still a lot of life experience to, well, experience, so learn from this and move on. Like you said, you don't have feelings for him anymore. If, in the future, you see repeat patterns of this, then take a closer look at your attraction and relationship styles for health. Good luck.

Thanks for your opinion.

I'll have to take my time before I decide to jump onto another relationship.

That was my biggest mistake.

However, I do not want a relationship in a long time.

I'm still young and this was a very hard situation for me.

I need to be 100% alive again.

Thank you.