Not sure anymore

[Sam777]

I have been in a relationship with a guy for three years. We started off as friends of course but then we grew feelings for each other. We were both in high school (living in different cities) doing the same subjects so we often helped each other with our studies and exam preps on the phone - this is mostly how our feelings developed I suppose.

 

now, before I rush to the problem, I would like to state a few positive things about him:

- he has never lied to me - hes extremely honest (sometimes too honest and maybe hurtful but ive learned to accept that as his nature)

-he is extremely hard working

- he loves me a lot

 

we have never met and we found each other through a friend and then later, we became study partners. We lived in different cities but in the same country. Last year, my family and i moved elsewhere and there's no way I can meet him now. Due to some financial issues, i cannot pursue my education in medicine like my bf, so we don't talk on skype much. Probably once in two weeks or maybe a month.. Sometimes we don't talk on skype for months, just text

 

nowadays, we fight A LOT. Its like i miss him and we finally talk and the talk ends in a fight. All the time. He cannot give me his undivided attention, he is too busy with his life, his studies and his friends and games. I am not, however. I am depressed, lonely, i don't have any friends in this country cuz i don't go to school and i sometimes need some emotional support. I am working though but i am more than willing to make some time for him every time he messages, but he cant do the same for me. He can sacrifice his time for friends, his boyish needs and other stuff, but it seems hes losing interest in me, unintentionally.. But hes not.

 

we have had several talks, and several pacts broken. He doesn't have time for me and im trying my best to cope with it because this is the man i think i should marry. But Im confused. Im not yet sure and i don't want to keep hurting myself in this relationship. Is it really worth it? I cry a lot sometimes and hes never there to comfort me. Hes immune to my sadness and he cares too much about his life now. Moreover, some unrelated issues attack me at such times. For example, he doesn't think im pretty enough and he thinks his mom would want him to marry someone beautiful. He seems to have a problem with me not studying but i just cant afford higher studies. He sometimes judges me, he doesn't really respect my opinions and hes really stubborn but i love him when we are talking without a care in the world but it dies down too quickly. Im just not sure what to do.

 

i apologise for the incredibly long story ive presented to you but its a huge problem for me. Any advice would be appreciated

 

Sam

 

PS. Telling him that if he doesn't do something about this problem, i would break up with him didn't help. It just depressed both of us. He couldn't study and i couldn't work.

 

ignoring him, giving him space doesn't work either.

[justwhoiam]

For example, he doesn't think im pretty enough and he thinks his mom would want him to marry someone beautiful.

Hi Sam, this sentence you wrote, alone, cries that you shouldn't obsess about him. Let him go. I'm sure you don't want to be with someone:

1) so shallow

2) so influenced by his mommy

 

And that was just an example you mentioned! The rest is just hot air.

 

Go no contact, please. Start seeing people from this new town you moved to.

[emi]

i didnt read carefully what u wrote but im sure with you that i dont want to be in a relationship when my bf just care about how i look. Let be honest who doesnt want a pretty, good-looking girlfriend but however there is always someone who more beautiful, richer etc, its life, if u need to compete in a beauty contest for him dont do it, its just not worth it. And beauty gonna die down with ages, when you're old and need a company, loyalty and understanding is more important. Relationship are about many thing, not just what u can see with the eyes. If he doesnt think you pretty, or he think he can marry someone better : show him the freaking door out of your life

Edited December 17, 2013 by emi

[nomadic_butterfly]

You have never met and already he's treating you like this? Ditch him and find someone supportive who can respect ALL OF YOU and finds you attractive. Your self worth shouldn't be determined by him anyway and he lacks tact, compassions and dedication. You never met so I don't see why you would allow your self to become so attached to an illusion.

 

You are super young and should be very social, meeting people in real life! Do you have any hobbies or talents that may be able to get you a scholarship? Are loans an option? I really hope the best for you and he isn't it!

[ExpatInItaly]

You have never met and already he's treating you like this? Ditch him and find someone supportive who can respect ALL OF YOU and finds you attractive. Your self worth shouldn't be determined by him anyway and he lacks tact, compassions and dedication. You never met so I don't see why you would allow your self to become so attached to an illusion.

 

You are super young and should be very social, meeting people in real life! Do you have any hobbies or talents that may be able to get you a scholarship? Are loans an option? I really hope the best for you and he isn't it!

 

All of this. This clown has zero respect for you, doesn't appear to really even like you all that much any more, and you think you should marry him? You've never had a face-to-face conversation and it doesn't really sound as though you ever will.

 

You really need to gain some perspective here. He is not the guy for you.

 

EDIT: You say he loves you a lot. I'm sorry, OP, but that's simply not true. Based on your description of him, he's not in love with you. I know that's hurtful but please believe that there are other guys out there who WILL love you!

Edited December 17, 2013 by ExpatInItaly

[soccerrprp]

Agree with others. He does not love you and if the two of you broke up, believe me, he'll get over you far quicker than you think. His lack of interest is intentional. He doesn't have the taste to continue with this LDR and doesn't find you as attractive as he once did.

 

It will be tough, but you need to let this guy go.

[Viking-Liz]

You really really don`t want a man that influenced by his mother. If I were you, I`d run. Fast.