Question

[Paulie]

Lately, I have been going out alone at least one night each weekend. I have about as many friends as one could want, it's usually at least somewhat by my choosing that I've been going out alone.

 

I like to be able to go where I want to go, talk to whom I want to, leave when I think it sucks, etc. And frankly, I tend to meet more ladies when I'm solo.

 

The only thing is, however, that it's a bit weird, and I'm starting to think of myself as an outcast, or something. But then I think I'm not, because I socialize and meet lots of people every time I go out...it's just that insecurity, I guess. But it's starting to bother me.

 

Sometimes, I just don't want to go where my friends are going, want to meet girls, etc.

 

Any advice?

[Bobby Dygytul]

Maybe you need new friends. Maybe your just tired of the old ones.

Lately, I have been going out alone at least one night each weekend. I have about as many friends as one could want, it's usually at least somewhat by my choosing that I've been going out alone.

 

I like to be able to go where I want to go, talk to whom I want to, leave when I think it sucks, etc. And frankly, I tend to meet more ladies when I'm solo. The only thing is, however, that it's a bit weird, and I'm starting to think of myself as an outcast, or something. But then I think I'm not, because I socialize and meet lots of people every time I go out...it's just that insecurity, I guess. But it's starting to bother me. Sometimes, I just don't want to go where my friends are going, want to meet girls, etc.

 

Any advice?

[Tony T]

Go with your friends when you want to, go alone when you want to. Go with just one buddy when that suits you.

 

I've always found that when I was alone, yes...I had lots more freedom. I could move around from place to place...but having people with me that I knew gave me a measure of comfort and maybe a bit more confidence. Having people you know right there with you gives you an instant social situation and relieves you of the pressure of getting something going with another person...but, I guess on the other hand, being alone sort of motivates you to meet people.

 

If you meet more ladies when you're by yourself, that sounds like the way to fly.

 

Perhaps the insecurity you are feeling is the absense of a special lady in your life. But don't let that make you force a relationship that isn't there. Be patient, give things time and it will happen for you.

 

Take some time on a weekend on walk around a nearby college campus and attend some of the events there. You would be amazed at the class acts you will find there...and it's lots easier to strike up conversation and even more in that sort of setting.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Paulie

 

I have gone through these periods...

 

What it is is simply that you do not have suitable people around you.

 

In my case, I am not the typical male...I don't usually drink much, I don't crave 'male' talk, I don't particularly do masculine things. [i have the male 'radar' though]. So, because of this there are times that I do not want to go and 'be one of the lads' either.

 

But at the same time, I am not going to feel lonely and change just to be accepted by the majority, no way..I am proud of the way I am. You should be too.

 

I think its a matter of getting out and and making suitable friends that relate. I have a few very special friendships.

 

I have found consistently that I have had to wind down other 'friendships' just so that my efforts could be appreciated and accepted more.

 

Oliver

 

Lately, I have been going out alone at least one night each weekend. I have about as many friends as one could want, it's usually at least somewhat by my choosing that I've been going out alone.

 

I like to be able to go where I want to go, talk to whom I want to, leave when I think it sucks, etc. And frankly, I tend to meet more ladies when I'm solo. The only thing is, however, that it's a bit weird, and I'm starting to think of myself as an outcast, or something. But then I think I'm not, because I socialize and meet lots of people every time I go out...it's just that insecurity, I guess. But it's starting to bother me. Sometimes, I just don't want to go where my friends are going, want to meet girls, etc.

 

Any advice?

[Ed]

Hi Paulie,

 

I too, go out alone sometimes. The problem for me is, I live in a relatively small city. There are not many clubs (of my liking) to choose from. So I end up going to the same old places and seeing the same old people week after week. At times I feel like I'm becoming a fixture.

 

In addition to that, the only reason I go out at all is to dance, socialize with existing friends, meet new people and make new friends. Even then, I have no agenda (other than to dance). I very rarely have the urge to go out alone to be alone. If I feel like being alone then I stay at home (the drinks are cheaper and it's a lot less smokey).

[Rachel]

I think you are coming into your own. I think as we grow from our early twenties into mid twenties, we gain more confidence and the we start to understand ourselves and our likes and dislikes better.

 

In otherwords our individuality comes to its peak. So you don't feel like you need the approval of your friends and peers anymore.

 

I know a lot of women worry about whether people will "like" them or not when they are younger, and as they mature, they become more confident and dont' worry about it anymore. Take me as I am, ......

 

Anyway, I think it is a GREAT sign that you CAN do things on your own.. that means you are an asset to any relationship. You will never be a burden, boring, or predictible either.

 

Take pride in your confidence. I think its wonderful. And one of these days I know that a terrific gal is going to walk into your life.

 

I am going to guess that you are 27 years old.!!!

[sparkle]

...then you've still got Tony hehehe

 

JUST kidding

[Tony T]

Paulie...DIFINITELY not my type...but thanks for the suggestion.

[David]

First, what the hell is male radar? Jus curious.

 

Second, introversion is compltely normal. Personally, to an extent, I think it's an important phase of maturity.

 

Loners get a bad rap though. Your insecurities are a result of living in a culture that maintains there is only one correct way to live. Many of the most brilliant authors, artists, scientists, and the like were all solitary creatures.