Is it too much if I ask my bf that I like a goodnight text everynight?

[MissNoname]

Weve been dating for two months. He texts me every other day. I dont mind if we dont talk talk throughout the day because I understand he gets busy at work but I would like to get a goodnight text every night. Is that too much to ask?

[Emilia]

I think requesting anything like that from another person who doesn't give it freely is needy. I don't really know why you would do it when it's completely meaningless?

 

I don't need to be told every single day that he thinks about me because I know he does.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why would you want to force someone to send you a goodnight message?

[Graduate]

Weve been dating for two months. He texts me every other day. I dont mind if we dont talk talk throughout the day because I understand he gets busy at work but I would like to get a goodnight text every night. Is that too much to ask?

 

I don't think so. I like a good-night message too. And a good morning message. I think that is not needy.

 

What I suggest you do, is talk to him about it and say you really love getting a good-night message from him before you go to bed. If he says he does not like them or thinks it is weird of you to want that, then it is your decision if you want to continue dating him. I know for myself, I would not be happy dating a guy who a) does not want to wish me 'Sweet Dreams' or b) can't do this little thing for me even though I asked him for it.

 

In the past I've had boyfriends who would not automatically send me good night or good morning messages. But once I said that means a lot to me they usually did. If only to make me happy, it is not like asking for a quick text is a huge inconvenience.

[Emilia]

If he says he does not like them or thinks it is weird of you to want that, then it is your decision if you want to continue dating him. I know for myself, I would not be happy dating a guy who a) does not want to wish me 'Sweet Dreams' or b) can't do this little thing for me even though I asked him for it.

 

In the past I've had boyfriends who would not automatically send me good night or good morning messages. But once I said that means a lot to me they usually did. If only to make me happy, it is not like asking for a quick text is a huge inconvenience.

Are you kidding me? If a guy told me he would dump me if I didn't send him good night messages every night because 'it wasn't an inconvenience', I would lose all respect for him. How needy is that? It's not a way to gauge how much someone really cares about you. He can just save that text and forward it every evening and still sleep with someone else.

 

Completely meaningless and just makes you look weak.

[ThatMan]

Let's take it easy, everyone.

 

There's a between difference between demanding something and asking politely. We each need to be capable of sharing our wants and needs to make this relationship business work. So with that said, MissNoname, have you talked about your wants in a way that's safe, nurturing, and respectful? You mustn't make demands and we can all teach you a different, healthier way.

[string of letters]

Does he need to have a different, and unique way of saying 'goodnight' each time that he texts you? If he doesn't, you may be gripped with concerns that he is cut-n-pasting, or re-sending previously sent messages instead of typing afresh. Worse yet, if texts arrive at the exact same time every night, your heart may sink at the very real possibility that the texts are sent by an automated program, and that the text does not reflect a 'goodnight' that truly comes from the bottom of his heart.

 

If, on the other hand, he feels pressured to express the concept of 'goodnight' differently on every occasion, there is a chance that he will hire a ghost writer.

[ponchsox]

Weve been dating for two months. He texts me every other day. I dont mind if we dont talk talk throughout the day because I understand he gets busy at work but I would like to get a goodnight text every night. Is that too much to ask?

 

How about texting him goodnight first? Asking him to do it is meaningless.

[DarkNoel]

Weve been dating for two months. He texts me every other day. I dont mind if we dont talk talk throughout the day because I understand he gets busy at work but I would like to get a goodnight text every night. Is that too much to ask?

 

Personally, I think it makes you sound a little bit clingy. Guys have lives too! I'm sure you just want him thinking about you, which is fine.

 

I think you can ask him nicely, but there may be times when he's out with friends or working late that he may forget. Keep in mind that a relationship is a two-way street, so I think if you can somehow make it where you text him goodnight half of the time, and he texts you the other times, it would be better.

 

Just don't make it seem like a burden for him. You don't want him thinking "Ugh, I have to text my gf tonight, even though I'm exhausted and not in the mood to talk to anyone."

[mammasita]

Needing a good night text and Liking a good night text from your man are two completely different things.

 

I don't need a good night text to wake up the next morning, but I like to recieve one.

 

All you have to do is say "Babe, I really like when I hear from you before I go to sleep at night"

 

If he takes that and runs with it, then you're golden. If not, there ain't **** you can do about it because I agree with everyone else that you can't force him nor ask him to do it - it loses it's meaning.

 

I JUST had this conversation with my man. He took it and ran with it. I'm a happy camper.

[bmh]

There isn't really much left to say that hasn't already been brought up...if a man asked me to tell him goodnight every night I would RUN......if you want to talk to him before you go to sleep call him...text him...something.

[Graduate]

Are you kidding me? If a guy told me he would dump me if I didn't send him good night messages every night because 'it wasn't an inconvenience', I would lose all respect for him. How needy is that? It's not a way to gauge how much someone really cares about you. He can just save that text and forward it every evening and still sleep with someone else.

 

I feel like you intentionally misunderstood what I said. To reiterate: If he does not like to text her good night it is her decision whether she wants to continue the relationship or not. I did not say she should give him some kind of ultimatum, but decide whether it is that important to her to receive good night messages or not. Or messages in general. In her OP she states that even though they have been dating for two months, she only hears from him every two days or so.

 

I know I like my daily (good night) messages (and sure there are times when they are not being sent, like when he is out or goes to sleep exhausted after a long day, etc) what matters to me is that he 'wants' to wish me a good night and for me to be 'last person he talks to before he goes to sleep'.

 

Now you may seem to think that this is needy, I believe that this is simply a difference in relationship needs. Different strokes for different for different folks and all that. I know I want to be in a relationship with a guy who has similar needs as me, I would not be 'fulfilled' in a relationship with someone who I see maybe once a week and only hear from every two days or so. Been there, done that. I'd rather find someone who wants the same thing as me.

 

And isn't that what dating is all about? Finding someone who is a good match for you? At least that's what I think. I think it is 'needy' and 'pathetic' to stay in a relationship with someone when you don't feel happy and get your needs met, only because you think you might not find someone else or you'd rather have anyone instead of being single.

 

/Rant over

[Emilia]

I feel like you intentionally misunderstood what I said. To reiterate: If he does not like to text her good night it is her decision whether she wants to continue the relationship or not. I did not say she should give him some kind of ultimatum, but decide whether it is that important to her to receive good night messages or not. Or messages in general. In her OP she states that even though they have been dating for two months, she only hears from him every two days or so.

 

[...]

 

And isn't that what dating is all about? Finding someone who is a good match for you? At least that's what I think. I think it is 'needy' and 'pathetic' to stay in a relationship with someone when you don't feel happy and get your needs met, only because you think you might not find someone else or you'd rather have anyone instead of being single.

 

/Rant over

No I didn't intentionally misinterpret your post, I thought it was extremely short sighted and you have just confirmed that. Yes dating is finding someone compatible. However if something like a good night text matters to you so much that you think the OP could potentially question their compatibility over it (after only 2 months, might I add) then good luck finding a long term relationship because there are massive things to deal with in life. Like to have children or not or whether your partner's sick mother should live with you or not or how you retain a healthy sex life or to deal with his irresponsible spending. These are the things that matter. Not a good night text. That is indeed needy.

[soccerrprp]

I have slightly mixed feelings on this. Or not....it doesn't hurt to ask him. He may take it as needy or he may take it as "cute." But, it certainly should not be a deal-breaker if he finds it a little over-board. What YOU could do is text him good night every night and see how he responds. After a few days, you get no good night in return, then you know that it's not his thing. You never know, he may miss them and wonder.....or not.

 

I'm in a committed LDR and rarely text good night. But, I do text her good morning every day! He expects them and loves them.

[Fondue]

I'd be more than a little skeeved if the lady I was dating requested I send her daily goodnight texts. That's too much. Similar how some of you are saying it is a relationship incompatibility and would want to breakup for NOT sending them, I would reconsider our relationship if she DID expect them. That is wayyyy too clingy for me.

 

It's a daunting task, too. Isn't it? Have to always be on top of your game. Always remember. And what if you don't!? Then what? Your SO is going to start to have thoughts, start to have her/his suspicions. Then passive aggressive behavior begins, then more anger, maybe even a fight. It might not even be ABOUT missing text(s), but because of dumb suspicions. I could TOTALLY see that happen.

 

Additionally, I would think that MANY people would end up just copy/pasting their previous messages. Or maybe put it on some sort of auto-cycle. I mean, seriously. Why not? But ohhhhh nooooooo, what if your SO figures it out. Then there goes another fight.

 

It's way too much trouble than it is worth to deal with needy behavior. That's my two cents. Some people might think it isn't needy at all to expect this. I'm clearly in disagreement with that. That's just... Too much.

[mammasita]

See this is the thing. As a woman, you don't ask, request or demand to receive ANYTHING. First - it ruins the meaning, Second - it's needy. Why the hell would anyone want something to be begrudgingly given to them?

 

I think everyone is missing the point.

 

There is nothing wrong with OP wanting a goodnight next, and there is nothing wrong with her talking to her man about it DEPENING ON HOW OP APPROACHES HIM.

 

It's the same thing as asking your SO to keep the toilet seat down. Do we need it to survive? NOPE. Does he need to do it? NOPE. Would him doing it make us happy? YEP. Does it matter how we ask him to do it? Absolutely. Is it going to happen every single freaking day? Of course not.

Edited December 17, 2013 by mammasita

[rocketman122]

Weve been dating for two months. He texts me every other day. I dont mind if we dont talk talk throughout the day because I understand he gets busy at work but I would like to get a goodnight text every night. Is that too much to ask?

 

Im going to go against most here. as I usually do. most here dont even date and are anti dating so pay no mind. most here are soloists.

 

If youre dating for a while I see no issue with asking for a good night text from him. problem is he might not be the communicative type. or he may not even be aware of what you want. you may have to train him a bit

 

he may not be the attentive sensitive kind whos in tune with your feeling and wants. maybe over time he will get better.

 

Im a very warm person. I love touching/holding hands/hugging. now there was this woman I dated a while back and she was not like this. I told her what I liked. I gave her time to see if anything would change. it didnt, I walked away. I need that touching. If I dont get it, im not happy.

 

you have to decide what are you willing to compromise with. some things may not be a big issue and some things are priority.

 

my ex GF loved getting attention from me and I loved giving it to her. so it was a win win. if he loves you and things are good, I think hell be willing to make some changes. its not being needy at all. you just need to find someone with more emotional intelligence and is attentive to you. very few have this trait.

[d0nnivain]

At two months in, for me daily contact would be over the top. If the guy did it, I wouldn't object b/c texting is pretty non-invasive.

 

 

To the OP if you want this, do it. Lead by example.

 

 

I think mamasita is spot on. Wants vs. needs & how the request is made.

 

 

I'll give you an example from my own life. When I 1st met & married DH I noticed he signed all cards with just his name. He didn't date them. He didn't write Dear ____ , on them. There was no Love, DH, just his name. I found that very cold especially since he went out of his way to pick sentimental cards. I showed him a card I had written him with Dear DH, the date, Love, Donnivain & a personalized message. I then asked him if he could please try signing his cards to me more like that. Although he thought it was silly, he did it. As a joke (& I like & get his sense of humor) he wrote: here's your handwritten personalized message on the card. I thought that was hysterical.

 

 

Men aren't mind readers. It is OK to ask for what you want in a relationship but it's also OK for the other person to not give it to you. That may show your fundamental incompatibility.

[Divasu]

Is that too much to ask?

 

Hmmm. Well, are you going to get angry or upset with him if he goes one day without? I mean, since you're wanting to set forth a timeline of when you should receive a text and all...What happens when/if it's broken?

 

Why place more weight on text communication as opposed to other areas of the relationship and/or in the flesh, in person interaction. When really, it's a text, not a declaration of love. This whole "technology driven" communication within romantic interpersonal relationships seems, hollow...

 

Unless you two live thousands of miles apart, I don't see the need for it. I'm just not a "I need to talk/text someone every single day" kind of person, so you may be barking up the wrong tree here.

[mammasita]

At two months in, for me daily contact would be over the top. If the guy did it, I wouldn't object b/c texting is pretty non-invasive.

 

 

To the OP if you want this, do it. Lead by example.

 

 

I think mamasita is spot on. Wants vs. needs & how the request is made.

 

 

I'll give you an example from my own life. When I 1st met & married DH I noticed he signed all cards with just his name. He didn't date them. He didn't write Dear ____ , on them. There was no Love, DH, just his name. I found that very cold especially since he went out of his way to pick sentimental cards. I showed him a card I had written him with Dear DH, the date, Love, Donnivain & a personalized message. I then asked him if he could please try signing his cards to me more like that. Although he thought it was silly, he did it. As a joke (& I like & get his sense of humor) he wrote: here's your handwritten personalized message on the card. I thought that was hysterical.

 

 

Men aren't mind readers. It is OK to ask for what you want in a relationship but it's also OK for the other person to not give it to you. That may show your fundamental incompatibility.

Exactly, its not about being needy or a mismatch in dating or communication style.....its about voicing what you would like and working to make it happen.

 

Men and women simply don't think alike.

[Ruby Slippers]

I also disagree with most here and think some of the replies are really over the top.

 

It's fine to want or need whatever you need. Some people want and need more than others, in all areas of life.

 

Wanting and needing things does not make you needy. It's self-respecting to pay attention to what you want and need and do what you can to get it.

 

I appreciate when people ask me for exactly what they want and need, and am honest with them about whether or not I can deliver.

 

I think a good approach to asking for this kind of want/need is to thank him when he does what you like - "I love your good night texts. I feel happier when I'm drifting off to sleep." If that doesn't work, you can come right out and say, "Honey, I love it when you send me good night texts." Then he can choose whether to give you what you want or not. It takes 5 seconds and is easy to do. If he really cares, it shouldn't be a problem.

 

I've been practicing asking for what I want and need more in my relationships of all kinds - romantic, friendly, professional - and it pretty much always works out well.

[kiss_andmakeup]

It's like asking someone to say "I love you" or "Sorry". Doesn't it lose all meaning if you have to ask for it?

 

Agree.

 

I always loved that while my fiancé and I were in the dating stages, I heard from him every day. We never went a day without at least a little communication.

 

But it would have been completely meaningless if I had had to sit him down and tell him I expected a text every day, particularly a specific one. It's not a matter of calling you needy, it's just a matter of "it's the thought that counts." If a guy texts you every night because he genuinely wants to, that feels nice. If a guy texts you every night, and the thought behind it is "I'd better text her goodnight so she doesn't dump me," then isn't that kind of meaningless anyways?

 

I do agree with Ruby that you should drop a hint, such as "I love it when you send me goodnight texts, it really makes me smile before I fall asleep." But that's all the nudging I would give. It gives him the opportunity to knowingly do something that makes you happy out of choice.

 

If he still doesn't seem to catch on, you might be best off finding someone who does this of their own accord.

Edited December 17, 2013 by kiss_andmakeup

[Bigcitydreamer]

Do you want him to text you every night before bed specifically or just every day at least once?

 

I found this kind of hard to answer as I can see both sides. I would definitely rather that he just text me out of his own accord then having to ask for it. But when putting myself in that situation I'm pretty sure I'd just ask him to text me every night. If he really cares he will at least try to do this for you. But he may think its silly and not a fair request and then you will have to make a decision of how important that is to you.

 

Ill be honest, that would be important to me. A daily text. I'm not sure about 2 months that's a smidge early but 3-4 months I know I'd want daily contact without a doubt. I don't see much wrong with asking for what you want from someone that you are trying to make a lasting relationship with.

[StanMusial]

You can ask for whatever you want, might not get it though.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I also disagree with most here and think some of the replies are really over the top.

It's fine to want or need whatever you need. Some people want and need more than others, in all areas of life.

Wanting and needing things does not make you needy. It's self-respecting to pay attention to what you want and need and do what you can to get it.

I appreciate when people ask me for exactly what they want and need, and am honest with them about whether or not I can deliver.

I think a good approach to asking for this kind of want/need is to thank him when he does what you like - "I love your good night texts. I feel happier when I'm drifting off to sleep." If that doesn't work, you can come right out and say, "Honey, I love it when you send me good night texts." Then he can choose whether to give you what you want or not. It takes 5 seconds and is easy to do. If he really cares, it shouldn't be a problem.

I've been practicing asking for what I want and need more in my relationships of all kinds - romantic, friendly, professional - and it pretty much always works out well.

 

Agree. If this drives him away then he isn't the kind of guy who can provide what you need anyway.

 

Imagine 10 years down the road still starving for attention. Give it some time and see if he does this on his own or not. If not.... Square pegs and round holes.