Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 Yes I will. thank you - I had been succeeding at NC... (to regain control because he's started to ignore me mainly) and THEN BOOM he messages me out of the blue... I get excited... then the message from him says... Him: "Ashley would like your number" Me: "Why"... Him: She would like some of your essays as I have given her all mine (we all study the same topic, he gave me his essays in the past aswell) I get mad. and show my jealousy a bit.. Me: Right, she only contacts me when she wants something. I'll get right onto sending her all my stuff (sarcasm) Him: Let her make contact with you, and then go from there. Me: I tell him to F*** off. ..... then he messages me again the next day..... crawls his way back in... We talk about catching up... then he says: "I might bring Ashley along as she is always enthusiastic about you" (as if I wasn't obvious enough with my jealousy to start with, then to be prodded a second time) I get mad. He says: Ok just the two of us and I will let her know that I have seen you and that I'm so excited and looking forward to it. (why would he even have to let her know, we have caught up millions of times without her) At this Point I tell him to never contact me again.. ever. ***If I'm Ignoring him like this ---- WHY would he purposely out of the blue hurt me with these Ashley messages, for no good reason. F***:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 ***If I'm Ignoring him like this ---- WHY would he purposely out of the blue hurt me with these Ashley messages, for no good reason. F***:lmao: maybe... because ashley asked him to help her get in touch with you, and if he suddenly said that he's no longer in contact that would raise questions? maybe you're doing the ignoring and playing games and he's just completely oblivious as his involvement with you is completely different to how you actually perceive it? sorry, but in this situation i think things are exactly what they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Britain Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I believe you are having delusions about all the dynamics in this situation. Stop and think about it in a rational manner. It does not even slightly whiff of there being any triangle love affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 maybe you're doing the ignoring and playing games and he's just completely oblivious as his involvement with you is completely different to how you actually perceive it? Because just a week before this, he was saying that he misses me so much, loves me, that I make him happy.... naughty txt msgs. and then he says we've crossed a line and it shouldn't go past this. (but we've crossed that line millions of times before) Fast forward a week lately and he's cold as ice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 and he's always initiates the conversations. starts with the intense romantic messages, when I reply with flirty messages... He gets all weird about it... and ignores me for awhile. then starts the whole cycle again. So No I'm not having "delusions" about me and him. Link to post Share on other sites
Britain Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Cool your heels, your emotions, and let him do the chasing. Tell him your expectations, he will either meet the demands or fail and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Britain Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 and he's always initiates the conversations. starts with the intense romantic messages, when I reply with flirty messages... He gets all weird about it... and ignores me for awhile. then starts the whole cycle again. So No I'm not having "delusions" about me and him. I believe your are having delusions, false truths of the interpersonal dynamics between him and your 50 year old friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 maybe you're doing the ignoring and playing games and he's just completely oblivious as his involvement with you is completely different to how you actually perceive it? Because just a week before this, he was saying that he misses me so much, loves me, that I make him happy.... naughty txt msgs. and then he says we've crossed a line and it shouldn't go past this. (but we've crossed that line millions of times before) Fast forward a week lately and he's cold as ice. and he's always initiates the conversations. starts with the intense romantic messages, when I reply with flirty messages... He gets all weird about it... and ignores me for awhile. then starts the whole cycle again. So No I'm not having "delusions" about me and him. he's playing with you. he gets an ego boost when you show him he's got you, then cools off until he needs an ego boost again. this is not a love story. good that you told him not to contact you again. now go NC and this time don't use it as a punishment because he's ignoring you, but really mean it. btw, ashley seems like a person who genuinely likes your company and possibly doesn't deserve the way you're describing her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 I hope so.... Wouldn't anyone feel that way if the guy they were involved with (sometimes) invited another female along to your private lunch? and just told you instead of asked? Besides Me and her weren't very close, just colleagues that got along, I would be exaggerating to call her a 'friend'. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I hope so.... Wouldn't anyone feel that way if the guy they were involved with (sometimes) invited another female along to your private lunch? and just told you instead of asked? Besides Me and her weren't very close, just colleagues that got along, I would be exaggerating to call her a 'friend'. i know i'll sound harsh here, but i don't think you're her friend to begin with. however, main issue here is: why would you put this sort of effort into a guy who treats you the way he does, even if he were single? on top of that this guy's married. close this door and carry on. all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 I love it how everyone here assumes Ashley is so sweet and innocent just because I sound immature and have described her in a bad way.. She used to try to flirt with him and come on to him all the time at work. Not that I cared at all because he didn't seem interested or would even reply to her... telling him how good looking he is and he looks like a sailor (he doesn't) and plus she was always preoccupied.. she goes on ALOT of dates.. and picks up a lot at work (no judgements.. good on her for putting herself out there and all) I'm just annoyed at her for becoming super close with him after I left. I KNOW, none of this matters now I have chosen to go NC I just thought that gaining other peoples opinions on the whole situation would put my mind at ease and help me heal..... however, main issue here is: why would you put this sort of effort into a guy who treats you the way he does, even if he were single? Honest answer. The way he made me feel I guess. I've never bonded with someone so honest, and felt a deep connection like that.. Even if he was single and treated me like that, I feel like it's because I'm openly taking the good with the bad. He makes me feel terrible sometimes, tells me I'm getting fat all the time (I'm not, I'm a very slim build) but then there's other times where I find his honestly refreshing and he makes me feel amazing like no one else could even come close to understanding me like he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missannoyed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 I just wanted others (that have had simular experience in this) to analyse it all for me, dissect all the information, and explain all the little things going on with the situation, all the little things he does (mixed signals) and then explain it to me In a rational, unbiased way... because I'm clearly not the most trusty, rational person to be trying to make sense of this all myself (given the headspace I'm in at the moment) It's good to get different opinions from people, it helps me compartmentalize it all and make sense of it to myself - so I can start to forget about him. I just want to get all of my questions out the way so I'm not dwelling about this 6 months down the track... Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I just wanted others (that have had simular experience in this) to analyse it all for me, dissect all the information, and explain all the little things going on with the situation, all the little things he does (mixed signals) and then explain it to me In a rational, unbiased way... because I'm clearly not the most trusty, rational person to be trying to make sense of this all myself (given the headspace I'm in at the moment) It's good to get different opinions from people, it helps me compartmentalize it all and make sense of it to myself - so I can start to forget about him. I just want to get all of my questions out the way so I'm not dwelling about this 6 months down the track... There's no more questions needing answers - he's a user and a taker. The only question to ask yourself is: "How am I NEVER, ever going to allow this to happen again?"!!! He's MARRIED! Married men (some) use single women to benefit themselves/their marriage - he sounds like one of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imfine Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 "Wouldn't anyone feel that way if the guy they were involved with (sometimes) invited another female along to your private lunch? and just told you instead of asked?" The irony in this comment just blows my mind. Isn't he married? Have you wondered about how his wife feels about your private lunch dates? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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