How does your MM interact with his wife on Facebook?

[unicorn farts]

Since I rarely use Facebook and even more rarely comment on my husband's page our marriage is 'pathetic', but if I like all of his posts we will just be putting on a show...

[experiencethedevine]

I like the way you explained this. Thanks.

 

I've noticed that there are quite a few BS's posting on this sub-forum. I wonder why they are here? Probably to learn about how OW/OM's feel (and maybe try to influence them too).

 

 

 

The same thing happens in the infidelity forum. Likely the same reason.

[liloldlady]

 

I've noticed that there are quite a few BS's posting on this sub-forum. I wonder why they are here?

 

I know! Me, too!!!!!!!!!!

 

Probably to learn about how OW/OM's feel (and maybe try to influence them too).

 

"Probably" try to influence? Also intimidate & ridicule if you ask me, but...

[bentleychic]

If they plan to separate this year, what would compel them to put photos of each other, or likes on each others pages, etc? I guess from my perspective, when I knew I was leaving my husband, I had no desire or inclination to post a picture of him on FB, or comment or like anything of his.

I cannot answer questions for other people, but I will say that my exH and I went out to talk and have dinner the final night before our divorce. He had the waitress take a pic of us. He put it on facebook. To the world, it might have looked like we were happy. And we were, but depending on who saw the pic, they may have read it wrong.

 

In reality, *I* was happy. I was almost out of hell. He was happy because I agreed to go out to eat with him a final time to try to agree on some things.

[Realist3]

Apparently some people do or they wouldn't have asked.

 

I will just say that people can make their lives appear to be anything they want. You may see a happy family in love on facebook when in reality, they are constantly at war IRL. Or vice versa.

 

What people look like online is not necessarily reality.

 

Exactly! It means nothing. FB is your public face; what you want people to see. I don't go out in public and air dirty laundry in my marriage, so why would people think that FB is a place where that would occur? FB is a charade.

[Popsicle]

So, will more people answer the original question?

 

Does your MM click "like" on his wife's posts?

[Britain]

Do you really need Facebook to decipher marital happiness. If one is having a long term or consecutive affairs, there is your answer, a happily married person does not have continuous affairs. Some may argue it in their favor or to paint icing on dysfunction-discord that a happily married person continues to have affairs. But I do not buy it.

[Realist3]

So, will more people answer the original question?

 

Does your MM click "like" on his wife's posts?

 

Yes. So what?

[bentleychic]

Just curious -- What do you think is your MM's motivation for "liking" his wife's posts?

 

Do you think its habit, putting on a good public front, being supportive, obligation, or genuinely enjoying/liking what she posts?

 

 

(and I agree with you re: "so what", Im just interested in your thoughts on this)

Realist IS the MM.

[Realist3]

Just curious -- What do you think is your MM's motivation for "liking" his wife's posts?

 

Do you think its habit, putting on a good public front, being supportive, obligation, or genuinely enjoying/liking what she posts?

 

 

(and I agree with you re: "so what", Im just interested in your thoughts on this)

 

Well, just to be clear, I am a married man involved with a married woman.

 

Motivation? Motivations could be all over the place. I will just state this from my point of view. I like my wife's posts, not because I necessarily like them so much, but because it is an expected norm. Yesterday was my wife's birthday, and I had not posted a happy birthday message to her wall. What was the point? I took her parents out to dinner with us, and her mother said, "You have to keep up appearances...." Why in the hel do I need to tell her that on FB?

 

My wife is not really a Facebooker, and I really do not make an effort to seek out her posts.

 

A side note. People try and give a false impression by liking or posting about their spouses to make it seem better than it is.

 

Take FB with a grain of salt.

[wanting more]

I think its a manifestation of feeling completely in the dark regarding a person's life and marriage, and hoping to gain some sort of insight.

 

The way a vision a MM orchestrating an Affair is like this: Picture two windowless rooms. The wife is in one room, the OW is in the other room. The rooms are down the hall from each other and are sound proof. The MM runs from room to room. He tells the OW things about whats happening in the room with the W. He tells the W that when he's out of her room, he's doing x,y, z (when he's really in the OW's room). He probably tells the OW he's doing other things too, when in actuality he's in the W's room. He goes back and forth, back and forth. The OW and W are unable to leave their room, they have no access or line of sight or ability to hear the other room.

 

HOWEVER, every now and then...the OW and W get little glimpses or blips of the other room, or even other lady inside the room. Maybe the MM says something to the W while he's leaving her room, and the OW has her door open and hears it. Maybe she gets a glimpse of her, or a text message is seen..or an email...a phone #, or other people see the MM and report to the W/OW. So the W/OW begin to wonder. But they CANNOT have access to the other room.

 

The perception of each lady is COMPLETELY CONTROLLED AND MANAGED BY THE MM. He alone determines what they know, what they see, what they hear regarding his activities out of their room, the existence of other rooms, etc etc. but they have NO WAY of verifying. So back and forth he bounces, buckling up his pants, sweating, high-fiving himself, what have you.

 

Facebook is just one of those little "blips" or glimpses the OW and W happen upon, or perhaps even scour and scour over (in the OW case), trying to find verification, information or some sort of CLUE as to the other room, since they are completely in the dark as to what happens in that room.

 

It's just plain nosey. You (ow in general). Want to see

[AutumnMoon]

He says he very seldom goes on to Facebook. Every so often, he will like pictures, usually of his kids or of friends going out but not specifically his wife's posts and its only every couple months.

He's 'liked' a few of my profile pictures, I've never read a whole lot into it.

[Nothisgirl]

Neither of them have fb. Thank God..

[wanting more]

It's just plain nosey. You (ow in general). Want to see

 

I think it's just nosey. I (ow in general) want to see if theres anything about the relationship they can tell from fb.

 

But it never works out. It's either "im so happy he doesn't Like her posts of fb, bet there's issues at home". . Or "Im so pis*ed he likes her posts on fb, maybe he does love her"

 

I've seen many people on may forums say just stay off fb. The post there do not portray what their life is like at home.

 

As I said earlier I don't understand why people get in their AP or APa BS page.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

My teenage niece thinks Facebook is lame.,..She says "its for old people to hookup and have affairs with old boyfriends and girlfriends...gross"

[liloldlady]

It really depends on the specific person's typical FB behavior in general. If your MM is a big FB user, on there every day, doing lots of likes and comments on others pages AND his wife also uses FB frequently, then I would say Yes, it could be odd that they wouldnt like/comment on each other's posts/pictures.

 

Exactly.........................

 

It could also be seen as odd if one particular spouse posts lots of pics of friends, families, but never posts any with BS.

[Popsicle]

My teenage niece thinks Facebook is lame.,..She says "its for old people to hookup and have affairs with old boyfriends and girlfriends...gross"

 

That is exactly what my both of my teenagers say. They say Facebook is for old people too and young people are bored of it and don't use it much anymore. They've moved on to other sites.

[Cinnimon]

My EA started on FB. I know of many that have. Xmm's wife had access to his page as she didn't have her own. Our A went on right under her FB nose.

I notice on the infidelity forum, BS's talking about checking the OW/OM FB pages long after the A is over as well, yet they say that a BS shouldn't let the OW/OM have any head space. Just saying.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Cinnimon
left out a word

[SolG]

My MM's BS does not have a FB account, and she thinks he doesn't either. She asked him to get rid of it a long time ago and he told her he had. He and I communicate using FB occasionally - posting photos locked down so only we can see them, messaging, etc. We occasionally like or comment on each other's posts - but not overly much. We also have each other's passwords JIC quick delete-age is required. But mostly we use email. I'm glad that his BS isn't on FB. I know I would be tempted to e-stalk, and it would also limit our ability to use it to communicate.

[Whisper Quiet]

No he does not. Even when other people put photos of her on his Timeline. They are still together, so him not "liking" her posts really did/does not to be that significant.

[Lillyfree]

i've resurrected my old profile after a last year's visit with family, as they use facebook as a primary tool of communication.

 

i'll check it maybe monthly? i have not had a look at my husband's page at all, actually he only recently changed our relationship status to married. and therefore i would miss anything that he posts. so, even though we're going through a rough patch, our facebook activities are definitely not representative of our marriage situation.

[Raena]

First... yes BS do comment on the OW/OM forums... it happens in both directions. I can't speak for others, but I come here to hear all sides of the story and gain some perspective. (BS here) It actually helps a lot to see all perspectives and not just the one I'm in. I don't mind when OW/OM come and post on my threads in the infidelity forum... I think it's better to listen to what every one has to say.

 

Anyhow... as to your original question and in addition to my previous post... I will say that after the fact... after dday... I booted him off my page and then went and hid every picture of him that I had on there. I did it because I didn't want him nosing in on what I was saying and doing. But... in the process I looked back at his page and realized that he NEVER posted pictures of the two of us together, he rarely, if ever "liked" or commented on my page either. I noticed it when we were together but I didn't think much of it because he doesn't really use FB all that much these days. He used to play farmville all the darn time and had tons of "friends" because of it, but that was really his only use for it. Once in a blue moon he would post a picture, but it usually wasn't of me or our son.

 

After dday though... he immediately added his OW as a friend and changed his profile pic to one of the two of them together. She apparently thought this was the best thing he could ever do because she bragged about it. Funny thing was, his entire family gave him holy heck about it... like what in the world are you doing? Where's Raena? Who is this new girl? Why is she on your page? and none of them "liked" his picture. Not long after that he broke it off with her and changed everything back to what it was before. I sincerely think she begged him to put that picture on there... mostly because of how she gloated about it. I don't imagine she liked the response he got from it though.

 

 

In my case... did it mean anything that he didn't "like" my stuff? From the OW's perspective I imagine it did. From my perspective... during the relationship I didn't think much of it... afterwards I realized that he probably wasn't doing so because he was afraid the OW would see and it wouldn't fit the image he was portraying to her about what it was like between he and I. See... he lied to her and told her that he and I were basically roommates and that our relationship had been done for 2 years. this really wasn't the case and had she actually been able to look at my fb page, she would have known that. He knew that and so he didn't do it. It didn't mean he wasn't here telling me how much he loved me and carrying on like things were normal between us while he lied to both of us.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I got rid of facebook three years ago - I was done with the games. I find it only valuable about 5 percent of the time - for those that keep in touch with family long distance.

 

It is correct - younger people (my 17 year old included) don't use it - they are more into twitter and Instagram now.

 

I think it's total misrepresentative of what is really going on in someone's life. It is narcissistic and people are not going to put up anything bad going on in their life (unless they like they attention - which there are those). There are studies out there that say facebook contributes to depression. I believe it.

 

Just FYI - I know for a fact my xmom's wife had total control of his fb page - this happened after full disclosure. So this is probably very likely in most situations out there.

 

I think it's ridiculous actually. A huge time and energy waster.

[Nothisgirl]

My teenage niece thinks Facebook is lame.,..She says "its for old people to hookup and have affairs with old boyfriends and girlfriends...gross"

 

Lol sadly, she's right! Haha

[Amelia81]

I think its a manifestation of feeling completely in the dark regarding a person's life and marriage, and hoping to gain some sort of insight.

 

The way a vision a MM orchestrating an Affair is like this: Picture two windowless rooms. The wife is in one room, the OW is in the other room. The rooms are down the hall from each other and are sound proof. The MM runs from room to room. He tells the OW things about whats happening in the room with the W. He tells the W that when he's out of her room, he's doing x,y, z (when he's really in the OW's room). He probably tells the OW he's doing other things too, when in actuality he's in the W's room. He goes back and forth, back and forth. The OW and W are unable to leave their room, they have no access or line of sight or ability to hear the other room.

 

HOWEVER, every now and then...the OW and W get little glimpses or blips of the other room, or even other lady inside the room. Maybe the MM says something to the W while he's leaving her room, and the OW has her door open and hears it. Maybe she gets a glimpse of her, or a text message is seen..or an email...a phone #, or other people see the MM and report to the W/OW. So the W/OW begin to wonder. But they CANNOT have access to the other room.

 

The perception of each lady is COMPLETELY CONTROLLED AND MANAGED BY THE MM. He alone determines what they know, what they see, what they hear regarding his activities out of their room, the existence of other rooms, etc etc. but they have NO WAY of verifying. So back and forth he bounces, buckling up his pants, sweating, high-fiving himself, what have you.

 

Facebook is just one of those little "blips" or glimpses the OW and W happen upon, or perhaps even scour and scour over (in the OW case), trying to find verification, information or some sort of CLUE as to the other room, since they are completely in the dark as to what happens in that room.

 

This is one of the best posts I have ever read!!