Feels like the whole world has gone mad!

[ArkhamJoker]

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right place but I guess this will be moved if it's not. I am not the one who has been cheated on (least I hope not) but this is about cheating. This is my first post here and I just need to get this out as I feel like I am going mad.

 

My boyfriend has this mate who found out that his wife had cheated on him with another friend in the group. When I found this out as far as I was concerned the both the wife and the friend are dead to me, and I always assumed everyone would feel the same but to my amazement everyone has shunned the friend but the wife is able to carry on like she did nothing wrong, and the only reason I can see was because she made the 'brave' decision to come clean.

 

My husband had his mates round over the weekend while I was at work and I said he can have anyone round except the wife and friend as he knows how I feel about them. He said the friend isn't welcome anyway, they all hate him because of what he did to the husband. I still don't understand why he is the only one getting the blame. Still, I don't ever want to see him ever again anyway so I don't really care about it that much. It's not him that worries me.

 

The wife on the other hand he couldn't guarantee wouldn't turn up. I told him I don't care if his mate and everyone else on the planet has decided to forgive her. I don't want her in my home. I don't want her anywhere near me. If they insists on acknowledging her existence then they can do so away from me. My boyfriend said he would let the husband know it was guys only and as far as I was concerned that was that.

 

I went to work and forgot all about it. I figured she wouldn't have the guts to turn up anyway, she should know she isn't welcome. She did turn up and not only that my boyfriend invited her in, told her to make herself at home and help herself to food and drink. It sounds like they all had a great time in MY home while I was at work oblivious to what was going on. My boyfriend made sure they were all gone by the time I got home.

 

So when I returned and no one was there and I asked him where everyone was he told me he sent the home because she turned up and he knew how I would react. Well, I am fuming and he can't understand why. He thinks I am overreacting. As far as he is concerned I should just accept that she is still a part of the group and get over it. I can't and won't forgive her just like I can't and won't forgive the friend. Neither of then can be trusted ever again.

 

She claims that they only fooled around and they have never actually slept together. She also claims that he took advantage of her when all she needed was a shoulder to cry on. Well sorry I am calling bulls**t on that. I do not believe her. They all seem to think that she made a mistake and that she has learn't her lesson. Well I don't care what she calls it, she betrayed her husband and deserves to be punished for the rest of her life. I don't understand why we are suppose to bow down to her for having the 'courage' to come clean about her 'ordeal'. Once a cheat, always a cheat. I can't wait for her to slip up again so that I can say to them all "I told you so". She has made me look like the villain and I haven't done anything wrong.

 

I wish they would all wake up and see her for the nasty little tramp she really is.

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like you're on a mission.

 

You have to let people make their own decisions. You can shun her, they do not have to follow in suit.

 

Why is it so important to you for them to see her as a tramp?

[Iguanna]

It seems you had issues with her before she cheated on her husband or else I can't understand that much hate towards her. She did nothing to you for which she asks your forgiveness. If you can't take this, you have to stay away from her. We can't force everyone around us to dislike the people we dislike. To be honest that much hate that you have scares me a bit.

[Clay]

It sounds like your boyfriend does not share your thoughts on cheating. Maybe this is a warning sign for you. I would not allow her into my house as well. People can say your going to far. I don't think so. If people are willing to stab people they love in the back just how much damage will they do to a friend. I would tell him if he brings her around again its going to cause serious issues with your relationship with him. He then can choose what he wants.

 

 

I think you are on the right track. Surround yourself with good people and live a good healthy life.

 

Clay

[Untouchable_Fire]

I have a lot of respect for you standing up to them on this.

 

Fact is that the husband doesn't want to blame his wife... And so the rest are following suit.

 

Up to you on how to handle it further, but frankly she seems like a corrosive element and wouldn't want her around. I wouldn't trust her with your BF either!

[ArkhamJoker]

It's good to see that some people here have sense.

 

As for my boyfriend he is just weak. If I just get him to see her for what she is then I won't have to worry about her in my home again. I just need her to slip up again and then people won't be able to forgive her for a second time.

 

The one I am shocked about is the husband, if I was him I would be out for blood. I always thought he was a strong person who knew right from wrong but by forgiving her he has become just as bad as her in my opinion. I have seen a different side to people.

 

Why do I want the world to see her for the tramp she is?

I would have thought that was obvious, right now I am left feeling like the villain. I am being accused of overreacting because I refuse to worship her. I see her and her husband walk past my work all the time and seeing them happy makes me feel sick, how can he do it knowing what she did? It is irritating seeing her walk around acting like she has done nothing wrong. They have made no secret about what she did, they told everyone and yet from what I have seen and heard everyone has forgiven her and now no one ever mentions what she did. The blame has been shifted completely to the friend and he has been cast of. She gets to walk out of this without punishment and I don't understand it. It's like she has this hold over people.

 

Have I ever liked her?

No, I never liked her. I always thought she couldn't be trusted and I was right. I just wish everyone else would see what I see. Why should I be made to feel like I am in the wrong?

 

Why can't I just ignore her?

She is everywhere, she lives and works near me. We have the same friends. Her husband and my boyfriend have known each other for years. I can't do anything without her being shoved in my face.

 

What has it got to do with you?

I was also very good friends with the other guy before it happened. I now can't bare to look at him. He knew they were married. I completely misjudged him. I have lost a friend and she has lost nothing. She has not been punished and yet everyone thinks I am in the wrong. It is not fair.

[Iguanna]

It's good to see that some people here have sense.

 

So all people who disagree with you don't just make sense? Really nice argument, especially when you make a thread in a forum asking for opinions. Should we all just agree with you and tell you what a goddess you are?

 

As for my boyfriend he is just weak.

 

Or he knows that he has no right to judge someone from something they did to someone else. Or he doesn't want to get involved in this. Or he wants to support his friend (the BS) who decided to forgive his wife. See there are other reasons why your bf is acting like he does.

 

If I just get him to see her for what she is then I won't have to worry about her in my home again.

 

Your home is your bf's home as well and he has equal rights to bring his friends. If you don't want to see her there either don't be there when she is or confront her and tell her openly you don't want her in your house, expecting the consequences. But you don't have the guts to confront her as it seems.

 

I just need her to slip up again and then people won't be able to forgive her for a second time.

 

People don't need to blame her nor forgive her about anything. What she did was bad only for her husband. If you want to stop being friends with her (not that you were but anyway) you have the right to do so, but you can't demand from the whole world to hate her so you are happy. To be honest I think you are more unsympathetic at the moment than her.

 

The one I am shocked about is the husband, if I was him I would be out for blood. I always thought he was a strong person who knew right from wrong but by forgiving her he has become just as bad as her in my opinion. I have seen a different side to people.

 

But you are not her husband and you can't decide for him. Do you always hate people who just disagree with you? You must have a great problem with this in your life then. He had his reasons to forgive her and he is not obligated to share them with you or ask for your opinion. Do you give him this right or does he need to take permission from you for whatever he does to keep you happy?

 

Why do I want the world to see her for the tramp she is?

I would have thought that was obvious, right now I am left feeling like the villain. I am being accused of overreacting because I refuse to worship her. I see her and her husband walk past my work all the time and seeing them happy makes me feel sick, how can he do it knowing what she did? It is irritating seeing her walk around acting like she has done nothing wrong. They have made no secret about what she did, they told everyone and yet from what I have seen and heard everyone has forgiven her and now no one ever mentions what she did. The blame has been shifted completely to the friend and he has been cast of. She gets to walk out of this without punishment and I don't understand it. It's like she has this hold over people.

 

Nobody asked you to worship her. You have the right to have whatever relationship you want with her, but you can't demand from people to share your feelings. Can you understand that?

 

Have I ever liked her?

No, I never liked her. I always thought she couldn't be trusted and I was right. I just wish everyone else would see what I see. Why should I be made to feel like I am in the wrong? I have lost a friend and she has lost nothing. She has not been punished and yet everyone thinks I am in the wrong. It is not fair.

 

You act like a 10 years old from who they took his lollipop. I'm not kidding. For the last time, this is your opinion and people are not obligated to follow it.

 

Plus you can forgive your friend (the OM) instead of judge him that hard. This is what friends do. Accept their friends' weaknesses, try to understand them and forgive them for their mistakes. If he were such a good friend to you, you would talk to him, try to feel how he feels and try to forgive him.

[ThatMan]

You overstep yourself, ArkhamJoker.

 

You have no right to insert yourself into the lives of others and tell them how to behave. We each deserve the opportunity to decide for ourselves who our friends are. There are more important things for you to worry about.

 

It seems that you and your boyfriend do not respect each other. You've called him weak. He violated your trust in a way that's that are hurtful. I think anyone in your position would feel livid, and rightfully so. You've made clear, in no uncertain terms, that this woman is to stay out of your home. No means NO and your boyfriend should respect you enough to not violate your personal boundaries. If a spouse allowed a woman who I loathed into my own house I would be very upset. Do you two live together? Does he live with you?

 

If you live together than you two need to learn safe and nurturing dialog to make reasonable compromise. Flat out ignoring your wants and needs by acting against them is extremely disrespectful.

[ThatMan]

Plus you can forgive your friend (the OM) instead of judge him that hard. This is what friends do. Accept their friends' weaknesses, try to understand them and forgive them for their mistakes. If he were such a good friend to you, you would talk to him, try to feel how he feels and try to forgive him.

Forgiveness is NOT the same as reconciliation. I can be best buds with somebody for years. I still won't reconcile a friendship with anyone who cheats, steals, is violent, or brutalizes other people. Looking after myself doesn't somehow trivialize my friendship or mean it wasn't 'sincere enough' in the first place. These acts are deliberate choices. Cheating is a choice and not a mistake. Period.

 

I don't need people who create these choices involved in my daily life. Neither does ArkhamJoker. She deserves consideration in deciding who is literally allowed inside her personal living space.

Edited December 18, 2013 by ThatMan

[FrankieFrank]

Or he knows that he has no right to judge someone from something they did to someone else.

That makes zero sense whatsoever.

 

So if someone killed or raped someone else, you have no right to judge them as long as it wasn't you that was killed or raped?

 

Well, it's kinda hard to pass judgement while being dead anyways...

 

I agree with saying OP's bf is weak. OP on the other hand seems like a strong woman. If I were her, I'd reevaluate relationship and test bf for having a spine, as it seems questionable now.

 

Being friends with someone isn't mandatory or set in stone. Someone can do things that make you wanna stop being their friends anymore. I know, because I already ditched some toxic "friends" from my life.

[crederer]

It seems you had issues with her before she cheated on her husband or else I can't understand that much hate towards her. She did nothing to you for which she asks your forgiveness. If you can't take this, you have to stay away from her. We can't force everyone around us to dislike the people we dislike. To be honest that much hate that you have scares me a bit.

 

I can understand her feeling toward ex friend. She feels the friend betrayed them all and hurt the group as a unit. I've been there, and know what that's like. She can choose to no longer be friends with her if she wants.

 

However, OP, you told your guy that if they are going to be with her or talk to her you wanted it to be out of your presence. That's exactly what he did. He even kicked her out before you got home.

 

You can choose to not associate with her but you can't force the rest of the group to feel the same.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The world hasn't gone mad, it was just never sane.

 

There's not really anything wrong with you not wanting to be associating/socializing with this woman because of what she has done, and you have a right to want her out of your personal space.

 

However your husband clearly doesn't see eye to eye on you with that, which makes me wonder what you don't know and why everyone decided to forgive her and banish him...is she extremely attractive and loveable? did they all just understand that he took advantage of her and used his friendship to make a move and she had weak boundaries and was vulnerable so she went with it?

 

Cheating can be in a lot of situations...not something you are always aware or foresee, therefore it can pretty much happen to anyone given the right circumstances...because you're not thinking clearly, you're not in the state of mind you are normally in...you can just be in a very emotional and vulnerable cloud where judgment is extremely off...not that I'm making excuses for her but I imagine this is what the situation may have been with her...they may have looked at him as the culprit in a case like that, it's just an example...an all too common one might I add with people having issues in their relationships and confiding in others...it's very easy to get yourself into a situation you may have otherwise felt was impossible.

 

With that being said, it's going to take communication. Your fury and wrath is going to do nothing but get you ignored...because he's not going to listen to you, everyone is just going to think you are the crazy-out-of-control person who everyone has to avoid or be quiet around because she's just waiting to go off on someone...and i realize you may just want your support and understanding from your husband, that you want him to choose you and respect you first instead of what his friends think or are doing.

 

But it doesn't always look that way from a man's point of view...in his eyes you are just this erratic and emotionally out of control person who seems very selfish and resentful, as well as bossy and domineering.

 

Therefore you need to just really get yourself together and composed and have a natural and calm conversation about this...if you can't do that then write it down in a letter so that he can just read it with you there...it's very important that both partners feel heard and listened to...otherwise you've got nothing, if you don't go the diplomatic route you're just going to get resistance and he's only going to hear you not listen.

 

Without controlling him or telling him what to do, make it clear you don't want anything to do with her because of how you feel and what you value, therefore you don't feel comfortable having her in your own home. But if he chooses to be friends with her and socialize with her that's his prerogative, as long as he respects the boundaries of your feelings about this.

 

You can't control other people, you can't control him or his friends and their opinions...the truth is a lot of people cheat, most people don't care unless it's happening to them, a lot of people don't even care if they're cheating with someone as long as they're not the one being cheated on, or they don't mind cheating but would go nuts if it happened to them.

 

That's just the way the world is, and it'll probably be easier if you don't hold against or resent your husband because it's not going to get you anywhere, nobody is going to be perfectly aligned with everything you believe in and value...and if there are some more personal issues you are extremely against cheating in itself, you might want to resolve those emotions because that's where the real fire is coming from...not from this situation itself, you're taking out something you've been through or seen on a situation that reminds you of it...which is more personal than fair.

[Iguanna]

That makes zero sense whatsoever.

 

So if someone killed or raped someone else, you have no right to judge them as long as it wasn't you that was killed or raped?

 

Even when you kill or rape there is a judge and a jury to decide if you are guilty or not and to what degree according to various things suck as your criminal record, your behavior after the murder or rape, the psychological circumstances that led you to this point and if there are any "excuses" for what you did. Only this shows something. I'm not justifying murderers or rapists of course (!) but I want to point out that everyone has reasons for doing what they are doing and everyone has reasons to forgive or not this person who did what they did. There are some thing I can't forgive from someone even if they do them to someone else indeed and you are right that what I said earlier was not really accurate. But I can't force everyone to agree with me and hate this person as well. In this case OP's bf prefers to just go on with his life as usual rather than create a big deal out of it and destroy the group's well being. After all, the BS forgave his wife and that shows a lot. I strongly believe that if in this story the BS was the one cheating, OP would not go that crazy. It's really obvious she had some issues with this woman and she never had the guts to confront her and now she wanted to find a reason to kick her out of the group and when she couldn't do it, she became that furious as we see her now.

[ArkhamJoker]

I owe this woman and my so called friend nothing as they both caused this situation not me and yet I am the one in the wrong? I am getting cast aside with the other man as if I was the one cheating? How on earth does that work? What the f**k is wrong with people?

 

Do I live with my boyfriend?

Yes, he invited her into OUR home against MY wishes. He wants me to put up and shut up. I don't see why I should. He thinks I am being unreasonable because she has said sorry and is trying to make amends. So what? I don't care what her reasons are or what she is doing now because she doesn't deserve anything. Why people thinks she does I will never understand.

 

I am just glad most people agree that I am right.

Edited December 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Clay]

What the f**k is wrong with people?

 

There are more people that are screwed up in this world than you realize. It sucks but I would stick to your morals and beliefs. Good people are hard to find.

 

 

he invited her into OUR home against MY wishes. He wants me to put up and shut up.

 

That to me is a clear answer to how he really feels about you and that he is ok with what she has done. Is that a red flag. Its probably the clearest red flag you are going to get. You can ignore it and play it off but later its going to come back to haunt you.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Clay

[Iguanna]

I owe this woman and my so called friend nothing as they both caused this situation not me and yet I am the one in the wrong? I am getting cast aside with the other man as if I was the one cheating? How on earth does that work? What the f**k is wrong with people?

 

Do I live with my boyfriend?

Yes, he invited her into OUR home against MY wishes. He wants me to put up and shut up. I don't see why I should. He thinks I am being unreasonable because she has said sorry and is trying to make amends. So what? I don't care what her reasons are or what she is doing now because she doesn't deserve anything. Why people thinks she does I will never understand.

 

I am just glad most people agree that I am right.

 

There are people who forgive. There are people who LISTEN to someone first before convicting them. You haven't heard this woman's or the OM's (who used to be your friend) points of view. I'm sure they all have their reasons for doing what they did, this woman for cheating, OM for betraying his friend, the BS for forgiving her. Did you care to learn about these reasons at all or you just convicted all of them cause they did something you don't agree with?

 

Maybe it's time for you to learn to listen and forgive. We are all humans and make mistakes and you are not sinless. I would also appreciate if you could reply to my posts instead of bursting out that the world has gone mad. I have given you some answers to what you say and you just ignore me and say your stuff. When you share your opinions in a forum you should expect people to disagree with you as well and it would be nice if you made some conversation with them as well.

[Chi townD]

I understand where you're coming from, but you're putting your boyfriend in a tough spot. If this guy wants to forgive his wife and work on their marriage, then that's the husbands call. Your boyfriend shouldn't have to shun his friend for trying to make his marriage work. It's not his friends fault. But, as in marriage and most any relationship. Two people become partners in life and you ARE going to see them together at some point.

 

All I'm getting at is that you might not want to give your boyfriend a hard time about someone else's decision.

[ThatMan]

ArkhamJoker,

What did you think about Ninjainpajamas' ideas?

Do you have any personal views on his message?

 

The two people involved in the affair aren't here right now, you are. Although I may easily validate your beliefs, I'm not interested in doing so. What's important to me is whether or not you and your significant other can work things out. The two of you should be on the same side looking out for each other. Being told to put up and shut up is highly uncalled for. When these moments happen, it's good to decompress, and come back when tempers ease to resolve your disputes.

 

Are you interested in trying to do things differently?

[StarsOnFire]

Should he have let her into your house when you are not comfortable with that? NO

 

Should you tell him and all your other friends how to feel about a person? NO

 

You're both handling the situation wrong. Feel free to your opinion but it's ridiculous to assume everyone should think like you. Set your boundaries, and your boyfriend should absolutely respect and follow them, but don't try to tell him who he can and cannot forgive.

[ArkhamJoker]

There is nothing wrong with my relationship, it is just her. Once my boyfriend sees her for what she is then the problem will be solved. She will slip up again, they always do, and when she does hopefully people will wake up and she will be gone.

 

Some people wanted me to reply to them directly-

 

ArkhamJoker,

What did you think about Ninjainpajamas' ideas?

Do you have any personal views on his message?

 

The two people involved in the affair aren't here right now, you are. Although I may easily validate your beliefs, I'm not interested in doing so. What's important to me is whether or not you and your significant other can work things out. The two of you should be on the same side looking out for each other. Being told to put up and shut up is highly uncalled for. When these moments happen, it's good to decompress, and come back when tempers ease to resolve your disputes.

 

Are you interested in trying to do things differently?

 

I am not interested in the reasons why she did what she did, it is just excuses as far as I am concerned. All I saw in their post was excuses.

 

As for my relationship see above.

 

It seems you had issues with her before she cheated on her husband or else I can't understand that much hate towards her. She did nothing to you for which she asks your forgiveness. If you can't take this, you have to stay away from her. We can't force everyone around us to dislike the people we dislike. To be honest that much hate that you have scares me a bit.

 

I would love to stay away from her but for some reason everyone around me insists on staying in touch with her. I hate her because what she has done is unforgivable, why on earth would I want someone like that around me?

 

So all people who disagree with you don't just make sense? Really nice argument, especially when you make a thread in a forum asking for opinions. Should we all just agree with you and tell you what a goddess you are?

 

What possible reason would anyone have for forgiving someone like her?

 

Or he knows that he has no right to judge someone from something they did to someone else. Or he doesn't want to get involved in this. Or he wants to support his friend (the BS) who decided to forgive his wife. See there are other reasons why your bf is acting like he does.

 

Your home is your bf's home as well and he has equal rights to bring his friends. If you don't want to see her there either don't be there when she is or confront her and tell her openly you don't want her in your house, expecting the consequences. But you don't have the guts to confront her as it seems.

Or maybe he is just weak? I would confront her but for some reason that is unacceptable.

 

People don't need to blame her nor forgive her about anything. What she did was bad only for her husband. If you want to stop being friends with her (not that you were but anyway) you have the right to do so, but you can't demand from the whole world to hate her so you are happy. To be honest I think you are more unsympathetic at the moment than her.

Even if it means having to stand by and watch her do this all over again?

 

But you are not her husband and you can't decide for him. Do you always hate people who just disagree with you? You must have a great problem with this in your life then. He had his reasons to forgive her and he is not obligated to share them with you or ask for your opinion. Do you give him this right or does he need to take permission from you for whatever he does to keep you happy?

I just don't let people treat me like dirt, I cannot understand why people would allow that? What is wrong with that?

 

Nobody asked you to worship her. You have the right to have whatever relationship you want with her, but you can't demand from people to share your feelings. Can you understand that?

Actually people do expect me to shut up and welcome her with open arms.

 

You act like a 10 years old from who they took his lollipop. I'm not kidding. For the last time, this is your opinion and people are not obligated to follow it.

I'm still right. Others here agree with me.

 

Plus you can forgive your friend (the OM) instead of judge him that hard. This is what friends do. Accept their friends' weaknesses, try to understand them and forgive them for their mistakes. If he were such a good friend to you, you would talk to him, try to feel how he feels and try to forgive him.

He is no longer my friend. I owe him nothing.

 

Even when you kill or rape there is a judge and a jury to decide if you are guilty or not and to what degree according to various things suck as your criminal record, your behavior after the murder or rape, the psychological circumstances that led you to this point and if there are any "excuses" for what you did. Only this shows something. I'm not justifying murderers or rapists of course (!) but I want to point out that everyone has reasons for doing what they are doing and everyone has reasons to forgive or not this person who did what they did. There are some thing I can't forgive from someone even if they do them to someone else indeed and you are right that what I said earlier was not really accurate. But I can't force everyone to agree with me and hate this person as well. In this case OP's bf prefers to just go on with his life as usual rather than create a big deal out of it and destroy the group's well being. After all, the BS forgave his wife and that shows a lot. I strongly believe that if in this story the BS was the one cheating, OP would not go that crazy. It's really obvious she had some issues with this woman and she never had the guts to confront her and now she wanted to find a reason to kick her out of the group and when she couldn't do it, she became that furious as we see her now.

 

The husband would never do something like this so that isn't a problem. Plus the friend was a man so I don't have a vendetta against women. I've never liked her, so what? You keep telling me I don't have to like her.

 

There are people who forgive. There are people who LISTEN to someone first before convicting them. You haven't heard this woman's or the OM's (who used to be your friend) points of view. I'm sure they all have their reasons for doing what they did, this woman for cheating, OM for betraying his friend, the BS for forgiving her. Did you care to learn about these reasons at all or you just convicted all of them cause they did something you don't agree with?

 

That would involve talking to them? Why would I want to listen to their bulls**t? It will just be excuses.

 

Maybe it's time for you to learn to listen and forgive. We are all humans and make mistakes and you are not sinless.

I have never done anything like this.

 

I would also appreciate if you could reply to my posts instead of bursting out that the world has gone mad. I have given you some answers to what you say and you just ignore me and say your stuff. When you share your opinions in a forum you should expect people to disagree with you as well and it would be nice if you made some conversation with them as well.

Happy?

[Philosoraptor]

Seems like you have a God syndrome where you want to force your beliefs onto others.

 

Some people can forgive, others ignore, and some just pick the immoral side. No matter what their reasons are, they are their reasons. You just come off as butthurt and jaded. If she's a tramp then stand your ground and do not associate with her. If someone tells you that you should just say "I do not agree with her life choices and I do not wish to have her as part of my life". But these crazy rants about how you're right and everyone else is wrong is just making you look bad. You are entitled to your opinion, personally I avoid the immoral whom are also unremorseful... but I also respect that everyone can make their own choices.

[Clay]

Its really simple. Its your home too. Its not like your saying to your boyfriend don't ever be around this person your simply saying you don't want that person in your home.

 

There is nothing wrong with choosing who you want in your home and don't want in your home.

 

Its up to you if you want to forgive someone for this kind of behavior.

 

Clay

[Iguanna]

There is nothing wrong with my relationship, it is just her. Once my boyfriend sees her for what she is then the problem will be solved. She will slip up again, they always do, and when she does hopefully people will wake up and she will be gone.

 

I would love to stay away from her but for some reason everyone around me insists on staying in touch with her. I hate her

 

This is your only problem. You want her gone from your group and you were looking for an opportunity to do that, people forgave her and accepted her back so now you are furious cause your hope of having her lost is gone.