Dating for 1.5 years. Seems perfect, then She Randomly Gave her number to a stranger.

[anna121]

Another very subtle observation I made -and I'm just remembering now, to be honest- is regarding her body language that evening. I've studied body language a bit, and I know what most of it tends to mean. It's actually very helpful in sales when you can pick up on the subtle subconscious body language signals of your prospect. It is also relevant to the dating world, as I'm sure some of you know. Now I very well may be over-analyzing here, but bare with me...

 

She made no overt body language toward him that indicated interest. BUT, I do recall she was not sitting right up against me like she normally would be on a loveseat like the one that we were on, and her legs were crossed away from me. I remember that part because I have a mental picture of putting my hand on her thigh as we were talking. She was sitting on my left, and I put my hand on her right thigh, which was crossed over her left leg, and pointing away from me. Might be TOTALLY random, and unimportant, but I recalled it very clearly just now, and I thought I might as well mention it. Maybe it could have been a subconscious thing on her part. I dunno...

 

Dude.

 

You're going to obsess yourself right out of this relationship.

 

Guaranteed.

[tonedeath]

The ones of you who thought I handled it appropriately the night of, were right.

 

I talked to my girl about it last night. She asked me if anything was on my mind, and I told her. I didn't want to lie. I was pretty nonchalant about, and just told her, it's just been popping in my mind and I'm a bit confused as to why she gave the guy her card. He was being sleazy, and it struck me as odd that she would want to continue contact. She was honest with me, and told me it was a huge mistake. She is new to sales and is still a bit uncomfortable giving her card out, and she has been just trying to do it more often. She said she had a second thought immediately afterward because it was not a professional conversation, and that he wasn't really being a stand up guy, and she understood why I was kind of upset about it. Apologized, told me it would not happen again. I told her that given the explanation, an apology wasn't really necessary. I was forthcoming and said it probably concerned me more than usual is because I've been a bit insecure regarding my current financial situation, and he was rich and successful. I added that I appreciate her volunteering to be a little more critical before handing out her contact info in the future. I believe her. Time will tell obviously, but I'm going to take her at her word unless she gives me a reason to doubt her. I don't expect that to happen though.

 

Thanks again for all the help and insight, everyone! I really appreciate it.

 

P.S. - Anna121, The body language thing was just an observation. Not one I consciously made during the interaction, either, but in recollection of the account, I remembered it, found it interesting, and thought I would share in case there was any insight to be gleaned from anyone. On the bottom of the totem pole of importance.

Edited December 20, 2013 by tonedeath

[road]

I totally agree. Plus, if she was trying to be shady, I don't think she would've handed him her card right in front of you. I wouldn't think twice about it.

 

 

 

She was enjoying the attention that the OM was paying her. She was getting turned on by the way the OM was making his moves on her in front of her while her BF just sat there.

 

 

She had to offer the OM her card because it would be the last and only time she would be able to get the OM's contact info.

[road]

My ex was hot, got hit on all the time I assume. When with me, she made it very clear, she was with me. She would put her hands all over me, intorduce me to everybody, etc. And, men did not hit on her, in front of me.

 

Not sure how I would have handled your sitution, probably like you did so long as the man did not cross any lines you are not comfortable with.

 

 

 

That OM was hitting on her. He was walking the edge. While appearing not to, to disarm her BF. This OM did cross lines and did make the OP uncomfortable.

[road]

I guees one way to look at it is, she gave him her card, in front of you, not behind your back. A plus for her in my opinion.

 

 

 

She had not opportunity to back door the card. So she took her only opportunity and used the I'm in sales bull manure.

[road]

I hear what you're saying.

 

 

 

 

You hear nothing.

 

 

She never acted like she was single. She is very attractive and in a busy bar, guys constantly were talking to her and offering to buy her drinks.

 

 

 

 

Being alone in a bar is representing that she may be single.

 

 

She wouldn't lead them on or act interested but if someone offered, she'd take it.

 

 

 

 

Appearing to be possibly single and accept drinks instead of refusing and stating she was in a relationship is leading them on. She had the opportunity to shut down these guys. Though she felt the opportunity to get free drinks as being more important.

 

 

I was fine with this.

 

 

 

 

 

And you are find with that, sad.

 

 

On one hand you say accepting a drink from someone does not mean anything or make her obligated to anything, then on the flip side you say it's immoral to take a drink from a guy when you're in a relationship. I feel these opinions are contradictory.

 

 

 

 

Feelings are not facts. Being single and accepting a drink is one way to start to get to know someone and if things click a date, then a relationship. A girl is under no obligation to accept a drink. If she does and after 15 minutes of talk time. The guy could not make the sale there is nothing wrong with her saying good night.

 

Guys do not buy drinks just because they want to buy drinks.

They are implying that they like the girl and hope she is available to date.

 

A girl in a relationship accepting a drink is accepting it under false pretenses. Her acceptance of the offer is saying I am available. I will give you a chance and let you chat me. When she is not available.

[FrankieFrank]

She was enjoying the attention that the OM was paying her. She was getting turned on by the way the OM was making his moves on her in front of her while her BF just sat there.

That's important.

 

No matter how sleazy it seems for OP, and what his gf is saying now to appease him, she more than likely enjoyed it while it lasted.

 

How does knowing that your gf enjoys attention for any drunken sleazebag makes one feel like?

[Chi townD]

The ones of you who thought I handled it appropriately the night of, were right.

 

I talked to my girl about it last night. She asked me if anything was on my mind, and I told her. I didn't want to lie. I was pretty nonchalant about, and just told her, it's just been popping in my mind and I'm a bit confused as to why she gave the guy her card. He was being sleazy, and it struck me as odd that she would want to continue contact. She was honest with me, and told me it was a huge mistake. She is new to sales and is still a bit uncomfortable giving her card out, and she has been just trying to do it more often. She said she had a second thought immediately afterward because it was not a professional conversation, and that he wasn't really being a stand up guy, and she understood why I was kind of upset about it. Apologized, told me it would not happen again. I told her that given the explanation, an apology wasn't really necessary. I was forthcoming and said it probably concerned me more than usual is because I've been a bit insecure regarding my current financial situation, and he was rich and successful. I added that I appreciate her volunteering to be a little more critical before handing out her contact info in the future. I believe her. Time will tell obviously, but I'm going to take her at her word unless she gives me a reason to doubt her. I don't expect that to happen though.

 

Thanks again for all the help and insight, everyone! I really appreciate it.

 

P.S. - Anna121, The body language thing was just an observation. Not one I consciously made during the interaction, either, but in recollection of the account, I remembered it, found it interesting, and thought I would share in case there was any insight to be gleaned from anyone. On the bottom of the totem pole of importance.

 

 

GOOD DEAL!!! Wow, a couple on here that actually talks there problems out! Refreshing!

 

Now, believe her, but verify. Just watch and make sure nothing shady happens.