Mrs.Witter Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) I havent had a hard life I must admit I've been pretty sheltered but I've seen and been through some things that has made me question my self worth. I had everything I could possibly dream of with the exception of having a kid by my 20s. I was in a long term relationship (8 years ) and though it wasnt the best thing for me (it ended badly) I still learned from it and as Ill hopefully learn from this . Even though I just turned 32 I'm divorced 4 years now and finally living on my own which I never have . Its lonely but I've been single for a whileso im sort of used to it but this feeling is different . I've never had to face myself or lean on anyone as much as I need to now and its hard. I've always been good at keeping my head down and just doing my own thing but I've been noticing these last few years that I've become reckless with myself and who I see how I live. I act like Im ok but I know that im not I have one tactic and one tactic only avoidance at all costs . I do this until I cant anymore and its dangerous but im stuck in this pattern. Now I am scared I dont want to live like this I know there has to be more to life than this I just want to figure out how to heal and cope because I dont think I have. I have a place to lay my head and a job and im grateful now I want to learn how to really appreciate these things that other people pray for. Thats the thing with me I want things until I get them but I dont necessarily appreciate them . This is why im still single but honestly I want to be ok with me and I know I cant be with anyone like this because right now im my own worse enemy and I dont want to be ...... can anyone help me? Edited December 18, 2013 by Mrs.Witter Link to post Share on other sites
sportzhl24 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I can relate. I've struggled with depression/anxiety/low self esteem, the whole nine yards. I've found that finding a place where you truly feel like you belong makes things a lot easier in life. You can find this in a city/town, in a job or activity or hobby, in a group of friends, etc etc. If you are around people who appreciate your skills and personality, you are going to find it a lot easier to be fond of yourself! I know this is all easier said than done, but work towards making yourself into the person that you've always wanted to be. Time is running out everyday, and you need to reap the benefits before it is too late. Also, seeing a therapist can help. It has really helped me. I'm only 22 and I know you've been around the block more times than I have, but I've been dealing with depression for about 7 years and it has taken a LOT of work to improve my cognitive processes. In fact they are still not at the level I would like them to be at. Anyways, I would recommend just working to make each day a little better than the last. Wake up and come up with a goal for that day. Not anything too huge, just something manageable yet positive so that you can feel better about things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sportzhl24 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 And always remind yourself that everything is going to be ok. Know that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mario79 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I too am overwhelmed by life. But want to do my own thread on my issues. The problem with not appreciating what you have is that indeed its full value is only known until its no longer there. You do seem to understand the value of your job and a place to sleep where so many other do not have this. I am currently 34 and had lived alone during my 20s but because of depression being completely alone took a toll and had to go back to my parent's house because I need the interaction. Talking to my parents has helped. You seem to be on the path I am, the only way to improve your life fully is to love who you are and love what you currently have and not compare yourself to others. How do you do that? Tell me if you find out, cause that is quest I am in. But if you know your purpose, what you truly want, that is a start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Witter Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thanx though I know I'm not the only one out here facing this struggle its nice to hear words of encouragement from both of you . Link to post Share on other sites
SnapCracklePop Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Enjoy this time in your life where you are completely able to work on your own identity with no responsibilities or obligations to someone else. After the end of a relationship, this is a healthy time for you! Being the first time you have lived by yourself - it can be a bit daunting at first. But trust me, you will get to a point (soon) where you can say "Yep - I can totally do this!" and WOW, what a rewarding feeling that is. Just like sportzhl24 said - go and get involved in some activities or groups. Update a room in your home. Enjoy some evenings on your own to watch a movie. Host your friends from time to time. Get active. Do things on your own terms. It is amazing how good you can feel with your own accomplishments. The other areas in your life will develop in a healthy way when you have a good foundation to build upon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eotdevice Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Me too. And I am 42. Was married for 15 years, now divorced for 2. I have three children. I had it all... wife, kids, good job, house, 2 cars and time for hobbies. Never felt so alone even with all that. It was depression. Therapy and eventually medication has helped immensely. Now I am divorced (ex wife was mentally abusive). Still ahve the good job, but am living with my mother and broke, the kids live with my ex and I won't short change my kids so they get the bulk of my income. I see them often. But I am no longer depressed. I have a wonderful girlfriend now, very understanding of my situation. I know my life will continue to turn around. I got a "do over" so to speak. I get to recreate a new life, the way I want it. Just think about that. You get to become whatever you want. Don't fight it, embrace it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Volthi10 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 All you can do is try to find yourself doing things you like. I myself am going through being completely alone for the first time. A recent break up, had to get my own place, only have a few friends in town and it's thought some days. But find things that motivate you and boost your self esteem. Read a book, I am currently reading, The language of letting go by Melodie Beattie and it has a great amount of inspirational material that will help you learn to love yourself in order to accept new things in your life. Pray everyday and you will see that God will give you the strength you need and guide your life in a better direction. Happy Holidays by the way!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Being mindful (aware) - feeling the gratitude for all you DO have instead of questioning what you don't have. It's not a cure all but it's helped me feel a lot better about life. I'm 40 have lived by myself for 11 years have had 3 short relationships and a few flings, however I have in this time traveled the world, done lots for charity, increased my earnings, become very self aware and more spiritual, lots of friends who think the world of me, generally an all around good decent person. Is my life exactly how I would like it, no, but it's still pretty good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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