MassiveAtom Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Last month my wife left.. Honestly part of me was looking forward to her leaving. Couldn't wait at one point. I just wanted her to be gone! Now that she is, I get these little flashbacks of the good times. Those times when I'd watch her sleep, or hold her close. My mind drifts to memories of the good stuff, I feel good for a second, then almost expect to turn around and see everything back to normal. I have to shake it off, and start reassuring myself that I'm better off with out her, because the sadness starts to well up and I can't think straight. Why is this happenning? Why am I bringing up all this stuff when it just causes me pain? What IS my problem as always MA. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 It's not a problem. Your experiencing the pain of loss. Saying: You don't miss something until it is truly gone. Your trying to understand this feeling of emptiness. What your thinkings of is the things that you will miss the most. The good times. It will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
jangle04 Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I still do the same thing. It's been almost two months and she really did me wrong and left me for someone else. I cry at times still when I'm alone and the quietness sets in the house. I hate sleeping alone at night and watching tv and other stuff we did. I ask myself why and how could this all happen to me. I still don't understand where it all went wrong. I have to accept it though. My emotions still swing from depression to anger and sometimes I just give her hell and other times I'm nice to her. It hurts and I believe she hurts. I think I have really screwed it up by letting my anger get the best of me since it's happened. I never would have said stuff to her like I have now. It's like everyone has told me there is nothing wrong with me. It's normal and it could take months to get over! I don't know if I can take more of it but I guess time heals all wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 The end of any relationship, whether you want it or not, usually leads to some sort of grieving process. Of course if you really want to end it, the process may be relatively brief. But, it's a loss nonetheless. Change in routine. Different environement. Allow yourself to grieve, not over your ex necessarily, but over the loss of a relationship that you, at one time, valued. It's ok to grieve, even if it was meant to end. I had to come to grips with this after my miscarriage - it really was for the best, the circumstances were pretty awful, I am not physically well, everyone agreed that it was the best thing that could have happened - but I was still sad, for the loss. This, too, shall pass. I saw on a headstone of a grave, once "As you are, I once was; as I am, you will be." Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted January 4, 2005 Author Share Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter This, too, shall pass. I saw on a headstone of a grave, once "As you are, I once was; as I am, you will be." That's the kind of stuff that'll get me through. Man, It really helps to talk to other men. I need more friends. MA Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 there is no problem here, this is totally normal. whenever you have one good thought about her try to think of two offsetting bad thoughts i like to call this syndrome "selective positive recollection" or SPR. see, the brain likes to feel good so it institutes SPR. when you feel SPR coming on you need to think of the worst thing she did to you during the relationship. this will help to negate SPR and bring you down to reality. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I've thought of it as "seller's remorse". It'll make you feel like the whole thing was your fault. For me, it gets REALLY hard to connect with the bad memories over time. I think it's partly because the anger and hurt subside. If you weren't as angry and hurt when she was around, you wouldn't have wanted her to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i like to call this syndrome "selective positive recollection" or SPR. There we go. You know, I hate that about the human brain. It would rather feel good than be rational. It prefers comfort over happiness. Brains! can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. as always MA Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Brains! can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. I dunno. I've been reading here for a few months now, and I've read a few posts that might challenge the validity of your statement. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 My wife seems to be doing a pretty good job of getting along without her brains. Link to post Share on other sites
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